The legend of Zelda: Blade of light.
Cutscene 1: long ago.
It was long ago, in a galaxy far away, on a planet where peace had reigned for many years.
It was a beautiful place, green forests spanned the land, and fish filled the great rivers and seas.
But the most famous part by far was the castle.
This castle, old yet still shining with an alabaster sheen, was the home of a long line of princesses.
These princesses ruled over their kingdom fairly, and led the people of the kingdom to many successes, namely space travel.
But one fateful day an evil king, whose soul had been trapped on a planet far away, found his way back to power.
Many inhabitants of the planet feared the return of the evil king and fled on spaceships to safer planets, and for a long time only the young princess and her loyal servants remained on the planet, confident the evil king could do them no harm.
But soon it became apparent that he could.
As they watched him carefully, he built a mighty device, one that could slice planets apart like paper within seconds.
They could wait no longer.
Facing death itself, the princess and three of her loyalist attendants: a royal mechanic and navigator, an impervious bodyguard, and a shapeless advisor, manned a starship bound for a remote planet where the evil king could not find them.
This was all part of his plan.Cutscene 2: last-minute repairs
"PRINCESS!" a short man waddled through white hallways quickly, his green suit fluttering in the fake gravity with every step. He waddled past a door that was brutally being pounded upon by boko-troopers. "Eep! They're here men!" the bearded man waved over several lines of hyrulean soldiers to the door and continued his search, trying with difficulty to ignore their screams of anguish. While running through another hallway, a strong metal arm pulled him into a darkened doorway comically. After he finally stopped shivering in terror he peeked out through one eyelid, "G3ZO, so glad I found you." Before him stood a hulking man composed of metal alone, with a large metal sword and shield on his back. "Guess the party's over, eh?" G3ZO said in a raspy metallic voice. A bluish orb, a bit larger than the man in green rolled across the floor, "this is not good guys; if one of the dark lords captures the princess, we're sunk for good!" it said in a clearer feminine voice. "Quite right N2V2, above all the princess must be saved! Now, where is she?"
"Don't worry Tingle, I'm here." A pile of rags shifted behind the robots, revealing a beautiful thirteen year old, dressed in the finest of Hyrulean attire. Finally, Tingle had tracked down Princess Zelda.
"I don't get it. We slipped out under the cover of darkness, right in the middle of a diversion, and they still caught up with us!" Zelda thought diligently before noticing a guilty look on her friend's face. "Tingle, is there something you want to tell me?"
"I guess I'm caught in my own snare. Not many starships would run the risk of stopping on our planet in this time of conflict, but of the few that would brave the risks, I decided to rely on a free ride on this one, which is an information ship for the rebellion."
"What?!" the robots and Zelda stared at Tingle in shock, when N2V2 rolled over to him quickly an started butting into him angrily, "Tingle you idiot! This was our one chance to get the princess to safety, and you blew it to save rupees?! What do you haft to say for yourself?"
"How about, 'I know how to solve both the rebellion's problem and ours while shutting your fat mouth'?" Tingle pulled out a screwdriver and undid several screws on N2V2. When this was done, he showed the still annoyed princess the inside of her robot. "See? There's almost enough room to fit you in here. I just need to remove a few unnecessary parts."
"What do you mean 'unnecessary parts'?! Leave my skull alone you- Hey! Listen!"
"So the princess'll roll around in N2V2 until we find someone who'll help us?" G3ZO asked with crossed metal arms.
"Not just anyone, a hyli. You need to find a man called Ezlo on Wastenie. When you find him, give him this." Tingle produced a small box from his pocket and gave it to the princess.
"This little box, what good'll that do?"
"This 'little box' holds the secret to defeating the dark lord, or at least destroying his secret weapon. Part of my condition to get on this ship was that if worse came to worse, I'd take this message to Ezlo myself. But considering the situation we're in now, I thought It would be better for you to take It." the princess looked at the box closely, and noticed a big red button on it. Before she pressed it, Tingle stopped her. "That button starts the message, but after it is pressed, the device will explode. You must be careful with this." Zelda gave a soft smile, "You're trusting the princess of an entire planet with a tape recorder, relax."
"HEY! LISTEN! HELLO? LOOK! WATCH OUT!" N2V2 shouted, rolling around angrily. "Is she gonna be ok?" G3ZO asked as the poor orb rolled over some of her own parts. "She's fine! I just removed most of her voice box; those are the only words she can say now!" "Great, my royal advisor can't talk anymore." Zelda sighed, staring at the box intently, "Well, I've always wanted to help the rebellion any way I could."
"That's the spirit! Now breathe deeply!" Tingle chimed, covering the princess's face with a chloroform soaked rag.
"WOAH, WHAT THE-?" G3ZO shouted, catching the princess as she fell to the floor, while N2V2 shouted her six words sporadically. "Quiet, both of you! They'll hear us!" Tingle hissed, carefully applying hot wax to his face, "G3ZO, help me take her dress off."
"WHAT?!" the Hulking robot leapt to his feet and unsheathed his sword, "Listen you crazy pervert, I don't know what your problem is but there's no way I'm helping!"
"Oh relax, my ideas are completely platonic." Tingle took a rag from the pile and stuck it to where the wax covered his chin, then pulled it off quickly, leaving a bare chin and upper lip. "YE-UCH!" he hissed, pulling up more rags and briskly sewing them together, "She can wear these, I won't ask you to make her wear my clothing, ugh."
"So why do you want her dress? Are you gonna pawn it or something?" the robot hissed out what could be called a snicker.
"Quite the opposite, really. I- Owie! Poked myself . . . I plan to wear her dress and buy you guys a distraction, so you can get to an escape pod and get to Wastenie without delay." Tingle pulled a blond wig out of his pocket and traded G3ZO the royal clothes for a rag skirt of sorts.
"Thanks I guess Tingle, this is pretty brave for you." The robot pulled the dress onto his master and gently placed her inside of N2V2.
"The chloroform will wear off after a few hours, but she'll be a bit groggy," Tingle put the lid of N2V2 back on but only redid three of the nine screws, so the princess could breathe, "As the name implies, Wastenie is a desert planet, about a quarter of a galaxy from here, just type in these directions and press autopilot. Good luck." With that Tingle began to leave, but stopped first, "N2V2, you should hover while carrying the princess, so you don't jostle her and the device."
"Hey!" N2V2 shouted as Tingle darted away, back to the parts of the ship that were already being filled with boko-troopers, while the two robots quickly got into an escape pod now bound for Wastenie.
"I'm doing this for my homeland, I'm doing this for my homeland, I'm doing this for my homeland!" Tingle thought frantically as he approached the door he had passed before finding the robots and the princess. "I really hope my homeland's worth this! The door had been broken down, and now boko-troopers, covered in white armor and grasping laser guns, guarded the walls. Out stepped what could only be described as an evil overlord, brisling with purple and black robes. His skin was a pale, almost dead white, and his hair was a deep purple color. Brilliant, the empire has hundreds, if not thousands of generals, and they send dark lord Vaati here. Tingle thought as the evil man looked at him. "Well, it's been a long time . . .Zelda." Vaati said gruffly to the terrified cross dresser. Though Tingle's blood raced at the smooth yet malicious voice, he recalled the wit and sarcasm of the princess and spoke carefully. "Long time no see Vaati. Did they have a sale on purple hair spray, or are you just on an all-grape diet lately?" though he was smirking, his eye (One was covered in the aforementioned hair) glared at the terrified mechanic. "I was beginning to miss your clever wit. We've got all that we've been looking for and more men, let's go. We can scrap this ship later." All around him book-troopers chattered and pointed laser guns at Tingle, but through it all, he heard a small fssh, almost quiet enough to be a sneeze. But he knew better. Good luck G3ZO, N2V2, Zelda. I wish I had a fairy right now . . .