68A/N: Hello everyone. This is my first Bleach fanfic and it's my first hint of yaoi. I was listening to Billy Idol's song "Eyes Without A Face" and Paramore's "Decode" when this story came to mind. So, here it is.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.
Ikkaku sat atop of the roof of the Karakura High School staring out at the stars. It was a beautiful night and Yumichika would have appreciated it.
Che. Yumichika.
It had been nine hours and fifteen days since he last saw or spoke to the fifth seat of the Eleventh Division, but every word, every emotion, every expression stained Ikkaku's memory and refused to leave him alone.
"Yumichika!" Ikkaku growled the name as he stood over the futon that he shared with the beautiful raven-haired fifth seat.
Yumichika opened one eye and peered at his lover.
"Ikkaku, have you been drinking with Hisagi and Matsumoto again? You must be because you would know better than to wake me up from my sleep at midnight. You know that bags under the eyes look good on no one."Yumichika said through gritted teeth as he closed his eyes again.
"Yeah I do know better than to wake ya up. I know ya very well, Yumichika. At least I thought that I knew ya."
Yumichika opened his left eye at Ikkaku while his eyebrow hovered in the air.
"What are you talking about?" His voice clearly annoyed.
"Ruri'iro Kujaku." Ikkaku said as calmly as his boiling blood allowed him.
Yumichika's both eyes shot open in surprise. He had always said that if Ikkaku confronted him about the true nature of his zanpakutō he would simply feign ignorance. But it was always one thing to say what you will do and then do it. His expression betrayed his guilt to Ikkaku and despite his best efforts to regain composure, it was too late.
Yumichika barely had time to react. Ikkaku's blade came crashing down.
The clang of blades clashing echoed throughout the room that the two men shared. Yumichika had just barely reached his zanpakutō to block Ikkaku's attack.
"Are you insane!? How dare you!" Yumichika screeched at him as he delivered a swift kick to Ikkaku's stomach sending the bald man hard back against the wall.
Yumichika decided that maybe if Ikkaku was drunk enough he'd forget the whole thing if Yumichika carried on with enough indignant rage. He was desperate. He had to try something.
"How dare you try to mar my beautiful face!?" He knew that Ikkaku was not aiming for his face, but he was anxious and he could smell the sake on Ikkaku's face. He needed to avert this situation quickly.
Ikkaku looked like murder was on his mind. It was not the drunk-with-lust look in his eyes that he normally carried when in battle. It was an expression that Yumichika had seen only once in the more than two hundred years that he had known Ikkaku. There was no crazed smile, no joyous look in the eyes. No, this was the darker side of murderous intent. It created a sick feeling in the pit of Yumichika's stomach. What was that? Fear? Shame? Both?
"Yer going to lie to me again?" Ikkaku spoke in a low rumble.
"Lie again? What are you talking about?" Yumichika asked, his eyes up in the air blatantly connoting that Ikkaku was speaking nonsense, "You are drunk and I have no patience for this right now Ikkaku."
Ikkaku stared at him, but Yumichika closed his eyes and averted his face.
"Che. Unlike you, Yumichika, I have a lot of patience. I found out about the true nature of yer a week zanpakutō ago. I gave ya ample opportunity to tell me, but ya insist on lying to me!"
Yumichika turned his head toward Ikkaku. The room crackled with Ikkaku's raging reiatsu.
"Don't lie to me. Is it true, Yumichika?" Ikkaku asked. He was using a quiet, slow, deliberate tone, the one that people use when trying to suppress rage.
Yumichika turned his head in shame. Ikkaku was right. He had given him ample opportunities to confess. Those moments that Ikkaku randomly asked him if there was anything that he wanted to share were noticed and dismissed as the results of a paranoid imagination.
"Answer me!" Ikkaku banged his fist against the wall effectively creating a huge hole in the wall and shocking Yumichika out of his memories.
He wanted to say something, anything. But nothing came to his mouth. All his thoughts were slowly being muddled as his brain turned to molasses and his heart hurt and his tongue grew heavy.
"Answer me, Yumichika! Do you have a kido-type?" Ikkaku's zanpakutō eyes glowed with rage, his breathing irregular.
Still no response. Shame had effectively squelched his voice. He couldn't even look at Ikkaku. Oh how he wished that Ikkaku's rage would best him and he'd bring his blade on his head and surprisingly he found himself voicing that concern.
"Kill me then."
The utterance was so soft that Ikkaku almost didn't hear it.
"What?"
"Kill me. I do not belong in this Division. I do not belong to be at your side." The tears had started to roll down his face. He turned his face away not wanting Ikkaku seeing him with such an ugly expression. "I never wanted you to find out. It is a disgrace, I know. I would have gladly let myself be killed than shame you, the Captain and myself by letting the true nature of my zanpakutō be known. Kill me."
Before he recognized what was happening, Ikkaku saw Yumichika on the ground in a Dogeza pose, his head touching the ground in a stance of absolute submission and regret.
Ikkaku considered his lover. He never thought that he would see the day that Yumichika Ayasegawa would put pride aside and prostrate himself before someone. For an instant something in his brain tugged and he wanted to lift the man's head. But something in the corner of his eyes glinted. It was Yumichika's zanpakuto. How long had he known this man? He had lost count of all of the years that he spent with this man and yet Yumichika dared lie to him. He told him everything, yet for over one hundred years the man that he shared his secrets, his heart, his body and his bed with kept something like this from him.
An overwhelming frenzy of rage began to consume him and Ikkaku raised his sword. He could picture it crashing down on the delicate, pretty neck of his companion. It was so easy to do. It was too easy. So he left before he did something that he would not regret.
Yumichika didn't dare raise his head, not even after he heard the screen door slide shut. He stayed in that position for what felt like a millennium. He was unsure whether he should be grateful that he escaped with his life or whether he should crawl over to his own zanpakuto to fall on it.
His Soul Phone began to beep. He really could do with a Hollow to distract his thoughts from Yumichika.
"Ikkaku."
Ikkaku sighed. He had the option of simply closing the phone shut, but whether it was due to surprise, curiosity or simply the fact that he missed that voice (he would never admit that though) he didn't hang up.
"I am on duty. What do you want?"
Yumichika took in a deep breath. Fifteen agonizing days had passed since he had last spoken to or seen Ikkaku. He imagined that Ikkaku thought that it was pride that kept Yumichika from calling, but in reality it was fear. There was no definitive status on their relationship and Yumichika did not want to hear 'I do not want to be with you again' escape Ikkaku's lips. So, he procrastinated until his wretched mind could no longer take the torture.
"I am merely calling to inquire whether you are well? It has been weeks since Soul Society has last seen you." Yumichika mentally slapped himself. Why did he have to sound so conceited? He was trying to beg for his relationship. But then again, he mused, begging was never something that looked beautiful. It's only natural that he had no skill in it.
"You could have just asked our captain or vice-captain."
"You think I don't know that!" Yumichika yelled into the phone.
"So why the hell are you calling me then!?" Ikkaku screamed back at him.
This time Yumichika literally slapped himself (but not too hard, he didn't want to bruise his delicate face). This humble thing was not working out for him.
There was a long sigh as he resolved to try again.
"I wanted to know when you are coming home." Yumichika's voice was quiet as he struggled to keep his emotions at bay.
"Don't call me on the phone to tell me you're alone. I do not miss you."
Yumichika swallowed hard. It was so easy to fall back on his defences and pretend that he didn't care. But he looked at the empty, smooth side of the futon and quickly put his tail between his legs. He was going to fight for this.
"Let us talk about this, Ikkaku. We have known each other for too long." Yumichika said in his most sincere voice, but emotion was threatening to crack his voice.
Ikkaku was grateful that this was happening over the phone. He couldn't bear to look at Yumichika now. He could imagine those pale lavender eyes and he felt his chest tighten. He breathed deeply. Memories were clouding his mind.
"I used to know you so well."
'The truth was always hanging on my tongue to tell you, but I admit it. I was scared of exactly this – "
"No excuses, Yumichika!"
"You cannot blame me for something I cannot control!"
Oh Kami, Yumichika thought, maybe he should enrol in an anger management class or a humility class or something. He really needed it now and he had no idea as to how to do that.
"Che. Yumichika you are so conceited, so vain. I have never known you to be anything different. You have a right to be. You truly are beautiful."
Yumichika didn't bother to be flattered. He knew Ikkaku well enough to know that he didn't dish out compliments trivially.
"What are you getting at Ikkaku? Spare me your sarcasm."
"I wasn't being sarcastic."
Confusion settled on Yumichika's perfect features. Was this the beginning of Ikkaku's forgiveness?
"I guess that means that I really shouldn't be surprised." Ikkaku continued, "Someone that conceited is obviously just as selfish. I spent so much time believing all the lies, but I was willing to forgive, if only ya would have apologized, Yumichika. But ya continued being selfish and as usual thinking only of yerself."
Indignant rage erupted inside of Yumichika.
"Don't associate me with such an ugly characteristic. Ikkaku, you of all people should know that I am not selfish. Everything that I do is for you!"
"Don't get so worked up, Yumichika. Ya'll give yourself wrinkles and it'll ruin yer beautiful face." Ikkaku said with spite dripping in his voice.
"Do not mock me!"
A silence had fallen. It was a thick, uncomfortable silence that stifled the emotions over the phone as both men wondered if they had gone too far. Was it too late to try to be humble?
"Apologize, Yumichika." Ikkaku finally said. His voice was slow and controlled; much like it was that night that he had confronted Yumichika. It still sent that chilly, heavy feeling into Yumichika's heart. He swallowed the thick, ugly taste of pride and shame and quickly apologized. He really couldn't afford to lose the only person that he put before himself.
"I am sorry, Ikkaku. I am so sorry about Ruri'iro Kujaku."
Ikkaku didn't need to be able to see the sincerity in Yumichika's lavender eyes. He could have heard the honesty and regret.
"Fool! How can ya apologize for something ya have no control over!?"
"Then what do you want, Ikkaku?" Yumichika screamed at him. They were going in circles. Ikkaku was toying with him as punishment.
"Apologize to me you selfish prick! I'm the one ya lied to! I'm the one that you kept secrets from! I'm the one that ya insulted!"
Yumichika's voice hitched in his throat. He hadn't realized until now, but Ikkaku was right. He was apologizing for all the wrong reasons. He closed his eyes as he realized the grave insult that he had done to Ikkaku. Ikkaku was right. How could he have thought that Ikkaku would not have forgiven right away? If only he had not been that self-centred. If only he had stopped to consider someone else's feelings instead of his own, he would have realized that Ikkaku would have forgiven him. Ikkaku knew him so well. How could he be so insulting to the one that he claimed to know best?
"Che."
Yumichika was wrestled out of his thoughts by that familiar sounding word.
"You take too long, Yumichika; seems like ya have no intention of apologizing. This is over Yumichika."
The silence on the other end of the line reverberated throughout Yumichika. He pressed redial, but he got no response. He was of course unable to see Ikkaku crush the Soul Phone under his feet.
A/N: Hey so what do you think? Should I continue this? Or should I leave it as a one-shot?