Chapter 3

Firefox had never seen anyone like the Thriller. He didn't seem to eat anything or talk to anyone; he just walked in a strange sliding manner, backwards, all over the fortress, singing random high notes and calling everyone ignorant. He was watching him dance for a few of the youngest boys among the fire raisers when Basta approached him.

"Firefox." he said warily, aware of their mutual dislike.

"Basta." Firefox replied.

"Look, I'm no fan of the Piper, but I'm no fool. That creep can't keep hanging around here. Damn well kill our recruitment."

"I thought you just did whatever Capricorn did."

"Capricorn's a bit off his rocker right now. I'll go back to doing whatever he does once he gets rid of that freak."

"Well, I guess that means we'll have to overcome our differences."

"Right. What are our differences again?

Firefox blinked. "What do you mean? We're rivals, of course we have differences."

"We both like to burn things down, we both like to kill people. We both serve Capricorn, even though I do it a bit more fanatically, my weapon of choice is a knife rather than a sword like yours, and you have red hair whereas I have sumptuous black curls. But that's basically it."

"Huh. I guess, like most fire raisers, our characters are essentially the same."

"Cool. Let's go save the Piper from that strolling player commune."

"Where are you guys going?" the Thriller stopped them at the gate. Basta's skin always crawled whenever he saw the man's (?) face.

"Just out for a ride." he quickly replied.

"Ooh! I love rides! I'm gonna ride a horsie! SHAMONE!" he screeched. Firefox and Basta exchanged glances, but the Thriller was already getting on his horse and they had no choice but to go riding with him.

The Piper, or as he was now called, the Walrus, woke up with his stomach clawing at him for food. He shook Skycloud awake hurriedly.

"Hey, man, is there any food around?" he asked.

"You mean some pot-laced oat cakes?" Skycloud suggested.

"No, I want something that won't make me high." the strolling player looked at him like he was crazy, then went back to sleep. The Piper, confused, got up to look for some food.

To his dismay, he couldn't find any. None of the strolling players had jobs, so none of them had money. What little food they did have was half-drugs and was eaten immediately.

"What's going on?" asked the hippy chick who had given him the ecstasy.

"Hey, Morningwood. I can't find any food, and I'm really hungry." he replied.

"I got some some stuff that'll make you stop being hungry." she handed him a bag of powder. "Snort it up your nose."

"What?!"

"Snort it up your nose." the Piper hesitated, but did as he was told.

"WOW, MAN!" he suddenly felt completely energized. Hunger was a distant memory as he and the player chick fornicated over and over again.

Basta and Firefox sized up the camp from a distance first.

"What's that smoke surrounding it?" Basta wondered aloud.

"Fairyweed smoke. I should have known the strolling players would be portrayed as hippies." muttered Firefox "But how will we get inside? They have that bear guarding the gates most of the time."

"That's the Black Prince's bear. You know, the guy with the afro?"

"Oh. We could probably hit it with a crossbow..."

"We don't have a crossbow." Basta reminded him.

"Well, there is another option...there's a river running just next to the camp on the north side. They players have a drawbridge there that leads into the camp when it's down. The guards will be too stoned to stop us, but there's still the matter of somehow cutting the ropes holding the drawbridge up."

"Easy. I'll throw two of my knives."

"No." Firefox paced up and down the clearing, twirling a leaf in his hand. "That would require too much skill." As he reached the far end of the clearing, the leaf flew out of his hand and with a thunk was pinned to the tree by Basta's knife.

"You mean this kind of skill?" he smirked. Firefox slowly nodded.

"That could work."

Once they were inside the camp, they had to hold their shirts to their faces to keep from inhaling the smoke. The camp was a mess. Campfires burned free, setting tents on fire, roasting players who were too high to move. Everyone was deathly skinny, like they hadn't eaten in weeks. Which they probably hadn't.

"Where could he be? This place is a maze!" Basta exclaimed through his makeshift mask.

"We can't give up, I'm sure he'll-"

"You wanna buy my lyre, man?" It was the Piper, eyes glazed and hair unkempt, holding out a crumpled mass of wood and strings to them. "I'll-I'll give you my lyre for some food, man."

"Piper! It's us! Firefox and Basta!" Firefox shook him, but he just fainted. "Shit. Okay, lets just get him out of here." Firefox took his legs and Basta took his arms. They began to carry the Piper out when two figures blocked their path.

"Not so fast, man." It was one player and one ball of crust that could have been anything. "The Walrus is our brother in music, and we won't let you take him!"

"He's our brother in setting things on fire!" Firefox retorted. The ball of crust rammed into him suddenly at full speed, knocking the wind out of him.

"What...what was that?" Basta blinked bewilderedly. Purplegrass bowled him down, too. The players carried the Piper away, leaving them to recover.

"Whoa, man." Firefox wheezed.

"That's the spirit!" Skycloud called over his shoulder.

"You know, I have a better idea. What do players fear more than anything?" Basta asked as he picked himself up.

"Water?" he guessed.

"Fire." they both grinned wickedly.

"Whoa, man..." the Piper groaned as he came to. What had happened?

"Hey, you're awake, man." Skycloud was smiling beside him. They were sitting under a tree with dead leaves from the smoke.

"What happened?" he asked groggily.

"You passed out." Skycloud suddenly turned his attention to a reddish glow in his peripheral vision and the joint fell out of his mouth. The Piper knew that glow. What was it?

"HOLY SHIT, MAN!" a voice bellowed next to Piper and Skycloud turned to stare at Purplegrass.

"Whoa, man..." they said at the same time. Then Skycloud remembered the glow and ran off with Purplegrass. The Piper turned and saw that the was entire camp on fire. The two douches who hadn't bought his lyre were running towards him, helping him to his feet...they were running...and suddenly he was breathing fresh air for the first time in what seemed like years...

"Piper, are you okay?" the redhead asked.

"My name's not Piper..." he said. "I am the Walrus..."

"Fairyweed causes temporary memory loss." he explained to the other man, who was standing to one side twirling a knife. "He'll come to his senses in an hour or two."

And he did. By the time they had ridden to the fortress, he was in full command of his senses and his memories were all too clear. It was with great trepidation that he stepped into Capricorn's great hall, just in time to see a strange minstrel performing.

"What the fuck..." he muttered as he took in the pelvic thrusts, the high notes, and the young boys on leashes he had dancing with him.

"Master! We brought the Piper back!" Firefox announced triumphantly as the Thriller finished his song.

"The Piper?" Capricorn peered at him scornfully. "Has he come crawling back?"

The Piper sighed. "Yes. It was wrong of me to be snappish. You were in the right." Capricorn sat back and considered.

"I would pay you much less." he continued.

He sunk his fingernails into his palm to keep from retorting. "Yes. I understand."

"Well..."

"Just take him back!" Firefox and Basta snapped.

"But...I already have the Thriller, and he's a much less problematic minstrel..." Basta and Firefox looked at each other. Basta drew his knife and Firefox drew his sword. They calmly walked over to the Thriller and stabbed him repeatedly until the floor was covered with blood. Everyone in the hall waited in silence for them to be done.

When they were finished, Basta straightened up, breathing heavily, and exclaimed, "My god. The Thriller killed himself!"

"Yeah, he said he didn't want to live anymore!" Firefox agreed.

"Er...well...Piper, you're hired. Welcome back." said Capricorn uneasily.

"Great! I guess doing all those drugs, all that crazy intoxicated sex, and burning down the Strolling Player camp will have no consequences at all!" the Piper smiled.

"That's right!" Firefox agreed.

Fin