As my blade plunged into his chest he looked up at me and for that moment I no longer saw the man who had tried to kill me moments ago, no, I saw the boy who had been my best friend, practically my brother. As I pulled the blade out of him he fell backwards off the edge. Momentarily I contemplated grabbing his arm and pulling him up, but I couldn't. He was the enemy and, he was already dead. I sank to my knees in sorrow. The loss of an enemy, a friend, a rival, a lover, and a brother all in one person, all in one instant. I am sorry my friend.
Memories flooded my mind, enclosing me in the blissfully sweet warmth of my past. Flashes of Storm Shadow smiling, the two of us hugging, staying up into the late hours of the night doing nothing but laying together, feeling the presence of each other. His gentle touch, our playful rivalry, well playful to me. The tender way he looked at me. It started so innocently, playful touches, shinning eyes, for so long I couldn't sleep unless someone else was with me, being alone was too much like being on the streets, Storm Shadow never questioned it but let me sleep with him every night, as we got older and actually understood what those feelings were we began to experiment.
We were young and inexperienced, fumbling as we tried new things but we worked it out together. Few things made me feel happier then the memories of the nights which seemed to pass by in moments, whispering quiet reassurances, soft brushes of our lips. The days before my inescapable silence. The sound of Storm Shadow's voice, tender and filled with love, my own mirroring the same emotions. When he was Tommy, not Storm Shadow. The days before I was Snake Eyes. When all we were was two kids in love. Not two ninjas out to murder each other.
It feels impossible to pinpoint exactly when his feelings changed. When we began to fight. Although I fought back my feelings for him never changed and I can't help but feel that he might still be thinking the same thing. The way the tears moistened the mask I wore as we fought and the way my throat burned, not from the injury but from the longing to speak to him, to tell him one last time how I felt. He was the one that encouraged me to say what it was I felt. When you live alone on the streets, emotions are your worst enemy. They make you weak and vulnerable. Tommy never made me feel that way though. He made sharing the way you feel seem like a good thing.
Storm Shadow, Tommy, was my everything. Without him my memories would be filled only with murder and hurt, but the memories of him cleared away the thick fog of hate and despair. He made me feel human again. Like the life I was given was worth something and the lives I took didn't make me any less human. He made me feel safe and loved and like I was something special. The way he used to look at me made my chest get tight and not in a bad way, in that unique way that you only feel for someone who is your world, someone you would give your everything to and someone who would let you have them.
Watching the body of your love falling and knowing you did nothing to save them… almost nothing is worse then that feeling. The only thing that could make it worse is if you were the reason they were falling. Knowing that the reason he fell was because you killed him. Your hands slick with his blood. My hands and blade slick with Tommy's blood. The familiar sound of his heart beat when I would lay my head on his chest at night never to be heard again. A heart that would beat no more. A chest that wouldn't rise and fall with steady breaths. A love that I may never know is returned.