Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to anything. Not even a copy of Mulan! ='(

Now What?

So This Is What Goodbye Feels Like.

"Come on!" I said laughingly, pulling on my amazingly gorgeous boyfriend's sleeve. "If we keep going this slow I'll miss curfew!" Even though I can now officially drive and have my own car, Alexander still insists that he walks me home every night. I would, under normal circumstances, have no objection to this. But tonight I wish deep down inside that he had let me drive home.

Alexander was being strangely distant, like I had done something I shouldn't have and he was trying to reprimand me for it. He wasn't be cold exactly, but his eyes had lost their sparkling of fiery love and passion. And worst of all, he wouldn't kiss me. He wouldn't hold me or my hand. It's like I accidentally tripped his off switch!

"I'm so very sorry Raven. I don't mean to slow you down. I just-I want as many moments with you as I can have." Alexander said turning to me. He didn't touch me, and there was no loving tenderness in his beautiful chocolate orbs.

"Really, Alexander? You've been acting like I don't exist all night! You won't kiss me. You won't hold me. You won't even touch me! If you wanted to 'spend all the moments with me that you can' then why don't you start right now?!" The hurt that I felt over his momentary rejection was turning into anger in my words. I took a step forward, only to have him take a giant step away.

" Why? I don't know what I did! Just tell me and I'll fix it! Please!" I was beginning to break down now. All the anger was gone, and my hurt sparkled fresh and raw.

I could hear him murmur to himself, most of it indecipherable. My mind was reeling with all of the possibilities of why Alexander could be acting this way. His parents could have finally come to their senses and decided to make him move back home. He could have another arranged marriage. He could have some royal duty that's putting too much stress on him. Maybe he just got tired of dating the freaky little human girl.

Ouch. That one stung the most, probably because it was the one that made the most sense. I was so engrossed in my thoughts of Alexander's behavior that I hadn't noticed most of his one man struggle show. But I did catch his last movement. He reached towards me, as if to take my hand and lead me somewhere, but then dropped it back to his side with a pained look on his face.

" Raven. Come on. I need to talk to you." He said, not looking at me. Eyes diverted, hands at his side, face blank once more.

" No. If there's something you need to tell me, then you can do it right here. Right now."

I'm pretty sure that every girl knows what those dreaded words, or any form of them, means. Breakup.

"Okay. I don't know how to say this exactly. I have to move back to Romania-"

"Oh! But now? Shouldn't we wait until after I finish high school? It'd been kinda hard to get into any decent college without a high school diploma..." I cut in, clearly relieved.

" Well, Raven. I Just-"

"You just what, Alexander?" I cut him off. He was just being so strange tonight, I didn't know what to do. It's like he doesn't want me to go with him or something, which is an absolutely ridiculous thought- Wait. Maybe he really didn't want to go.

"A-Alexander?" I said in a small voice, holding back a sob of realization. "You don't want me to come, do you?" I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes now, and I know that he could he see them, too. Especially when he turned towards me and met my eyes.

"Oh, Raven! Don't cry! It's not- it's not that. I just… You… I do want you to come…"

"No Alexander, you don't. I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice. We've been dating for years! I know when something's bothering you and I can tell when you're lying! And right now, you are definitely lying!" By this point I was crying, my own self-deceiving tears slipping down my cheeks. I was going to be strong for this. I wouldn't let him comfort me, not this time.

"Raven, please listen to what I am saying! I can't bring you with me, even if I wished with all of my heart-and I do!- that I could, there is no possible way." He got down on his knees in front of me and punctuated his last words by grabbing my hands.

"Oh?" I asked through my growing, but strong and silent, tears, "and just why is that?" I wasn't just going to let him brush this off like he does everything else. This time he won't get off so easy. At least, not with me. " You been 'forced' to move before, Alexander, but we found ways around that. What's so different about now?"

"Raven, you are not listening to me! I cannot take you! I cannot stay!" He was on his feet again, stalking to and fro in front of me on the side of the rode where we had stopped.

" Wait, let me answer my own question, since it appears that you're not going to. This time is different because you don't seem like you want to fight. In fact, you seem oh so happy to resign yourself to whatever fate awaits you back in Romania. Who is it you didn't tell me about this time? Another bestfriend? More parents? Another Kat? Another Luna?" He froze when I said her name.

"Oh," I said, my voice changing from anger and mocking desperation into complete and total outrage. And hurt. More hurt than anything else. "It's her isn't it? Luna?" I spit her name out. We had already dealt with her and her awful family.

"Raven," Alexander said in a weak, regretfully sad tone, "I wanted to tell you, I really, truly did. But, life just…. got in the way?" He said the last part like a question, as if he wasn't sure what exactly it was that got in the way of his telling me about Luna. Come to think of it, he still hasn't told me. Still.

"So, what are going to do? Marry her? Oh wait, you already tried that. Unless, of course, you just went ahead and did it." He flinched when that one came out of my mouth. I was no longer crying, my voice had taken on a strong, sharp edge. All of it was fake, but he couldn't tell that.

"Ahh, so that's it. Alexander Sterling weds and turns Luna Maxwell and then flees the country. Tsk, tsk. Running away from your mate to go and play with the heart of some- some POOR LITTLE HUMAN GIRL!" I yelled that last part, hoping that it got through to him.

Shock crossed his face, and he opened his mouth to speak. I didn't want to hear it. So I took off running down the road. I run fast and I run hard, taking out all my aggression and anger and hurt on the pavement beneath my boots. Not surprisingly, I hear wings behind me, following me home. I don't stop to look; I don't stop to go through my front door. I go straight to my big oak tree and climb. There I sit for a good portion of the night, crying and rocking myself softly, telling myself how I didn't deserve to be treated and lied to like that. That I did the right thing my walking away with my heart only partially dismembered. I only half believe myself. Alexander Sterling has had my heart since the day I first saw him standing in the dark shadows of the Mansion. And sadly, he always will.

With this realization settling in, I begin to sob in short, gasping bursts. I crawl down the branch and fling myself into my room through the window. Then , I turn around and lock it, something I haven't done since Jagger and Luna left town. I burrow myself under my dark covers and cry myself to sleep, hidden from chocolate eyes that see in the dark, hidden from the world. Sometime in the night I am woken by a soft tapping on my window, but I ignore it, and, instead, fall back into a deep, deep sleep. And what would you know, it just happens to be the best sleep of my life.

Author's Note: Soo? Any good? I have a song that inspired this… The whole story, actually… Nut we're not there yet, so I'll let you know when the time comes. Unless someone guesses ( I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with being on fire)! Anyway, review and tell me what you thought! Remember, Reviews= faster working author! ;)