My life was perfect, if it was a book, every girl would wish to be me.

But little did I know everything was about to change that day, I always hated this day.

Normal girls would love the attention but I don't,

every time I got 1 year older something terrible would happen ,

my beloved dog would die, my grandma would have a stroke or as with my next birthday, die because of a heart attack.

Every time it's my birthday something happens, something bad.

I must have done something terribly wrong in my past life to deserve all this misery and bad luck.

So yeah I guess I should've seen this coming,

I never even wanted a birthday party anyway.

They probably forgot with their 'Oh so awesome' vampire brain that my bad luck wasn't like any other something was bound to go wrong and it all happened so fast.

As they made me eat some birthday cake they wanted to take a picture of me cutting the cake, but..

I cut the wrong thing, I didn't cut the cake , I cut my own damn skin and let me tell you it was pretty deep and bloody .

So yeah, Jasper feeling all the hungry emotions around the room felt suddenly as if somebody starved him for weeks and I was his favorite food. He jump at me like a wild animal roaring with hunger, and let me tell you,

I almost had a heart attack when suddenly Carlisle was next to me examining the cut.

So yeah I thought that was it , my birthday bad luck.

So when he acted all strange and distant the next few days I thought he would get over it,

but boy was I wrong.

A few days after my eighteenth birthday party edward asked me to go for a walk in the woods with him, of course being me I said yes.

but something felt wrong , Oh so wrong .

a little into the woods he turned to me .

what a walk

- flashback –

"we have to leave forks" he said

"why?" I asked, confused

" Carlisle is supposed to be 10 years older then he looks, people are starting to notice." Edw- He explained but this wasn't right , something felt off.. way off..

"okay I, ehmm I got to think of something to say to Charlie" I said confused, but then it dawned on me.. He wasn't taking me with him ? Why? I felt the tears starting to sting in my eyes, but I wouldn't cry. He can't leave me ..

" when you say we .. ?"

"I mean my family and myself." He explained with a cold dead voice, just as how his overly gorgeous face looked.

Maybe.. maybe he's leaving because of Jasper!

" Edward, what happened to jasper , It was nothing" I started

"you're right, it was nothing , not the way I expected , and nothing compared to what could've happened." I could feel the pain in my heart, sometimes it looked like he had a pained expression , but that was gone as fast as I thought I saw it.

"You just , don't belong in my world Bella" That was it, I think I felt my heart breaking

I just stood there

"I.. belong with you.."

"No you don't," He replied as if he never cared for me.

"I'm coming" I tried.. I know I'm just.. normal .. plain , ugly duckling bella , but he loved me right.. he can't leave me..

"bella , I don't want you to come." There again , the same cold, dead tone , the same heart breaking in an other piece.

"You don't want me..?" Of course he doesn't want you!

"No." One word .. And my whole world was destroyed..

" Changes things.." I whispered broken. "A lot."

"But if it's not too much to ask," he replied as if he didn't care . "Can you just promise me something?"

I breathed in.

"Don't do anything reckless ." is there hope? Does he care just a little bit ? If he wants me safe ..

"For Charlie's sake" And that little bit of hope, just vanished. I don't think I would ever survive… would I ?

"and I'll promise something to you in return." He started sounding just a little bit hurt, but yeah soon that was back to the cold voice. "This is the last time you'll ever see me, I won't come back, and you can go on with your life , without any interference from me." 'Nooooo! I wanted to shout , yell in his face but , as I was doing the best I could trying to not break out crying , I couldn't talk , it felt as if I was going into shock " It will be like , I never existed , I promise."

I remembered the talk I had with Carlisle on my birthday , maybe It's because of my soul?

"If this is about my soul, take it I don't want it without you!" I tried desperately

'it's not about your soul."He started, and I waited for an explanation "You're just not good for me ."

"not good enough for you.." I whispered… I'd take the pain of burning forever for this nightmare to just end , this can't be happening!

Oh please god..

"I'm just sorry I let this go on so long" he said. So what was it a game for him? Just some distraction to fight getting bored?

"please," I whimpered.

"Goodbye" He whispered, but I was gone , I was in shock I barely registered the soft kiss on my forehead, Like he even cared.

Pleassee…. Don't..

-End flashback –

That was the fist time I died.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Thankyou who reviewed on the preface, favorite, alert , :D

This is the 1st chapter like you saw it as written in a past tense more , the next ( maybe 2 ) chapters are probably going to be like that, I'm not sure but we'll see THANKYOU.