It was a frightfully dim and tempest tossed period of time when the sun is not visible in the sky. Deep in the heart of this horror, even more terrible things were about to ensue. It was Movie Night at the Cullen house. (Cue: Psycho music). As all of the inhabitants of said establishment were dreadfully irritating fangless fairies with a bloodlust, it was naturally assumed by all that there was bound to be some sort of entertaining spectacle of violence. Sadly for the hopeful (bored) residents of the deadly dull, nondescript town of….err, what was it called again?

(Backstage whispers)

Are you sure?

(More whispering)

Well that's stupid…eh, ahem, sorry.

Sadly for the hopeful (bored) residents of the deadly dull, nondescript town of Forks who had gathered to watch, the vegetarian fairies decided to calmly talk out their problems.

Dr. Cullen: "All right, let's take a vote. All in favor of Edward's Barbie Princess?"

Edward and Bella were the only ones who raised their hands.

Mrs. Cullen: "Sorry, dear, I think you're outvoted."

Edward in a rage: "I want to watch my movie!"

Bella: "And judging by the fact that I worship him, I obviously wouldn't watch anything else!"

Emmett: "Well, I think we should watch Saw."

Alice: "Yea….I mean…?"

Everyone stares at her unexpected display of personality.

Jasper: "Guys, I have an idea. Why don't we watch this?"

He holds up an unmarked video.

Jasper: "Someone left it in my locker. There was a note attached.

He hands Dr. Cullen a note.

Dr. Cullen: "To the Cullen's: I hope you will forgive me for not getting this to you sooner. It's a 'welcome to the town' present.

From: Anonymous'"

"Well, isn't that nice. We should watch this."

Chorus of groans

Dr. Cullen: "Come on now; it's only polite."

He shoves the tape in.


Jacob: "You sure this will work?"

Victoria: "Yeah, it'll work."(Maniacal laugh)

Jacob: "Um….?"

Victoria: "…"

Jacob: "And this tape will help Bella…how? What is it anyway; a list of reasons why not to be a bloodsucker?"

Victoria: "Just go!"

He and the pack disappear in the direction of the house.

She laughs evilly.

Victoria: "Fools!"

Emmett: "This is boring!"

Mrs. Cullen: "I must say, it is a rather…peculiar tape. What's it called, Carlisle?"

Dr. Cullen: "It's unlabeled."

Bella: "What the heck is that?"

She points at the screen.

Alice in an irritated voice: "That's a well moro…Bella."

Edward from the corner he is sulking in: "Who wants to look at a stupid well?"

Jasper: "Guys…."

Edward oblivious to his brother: "I mean, really. They're dark and wet."

Emmett: "Glad to see your vocab. has improved bro."

Jasper: "Guys…."

Dr. Cullen: "Edward, you're really being a tad bit of a spoil-sport."

Edward: "How dare you say that?! I'm amazing. Just ask Bella."

Jasper: "Guys…."

Alice: "Since when did you care about Bella's opinion?"

Edward: "I…"


They all spin around to see Bella faint.

Alice: "Bella, what's…..crap."

Jasper: "I tried to warn you. But, nooo, nobody listens to me."

They all back away simultaneously as the pale, dripping body of what looks like a girl with long, black hair obscuring her face crawls through the screen and out onto the floor.

Mrs. Cullen: "Maybe she's….lost."

The girl gets to her feet and moves forward. Her pale flesh looks partially decomposed by water.

Edward steps forward: "I'm not afraid of a little….!"

For any of you who have seen the Ring or the Ring 2, I am fairly confident that you can surmise the fate of the veggie vampires.