First Spashley story ever written, hope you guys like it. Credit to Declan Galbraith, The Script and Secondhand Serenade for their lyrics.
It had been two weeks since they last talked. Two weeks since Spencer dared to lay eyes on the brunette. Two weeks since Spencer answered Ashley's calls and tonight was no different.
It was getting late and Spencer couldn't bring herself to fall asleep. She laid on her bed wit her arms behind her head and stared at the ceiling. Her mind blank as she listened to the music playing lightly on the radio.
That's when she felt it…a vibration coming from her cell phone that lay on the bed. Immediately, she sat up and looked at her cell phone light up. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID.
It was her, again.
She let it vibrate and vibrate until it finally stopped. After about a second or two, her cell told her that she had one new voice message.
Spencer shut her eyes and sighed, "Ash please… don't make this harder than it has to be" With that said she plopped back onto her bed and clutched her phone tightly, bracing herself. She slid it open and listened to her voicemail.
A computerized woman's voice answered on the other end "You have one new message. You have thirteen saved voice messages. First message: 'Spencer please, I've called you everyday since the kiss. Just talk to me. I know you're confused and scared but please Spencer talk to me. It's still me, I'm still Ashley' End of message. To erase it press seven, to save it press nine."
Spencer pressed nine and closed her phone. She didn't know why she kept saving them, but she just couldn't bring herself to delete them.
- At the same time with Ashley-
Ashley flipped her phone closed and threw it across the room. She hoped Spencer would call her back, but she knew better. She walked across her room and opened the door to her balcony. She breathed in the cold air of the night and thought – I knew I shouldn't have kissed her, she wasn't ready for that. But how could I resist?-
"Woah…woah, um… I need a breather" said Aiden breaking the kiss
"Guys have no staying power" Ashley rolled her eyes
"No, not true. I just…the bathroom…a minute"
"Down the hall and to the right?" Ashley said rather annoyed
Aiden looks at Spencer, smiles and gleefully says, "Don't go anywhere!"
As soon as he leaves Ashley and Spencer burst into laughter
"So what do you think? asked Ashley
"He's still cute and hot, but…"
"A guy, I know" Ashley interrupts
"Yeah it does seem pretty stupid for both of us to be doing this with him"
"Trust me. I don't want him; I've already played that hand. I just wanted to mess with him. And you." She said as she sat at the edge of her bed
"Nice" Spencer said joining her
"So what about us?" she said looking over at Spencer
"Well when I was kissing Aiden. I was thinking about you"
"Really?" Ashley smiled and said "Me too"
Licking her lips Ashley said "Its ok"
Ashley grabbed the side of Spencer's face and slowly leaned in. Her lips pressed softly against Spencer's, savoring their hint of peppermint. It wasn't passionate and forced; instead, it was shy and gentle. Ashley never knew a kiss could make you feel so many things at once. She had never felt anything like this before with anyone else.
- I knew you were special Spencer-
Ashley was actually quite surprised. Not only had Spencer kissed her back, but also she had begun to get more aggressive. For a brief moment, Ashley was relieved because not only was she feeding her crave for Spencer, but Spencer must have wanted this too. But Ashley couldn't let Spencer get overwhelmed. After all, Ashley was her first girl kiss. Just as Ashley was to pull away, they hear a voice.
"Woah, this is, this is hot…though I would really…really like to be here as you guys kiss, I mean I'm pretty sure I want to be. I could leave if you want," he said raising an eyebrow
"No Aiden, you don't have to leave"
"But…are you sure?
"Yeah, you don't have to leave…I do…"
She said getting her sweater and standing up. She looks at Ashley and says, "I can't, not like this"
-End Of Flashback-
Ashley had been trying to talk to Spencer but the blonde wouldn't have it. At school it was impossible to talk to her because she was always surrounded by rather Madison or Glen. Spencer would always maneuver her way around so they wouldn't bump into each other. She showed up at her house and Paula always answered saying Spencer was busy doing homework or out with Madison. Aiden told her that he had talked to Spencer about it a couple times and Spencer said that she couldn't talk about it.
"Damn it Spencer. You're going to talk to me. I've had enough"
With that said Ashley grabbed her car keys put on a jacket and dialed Aiden's number. "Aid? You're not busy right? Good, get your dad's ladder and come outside. I'll be at your house in 5"
The entire ride there Ashley just heard Aiden say "This isn't a good idea Ash."She didn't care. Enough was enough! Spencer was going to talk to her about it.
Spencer was still listening to her radio; she was going to turn off the lights when her phone vibrated again. –Is she calling again? She never calls more than once…a text message... from Aiden?-
Open your window Spencer- Aiden
Confused, Spencer opened her window and saw Aiden standing there, with a ladder in his hands.
"Aiden…what are you doing?"
"Come down Spencer, I need to talk to you about something" he said as he set the ladder down on Spencer's window
"What's wrong?" she asked worried
"Just come down, please"
A bit hesitantly, Spencer put on a sweater over her pj's and climbed down the ladder.
"Alright Aiden what's the matter?" she asked as soon as she came down
"It's about Ashley…"
"Aiden...I told you…"
"No, hear me out. It's been two weeks Spencer, you've been ignoring her long enough. Give her at least a goodbye or something. If you decided you can't be friends with her, fine, but at least tell her…"
"Fine I will, tomorrow…."
"No… how about you tell me now Spencer…?" said Ashley appearing from behind the tree
Spencer couldn't breathe. She was doing it again, Ashley still had the ability to make her lose the ability to breathe, speak, or even think.
"Tell me Spencer. Tell me, you never want to talk to me again and I'll stop. I won't call you anymore. I won't come over asking for you anymore. Tell me that what happened between us meant nothing to you. Tell me that you're not into girls like that. Tell me that you've made up your mind, that you're no longer confused. You're a straight Ohio girl. Please tell me that" she said as she took a step closer
Spencer was silent. Wondering how to say this –I don't want to hurt you Ashley, but if I have to I will. I know you won't forgive me and I'm probably being selfish, but I can't let these feelings keep me from being normal-
"Ashley that kiss meant nothing to me. We were just caught up in a moment"
Ashley was stunned; she couldn't believe that Spencer was lying in her face. Her mouth said one thing but her eyes said something else.
"Liar! I know that kiss meant to you as much as it meant to me"
"I'm not lying Ashley, that kiss only proved to me that I am a 'straight Ohio girl' you know… how God planned it!"
Spencer turned to leave, but Ashley couldn't let her go. She grabbed Spencer's wrist and forced her to turn around. Ashley took advantage of the closeness between them. She just had to know, if Spencer meant was she said. The only way she could now was if she tried it again.
Ashley forced herself upon Spencer and crashed her lips onto the blondes. Ashley hoped that Spencer would kiss her back, but instead a second later she felt a harsh sting on the side of her face.
"Get away from me Ashley!" said Spencer as she broke loose from Ashley's hold
Spencer turned and walked briskly to the ladder where Aiden was standing, waiting for her.
"I'm sorry Spencer; she asked me for the favor…. I didn't know she would…."
"It's alright Aiden; it was time for it to happen. Take her home. I think she needs a friend right now" She said as she looked at Ashley one more time before she walked up the ladder.
She hadn't moved, not an inch, since Spencer had slapped her.
"Come on Ash. Let's go home."
Ashley just followed Aiden back to the car; she couldn't say a word to him. She didn't need to. He had witnessed it all.
-Upstairs with Spencer-
-I can't believe I just did that…-
She sat on her bed and cried. Cried that she had to lie to Ashley and hurt her so bad. Cried that she had just broken the girls' heart and cried because that kiss had meant more to her than anything she had ever experienced.
-It was for the best Spencer. You cannot like her. It's forbidden! Everything will be ok. Soon enough these feelings will go away and everything will be normal again-
She sighed and noticed what song was playing on the radio"I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick…"
"So not helping Katy Perry!" said Spencer as she threw a pillow at her radio.
-About a month later…-
Ashley had stayed true to her word. Spencer hadn't received one call from Ashley. She rarely saw her at school and things were terrible. She hated that she had to pretend nothing had happened between them. She hated that she agreed to hang out with Madison. Life just sucked without Ashley in it.
Aiden never spoke about her. One time he did slip up last week when he mentioned that Ashley was too busy with her music to hang out with him. This is why they're going out to the new club called The Night Owl this weekend on a date.
He was waiting for his friend at the park. He needed to make sure that this plan would work. After about ten minutes, he sees his friend approach him.
"Hey Aid." he said
"Hey, how's she doing?"
"Same as last week: Miserable, she's been able to do a really good job at convincing Glen and mom. Dad is a bit skeptical, but he convinced that his little girl is fine."
"But you're not convinced are you Clay?"
Clay flashed his white teeth and said "Not a chance. They don't hear Spencer say 'Ashley I love you', in her sleep, like I do every night.
"Spencer knows she loves Ashley; she just couldn't accept it then. But now it's starting to sink in. I can tell, she's going to give in soon." said Clay
"She has to, this weekend, when I take her to The Night Owl; it took me forever to convince Ashley to perform"
"Yeah I know, Chelsea told me as much. Both your efforts worked though."
"Well I should get going. Ashley is waiting for me at her house. She wants me to pick the song she should perform and wants to yell at me for blowing her off yesterday."
"Which one are you gonna choose?" Clay asked playfully
Aiden laughed "That's an easy one, you'll see Saturday"
It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day that you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed…..
She slammed her hand on the keyboard and refused to continue.
"This sucks!" she said as she crumbled the sheet of paper and threw it to the already overflowing trashcan
"It wasn't bad Ash." Said Chelsea
"Yes it was. I can't ever finish a song, because of her. It's not like I can put a song together in time for this weekend."
"Don't lie to Chelsea, Ash. You know fully well there is one song you have finished" said Aiden as he entered the room
"Your late Aid" said Ashley sitting on the couch
"There is? Well let's hear it then!"
"That's not gonna happen and Aiden knows perfectly well I can't use that song."
"Why can't you Ash?"
"Ashley wrote that song for Spencer the night she slapped her. She couldn't fall asleep afterwards and the only thing that could make her deal was her music. I had stayed over Ashley's house that night and when I woke up the next morning, I found Ashley sleeping on her couch in the music room. On the table though, next to the guitar stand was sheet music…"
"I had stayed up all night, thinking about her and the lyrics just came out of me in one shot. There was no second-guessing; I wrote it all down in under 5 minutes. I needed to make it into a song and I did…but…" Ashley walked over to her piano once more and fumbled with the keys.
"Ashley can't perform it." said Aiden
"Why can't you? Is it too personal or something?" asked Chelsea
"That's not entirely it…she literally can't perform it"
"You lost me," said Chelsea giving up
"Since that night I haven't been able to sing that song. I can't go through the entire thing without breaking down."
"You don't know that Ashley, you haven't tried to in a month" said Aiden
"I don't want to do that song; it brings back too many memories of her"
"Sorry hun, it doesn't seem like you have a choice. Your gig is in 2 days, better get to it" said Aiden as he handed Ashley the sheet music that she had hidden behind the picture frame of her and Spencer in the far side of her room.
"How did you know it was there?" she asked
"Because, it's the only thing in your room that shows that you still love her" said Aiden as he sat next to Chelsea
"Come one Ash. Let's go get dinner it's getting late and I'm sure your starving" offered Chelsea
"Sure, oh and Ash"
"If you don't mind can I…"
"Yeah yeah, here you go." she said as she handed the sheet music to Chelsea
Chelsea read the lyrics and was surprised, they were really good. They weren't super deep or anything. They were very real and simple, very straightforward, very Ashley. No beating around the bush.
"Yeah Chels? Said Ashley walking down the stairs.
"You're doing this at the Night Owl no if's, ands or butts. Got it?"
Ashley looked up at Chelsea's very serious face and Aiden's glare and finally gave in.
"Fine, but after the damn performance will you guys never ever make me do it again?"
"Deal" they said in unison.
"I got it." said Arthur
Arthur opened the door and there stood Aiden with a dark blue button up shirt and dark jeans with flowers in his hands.
"Hello Mr. C is Spencer ready?"
"Mr. C? I haven't heard that in a while …"
"That's because only Ashley would call you that dad" said Clay coming from the living room
"That's right" said Arthur letting Aiden in wondering what ever happened to the feisty brunette who could always make him laugh with all her antics.
"Hey Aiden, the girls should be down in a minute. Chelsea was helping Spencer with make up or her hair or something." Said Clay
"He is out with Madison, they went to a movie" said Paula emerging from the kitchen
"Hello Mrs. Carlin" said Aiden, giving Paula a hug.
"Hi Aiden, I'm so happy Spencer agreed to go out with you. You look very handsome tonight"
"Thank you Mrs. Carlin"
"Where are you kids going out tonight?" asked Paula facing Clay
"It's this new club called The Night Owl…"
Paula narrowed her eyes and frowned
"Not that kind of club mom. It's more of a restaurant than anything, they have live performances and there's no loud music blaring and there isn't a DJ in sight."
"Well, good I don't want Spencer coming home wasted like she did last time…Aiden"
She said as she addressed the boy.
"Don't blame Aiden mom, it wasn't his fault" said Spencer coming down the stairs with Chelsea behind her.
"Wow Spencer, you look great tonight" Said Aiden giving her the flowers
Spencer was wearing a turquoise halter-top and light ripped jeans with her hair down curling over her shoulders. Her blue eyes popping more than usual, thanks to Chelsea's make up skills
"We better get going mom. We can't miss the 12 o'clock show" said Clay hurrying everyone out the door.
-The Night Owl, 11:40PM-
"The double date with Aiden is going fine. He is a really nice guy and really sweet. But I can't connect with him like I want to. He's perfect boyfriend material; don't get me wrong but…"
"But… he's not Ashley?" said Chelsea coming out of the bathroom stall
"No…that's not what I was going to say…"
"Girl who are you trying to fool?"
"No one, I haven't spoken to Ashley in weeks, why would you bring her up all of a sudden?"
"Because that's the reason you can't connect with Aiden or any of the guys your mom has set you up with the past 6 weeks, you're in love with Ash."
"That's not true or possible. She's a girl and I'm a girl, God would never…"
"Screw God or whatever anyone says Spencer. If you find love, no matter who it's with, you're lucky. You found love with Ashley and threw it away without giving it a chance." said Chelsea, stepping out of the bathroom, Spencer following closely behind, mute.
"Where's Aiden?" said Spencer as she sat down
"He went to the car, he forgot his cell phone" said Clay as he eyed Chelsea
Chelsea got the hint.
It was time.
"Damn, I forgot my purse in the bathroom. Be right back you guys."
As soon as Chelsea left, the light in the restaurant dimmed signaling another performance was about to start.
"Alright guys, here's our last performance of tonight. Hope you guys enjoy it"
The curtains opened revealing two figures. Chelsea stood behind her keyboard in the back of the stage. Aiden sat next to her his hands gripping the drumsticks rather harshly. The blue stage lights contrasting the blinding white spotlight in the middle were a perfect cover for the two. You could barely make out their faces, which was great because Spencer and Clay were really close to the stage.
Ashley walked to the mike, guitar in hand and Spencer's heart raced. She wanted to get up and leave, but before she had the chance to, Clay put his hand on her shoulder and looked at her. "Hear her out." He whispered
Ashley sat down on the stool and positioned the microphone a bit higher, closer to her mouth. She sighed deeply and smiled.
"Hey guys, this is a song I wrote a little while back, for a girl who will never hear it" said Ashley never looking up from her guitar
Chelsea began to play on her electronic keyboard…Aiden followed shortly after.
Unbeknownst to everyone in the room, Ashley closed her eyes for a reason. This song told her version of Spashley. Whenever she played it, everything disappeared, everything but her memories of Spencer.
When I saw you standing there
I bout fell out my chair
And when you moved your mouth to speak
I felt the blood go to my feet.
(Ashley remembered the first time she moved her lips to speak to her: "Spencer Carlin…nice to meet this version of you")
Now it took time for me to know
What you tried so not to show
(When they ditched school and Ashley's suspicion about Spencer came true during their 'date' at the beach...when Spencer said, "I think I like girls…")
Now something in my soul just cries
I see the want in your blue eyes.
(When Ashley went in for the kiss that night…Spencer wanted it and Ashley needed it)
Ashley was on the verge of breaking at that point but she concentrated on the song and got a bit overwhelmed and struck her guitar harder than she meant to. Which made her look up, to see if anyone noticed
Baby, I'd love you to want me
The way that I want you
The way that it should be
Baby, you'd love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be.
Spencer thought Ashley was looking at her, but Ashley was just looking at the dark faces of strangers, when she poured her heart out. This made easier for her to sing, when no one knew how much you hurt. When they didn't know how much you have suffered. So she continued.
You told yourself years ago
you'd never let your feeling show
the obligation that you made
for the title that they gave.
Ashley knew why Spencer gave up on what they could have had, her family. Her mother had dubbed her the perfect child and her perfect child couldn't be a lesbian. Spencer couldn't punish her parents like that. Its not that she didn't care about Ashley, she just needed for everything to be same as it was before, even if it meant taking Ashley out of her life.
Oh baby, I'd love you to want me
the way that I want you
Oh the way that it should be
Oh baby, you'd love me to want you
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be.
Ashley wanted Spencer to not care about what happened. She wanted to Spencer to stop running away from what she wanted most. To just be herself, just to be Spencer with Ashley by her side. It was meant to be, they belonged together, but it was up to Spencer to accept that
Now it took time for me to know
what you tried so not to show
Something in my soul just cries
I see the want in your blue eyes.
Ashley glanced up one more time and even though it was dark, she saw them. Those blue eyes. She couldn't mistake them. When they locked eyes, Spencer immediately froze. Ashley sang the last chorus a bit harsher than she meant to, just to prove her point. She knew Spencer was going to listen. She didn't really have a choice.
Baby, I'd love you to want me
The way that I want you
The way that it should be
Oh baby, you'd love me to want you!
The way that I want to
If you'd only let it be…
The song was over and everyone clapped. It was a great performance; Ashley with watery eyes thanked the crowd and said, "I hope you guys have better luck in love than I do". She laughed a little bit, bowed and walked briskly off stage.
When Aiden and Chelsea returned back to the table with Clay, Spencer was nowhere to be found.
-Outside, in the parking lot-
Ashley was putting her guitar away in the trunk of her car. She was getting her keys and she was ready to go home. For her date with her two favorite men, Ben and Jerry, the only men she could ever count on.
She closed the trunk, turned around and came face to face with something she wasn't expecting.
Teary blue eyes nonetheless
"Ashley, I'm so sorry" said Spencer barely audible. "I…I didn't know how to…."
"What? You didn't know how to deal? Its fine, Spencer, it doesn't matter" said Ashley fumbling with her keys.
"I know that song was for me…"
"Your point Spencer? Its not like any of what I said changed your mind…"
"See? Nothing has changed its not like…" Ashley looked up at Spencer.
Her face was off. She seemed as if she was in deep thought. Spencer was fighting with all her emotions.
Ashley couldn't help but ask "Spencer? Are you finally choosing? Am I losing you tonight?Is it over…for good?…"
Spencer couldn't breathe. Her knees were trembling and she couldn't bring herself to speak. Ashley took that as her sign to go. She knew nothing was going to change Spencer's mind. Ashley had given up.
"You see? My words don't seem to matter…bye Spencer"
Ashley turned to leave. This time Spencer stopped her and made her turn around. Without thinking she did exactly what Ashley had done a month ago.
She kissed her.
For the first time in Spencer's life, she gave into her emotions, she gave into what she wanted most. She finally let go. Fuck what everyone else thought. Fuck her morals.
They broke off the kiss and rested their foreheads against each other and Ashley looked at Spencer waiting. Waiting for her to say something. Anything.
"But they do matter. I never wanted anything the way that I want you. Nothing will stop me anymore."
Spencer kissed her again. "My mom? God? Well if I'm going to burn in hell for loving you, so be it. I rather take it all, than keep living my life without you."
Ashley smiled and lost herself in those beautiful, wanting blue eyes.