45This is my very first fanfiction! I'm very nervous, but I hope you all like it!
Chapter One
Sanctuary
A whole year has gone by since he left me, I thought.
I continued to stare out my window as Charlie washed his car. It was another cloudy day, as always, and it hurt that everything seemed to remind me of him. The clouds, the rain, the cold… I started to wonder if everything's purpose was to suddenly torture me. I didn't care. I would rather it be cold, wet, and sunless than to have the sun come out and dry up any memories that I had left of him. As if the hole in my chest doesn't remind me enough, I thought bitterly.
From the driveway, Charlie suddenly looked up at my window and waved. He had a smile on his face and seemed pretty much happy, but I knew it was all a show. He hated seeing me like this. He had been pretending to be happy ever since last year when I had become a zombie. And I pretended too. I acted as if my whole life wasn't destroyed, that my heart wasn't gone and never coming back.
I replied back with a wave and a fake smile, even though I was dead on the inside. And then another thought suddenly occurred to me.
Jake…
Jake would make me feel better, he always did. He and his little wolf pack were actually beginning to grow on me. I smiled a smile that truly felt genuine after faking for so long.
I jumped up, surprising myself with how excited I really was and ran downstairs to grab my car keys. As I walked out the front door toward my truck, Charlie stopped what he was doing (which involved something that I would've once swore was a sponge) and looked at me.
"Bells?" he asked. He looked worried, as if at any moment I would run off without any warning. I didn't blame him. It had happened once before.
"I'm going to go see Jake," I said casually. Geez, I hated pretending. But at least it was easier than lying.
"Oh," he said. Then he perked up as if he was an inflatable snowman and someone had finally decided to blow him up. "That's good! Very good, Bells! I'm glad you finally found something to do with your spare time nowadays."
Again the hole in my chest throbbed, and I tried to ignore the fact that most of my free time had once been spent on Ed- him. All of it.
"Yeah," I said bleakly after a moment. "He hasn't seen me in awhile and…" I trailed off, my heart just wanting to get to Jake as soon as it could. Or what was left of it, anyway. It seemed to me that half of my heart had left along with Edward, while the other half had stayed just to make sure I lived. But I wasn't exactly sure that what I was going through could be categorized as living.
"I understand, Bella." He sighed. "You can go now. But don't be back too late," he added.
"I won't."
As I made my poor truck race down to La Push, I could hear his words in my head again.
This will be the last time you will ever see me. His words echoed throughout my head and into my heart. A broken sob escaped my chest and I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled over to the side of the road and began to heave with the new cries that overwhelmed me. This isn't healthy, I thought. Not healthy at all.
I straightened myself and wiped my face with the back of my hand. "Get yourself together," I mumbled. I fidgeted with the keys again and continued my way down to my sanctuary, my Jake.
When I pulled into Jake's driveway, I laughed. Jake and Paul were arm wrestling on the front porch and were being crowded around by a bunch of fellow werewolves. Jake's face was contorted and all squinted as he tried to gain an inch on Paul. Something about it suddenly made me almost slaphappy. Such a contrast to how I had felt earlier. Paul's face was an exact mirror of Jake's, and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves as the battle raged on. I knew I was going to. Already I was giggling.
I hopped out from my truck and began to make my way over to the temporary arena. Jake was so engrossed in his competition, he barely acknowledged my presence; although I was pretty sure he was happy to see me.
"Bella!"
I looked toward my left and saw that Quil and Embry were leaning against the rail.
"Hey, you guys!" I smiled happily at them.
"Who do you think will win?" Quil asked.
"I'm putting my bet on Jake," interrupted Embry.
"I'm with you." I told him. "Paul doesn't stand a chance." I turned over to Paul, who had actually managed to draw his gaze to me during it all. I smiled sheepishly. He rolled his eyes with a sneer.
"Hey, Bella," someone called.
I quickly averted my eyes to Jake, who was now beaming at me.
"Wanna see something funny?" he asked.
Not sure what he was aiming at, I replied, "Sure."
And then with a whack that caused Paul to curse uncontrollably and storm off the porch, Jake smashed his hand into the table. Everyone started to laugh, including myself, and for a moment, the hole was gone. Like it had never been there. But before the moment was over, it returned. It wasn't as strong as it had been earlier, but it was still there and I could definitely feel it.
Jake smiled at me and came over to give me a big hug. He crushed me tightly to him and the embrace took my breath away.
"Ummm… Jake…." I sputtered.
"Oops! Sorry!" He quickly let go of me and took my hand. "I'm glad you decided to come by for once," he teased. "I never get to see you anymore."
I rolled my eyes.
"You know, Jake, that is a bunch of crap. You saw me two days ago." I smiled teasingly up at him and he smiled back. And I wasn't pretending this time.
"Yeah, I guess you're right… But it's still nice to see you."
"You too, Jake, you too."
And it was nice. I was with my sanctuary, with Jake. My hole became weaker when I was with him, as if his warmth's energy source came from my pain and was slowly taking it all away. I sighed. If only he would come back and take away the pain forever. But then I realized that he didn't love me anymore, and that he was never going to come back.
If only I knew how much I was wrong.
Tell me what you think! Should I continue?
-Natasha