Elfen Lied: The Interruption

Author's Note: This is actually a story I'm going to finish. I'm going to trash all my other stories and focus solely on this one. Why? I'm an egotistical prick. This is a self insert story, and as far as self insert stories go, I find the majority of them to be rather self-glorifying or having a tendency to present the author in an omnipotent light. Well, all ye who art jaded, this story is going to portray me as...well, me. It's going to take into account all my mental and physical shortcomings, and most of all, it's going to portray me in a rather unflattering and honest light- I actually DO have insomnia, OCD, Bipolar and general anxiety problems, and the characters will treat me accordingly, and I also actually do practice the talents I mention in the story. Also, read this well: I DO NOT ACTUALLY MINOR IN JAPANESE LINGUISTICS. IT'S JUST A CONVENIENT PLOT DEVICE .

I have no idea where this is going to go, as I'm improvising the whole thing, ergo the plot might be a little muddy and 'slice of life' at first, but I'll find a way to drive everyone into absurdist comic hell at the nearest possible chance. Also, a little disclaimer: If you want to flame me, be aware that trolling a seasoned troll who is a second year minor in philosophy (currently digging metaphysics and nihilist philosophy-the latter is mostly self taught) and a specialist in psychology isn't the smartest thing to do. I WILL tear you apart. Another little thing before we move on- I will be giving this thing a 'teen' rating, because I feel that the majority of you have the maturity to accept the fact that swear words exist as a necessary meme in modern literature (unlike a certain user called dataseeker.) and won't find it imperative to bother me with your whiny grade two tattletale idiocies.

Now that it's all said and done, let's get on to the fucking story, bitch cakes.

I arrived at Kamakura at about eight o'clock pm. It was a rather rainy night- the rain pissed me off to no end as I endlessly drummed my fingers in a rather neurotic fashion against the window. I liked the window seat. It made for a good distraction during the flight when I imagined people flying out of the doors and into the turbines. I was already on my fifth cup of coffee, beginnings of pimples on my forehead were beginning to glow rather angrily.

A kid right next to me was whining about purchasing Transformers. My fingers drummed even faster. A little bit of coffee split on my worn black t-shirt. A trip as an exchange student to Japan might not have been such a good idea. However, with my minor being Japanese, I thought it would be an enriching experience and a nice way to spend my summer.

It seemed a good idea at the time.

The plane ride took a little more than twenty hours in total, during which I simply played with my DS, listened to droning raw black metal, and occasionally gave annoying little children piercing glances.

I was totally spaced out, as my insomnia had been plaguing me for the past week or so. My senses were heightened to an absurd level, and I began to show extreme paranoia, anxiety, and annoying fleeting thoughts in my head. I ordered another shot of expresso from the stewardess.

It was probably not the best state to be in when I met my host family, but I wasn't one for making good first impressions.

My cellphone rang.

I picked it up with trembling hands and said in an unnecessarily harsh voice, 'Hello?'

'Oh hello, this is Yuka...you know, from Kaede house? '

'Oh.' I bit the inside of my mouth, drawing blood. Was there going to be some kind of delay? I clenched my fists and waited for the right opportunity to say something snarky.

'Just checking to see if everything was all right.' Her tone carried a note of dejection, as if she noticed the edge in my voice. However, I was given to being rather self conscious.

'Oh...' I spaced out for a moment, 'Everything's peachy.'

'Excellent!' She chirped, 'We'll be the ones with the rabbit head shaped sign- it will say 'Kaede' on it.'

'How charming.' I said in a deadpan tone. I quickly corrected myself. It wouldn't do me any good to get off on the wrong foot, 'I mean, thank you.' I said the last bit with a slight waver in my voice.

'No problem!' Yuka said in that maddeningly bright tone of hers, 'We'll look forward to meeting you at the airport!'

'I'm sure you will.'

'Pardon?'

' Same here!' I blurted in a perfect mimicry of her voice.

'Sir, I'm afraid we're going to have to get you to turn off your cell phone.' The stewardess chirped, as if copying my copy of Yuka's voice.

I closed my cell phone and glared at the stewardess with bloodshot eyes.

'There. You're happy bitch?' I snapped.

She backed away a little and said in a self righteous tone, 'Sir, there's no need for that kind of language.'

I sank back in my seat and toyed with my ipod, sulking and muttering to myself in tongues.

The airport smelled of old leather and meticulously bleached floor tiles. I immediately caught sight of the cardboard bunny. It looked extremely well cut out.

A girl of middling height and brown hair was waving to me. I guessed it was Yuka, judging from her hyperactive disposition. A guy of around my age was sombrely standing next to her, looking at nowhere in particular. He had matted black hair and a fashion sense that literally screamed unkempt otaku. Two pink haired girls were with them also. One of them looked rather waifish and around fifteen or sixteen, with large red eyes that stared down shyly at the floor. The other was obviously in a relationship of sorts with the guy my age, judging from their distance between each other. She was rather tall, at least compared to the guy. She was stunningly beautiful, but in my /b/ tard wisdom, I would not hit that, because she carried a murderous gleam in her eyes that said, 'If you touch me, I will rip off your penis and stuff it in your ass.' Her face was literally emotionless and unreadable, even to me.

I groaned inwardly at the prospect of having nothing to work with in my glorious psychological over-analysis. My eyes wandered over to a fifteen year old-ish girl with long flowing black hair. She carried a yapping little dog in her arms. Apparently his name was 'Wanta', if I were to extrapolate from her barely audible chides.

Yuka was waving her arms like a teletubby on crack. I felt the immense need to throw something at her.

I sauntered over in my insomniac shuffle and held out my hand with a half formed smile on my face, 'Hello, my name is Richard. I'm guessing you are Yuka, right?'

She glanced at my hand for a split second, then realized that this was the way of the baka foreigners. She took my hand and shook it. Her palms were cold. I assumed she was on a diet.

'And you are?'

'Kouta. Pleased to meet you.' He bowed a little bit and took my hand with a weak and slightly unsteady grip.

'Lucy.' The tall pink haired girl with ribbons in her hair said in a flat voice. She offered nothing more.

'Nana!' The smaller of the two pinkers said in a voice reminiscent of a rookie female seiyuu, 'Pleased to make your acquaintance!' She grasped my offered hand with a death grip and shook it with a little too much enthusiasm. Perhaps she had some kind of anxiety disorder like me?

The girl with long black hair met my gaze rather shyly, 'Mayu.' She said in almost a whisper, not even bothering to shake my hand as she clutched her little dog closer to her chest, 'This is Wanta.'

I forced myself to smile. What a motley crew I had for a host family. I thought at the very least that it would be a normal family structure, but apparently there was some kind of strong surrogate dynamic going on with the group.

'Well, what are we waiting for?' Yuka harped, 'Let's get going! We have a lot of welcome surprises for you back home!'

And with that, I found myself sitting in a cramped taxi smelling of expired lemon air freshener and misery heading for a destination half an hour away. The insomnia was causing me a great bout of constipation, and my face showed it.

I farted.

Lucy smirked in a rather disturbing way.

Something moved around in my colon and caused my long restrained bowels to let loose, causing a monster log of a shit to spew forth from my ass and onto ratty leather seats.

'OHhhhh, what stinks!?' Nana wailed.

My face turned beet red. I could have sworn something was massaging my insides. Was it some kind of previously unknown parasite that acted like something with opposable thumbs grabbing your innards?

I stuttered and said in a basso voice I picked up from Jabba the Hutt, 'Sorry.'

Yuka looked just as embarrassed as me, 'We'll-we'll clean it up when we get there...'

She apologized profusely to the fat cab driver, who was lamenting in hyper speed Japanese about his soiled cab. She even offered to pay a sizeable amount to compensate for my accident. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. My underwear just felt warm.

I looked at cold-fish-Lucy for a response. She raised an eyebrow at me and gave me a knowing little hint of a smile.

It would have been sexy in any other circumstance, but for now, it just elicited a sharp, 'What!?' from me.

'Nothing.' She said in a lilting and slightly husky voice.

I felt the intense need to punch her in the face.

Kouta had his face in the palm of his hands, as if sorely disappointed in something.

Mayu's face was a little green. She furtively rolled down the window and threw up outside.

What a mess.

After a sordid little cleanup session in the taxi, and a change of clothes, I appeared at the dining room dressed in flowery Hawaiian shorts and yet another plain black t-shirt. The 'house' was previously traditional Japanese restaurant, but was apparently closed down due to the head chef dying of blowfish poisoning. The rent was rather cheap due to superstitions about said chef haunting the joint, ergo Yuka choosing it for her 'family's' dwelling. It somehow exceeded my expectations in that the rice paper windows were actually made of frosted glass, and that the floor was laminated, a task which I had an inkling Yuka forced the rest of the 'family' to carry out.

It was kind of an awkward atmosphere, for I had received a stuffed Jigglypuff and an authentic Japanese fan from 'everyone', a special dinner was made for my arrival, but the taxi incident still weighed itself over everybody. They all tried hard not to look me in the eye as they silently devoured their rice. Thankfully, Yuka decided to break the silence, 'So, what are you studying back in Canada?'

I cleared my throat, 'Well, I'm doing a specialist program in psychology and a minor in Japanese and linguistics. I'm trying to get some extra credits in the summer...' My voice faded off as Lucy's piercing eyes bored into mine.

'That's so cool!' Nana said overenthusiastically, 'Where are you going to school?'

'Erm...University of Toronto? Scarborough campus?' I cleared my throat once again. My balls were itchy. Lucy kept staring at me.

Kouta was still picking at his food, preferring not to join in the conversation. I guessed he was quite the loner at school.

I decided to take charge, 'So, Yuka...what are you studying?'

'Molecular Biology.' She said with a hint of pride, 'Kouta's double majoring in Evolutionary Biology and Chemistry! Isn't that right?'

'I guess.' Kouta said in a barely audible mumble, 'Course load's a bitch though. I've got summer courses this year, and Yuka's forcing me into it...' His mumble trailed off into a blur as his sentence disintegrated. Yuka shot him a death glare.

'I see.' My occasional hyperactive state suddenly kicked in right at that particular moment for some odd reason. I decided to take the conversation into the high road, 'Huh, tell me about it.' I blabbered in a caffeine fuelled jabber. I fiddled with my chopsticks, ' You know, they say that psychology is the poor man's science- you know, a soft science, not a hard one. I really admire people with the mental capacity to take those uber courses like you guys do.' My mood was suddenly brightened. Thank you bipolar.

Yuka blushed. Kouta allowed a hint of a smile to crawl into his face. A grain of rice was stuck to his chin. I farted. Lucy giggled ever so slightly for the first time. I was slightly less afraid of her.

She started to stare at me again, causing me to proverbially piss my pants.

'Why thank you!' Yuka grabbed a piece of roast fish with a skilful snap of her chopsticks , 'So, what are you planning to do when you leave university?'

'Become a shrink most likely.' I blubbered, 'Maybe a Freudian psychoanalyst, or maybe a Gestalt therapist. I might even take some pharmaceutical courses so I can become a psychiatrist. Who knows? The doors are a-plenty. I wanted to become an artist, but you know what they say- the arts don't really pay the bills. A writer was another one of my choices, but... ' I licked my lips nervously. My caffeine fuelled rant was starting to roll off into the annoying side.

'But enough about me, Lucy, what are you taking?'

Kouta suddenly cut into the conversation, 'Yuka, can you pass the teriyaki chicken?'

Lucy kept on staring into my eyes. Her voice suddenly became rather frigid, 'It's none of your concern.'

I was quite taken aback. I spun my chopsticks around my thumbs again and again, 'Ah. So, erm...okay...'

I diverted my attention to Nana, 'What are you-

'Let's talk about something else, shall we?' Yuka said rather strangely, 'Mayu, tell him about your writing.'

Mayu's lower lip trembled a little bit. She cuddled the smothered and rather uncomfortable looking dog even tighter, 'W-well...I mostly write fiction, r-romantic fiction and some...erm...fan fiction.' She looked down at her lap and forced her lower lip to stop its jiggle.

'Oh, I see.' I was just waiting for the right moment to continue my rant, 'That's cool!' I might have said it a little too loudly, 'I mean. Romance is quite hard to write without sounding cheesy and all that jazz. I mostly write horror, comedy, and science fiction. Quite the nerd, right? Hehe...this is completely off topic, but I draw some of my jokes from...internet memes! Can you believe it? Fucking internet memes! I don't believe any of you are familiar with 4-chan are you?'

Kouta's eyes suddenly brightened up from its previous feverish state, 'Oh, you're a b-tard too?'

'Oh. My. God.' I said in my best impression of a gay voice, 'Give me fucking five.' I leaned over the table and high fived him. His voice rose two pitches, 'Nevar forget!'

'Nevar!' I pumped my fist in the air.

'I assume that you two are talking about that horrible board Kouta always frequents.' Yuka said with a roll of her eyes, 'The spin-offs of that board are quite disgusting...'

'Yeah, like guro chan!'

A dead silence fell over the room. Nana's face turned sheet white.

'Erm. Nana's a bit, erm...' Kouta said in a wavering voice.

'Oh, I'm sorry.' I bit my cheek in embarrassment and made it bleed. 'I didn't realize-

'Don't worry about it.' Nana said in a small voice, 'The amputee stuff on there...' The amputee section drifted off into a blur of incoherent mumblings. I knew it. My caffeine fuelled rant got me into trouble once again. I felt a burp coming on. I suppressed it.

The dead silence continued.

'I think it's time we got ready for bed!' Yuka said in her usual icebreaker tone, 'Erm. Richard...you don't mind sharing a room with Nana, do you? It's the only room with a spare futon...'

'Don't worry about it.' I neglected to mention my insomnia, 'I'll just unpack my stuff there right now...'

I lugged my suitcases into towards nowhere in particular.

'Um, where is the room?'

'It's right beside you.'

'Oh.'

An evil little voice in my head told me to search up amputee stuff on my laptop and scare the living shit out of Nana by placing an enlarged picture next to her head.

I shook my head violently. Maybe a cold shower would do me good.

'I guess I'll just take a shower.'

'Excellent! I'll take it with you!' Nana chirped rather abruptly.

I almost choked on my own tongue, 'What?'

Yuka covered Nana's mouth, 'Nothing! It was...nothing...' Nana's eyes darted around the room questioningly and met my gaze with a 'What can you do?' Sort of look.

'I'll be off now...' I slid open the door and slunk inside, trying to comprehend what just happened.

I tried to continue my fan fiction on my Toshiba laptop, but was bothered by many questions that I felt would be best answered by the ditzy pink haired girl currently entranced by my DS.

She groaned rather loudly in frustration again when Mario got fucked over by a cactus, her outburst followed by a squeaky dejected, 'Why!?'. I could not help but snigger a little bit. She obviously had quite a child-like mentality- a level slightly below ditzy and dipping into a tad bit retarded.

'So, uhh...' I scooted closer to her, ' Can you tell me why Lucy's so...uptight about everything?'

Nana's striking red eyes fluttered a little, 'She's quite the character. Once you get to know her, she's okay though...let's just say our relationship's a little bit complicated...'

My /b/ tard mind quickly jumped to a yuri subtext, quickly snapped back when I felt a tingle in my trousers.

'How is it complicated?' I asked as innocently as possible.

' Well for starters...' Her eyes drifted off into space, 'She ignores me most of the time, but when we do get together...'

I could have sworn steam was puffing out of my nose. The yuri meter was going through the roof.

'Some things are better left unsaid.' She said after a period of contemplation, 'Thanks for letting me play your DS...I'm swear I'm going to beat World 5 tomorrow!'

She switched off the light, 'Nighty night!' She flopped down on her futon and turned the other way.

I turned off my laptop and prepared myself for a night of staring at the ceiling and wandering around in the kitchen. I turned to look at Nana.

Her neko ears were still on. She was humming ever so quietly to herself.

'Aren't you going to...take off those cat ears? '

Nana's body seemed to visibly stiffen. She stopped humming.

'Never mind then.' I glared at the closet with killing intent and thought to myself, 'What a fucking weird bunch of people...this is going to be long three months...'

I stumbled out of the room at 6 am in the morning. I decided on a barefoot morning run. The spiky gravel should stimulate my nerves enough for the rest of the day, along with a pot of black coffee. My status as a cross country MVP had to be kept. My lungs felt like that of a chipmunk as I quickly scrawled a note and slapped it on the door.

A cool breeze greeted me outside.

Lucy was standing on the doormat, warming up for what was apparently her own morning run.

I decided to go into overly cheery mode. Who knew? Maybe she was a morning person.

'Hey there!' I started to jog on the spot.

Her head turned around slowly like a well oiled machine, 'What?' She demanded in a low voice.

My stomach sank. I felt like a jester with a drooping hat.

'You're going running too? What a coincidence! Do you mind if I follow you?' I bit the inside of my cheek again. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Lucy shrugged, 'Knock yourself out, human.'

I was dazed for several seconds, trying to explore the context of her statement, 'Erm. Excuse me?'

'Never mind.' She stretched out her ghastly white calves. She owned a pair of Nike Frees.

Lucy glanced at my gnarled feet, 'Are you actually going to run barefoot?'

'Yeah...it promotes good running form, and I have bad knees...' I clicked them to demonstrate.

'I see. Running like the dirty ape human you are...'

'What?'

'Fuck it. Let's run.'

In a nimble and almost superhuman display of agility and coordination, she did a front flip off of the staircase and started to go at an impossibly fast pace.

'WAIT!' I almost screeched.

'So, parkour's the way she wants to play it eh? Two can play at this...'

I did a side somersault off of the middle of the stairs (I knew my own limits.) and darted off after her.

The ensuing torture was almost unbearable. The pink haired sociopath seemed to possess unlimited stamina and explosiveness, leaping and flipping over obstacles with no apparent effort. I gave up on my fourth flip over random garbage cans due to a stubbed toe. My lactic acid threshold was at its limit.

At about the fifth kilometre, I stopped and collapsed on my knees one hundred meters behind her.

'Stop...stop...' I huffed, panted, and threw up stomach acid and coffee on the floor, 'Can we take a rest?' I stumbled and leaned against a railing.

Lucy skipped to a stop and looked at her watch. I was surprised she had the manners to walk back to me.

'Fourteen fifty nine.' She said triumphantly. I was kind of relieved to find her panting uncontrollably.

'Good. She's still human...'

I laughed weakly, 'Are you an ace runner or what?'

'Not really.' She stretched out her arms and rotated her neck, 'I just do this for fun.'

'Are you freaking serious? You're a monster.'

Whatever brightness was previously present in her eyes quickly dissipated as her face darkened into a feral mask of hatred. Her body stiffened, 'What...did you say?'

'Uhhh...' I decided that the inside of my cheeks had taken enough abuse.

'I said, WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY!?' She grabbed me by the collar and shook me.

'I said...' I gulped, 'I said you're a monster?' I gave a frightened little yelp that sounded like a terrier.

Lucy's death grip on my sweat drenched t-shirt loosened after a few seconds. She muttered several calming mantras to herself before taking in several deep breaths and finally letting me go.

'Just...don't say that ever again.' Lucy breathed, 'I'm kind of...averse to that word...'

'Bad childhood?' I wanted to punch myself in the face. The words just couldn't stop rolling off my tongue.

'You could say that.' Lucy said, glancing away from me, 'Let's walk home. Your human body probably couldn't take anymore...'

She turned around and walked off.

I stood there, still trying to figure out why she called me human.

'Are you coming or not?'

I managed a small, 'uh huh.' And followed her.

To my utter surprise, she actually complimented me, 'You know, your physical condition's not too shabby for a human. Do you train a lot?'

'You bet.' I was grateful for a conversational opening, 'I run almost every day.'

'That's good to hear. Running helps you take your mind off things.'

' I heartily concur.'

We walked for several minutes without a single word.

My curiosity got the better of me, 'I'm just wondering...can you tell me why you call me a human?'

Lucy stayed silent for a moment, and then to my surprise, laughed, 'It's just a personality quirk.'

I could tell that that was total and utter bullshit, but I decided not to pry anymore.

'I just have a superiority complex, that's all.' She said jokingly.

Lucy's persona was growing stranger by the moment. She was cold, rude, strange, and rather inconsistent. I could tell she was constantly wrestling for control from something inside the darkest corner of her mind. Schizophrenia? Disassociative Personality Disorder? I wouldn't have been too surprised if she suffered from some advanced form of dementia either.

'I know I was...rather rude to you at first.' It seemed one of her good personalities was rearing its head.

'It's nothing.' I said quickly.

'No, I'm actually sorry.' Her previously cold and homicidal eyes were completely changed. They now looked like a pair of apologetic, 'What can you do, my other half was in control' eyes.

'It's okay?' I was never too good at this kind of thing.

'In response to your previous question, I'm homeschooled due to...mental handicaps.'

I knew it. One point for Doctor Richard.

'Don't worry about it. I'm bipolar and OCD positive. Not HIV positive, mind you.'

Lucy allowed herself a harsh little guffaw, 'I can tell, the way your mouth always runs itself.'

I was almost afraid to carry on the conversation. It was quite clear she was very unstable.

'Sorry. That was a little harsh. I'm like that.' Lucy apologized yet again.

'No harm done.'

'What school do you attend again?'

'U of T. University of Toronto.'

'I would like to go to North America someday.'

'Canada's a cold wasteland. Take it from me. The winters there are harsh.'

'I might like it there then.'

It took me a while to get the self depreciating humour, 'Oh. I get it.'

Lucy gave another one of her trademark harsh snorts, 'Damn. I gotta work on my sense of humour.'

'Laughter's the best medicine.'

'I wish it were true.' Lucy sighed.

'So are you like this with everyone?'

' What do you mean? Cold and nasty?'

'Erm...yeah.'

'It's a defense mechanism. I've mellowed out a bit though. You should have seen me two years ago. You couldn't even talk to me.'

'How bad was it?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean, your handicap?'

Lucy gave yet another one of her harsh laughs, 'If you really have to know, I had a split personality back then. Being the shrink that you are, you diagnose me.'

'Disassociative Personality Disorder?'

'Correct.' Lucy rolled her eyes at some kind of ridiculous memory, 'It was this...retarded child-like personality called Nyuu. I got rid of her when Kouta came back into my life.'

'So you two are in a relationship.'

'Yup.'

'Childhood sweetheart?'

Lucy smiled bitterly, 'You could say that. He gave me a reason to live.'

'He's pretty important to you then, eh?'

'Kouta loves me, and I love him.' She said with stony deliberation, 'No matter what he does, I'll always love him.'

My mind screamed stalker level obsession. She was obviously the clingy and needy type.

My tongue slipped again.

'Does he share the same sentiment though?'

I literally tore a chunk off the insides of my cheek. I tasted blood and a giblet of flesh.

Lucy glared at me like I said something blasphemous, 'Of course he does.' Something in her voice told me that wasn't so.

'Sorry 'bout that. Me and my stupid mouth.'

'You are forgiven.'

Another couple of minutes passed.

'I'm probably going to marry him someday.' She said in dead seriousness. I tried my hardest not to laugh at the childish statement.

'You really love him, don't you?'

'Damn straight.'

'So I don't really have a chance, do I?'

She suddenly blushed and stammered, ' Y-you're actually attracted to me?'

I actually did have a boner for her, but I meant the statement as a spur-of-the-moment joke. Apparently she took it quite seriously. I did not know what to say.

'Well, you are really sexy...I'm being completely honest here.' My knack for speaking my mind didn't really help much. She bit her lower lip, opened and closed her mouth like a dying fish and muttered, 'I'm... uh...erm...rather flattered. No one's ever...' She said a lot more, but I didn't catch any of it.

We stopped in front of Kaede house. Lucy looked at her watch. It was seven thirty.

'I'm glad we uh, got back on the right foot, so to speak.' I said, eager to recover from my last slip.

'It's good to know I'm not actually a bitch, huh?' She said in an ambiguous tone.

Again, I did not know what to make of her unpredictable mannerisms.

'Er...yeah. No one ever said you were.'

'But you were probably thinking it, right?'

'Wha-

Her eyes were unreadable.

'Well, I-

'Don't worry, I'm just fucking with you.' She gave the ever-so-slight hint of a grin.

'Think my humour's improving?'

'That scared the living shit out of me.'

'Hrm.' She flashed me the first prototype of an actual genuine smile, 'See you at breakfast. I have to wash up.' She darted up the huge flight of stairs and left me rather bewildered at the bottom.

I didn't quite know what to make of her.

Author's ending note: Well, there you have it, my monumental masturbatory manufacturing of a masterpiece of a manuscript. (See? I did some alliteration there. I should have majored in English!) No, but seriously, review this. I would like to see some feedback, as I am actually going to go serious with this story.