Objective 1: Make my job easier
"Legends tell of a great hero, who could defeat anyone or anything that stood in his way. Imperial soldiers were so terrified of him; they said that uttering his name alone would curse them."
"Link! Run for your lives!" another boko-trooper shouted as he runs in terror, with no hope of escape from their enemy.
"He sent every dark lord running, and everyone knew his name. The rebels loved him, everywhere he went, parades and festivals followed."
"Li-nk! Li-nk! Li-nk! Li-nk!" crowds of people cheer in the streets to their idol.
"Kids grew up with him as their folk-hero. Every kid old enough to hold a stick and swing it around would pretend to be him."
"Link, will you sign my hat?" a small boy meekly asked the god-of-a-man before him, who of course gave his signature.
"Girls near and far followed his tracks across the galaxy, but only one could ever truly capture his heart. The lovely princess Zelda couldn't resist his gentle yet manly ways and the two became engaged quickly after meeting.
"Oh Link!" Zelda's standing right in front of me, smiling that gorgeous smile I've seen so many times. She leans in for the kiss, when she suddenly stops and glares at me.
"Link, you Id-git! Get up!" Eh? Since when does Zelda sound like uncle Niko in a bad mood? Oh wait, I get it, I'm having a dream. Sure enough my eyes open to my old room. No princess, no adoring fans, no terrified imperial forces, just me and uncle Niko, harvesting water like we always do. Great.
"Link what's takin-"
"I'm right beside you, uncle." I reply, rubbing my eyes sleepily. "Oh there you are! Beedle's in town today, so I need you to buy some eggs and bombs."
"Ok, the eggs I can understand, but bombs?"
"There's a rat's nest on top of one of the aqueducts, gotta get it down somehow!"
"Shouldn't we use something that won't contaminate the water, like maybe a rock?"
"I make the executive decisions here, and I say bombs! Now here are forty-thousand rupees!"
"Uncle, this is way too much. This could buy truckloads of eggs and bombs"
"Really? Well then, go get yourself something nice!"
"Ok, thanks uncle!" I wandered out of the house into the blistering heat of January. Poor Niko, he's been senile for so long I practically keep this place running. And it is agonizing. Purifying the water seventy times a day (Sandstorms and crazy things my uncle does like blowing up rats over aqueducts.) checking the equipment, not being adored by screaming fans and swooning girls. It's a hard job, but I guess someone's gotta do it.
I bet you're wondering why my parents don't help out here, well that's because I've never known them. Uncle Niko has no idea what I mean when I say "parents" and no one around town remembers what happened to them. All I can figure out was that my dad used to live here but left for some political reason, and no one from here ever saw him again. No one even pretends to know who my mother was, so she must have come from another planet. Anyways, Beedle's a merchant who travels around here selling various things people need from across the universe, from eggs to bombs and more. And today he was in our neck of the woods.
"Oh, hello Link! How's life as a water farmer going?" Beedle asked as his miniblin army of cuteness surrounded me. If he ever sold one, I would buy it just because they make awesome pets and workers. But none of them are ever for sale; he loves them that much. "Niko wants me to kill a rat's nest with bombs; you got any mousetraps I can use instead?" I noticed a large metal sword on one of the tables he had set up. Metal swords are extremely uncommon around here, probably because they're mostly useless. But it was at the low, low price of twenty rupees. "I guess I could use this," I picked it up, though it was a little heavy, "At least it won't splatter rat-guts into the water." That's when I heard the muffled humming next to me, like someone wanted to shout, but couldn't. Then I saw the robots.
One was a huge copper warbot, pretty old but with expert craftsmanship. Its mouthpiece was screwed on so tight that it couldn't speak. Both it and the robot next to it were tied down to trolleys. The second one was a basic N2 blue, one who had a defective voice box; all it could say was "Hey" "Hello?" "Listen" "Look" and "Watch out!" Yeah, I know a bit about robots, there's an old book about robots in our house that apparently belonged to my dad. "These are some nice robots," I said, feeling the top of the N2 blue, noticing some screws were missing. "Oh yes! I found them wandering lost in the desert. They're a thousand rupees a piece!" hmm, not a bad price for a pair of fixer-uppers. I could use some extra work power from the big one, and maybe I could repair the voice box on the little one and actually have some not-crazy people to talk to. "I'll take 'em!" I replied, paying for my eggs, sword and robot servents.
"Man, you guys are gonna make my life so easy." I told them as I returned from the garage with a screwdriver and a wrench. "Hey, listen!" The N2 barked, still tied down. "Don't worry, I'll get to you. First though, the big Guy." I undid the straps on the trolley carefully, but when I did the bot tried to snatch up my screwdriver. "Whoa, easy now. I know it must be a pain, having those bolts so tight, but I can get them." I started unscrewing the two bolts on either side of the robot's jaw just enough that he could move it without it coming off. "Thanks kid that was starting to get annoying."
"Anytime!" I said smiling. That's when he snatched up my screwdriver anyway, "Now give me that, I've got a job to do!"
"Wait, you wanted the screwdriver for something else?" I asked as it started undoing screws on the N2 unit. "Of course I did! You saw the missing screws on N2V2 here, didn't you?"
"Well, yeah, but-"
"They're air holes, kid. And I'm not even sure if the cargo's still alive."
"Ok, number 1, my name is Link, not kid. Number 2, I'm not a kid, I'm thirteen already. Number three, Beedle sold a robot with something alive in it?"
"I don't think that Beedle guy knew she was in here," He said, undoing the last screw, "Ah, good, she's still breathing. She looks a little dehydrated, though." He said, reaching into N2V2. "What seems a little-?"
I tried to ask, before catching sight of the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Well, I think she'd be beautiful, if she washed off some of the dust that covered her and wore something other than rags.
"Who is she?" I asked as they placed her on our worn sofa, "and for that matter, who are you and what was she doing inside N2?"
"It's a long story. They call me G3ZO, and this is-"
"Water." The girl croaked out, her eyes weakly fluttering open.
"Zelda, you're ok!" G3 said, smiling the only way he could, crookedly.
"Zelda? THE Princess Zelda?!" I gaped at the Rag-covered stranger before me, how could this be a princess? "What were you doing in that robot? How'd you survive in the heat without water? Who put you in there, and why? And for that matter,-"
"I'll explain later," she coughed dryly, grabbing my shirt weakly, "Get me some water, before I die."
"Oh, right! One water, coming right up!"
I still wasn't sure if she was Zelda by the time I returned with a glass of water, without spilling a single drop, naturally. "You guys stumbled into the right place," I chuckled as the supposed princess drank every drop desperately, "All I do almost every day is harvest and purify water."
"Hello?" N2V2 called from where she was still tied down.
"Oh, sorry N2!" G3ZO called, still diligently watching the princess, "Link, could you untie her please?"
"Uhh, sure." I started pulling straps on the trolley to loosen them when I looked inside N2V2's mostly hollow insides, where I noticed two things. One, her voice box wasn't defective; most of it just wasn't there. Two, she had something else inside her that looked like a doomsday device of some sort. I took the box out before finally freeing N2, who rolled over to the princess as well. I looked carefully at the little device, noticing a big red button in the center. As I pressed it, Zelda caught sight of what I was doing, "KID, DON'T PRESS THAT-" she shouted too late as the box vibrated out of my hand and out of it played a hologram of a weird short guy with green clothes. "Button." Zelda finished, as the hologram began talking.
To the esteemed Ezlo of Wastenie
The rebellion has made plenty of headway since it began thirteen years ago, but it's never enough. Recently we found some Secret information the dark empire's secret weapon that could bring the king of evil to his knees, but since this message has been brought to you the only explanation could be that those of us entrusted with delivering that message have been caught. However, that isn't the point of this message, merely an update on current situations. No matter how much damage we do to the armies or their weapons we're missing one crucial component: the Hyli. The dark lords possess magic unimaginable to most soldiers, magic that has no access codes or weak points. Magic only a true Hyli can counter. In short, I believe it is time for you and the other Hyli to rise yet again to finish this war once and for all.
Help us Ezlo, you're our only hope.
Second lieutenant of the rebellion, Tingle
"Since when is Tingle second lieutenant of anything?" G3ZO asked as I thought about the message. Ezlo was an old guy who lived up the street, and unlike Niko he wasn't senile. "And for that matter, since when has Ezlo been a Hyli?" that's when the device began glowing red and beeping. "Why me?" Zelda covered her face with one hand before pushing me out of the fiery blast.
Cutscene 4: a little stop over.
The two stepped out of their well-sized freight-shuttle on the edge of a small desert city on Wastinie. The first man, dressed in a blue vest and half-unbuttoned shirt combo that conjures up images of outlaws, yawned and stretched in the hot sun. "Well, this is a lovely place to stop." He remarked, staring at the city with his eyes only half-open. "Remember, we still have a debt to pay." Replied the other, following the first off the ship. Once he too had been a man . . . so many years ago that barely anyone alive today could remember that time. He committed a great crime against both man and spirits back then and though he was revived, in his new form he was punished.
"Don't worry about it, I've got a plan." The man smirked, his bright red nose crumpling slightly. "You know you never do, Linebeck." Said the other, who was troubled by his black fur in the hot sun. Under a cloth bandana that covered his muzzle, he panted slowly. "Ah, what do you know, you big fuzzball." Linebeck replied, sweating a bit himself in the sun. "All we've got's enough for a few nights in a hotel, hopefully one with a milk bar nearby." As Linebeck began to look for such a place, His companion fished around in his pocket until he found a communicator. This kept him in contact with his master; someone not even Linebeck knew existed. "Ahh, Byrne. It's been awhile."
"Sorry, we're behind on paying off Jolene. I haven't been able to keep in contact for awhile."
"Don't worry about it. I can assume you've made it to Wastinie, correct?"
"I have. How long will it be until the Hyli appear?" Byrne asked, flexing the claws on his free hand.
"It'll be a month at least. I can feel that their power needs fostering, then they shall come to you."
"A month? We only have enough money for a few days, Linebeck's not gonna like waiting around."
"Then indulge him. Earn enough in the town doing odd jobs to afford a room and enough, ahem, milk, to satisfy him until they arrive."
Byrne sighed, "Alright, but for Anjean's sake, I hope your right about their abilities."
"I am. And Byrne," the shadow in the communicator, short with what looked to be horns, flashed him a fanged grin, "Keep in mind how important your actions are, not what they are. See you later . . ." the line then went dead.
"Hey, fuzzy! Linebeck called to his co-pilot, "I found a great deal on a motel near an even better milk bar. We can stay a week longer now if we wanted.
"That's great captain," Byrne smiled under his rag, "That's just great . . ."