Totally out of the blue, no pun intended, but I started watching RvB recently, and I found some old chapters of this ancient story I've been working on and I decided to submit it and see what happens. So yeah, I submitted, and now I'm going to see what happens. Leave reviews!


"Get up ya big orange baby!" A fist connected with Grif's helmet.

"Ouch! What the fuck Sarge!?"

"The time to sleep is over. We've been woken up from our hibernation to finally kick some ass!"

"Yeah, just like we kicked ass on Reach." Sarge grabbed Grif's arm and threw him out of the cryo chamber. Grif landed on the solid steel floor, hitting with a painful thud. "Come on Sarge, what good would I be in a war anyway? Can't I just go back to sleep?"

"No Grif, we've been awakened by Capitan Keys. We have to do something," the other Spartan stated.

"Oh stop being a kiss ass Simmons."

"Can't you think of anything new Grif?"

"Can't you think for yourself?"

"Alright enough. We need to find Donut! Where's he at?" The three red Spartans looked around until a forth cryo chamber opened up and Donut fell out.

"Donut, can you hear me? This is Simmons."


"Okay," the maroon Spartan kicked his pink partner, "Wake the fuck up Donut!"

"Oh Simmons! How've you been? I had the most wonderful dream, and you were in it."

"I don't even want to hear about it."

"Alright," Sarge began, looking up at his squad, "now that we're out and about what do we do first Simmons?"

"Uh…I think we should probably make sure out suits are working properly."

"Not now soldiers," came the captain's voice over the intercom, "I need you four down here now."

"But sir, I think it would be better if we test our suits first and…"

"On the double trooper!"

"Alright sir…cock-bite."

"What was that?!"

"Nothing sir," Simmons lied quickly.

"Alright then you heard the captain, let's get moving!" Sarge ran towards the door, opened it and ran down the hall. At the end of the hall was another door that suddenly exploded launching him down the hall.

"Sarge!" Simmons cried out.

"I'm okay!" Sarge stood up suddenly with a few scratches to his armor. "But to avoid unexpected explosions that would most likely kill one of us, Grif will take point."


"Don't worry, it'll be easy. First jump over those pipes there. Donut will follow after Grif then Simmons then me." Grif jumped over the pipes followed by Donut and so on. The reds soon came to a half closed door.

"Well I guess we can't go any further. Damn, I guess we're going have to turn back and…" Sarge grabbed Grif and slammed his head onto the steel door.

"Crouch down you idiot." Grif groaned, holding his face before he crouched and walked past the door. The red team continued until Grif walked into a firefight between marines and Covenant.

"HOLY SHIT!" Grif dove across the room to take cover.

"Simmons! I need you to go and back those marines up!"

"Well I can't do that Sarge! We don't have any weapons!"

"No, but they do. So distract the aliens and get them to fire at you so then we can have a chance to run away!"

"Uh…why can't Grif do that sir?"

"He tired and just like everything else in life he failed. Now it's up to you!" Suddenly the doors began to shut separating the humans from the aliens. "What the sam hell?" Sarge turned to Donut who had hit some random button.

"You know, you guys could've just hit this button that says 'lock out aliens'."

"Yeah we could've. Grif take point again!"

"Fuck that! Tell Simmons to go first!"

"You baby! If I had my shotgun I'd shoot you now! Simmons take point!"

"Uh…well sir, private Donut got us out of the last jam so maybe he should take point."

"You pack of pussies! Donut take point or I'm canceling your subscription to the People's magazine!"

"Yes sir!" Donut took point and walked down a dark, but short hallway. The door opened and there revealed an Elite.


"OH MY GOD!" Donut dove back from the large alien. The Elite ran off as two marines ran onto the scene, guns blazing.

"Sirs the captain is waiting for you on the bridge!" Grif walked up to one of the marines.

"Hey can we have your guys' guns?"

"What?! No! We need these to fight off aliens."

"Oh come on man, just give us one gun!"

"You're supposed to be the bad ass Spartan soldiers who could kill an Elite with their bare hands," the second, British marine snapped.

"Who the fuck told you that? I can't even open jar of ketchup with my bare hands."

"Grif, hurry the fuck up!" the second-in-command shouted.

"God damn it." The reds continued on until they reached the bridge and the captain.

"Good to see you red team. Things aren't looking good. Cortana did her best, but we never really had a chance."

"Cortana?" the orange Spartan questioned. A purple, holographic woman appeared on a pedestal. "HOLY SHIT! I didn't think woman were that tiny!"

"Grif that's an advanced AI you dumb ass," Simmons snapped.

"…Is she single?"

"Grif just shut up." Suddenly the ship began shaking violently.

"Report!" Keys commanded.

"The ship is shaking! Let's get the fuck out of here!" Keys and Sarge both punched Grif in the back of the head.

"I think we've been boarded captain," Simmons said.

"Will you all shut the fuck up and let Cortana tell me what's wrong!?" the captain shouted.

"Sir, fire control to the main cannons is offline!" a marine shouted.

"Sir that was my last option," Cortana said grimly.

"Shit, we're screwed!"

"Shut up Grif," Captain Keyes ordered. "We're abandoning the Autumn. That means you too Cortana."

"While you do what, go down with the ship?"

"In a manner of speaking, I'm going to try and land the ship around this area of the structure. Now Sarge I'm entrusting Cortana to you alright."

"Yes sir." Sarge grabbed the chip which contained Cortana and placed it in the side of his head.

"Does that hurt Sarge? Sticking things in your head like that I mean?"

"No you idiot. It's not in my head, it's in my helmet, which means that there are no harmful side effects, right captain?" Keys said nothing, "Right?"

"Hey how about I get you all some guns and we can drop this topic."

"Finally," Grif said. Keys held out four identical pistols. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. This is the command center and all you have are pistols?!"

"Take it or leave it soldier."

"Fine," Grif replied as each of the reds took a pistol.

"By the way Grif, yours doesn't have any ammo," Keyes informed.

"Son of a bitch!"

"Now get moving troops." The four reds saluted and exited the command center. Upon exiting they heard gunfire in the next room.

"Let's go men!" Sarge charged forward as a marine was shot down. "Well I have a new gun now." Sarge crouched down and picked up the marine's assault rifle. "Now let's go men!" Sarge charged in with his gun blazing while the other three stood out of the room.

"So who wants to go in first?" Simmons asked.

"I vote you Simmons. You're Sarge's favorite so you should die with him."

"Fuck you. Sarge would want you to go out there and die first so you should go first." While Simmons and Grif were arguing Donut walked into the room and started firing as well. As they continued arguing, Sarge walked in and shot at their heads.

"You idiots! Stop arguing and get over here."

"Jesus Sarge, did you have to shoot at our heads? What would've happened if you hit us?" the whining orange Spartan exclaimed.

"Then I'd give you CPR."

"For a bullet wound to the head? How does that make sense sir?"

"You tell me dumbass. Now let's go." Grif walked into the room where the fighting had taken place earlier.

"Wait, this is the cafeteria?! Where's all the food?!"

"The aliens ate it all Grif," the pink Spartan answered.

"Damn it Donut! Why didn't you stop them?!"

"I did! You and Simmons were too busy arguing to notice."

"Well did you save me anything?!"

"No, it was all gone by the time Sarge and I got here."

"God damn it!" The reds made their way through the ship towards the escape pods and on their way of fighting many enemies they found themselves in a dark hallway. "Jeez I can't see a fucking thing in this dark hallway."

"Donut turn on your headlight!"

"Yes sir!" Donut did as instructed, "AH!" The pink Spartan quickly flipped his light off.

"Donut what was it?" the leader asked, holding his gun up in combat readiness. "Whadya see?"

"There was a spider right in front of me."

"You big baby!" Simmons shouted. "It's just a spider and you have armor that can take bullet shots!"

"Let's hurry up and get the fuck out of here!"

"Now why're you suddenly so worried Grif?"

"Because there may be bats in this fucking hallway!"

"Okay first of all this is a state of the art human spaceship, I'm pretty sure that are no bats on board. Idiot."

"How do you know!?"

"Everyone shut up," Sarge barked out.

"I can't believe I'm stuck with this pack of idiots," Cortana thought to herself. The group managed to get out of the hallway and straight into another fierce firefight.


"Grif go out there now!"

"First of all I'm in the back of the line, secondly during this whole fucking time I've only got one clip of fucking ammo for this god damn pistol!"

"Donut, you're in front! Go charge those aliens!"

"Yes sir! WAAAAAAAA!" Donut charged with his assault rifle blazing.

"Hell I didn't think he'd do it." Simmons and Grif looked at Sarge suddenly in shock, "Alright Simmons you're up next: move across the room providing cover fire so I can get out."

"What about Grif sir?"

"Unfortunately Grif has no choice but to survive this fierce fight. But don't worry!" Sarge turned to Grif and punched him in the visor.

"What the fuck!?"

"That's what you get for being useless. Now go Simmons!"

"Yes sir!" Simmons turned to the aliens and started firing at them as he moved across the room.

"Alright Grif, this is our only chance to make a mad dash to the escape pods!" Sarge and Grif then bolted out of the hall and towards the escape pods.

"What about Simmons and Donut?"

"They have to stay behind boldly and sacrifice themselves so we can escape!"

"Or we could fit them in the escape pod with us," Cortana's voice replied. "There are two left Sergeant."

"Nonsense Cortana, why wouldn't Simmons and Donut want to sacrifice themselves nobly in the line of duty!?"

"Because your radar is showing them running right behind us…" Sarge and Grif stopped and turned to look and sure enough Donut and Simmons were catching up to them.

"What happened?"

"We killed the aliens sir."

"You did? Okay then." Suddenly a plasma shot flew and almost hit Sarge in the head. "TAKE COVER!" The reds dove in separate directions for cover and began firing. Well all of them except Grif who didn't have ammo to spare. "Cortana how much time do we have?!"

"About four minutes."

"Damn it!" Sarge then noticed a shit load of grenades in front of some far away cover. "Grif!" Said orange Spartan turned to Sarge, "You want to kill aliens right? And not the injured of defenseless Grunts right?"

"Fuck yeah I do!"

"Then run up there and get some grenades and throw them like hell at the enemy!" Grif looked to the grenades, the distance, the Covenant firing at them and back to Sarge.

"Fuck that sir."

"Don't worry, we'll cover you!"

"Will you really?"

"Of course!" Grif hesitantly stood up and ran like a bat out of hell to the grenades. He dove towards the cover and smacked his head against the metal.

"You lying son of a bitch! You didn't cover me at all!"

"Well we needed some window of opportunity to fire back, and that's what we were waiting for! You just ran before we gave the signal! I'm surprised you survived though!"

"You bastard!" Grif grabbed one grenade and chucked it at the enemy. It exploded sending two Grunts to their deaths.

"Good work, now try killing the ones that could kill us! Like the Elites!" Grif threw two more grenades, lowering an Elite's shield as Sarge ended its life with his assault rifle. "Alright let's head to the escape pods! Simmons, go with Grif, Donut you'll be coming with me!"

Simmons ran towards Grif, jumped over the cover and headed towards the escape pod. A marine tried to make his way into the pod but ended up on the ground.

"Oh no, oh no!" Grif pushed the marine back down to the ground.

"Get the fuck out of my way!"

"Grif you fucking idiot!" Simmons picked up the marine and threw him into the pod. "Punch it!"

"Yes sir!"

"Oh shit, that's a chick?!" The escape pod detached from the ship and headed towards the ring world.

"What is that thing lieutenant?"

"Hell if I know sir, but we're landing on it!"

"Oh shit! This is bad!" The pod entered orbit and started shaking violently.

"Hold on!"

"What else were we doing!?"

So yeah, hope you enjoyed and I hope it was believably RvB dialogue. If you enjoyed, leave reviews please.