I usually hate AU, but I had this totally awesome scenario in my head that practically DEMANDED an AU. So here it is. It's something that actually happened to me. But not as awesomely. You can't edit real life.

Disclaimer: I technically don't own Gakuen Alice, but when I one day rule the world from my cave my friend is going to build me, IT WILL BE MINE! (Here's hoping)


On A Condition

Mikan settled down, thinking that, for the next two hours, it was going to be about peace. She was going to do something she hadn't accomplished since the sixth grade. She was going to finish all her homework before her school closed up. Counting on the fact that most of her class didn't know where the library was and that her friends kept it that way, she was sure she could do this. No distractions. Absolutely none. Taking a cleansing breath, Mikan grabbed the nearest book, but not before-

Another pile of books landed next to her. Looking up warily, she responded to the offending book-slammer blankly, ignoring the fiery eyes and the hot body of the most doable guy in school, before saying flatly, "Leave before you wished you were born a girl."

"Not a chance." Natsume threw back. " You have Prez's math. We've been looking for you since we heard. Hey! I found her."

Mikan huffed. "All of you are smart enough to do it yourself. Hell, you'd finish it before I even finish copying half of it."

He cocked an eyebrow, "You'd never know, but genius takes work."

Mikan was just about to reach up to try to strangle Natsume when a boy with blondest hair and bluest eyes you'll ever see walked up to Mikan and bopped her on the head, making her look

up in annoyance. "About time. I was about to hit up Sumire for math. Only the middle school principal would've known what she would've made me do if I'd asked her."

"Oh, don't be such a dramatic, Ruka. You don't do it well. I know for a fact that you would've gotten it scotch-free. Like the many times you had before," Mikan retorted.

"You never know when my luck might run out," he shot back.

"Please. It's not your luck that gets you by her. It's your face. And if the genetics in your family have proven anything, is that its supply is unlimited. In fact, it'll get better. Like a good cognac…" Mikan trailed off.

"Stop fantasizing about Ruka and do your work," Natsume scowled.

"Why should I stop such a good thing?" Mikan half-joked, causing the cognac-simile-inducing boy to blush.

A striking girl with cropped jet black hair and deep violet eyes swept into the library."Because then I would have to break you for thinking about my boyfriend that way. And such a pretty face too."

"Hi to you too, Hotaru. Aren't you looking especially beautiful today? Maybe I should switch to girls."

Hotaru's beautiful eyes glanced over in disbelief. Her lips raised itself into a smirk. "Even if that were to happen, I wouldn't go out with you. You can't hold on to a relationship. That, and it would break a lot of hearts."

Mikan then took a second to think about that. Objectively. Sure, Hotaru and she were the most popular girls in school. Though she herself definitely was not the most beautiful. She always thought that her face was above average, but that was it. Nose in the proper place, clear skin, and full lips. Mikan always thought her face was boring really, ordinary. Not anything like Hotaru's extraordinary beauty. She only knew how to work things into her advantage. Not that she was mourning anything. Anything her face lacked, her kick ass body sure made up for it.

The other point she argued though...

"I can so hold on to a relationship. The ones before were ended because I didn't know how boring those guys really were. Not like I could help it. No guy I know ever asks me out. I'm always stuck with a stranger. And you know they only ask me out was because I smile too much. They think I'm ditzy, dumb, and easy. Oh, are they mistaken. Once they realize this pretty face is capable of more than just easy grins, they fucking bolt. "

"Whose fault is that?" Hotaru easily countered. "You falsely advertise."

"I do not! Watch. Natsume, you know me. Know me, know me. Go out with me. Help me prove her wrong!" Mikan pouted.

Natsume stopped mid-word and looked up from the math he was copying. "Can't. Agree with Hotaru. Besides, I got a girl."

All thoughts of peace and homework flew out of Mikan's head when she heard "agree". How dare that impudent little man-whore agree with someone that wasn't her! "Like that's ever stopped you before. If I'm considered a player, then you must be speed dating every minute of your life. Open for business,as they say. You know you've got commitment issues when I'm the longest female relationship you have ever had. I've never seen you with the same girl longer than the discovery of her name. Of course that's after you thoroughly….used….her up. Her leg strength at least."

Natsume looked iffed. "Why are you insulting your own sex? Aren't you supposed to rally together and defeat the oppression and that shit? You jealous of something?"

Mikan looked lofty. "Jealous?" Her face became incredulous. "Of who? You, or the cheap sluts you always go after?"

Now Natsume looked downright outraged. "Why are you so antagonistic towards me?"

Turning her head and sniffing, Mikan answered, "Is 'because I can' a suffiecient answer for you?"

"Fuck no!"

"Well, then. I don't see why I have to explain everything to you. Finish with that math quickly, will you? It's almost four and I want to leave at five, homework finished."

"Fuck no!"

Mikan shook her head and muttered something like "young men must mind their language". "Fine. What the hell do you want?"

Ruka and Hotaru glanced up from their work, sensing drama. Mikan did always know how to put on a show, play, musical, whatever. She knew how to stir up drama and fucking capsize boats.

Natsume looked put off. "Well, if that's the tone you're going to use.."

Mikan rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Get on with it."

"Act like you're doing me a favor, why don't you?"

She just frowned. "And you wonder why I actually put effort into my already-natural talent of pissing you off"

"Wait a minute. Didn't you just ask me out? Isn't this supposed to be the time where you're singing my praises and begging for me to look at you."

Shaking her head in mock surprise, Mikan just smiled. "I thought you knew me! I did it to prove a point; you actually thought I was serious. I swear, you love yourself way too much. Way to pump your own ego. I guess the cheap sluts didn't cut it for you, eh? Wanted me to do it? I'm sorry, but I'm physically incapable of shoving my face that far up your ass the way those girls did it."

Nobody said, did, or thought anything after Mikan's speech. Not even Hotaru, who had the sense to turn on her tape recorder before Mikan faux-asked Natsume out. Delight in the situation made her forget she still had in on under the table.

Natsume, on the other hand, shot out of his chair, looking murderous. "Watch your damn mouth!"

Mikan sighed, sensing she had finally crossed the blurred line she had been playing with all this time. " Fine. Do you remember when we first met and you had that little whore on your arm- look outraged all you want, Natsume. You can't deny she looked like she worked at a street corner. Then you looked at me like I wanted to jump your bones? Yeah, you were thinking it. Fortunately I wasn't. Then I casually walked up to you and calmly kicked you in the nads and we've been friends ever since? Good times. You finally learned that you were not a fucking (ha!) sex god and women weren't to be objectified or I'd harm your future children. I saved you from a dark road, dear friend."

Hotaru, Ruka, and Natsume couldn't help it. They started laughing..

Mikan blinked in surprise, "You don't think I saved his ass from a life of misogynistic thoughts?"

Ruka, still laughing, said with a grin. "But you're worse than him!"

"You know I'm not serious, right?"

Hotaru looked exasperated. "That doesn't mean you still don't do it."

She looked lost in thought for a few seconds, but shook herself out of it. "Oh, right. Well then, Natsume, that was the day you gained a partner in your...adventures."

He shook his head, "You know what, nevermind. No one sane can win an argument against you." Mikan smiled triumphantly. "You actually made me lose track of the reason we were arguing in the first place. I concede, I concede. Here, I'm done with Prez's math."

Mikan's jaw opened itself. "How the hell," she started incredulously, "did you finish all that when I was busy ripping into you?"

Natsume looked smug, "You know how I told you genius is work? Well, it turns out that means

that when you're doing something that doesn't require brains, it really doesn't mean anything. Now hurry up. I want to get the new CD."

"Now that I know this, it feels like I really didn't win at all. I won, yet I didn't. You get it?"

He shook his head, laughing under his breath. "That's why, little girl, I always let you win."

Let. Me. WIN? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU LITTLE TWAT?"

Needless to say, Mikan didn't finish any homework, instead getting banned from the library, and Natsume didn't get his CD. Rather he got it; it just didn't survive the trip home.

End


Any idea what happened to the tape recorder? Neither do I.

Review and favorite, if you would kindly oblige.