I do not own any of these characters.
When Kate was walking out of the precinct that morning in December, the first thing that she noticed was Castle waiting outside of Captain Montgomery's office. They hadn't had a new case yet so there wasn't a reason for him to be here…. Why is he here? She thought.
"Castle?" she asked as she approached him.
Surprise was embedded into his deep blue eyes, almost as if he was surprised to see her here already. Almost as if he didn't want to see her… Why wouldn't he though? They had been continuing their normal banter up until 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she said some things she regretted.
"Just admit it Beckett, you need me and are glad that I am here to help you, after all I was an asset to this case."
"Castle. No." she quipped back.
He was sober now and she knew he wanted to ask something. She could tell from the look in his eyes he needed to know, but what?
"What is it Castle?"
"Can I ask you something Kate?"
"It's Beckett. And sure."
"Why don't you trust me?"
Disbelief came across her face. He thought she didn't trust him? Of course she did! Well… she didn't trust him entirely especially after he purposely investigated her mother's murder when she told him to stay out of it.
"Why don't you trust me?" he repeated.
"I don't know what you mean."
"Well for starters you don't let me call you Kate. You keep me out of your life because you think it should be kept private. But I want to know about you Kate. Why can't you let me in?"
"You think you know me, but you don't Castle. Since day one when I met you all you did was care about getting me in bed, right? Just because you follow me around because of your friend Bob doesn't mean I want you to know anything about me."
His voice was still calm when he asked this, "Do you consider us friends, Detective?"
She paused at this question while having an internal battle about telling the truth. Deciding she should tell the truth, despite what he may turn it into, she said, "Yes."
"Really? Because friends let each other in on certain things. You just shut me out. Have I not let you into my own life?"
"Tell me detective, did I not let you into my life? Did I not allow you to get to know me, not just for getting you into bed? I don't just want to get you into bed Kate."
"Yes you did let me in, but that was your choice. I never asked for that. You could have always just watched and observed me from a distance but you were pushy."
"You're right, I was. But let me ask you this and this is all I really need to know, do you regret when I started shadowing you? Do you really think you were better off without me? Do you honestly hate when we banter or when I get to know some more things about you? Because I think you do. You don't trust me. Did you honestly mean it all those times when you wished I wasn't here bugging you while on a case?"
"DAMMIT!" he exclaimed. "Did you mean it? Did you mean all those things you said about me? Me being egotistical, selfish and everything else?"
"I only said those things because I didn't know you yet. Everything I said was before I got to know you and your childish ways, I know now that it's just apart of whom you are. It's in your nature to put on a happy face and make some wise ass remarks."
"You see me Kate, like no one else ever has. So why won't you let me see you?"
Reluctant to give an answer, she stared into his deep blue orbs, which were clouded with determination and confusion until he asked his next question.
"Do you think that if I weren't here you'd be happier? Maybe with Will?"
"I don't know Castle. Sometimes I can't help but wonder what would have been if you weren't here. What does Will have to do with this though?" she asked.
"Nothing I was just wondering" he replied.
"Tell me what you're thinking. What's your theory? Let me in."
"Why? Because it feels like I'm the only one who ever really shares anything! Why is it so bad for me to get to know you?"
"Because you did something even after I told you not to do, just like when I tell you to stay in the car but someone you just end up in a fight with a suspect!"
He paused. Even though she had forgiven him, they still were treading lightly on the subject of his betrayal. To him, he did not betray her but she never listened to his reasoning. After a few moments of silence he said, "You don't even know the true story about me looking into your mother's case."
"Really? I think otherwise. You just needed a little back-story for your Nikki Heat character. Have fun using that in your book while you go out with every other girl in the city because you're such a tool. Maybe that's why I don't want to get to know you. Just like I said on the day we met, you just want me to be another one of your conquests."
She knew that was a low blow. She knew that he must have had a reason but she never asked. She knew that he was concerned for her, yet she pushed him away. She knew that lately, he hadn't been having any "sleepovers" and didn't have any dates. He was proving to her that he wanted her. Just her. She knew all of this after she looked into his eyes and saw the pain, the disbelief, and the sorrow.
Castle was still looking at her with such emotion it was getting hard to handle. Luckily, he said, "You know, it's fine let's just drop it." Castle turned on his heels and was almost out of the precinct when she caught up to him after a light jog.
"Castle, what did you mean about me being with Will?"
She saw his hesitation in turning around. She knew that he would be trying to protect himself from her, and who wouldn't? She had hurt so many people in her life along the way, specifically people she didn't care about. But she cared about Castle and she always thought that if she hurt him, he would just perk back up and find a different approach. But now she was beginning to see that he could do more, he could leave.
"Nothing like I said. I'll stay out of your way Detective. Goodbye."
Castle began to turn around but before he started walking away, she did something out of the ordinary.
A/N - review if you want to see more