Dancing In The Dark

Jim Kirk was tired. So very tired. Every day seemed to be harder than the last, the good days few and far between. Jim forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom he shared with Spock. The young captain stared into the mirror and almost didn't recognise himself, who was this empty person staring back at him? The one who looked so much like the ghost of George Kirk. He wished silently that he didn't look like a dead man. Vaguely noticing that he needed a hair cut he sighed and went about making himself presentable for his shift.

God above where was his spark of life? His fire? Why couldn't he actually smile anymore?

Not that anybody would notice, god only knew how well his mask of perpetual cheer worked. Nobody questioned it, not even Bones, hell the only one who could cut through his bullshit was Sam and he was back on Earth.

His brother. Now that was a difficult topic, one he avoided at all costs. Jim loved Sam and Sam loved Jim but there was too much under that bridge for either of them to be comfortable with each other. They were getting there though, they were trying to become more than strangers who were related to each other.

The constant pressure of toeing every line of respectability, to present the perfect image of a Starfleet Captain. The constant scrutiny when he was both on and off duty was wearing and if it wasn't for away missions and the gym, he would have gone totally nuts already.

And the kick ass friendship he and Spock were meant to have? Yeah right. Jim invited Spock to chess games and sparring matches, meals and to go over reports together, Spock always said no and merely looked at his captain with a blank but somehow irritated look, like an ant had crawled on his food or something. Jim gave up but the glimpse of the relationship between Spock Prime and his Jim Kirk continued to haunt him whenever he let his mind rest.

He could have begged Spock to look at him as the alternate pair had looked at each other, like they only existed for each other and everyone else didn't matter. But even if he never got the romantic aspect, he wanted that friendship, quiet jokes and secret dreams told in confidence. The message was crystal clear and only getting clearer – no chance in hell.

But god he wished….

Sometimes it felt like he was just a cosmic joke, like the world was watching and waiting for him to screw up, like everyone was laughing behind his back.

He was reaching out into the dark and falling rather than someone catching him.

What was there to say though? He had never expected to have as much as he did not isince he was six and the reason why his mother couldn't look at him became clear.

After all what was a ghost for except dancing in the dark?

Dancing In The Dark – Bruce Springstein

I get up in the evening
and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is

You can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
even if we're just dancing in the dark

You sit around getting older
there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me
I'll shake this world off my shoulders
come on baby this laugh's on me

Stay on the streets of this town
and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you gotta stay hungry
hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action
I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book
I need a love reaction
come on now baby gimme just one look

You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Even if we're just dancing in the dark
Hey baby