THE CANDY BAR CHRONICLES by Phantom Dennis

DISCLAIMER: Hershey and the 25 SUVS in 25 Days giveaway are owned by Hershey; BtVS Characters are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox. Additional Disclaimer at the end.

"Hey fella, is that a Hershey Bar."

"Uh, yeah."

"Take your pick." Oz noticed the man was driving a trailer loaded with SUVs."

"You know, I'm really happy with my van."

"Not my problem. Just pick one you like. I have 20 more to unload."

"OK." Oz picked a gray one. Not that he like gray, but it was the one easiest to drive off the truck. There were some papers to sign and the then the man took off.

Oz comtemplated giving up his beloved van, but decided against it. He just wasn't the SUV type. "At least, I'll be able to get my guitar out of hock," Oz thought.

"Hey look at all these Hershey Bars. Just sitting here eating a Hershey Bar."

"Excuse me ma'am, are you selling Candy for charity?"

"Why would I do a thing like that?

"Well you have a bunch of candy bars in a public parking lot."

"Yes, they're Hershey bars. Are you giving away SUVs." The man hurried into the bronze. "I'm just here with all these Hershey Bars."

"Anya?"

"Xander! Any Luck?"

"No, noone wanted to give me a car for eating a candy bar. Did you have to get so much. The last time I carried so much candy around with me, the whole town started acting like teenagers."

"Isn't that when you and Willow were making out on the slay."

"We weren't exactly making out. More like footsie and a few stolen kisses."

"I suppose as long as Willow thinks she's 'gay', that won't happen."

"Hey, that won't happen. I'm a much more mature individual now. I wouldn't cheat with Willow, even if she were offer to be part of a threesome."

Anya glared at Xander. "Not that I've given the matter any thought." Xander Anyway why do we need so many bars?"

"It increases our possibility of being noticed. More is better."

"Don't you think it more practical to buy less candy bars now and spend the money for them over the period of the contest."

"Yes, but I have the shop and you work. This is a rare day off for both of us."

"And this is so not how I wanted to spend it. Why is this so important?"

"Oh, I really wanted a new car."

"What happened to your old car?"

"I had to sell it. I needed the money. I should have gotten a job earlier."

"I know, but you were stuck in the role of Cordette, and that doesn't come with a lot of marketable skills. Why does Willow drink you can't drive?"

"Oh she was being self-righteous and annoying. She was taking stuff without paying for it and casting magic indiscriminately causing the cash register to disappear. Frankly, I was sick of her attitude, and thought I'd put a scare into her. I've been driving cars since the Stanley Steamer. I'm a far better driver than Miss CarWreck."

"Look, it's getting dark. We don't want to attract snackers of a different kind, if you know what I mean."

"Why don't we go home, melt down these candybars, and cover our bodies with chocolate."

"Sounds good to me." Xander and Anya raced home, not noticing they dropped some candy bars.

"Mmmm, free Candy" said Spike picking up the fallen candy bars. Next to blood, chocolate was his favorite flavor. "At least the Chip doesn't keep me enjoying this."

"Pardon me, is that a Hershey Bar, you have?"

"Wow, Mr. & Mrs. Kent! Clark won a car." said Pete.

"Is this true, Clark?" asked Martha.

"Yeah, I was just sitting there eating a candybar when this guy gave me the keys to a SUV."

"What candy bar were you eating, Clark?" asked Jonathan suspiciously.

"Jonathan Kent, what can I do for you," asked Lex.

Jonathan dropped the keys on Lex's desk. "Do your homework, Lex. Hershey's doesn't make Snickers."

"So, because I'm eating a particular brand of candybar, you're giving me a car," asked Jarod.

"Yeah."

"Kind of like 'Let's Make a Deal' with Monty Hall."

"Well, personally, I think it's more like the Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket promotion."

"Oh, I've tried some Willy Wonka candy. I especially like Nerds. Although, I'm puzzled by the connection to young people with exceptional intellectual abilities."

"Actually, I was referring to the original Willie Wonka. Didn't you ever read the book, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or see the move Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as a kid?"

"No, I've never heard of it before."

"Well, you must have had a deprived childhood."

"You don't know the half of it."

"Well, see you." the man walked to the cab of his truck singing a catchy tune. "Oompah Loompah, Doobity Doo."

Jarod picked up the keys to his new car. He would eventually find someone who needed it more than he did. But right now he was heading to the book and video stores. He had a hunch that this Willy Wonka book would give him material for another game with Miss Parker and the Centre.

"Hey is that a Hershey Bar?"

"Why, yes it Is. I don't normally eat American Chocolate Candy, but I thought I'd indulge."

"Well, today is your lucky day. You just won an SUV."

"SUV?"

"Sport Utility Vehicle. An Automobile," he said indicating his trailer of cars.

"Ah yes, I haven't owned a vehicle since good old Bessie. I really should check in on the old girl one of these days, she's probably gone all rusty from neglect. This looks to be a bit boxier. You drive on the opposite road here, right."

"Right. Are you authorized to drive in this country?"

"Actually, yes. I work with a branch of the U. N. from time to time although usually in Britain. But I'm very well-traveled and have friends all over. Although, I have spent a good deal of time there, I'm not from Britain originally."

"Where ya from?" asked the man.

"A little place called Gallifrey."

"Is that in France?"

"I guess you could say my current incarnation was 'born' in this country."

"Oh, you believe in that stuff."

"Sort of?"

"So do you know who were you in a previous life?"

"A grumpy grandfather, a player of the recorder, an exile, a highly cheerful man with a very long scarf, a cricketeer, a colorful fool, and most recently an umbrella wielding Scot."

"OK, sign here." The Gallifeyan complied. "Um, I'm going to need more than just 'The Doctor'."

"How about Doctor Who?"

"H? Funny you don't look, Asian."

"Care for a Jelly Bear?" said the Doctor.

"Don't mind if I do."

"Oh and be very careful taking that turn on the exit just as you leave the city limits."

The Doctor wondered what to do about his new fond Toy. There was plenty of room inside the TARDIS for it, but he'd never get it inside the doors, unless he somehow found a way to repair the terminally broken chameleon circuit.

A thought occurred to him. "Why don't I pay Grace a vist. I'd like to see the look on her face when I drive up in this."

I have one other vignette in the works, but I'm posting this now, because I anticipate having some problems with my connection in the next few days.

Clark, Pete, Jonathan Kent, and Lex are the property of DC comics. Pretender is the property of Stephen Mitchell & Craig VonSickle and NBC productions.
Doctor Who is the property of BBC.