Chapter Thirty-one

"...Loving is a journey with water and with stars,

with smothered air and abrupt storms of flour:

loving is a clash of lightening-bolts

and two bodies defeated by a single drop of honey.

Kiss by kiss I move across your small infinity,

you borders, your rivers, your tiny villages..."

—Excerpt from XII from 100 Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda

The evening was cool and the garden was filled with the noise of friendship and family. I sat quietly outside of the noise, accompanied solely by my father. We stood in the forest. In between the spurts of chatter and laughter, the birds sang and called their goodbyes to the day. Crickets and cicadas began to hum. My own body was humming with excitement and anticipation. My eyes pricked. A soft breeze blew through the trees and ruffled my hair. I closed my eyes and willed myself into calmness. I forced myself to let go of any remaining fear and decided I would just be as present as possible, so that I could remember and savor this and the upcoming special moments forever, so that they would be happy memories rather than anxious ones.

The first of these moments had finally arrived. Everything I had hoped and dreamed for, everything I had never thought to expect, was going to happen now. Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder. Are you ready, son? I opened my eyes and looked into his. His face was peaceful, satisfied, and full of confidence. "Yes," I spoke aloud. Yes, I thought in my head.

We walked into the garden now and stood before the guests. Carlisle stood behind me. The small crowd quieted. Pachabel's Canon in D began on the string trio. After a few agonizing moments she appeared. I was aware that the crowd had turned to watch her, but I had no thoughts or eyes for them. My eyes were on the only girl in the world, Bella. A smile I couldn't stop spread across my face. She was radiant. The setting sun, which was just now dropping below the trees, could not compare, nor the final glimmer of the skin of some of the guests. She was the source of light now. Clear, glowing skin, bright cheeks, bright eyes, soft white gown, and a soft smile that seemed shy at first, but began to brighten and gain in confidence as she met my eyes.

It took forever, and yet, before I was done looking at her come towards me, she was there before me. Jacob placed her hands in mine and it felt like the first time I had ever touched her. Exhilarating. She smiled at Jacob and he took his seat and then her eyes were on mine and she did not look away again.

The ceremony was brief. Vows and promises were exchanged. I pronounced my promises with conviction and she with quiet assurance and faith as we stared into one another's eyes. When the time came for us to kiss, I took her face into my hands. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. Our lips touched and I felt moisture touch my cheek. Before breaking completely apart, I kissed the next tear that was falling and then pulled her into me for an embrace. "We did it," I whispered into her ear as our friends and family clapped.

The ceremony was followed by dinner and speeches. All were kind and gracious, but the one that meant the most was the one that was the least expected. Jacob stood and requested everyone's attention. "My father has something he would like to say, if you all wouldn't mind listening for a moment."

All eyes turned to Billy. Tension filled the room. What could Billy say? He sat straight in his chair. His eyes roamed over my family, stopping at Bella and myself and then settling on Carlisle.

"I have to admit," he said, "that I had my reservations, but like Jake, I thought, if I can see for my own eyes that she is happy, I must be happy for her. I'm her family too, you know. Charlie was a brother to me. I consider Bella a daughter, and so I stand by my daughter and mourn for her sorrows and am joyful when she is happy. I have watched her interact with your family, Carlisle. I have seen your proud daughter Rosalie soften when Bella speaks to her. I have seen your sons Emmett and Jasper watch her, not with hunger, but with humor and genuine affection. I have seen true friendship between her and your daughter Alice. I have seen the abiding love you and your wife have for her. And in Edward, I see a man who would lay down his life to preserve her own. That is more than I could ask for, more than I expected." He paused. "Our tribe no longer has official chiefs. The pack leader holds the title nominally, but as the descendent of Ephraim Black, the last chief and pack leader, and as the head of the council, which governs the affairs of the tribe, I announce a new treaty. We solemnly promise to keep your secret as long as you promise to do no human being unwarranted harm. We also promise not to retaliate against the joining of Edward and Bella. We accept and warmly congratulate this union and the impending changes it will bring. And further, the boundaries have changed. In recognition of the joining of our two families, we now welcome the Cullen clan onto our land. We look forward to increasing trust. We look forward to the added strength and protection of our people by welcoming your peace-loving family onto our borders.

"My final words are for Bella, and they are simply this: your father loved you and I love you. Be happy, Bella, and never let a year go by without calling me or visiting me. I want to see you and know you in your future life. And I want you to know my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren and so on, and I want them to know you. And finally, bless you, you beautiful, strong, and kindhearted girl."

~oOo~

Brazil was cool, almost chilly. As we waited for the cab, Bella shivered. "I know you told me to expect it to be chilly, but wow, I would never have thought it possible. What is it, like 65°?"

"It is winter here, after all."

When the cab came, we stowed our bags and climbed in and started the trip towards Angra dos Reis, where we would get on the boat and head out to Esme's Island.

While we drove, I watched Bella. Her eyes were closed. She had to be exhausted. It had been a long flight. Even I had been uncomfortable. Granted, some of the discomfort was a result of the anticipation for the honeymoon. We were alone, well, as alone as one ever was on a flight full of screaming children, complaining adults, and grouchy flight attendants. But it was a different alone than the alone we were used to with my family. No one would look twice if the newlywed husband couldn't stop kissing the bare shoulder of his new wife or if the husband or wife's hand drifted higher and higher on the other's legs. No one would laugh and poke fun of their upcoming consummation of the marriage. People might be annoyed, amused, or even slightly embarrassed by the public display of attention, but they wouldn't laugh or tease.

As I thought about the fact that soon enough we would be really, truly, in every sense of the word, alone, my stomach muscles tightened in anticipation and a flash of something exciting, something terrifying, traveled down the length of my body. As if she were thinking the same thing, Bella turned towards me and met my gaze. Her eyes were intense and expectant; all sleepiness was gone now. Her hand slipped into mine and she leaned her body into mine, and for a moment, I felt like the rest of the journey would kill me, that I wouldn't be able to wait and that I might take her now if I couldn't control my emotions. In my mind I repeated over and over again my mantra for moments of weakness: this is for her, not for you.

The boat was better. The wind and the salty spray from the ocean woke me from the haze I had been struggling against. It seemed to have the same effect on Bella, though it only made her even colder. As we first jetted out into the water, she gripped the side of the boat so hard her knuckles were white, but then as she felt the water spray her face and as the wind whipped her hair, she laughed, all the while keeping a firm grip on the side.

We docked on the island. It was dark and quiet but for the lapping waves. I carried the luggage to the house, encouraging Bella to wait for me in the boat. Once I dropped the bags off in the house and turned on some lights, I went to retrieve her.

When I got to the boat, she was facing out to sea and did not appear to hear my approach. I leaned over her and whispered into her ear, "Are you ready?" My lips grazed the shell of her ear. She gasped in surprise and turned her head just slightly so she could touch her lips very lightly to my cheek. I turned my head as well and brushed my lips against hers, and then so quickly it made her suck in a great gasp of air, I lifted her into my arms. Her lips momentarily quirked in an almost involuntary smile at this hackneyed gesture, but I ignored her and carried her towards the house. She smiled when it came into view. "It's beautiful," she said softly.

I didn't respond. I didn't need to, and besides, my mind was on other things. This is it, I thought. That was all I could think, really. For once, my mind seemed entirely unable to make sense of what was happening.

We crossed the threshold of the house. As Bella slid from my arms, every inch of her soft body rubbing against me, I repressed every bodily reaction. Only a small intake of air exposed me. She heard it. She turned to look at me. I couldn't look at her just yet. I stared at my hands instead, but then she laid one of her own on my chest. I couldn't help looking at her then. A pale blush spread across her face. Her eyes were dark, darker than usual, the pupils dilated until they almost filled her irises. I fought down the burgeoning panic. I would do this for her. I placed one of my hands on the small of her back then and slowly pulled her in for a kiss. It was long and lingering and it made the tension in my abdomen tighten until I felt like my body might burst. I pulled her in closer and gripped her harder, one hand on her back and one in her hair. I felt her fingers twist in my shirt and felt the fabric graze the skin on my stomach as it lifted. She brushed her fingertips across the exposed skin, and then taking the bottom hem of my shirt, she began to lift it up. I helped her and pulled the shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor. She pulled my head down again to resume kissing me and one of her hands slid down my chest and stomach. Her fingertips slowly traced the line the iliac, stopping at the band of my jeans and then moved over to the belt buckle.

I pulled my head away from her and gently stopped her hand. "Wait," I whispered.

"Why" she whispered back huskily between breaths. Her hand paused on the buckle.

"I don't know. I—just ignore me." I lowered my head to the juncture of her neck and head and kissed the pulse point. I could feel her artery pumping the blood fast and strong. The skin here smelled especially sweet. I traced the artery with my tongue. She gasped and shivered.

"Don't you need to take care of things?" I sucked the skin on her neck gently and slid the hand I had placed on her waist up until it was cupping the side of her breast. "Um, what" she asked, somewhat dazedly. Her voice shook. I smiled briefly, glad I was doing this right.

Bella ducked her head and captured my lips then with force. Our lips, tongues, and teeth met with fervor. With her hands on my shoulders, she turned us so that her back was to the wall and then she backed up into it. I pressed my body into hers and continued to kiss her. I felt her nails scrape my back and I became aware that my fingers, too, were digging into her skin.

It took tremendous effort to pull my mind from the haze that was currently enveloping my senses, but we needed to slow down. I could understand the fever, why our bodies were responding to each other with fierceness rather than gentleness, but it couldn't be like this. There would be bruises, possibly blood if I wasn't careful.

I pulled my lips away from hers. "Wait," I said again. I rested my forehead against hers. "We are going to have to slow down, Bella. I can't concentrate. I can't think. I might hurt you. We'll do this, but I think we are going to have to go slower, make love rather than this."

"I'm sorry. I think this was my fault. I got a little excited there." She laughed. I smiled in return.

"One day," I whispered into her lips. "Meanwhile, why don't we take a breather and I'll show you where everything is. I can light a fire in the fireplace in master."

"That would be nice."

I buckled my pants and put my shirt back on again and showed her around the house, though neither of our hearts were all that into it. I was more interested in watching Bella and thinking about her body in terms I had rarely let myself think about her before. I was mesmerized by the slope of her waist, the swing of her hips, the way her breasts rose and fell with each breath. And I couldn't stop touching her, and each touch was electric, full of promise of what was coming.

We finally made it to the master bedroom. While she went to the bathroom, I began to light a fire. Once that was done, I looked around the room, taking in my surroundings cursorily. The room was decorated with muted and natural blues, grays, and greens, with dark brown furniture. It had a light, comforting feel, and reminded me of some of the rooms in our cottage in Vermont.

I was standing there, looking around, when Bella came out of the bathroom. My eyes immediately flew to her when the door clicked open. She was dressed in a long, vintage, cream colored, silk and lace slip. She looked so warm and soft and so unbelievably beautiful. I felt frozen, hard, and awkward in comparison, suddenly unsure of how to do this.

She came towards me slowly, her eyes always on mine. When she reached me, she placed one hand on my chest. She tilted her face to look into mine and released a shaky breath.

"Are you scared," I whispered.

She let out a soft laugh. "No," she whispered. "This is right."

I nodded my head just slightly. I felt paralyzed. I had the sudden thought that I wished Jasper were around to calm the battle that was raging inside of me, each emotion seemed so powerful and they crashed and swirled through my body like the fierce and turbulent waves in a storm.

I placed a hand on her back, my skin sliding against the smooth fabric. She reached up and kissed the corner of my mouth. It was an invitation and I knew that I would have to somehow conquer every part inside of me that told me this was a moment to fear and to just be what she needed me to be and do what she needed me to do.

I kissed her back gently, our lips barely brushing against each other. I slid my hand up and down her back and pulled her closer until her body pressed against mine; not tightly, but just enough that our clothes barely touched and so that the heat of her body sank into mine. The brushing of our lips deepened. Her teeth tugged my lower lip and a soft groan escaped my mouth. Her hands were at the bottom of my shirt now, toying with the hem. Knowing what she wanted I pulled my shirt off and dropped it on the floor once again. Her fingers, which were trembling now, just slightly grazed my skin. They hovered at my waistband. I shivered and breathed in deeply, trying to reinstate composure. Pulling me with her, she took a step backwards towards the bed. My pants were unbuckled now. We pulled apart just briefly enough for me to climb out of them. The backs of her thighs rested against the bed now. I kissed down the line of her neck and onto her shoulder. I sucked on the skin softly. Her breath was coming fast now. My own sped futilely. As I attended to her neck and shoulders, she reached behind and tried to tug down the zipper. She made a soft sound of frustration as she struggled to pull the zipper down, so I helped her. The back of her nightgown was open now and I ran my fingers along the length of her spine down past the curve of her lower back and resumed kissing her mouth. I pushed the straps down her shoulders the. Silk pooled around our feet and she was bare. With one tug, my boxer briefs fell to the floor and we fell back into the bed, limbs intertwined, closer than we had ever been before. Her back curved, bringing her pelvis closer to me. It was so intense. I could feel the heat and moisture.

I pulled away from her slowly. Her eyebrows knit together and her face looked so desperate, afraid of what this might mean. "Shh," I whispered and ran my hand across her cheek. "I just want to take my time. I want to look at you." She breathed out slowly and her face relaxed.

Starting with her hair framing her beloved face, I my eyes roamed the distance of her body. The firelight danced across her skin in shadowed gold and orange hues. She was so beautiful. Lifting one of her arms, I admired the way it stretched and led to the slender tips of her fingers. I kissed the crook of her arm and each fingertip. My eyes slid back up her arms to her curve of her clavicles. I traced the line of them, each pointing to the center of her chest. I placed a hand above her heart and said a silent prayer of gratitude for its steady rhythm. My hand slid down the slope of her breasts now, each ending with the buds of her nipples. As my fingertips grazed the tips, they hardened. Bella breathed in. I circled her nipples once, twice and then kissed each one. My eyes were drawn then to the birthmark lying beneath her right breast and I kissed it softly. My hands roved down her waist now. I loved the way it curved and sloped. I watched as my hands ran down it, loving the way her belly was soft and gently rose with each breath. I slid my hands down each thigh, enjoying the feel of the muscle, bone, and supple flesh. My hands ran past her knees, onto the smooth skin of her calves and her slender ankles. I slid down the bed so that I could rub each foot. When my fingers slid between her toes, she giggled and her body shook. I laughed too, loving this human reaction. Running my eyes back up her thighs now, my gaze met the juncture of her thighs. A shuddering breath escaped her lips. I met her eyes and touched the dark curls, feeling the yielding flesh beneath. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes closed. She clung onto her bottom lip with her teeth. Her knees bent slightly and her legs spread further. I knew what she wanted, what she needed, what she deserved and no fear remained inside of me. All I could feel was a sense of awe and worship of this beautiful body, this beautiful woman, who had laid her heart bare to me and who helped me to feel so alive. Something inside of me opened in response to her trusting vulnerability and a deep tenderness welled up inside of me. I kissed the skin above her center and slowly, softly, achingly gave myself to her the way she had given herself to me.

The End

A.N.: There will be a prologue, just so you know. Also, as you know, I have considered doing some scenes and chapters from other people's points of view. I will continue to post them as if they were more chapters, so those of you who have been getting alerts for this story will get them if you want them. I also have another story in the works, which I will include an excerpt from after the prologue for those of you who are interested.