29Zacky was packing his stuff up in his school bag when Rev walked threw the front door.
"Whatcha doin Zacky..." Rev said flinging his jacket onto a nearby chair. Zacky sighed as he felt Rev lean on his shoulder to see what Zacky was placing into his bag.
"Ugh, I have to read this to some high kids to get some volunteer points on my Senior Christmas project for health." Zacky replied. Rev grabbed the book Zacky had showed him it was titled 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. Rev's eyes lit up. He loved kids and its not like he had anything else to do.
"Can I come?" Rev asked. Zacky turned to Rev who had a grin on his face.
"No.." Zacky simply stated.
"Why not!"
"Because I said so!" Zacky grabbed the book from him and stuffed it into his bag.
"Please Zacky!"
"No you'll probably find some way to screw it up!"
Rev Scoffed. "How do you freaking screw up Twas the Night Before X-Mas?!" Zacky thought about this.
"...Fine" Zacky said. "Just don't do anything stupid!" Rev dashed upstairs and got on his red and green jump suit to look festive. Then he thought about it. He could make this funny. I mean come on the Twas the Night Before Christmas is probably memorized by even three year olds for god sakes! Rev grinned as he met Zacky at the door to leave for the Library.
Rev and Zacky sat in front of the semi circle of kids 4th graders in front to 9th graders on the sides. Zacky coughed to clear his throat.
"Um ok...So let's start.." he started. He pulled the book out of his bag. "This is Twas the Night Before Christmas." Zacky grinned.
"This would be a great time for all the Muslims to go to the bathroom." There was a few laughs from Brian, and Matt. Zacky looked back at Rev with an 'are you stupid?' look then started the story.
"Twas the night before Christmas-"
"And all the Jews were at the movies..." Rev said as if it were part of the story. Zacky glared at Rev as some more kids laughed at that. Rev just kinda pretended to make it look like he was behaving. He started up again.
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house-"
"Why's it always a house!" Rev asked amusingly.
"What?" Zacky said.
"There are kids that live in apartments ya know! How does Santa Claus get to the kids in the apartments Uncle Zacky!" Rev asked all child like. "They must buzz his ass in..." Rev stated. Roars of laughter from the kids. Zacky's jaw dropped. Rev ginned and laughed himself. "Beep Beeeeep Santa Claus!" He joked. Zacky sighed. At least it was enjoyable.
He continued. "And all through the APPARTMENTS, not a creature was stirring-"
"Except for the Bitch in 2B..." Brian mumbled. The kids laughed again. Zacky glared at Brian.
"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse-"
Rev scoffed. "Mouse? You wish! Your in an apartment, that's a rat!" The Teens laughed along with the other kids now.
Zacky growled at him. Rev was not threatening in the least! What's he gonna do here! He can't kill him here in front of the kids. HA! Rev got him there! Zacky just continued on.
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care-"
"And believe me, the room could really use some fresh air..." Matt said as if continuing the story. Zacky finally turned to him. "Seriously! How the hell did that tradition start" Rev asked. All the kids laughed.
"What?"
"Hanging up dirty laundry and hoping Santa would fill it up with goodies EWWW!" Rev joked. "I wanna suck in this candy-cane but it smells like dads feet!" The kids roared with laughter again. Matt grinned. "Hey! Good thing the tradition wasn't jock-straps!" The whole Room started dying with laughter. Zacky actually laughed a bit at that one too. A few girls ewww'd. Brian Joked again. "'Sally what's in yours?'...'Nuts...'" Every person in that library laughed hysterically. Zacky glared.
"Brian! You are ruining this story!"
"Well you're the pervert eatin out of your own jock-strap!" Rev came back. Everybody roared with laughter, were dying of laughter actually. Zacky's face was shocked at Rev's come back. He just turned around and started YET AGAIN!
"With Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down-"
"For a big snort of Crack!" The older kids laughed. Rev grinned he knew Zacky was pissed and couldn't do anything about it! Zacky just held his breath and grind his teeth. Just then Rev was looking over his shoulder.
"You gotta get to the part where Santa gets busted for breaking and entering... where is that?"
"Its not breaking and entering..."
"Oh keep reading I believe it qualifies!" Rev stated. Zacky just ignored him and continued.
"As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicolas came with a bound-"
"So he fell down..."
"Yeah..."
"And didn't it also say his face was all red?"
"Yeah..."
"Why does not one ever see this HE IS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS!" The kids erupted with laughter. Zacky glared at Rev again over his shoulder. "THIS IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE STORY!" Zacky ignored this, He continued.
"He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot-"
"That, drinkin and driving, in a furry GAY outfit, covered in soot, he's smoking and you let him in the house because he said he had something for your kids." Rev accused jokingly. The kids laughed. "What the hell kind of parent are you anyway?" he asked. "If I were you I would check his ID then TAZER his fat ass! And how fat is this guy anyway!? Everyone always leaves him a plate full of cookies. I think Santa's a diabetic too don't you think? Leave him a plate of insulin how bout that, can't wait to hear this story next year. The Night Before Christmas: Part 2 - Santa's on Dialysis and he's missing a leg..." The kids laugh again.
Zacky turned around and snapped. "CAN I FINISH THIS STORY?!"
"Oh please do..." Rev said with girly childish batting of eyelashes. Zacky continued.
"He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle-"
"Gotta go quick cuz there's a cop with a pistol..." Brian said. The kids laughed again, and Zacky glared...AGAIN.
"But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of site-"
"Merry Christmas to all- oh crap I ran over your bike..." Matt finished. Zacky closed the book and the kids started clapping. Zacky was surprised. "Rev your gonna get it when you get home!" Rev gulped he knew he was gonna get it.
Just then a little 4th grader came up and tugged on Zacky's sweats. He looked down, it was a little girl. "yes?" he asked her.
"Woul-Would you come back..next year and read it to us!" The girl asked shyly. Zacky looked up all the kids behind her were all nodding and pleading him to come back next year. Zacky smiled (*gasp*) and nodded. The girl gave and excited little squeel and bounded off into the crowd of 4th graders. Zacky turned to Rev.
"Lets go.." Zacky said grabbing Rev's hand as soon as they get outside and out of view of the kids...Rev was worried about what he was gonna get when he got home but it was totally worth it to see the funny smiles on the kids faces instead of board unresponsive ones. Rev wondered, however, what Zacky had in store for him...
"Fucking Rev!" Zacky kicked his ass, while going toward the escalator.
"Ahh!" Rev Fell and rolled down in the up escalator.
"Clunk, clunk, clunk"
"That's what you get asshole!" Zacky and the guys laughed watching him.