Deep Down

"He thinks he can find me but I'm deep down and I do not make a sound"

Said the words long before and they're still accurate. Statistically viable. Factually precise.

Those with the blue hands drowned me at the pond, Simon won't see that they did that, and I sink in this…place, fractured place.

When you are deep down you can't see everything clearly; those above the water have blurry lines and smudged words.

Deep down there is silence and screaming. Oxymoron. I don't know which voice is mine but it doesn't matter because it sounds the same.

"The voices are all inside me and they're saying nothing"

Still true. Truth is the shattered mirror. No, it's not

Liar, Liar, mind on fire

I lose all the thoughts; explanations are gobbledygook, incomprehensible… scattered as the current moves. Obvious holes in logic… incomplete phrases that hold no meaning.

Simon brings me to the surface and I can breathe. The clarity slices at the murky depths but I sink back. Silly Simon. Simon says stay afloat and I lose the game. He should be pleased, shouldn't he? He always loses the unimportant games.

Deep down I forget the girl. I'm the one in the water . The actual girl is smiling and her lines blur in shades of blue. Always blue. Her name is River but what is mine?

The name is mine; I'm sure of it. Unwise to make such decisions when you're deep down, cognitive dissonance, being of two minds. Worst time I made a decision here I slashed at the Jayne, everyone was unhappy despite the red covering the blue. Dangerous to make decisions when I'm here.

Simon is coming again to bring me to the surface. I can feel the needle pierce and burrow deep from all the way down here

He doesn't realize that.

I'm deep down and silent so he can't hear me scream

The surface sometimes scares me as much as these depths

I will not tell him that