The Adventures of Kamui and Subaru
Chapter 1 – Subaru's Issues
Our story begins with CLAMP's beloved and loveable vampires, Kamui and Sub-
Subaru: Hi Watanuki!
Uh, Subaru, would you please let me finish?
Subaru: Nope! And since when did you become the narrator?
Ever since the story started!
Subaru: Really? I hadn't noticed…
O_o
Kamui: And since when are we "beloved and loveable"?
Hey, don't look at me, it was on the script they gave me!
Subaru: Oh! Who? Who? Was it Seishirou?
No Subaru! We're getting to that part! Sheesh, idiot…
Anyway, our real story begins with none other than the idiot Subaru. One day Subaru was taking a walk in the park in Kyoto when he saw a dark looking man coming toward him. All of Subaru's instincts told him to turn back, but being the idiot he was, he walked up to confront the man. As usual, he was out alone without Kamui's permission.
Subaru: Hello strange looking dude, do you sell hotdogs?
Man: Um, no, I actually came over here to ask you a few questions.
Subaru: Okie dokie!
Man: First of all, my name is Seishirou.
Subaru: Hi Seishirou! Do you sell hotdogs?
Seishirou: Um, hi, and no again. Which leads us to the next question. Do you or others consider yourself and idiot?
Subaru: Hm, I have been told that a lot, though I can't figure out what it means…
O_o
Seishirou: Yeah, ok…third question. Do you have a brother named Kamui?
Subaru: Yeah! He's cool, except when he's yelling at me for doing things wrong. But that hardly ever happens anyway. If I was smart, I'd run away right now because I'd think you were stalking me by asking all these questions, but you seem like a really nice person!
Seishirou: Riiiiiiiiiight…fourth question. Are you and Kamui vampires?
Subaru: Oh cool! You know our deepest darkest secret! Yeah, we're vampires. Hey, do you know where I can get some blood-flavored ketchup for my hotdog?
Seishirou: No Subaru! Sheesh! (Seishirou was getting very annoyed right now, so he skipped all the other questions he wanted to ask and went right to the last one.) Last question. Do you think I could have just a couple drops of your vampire blood? I need it to-
Subaru: *Gasp* I know exactly what you're trying to do!
Seishirou: *Gulp* You do?
Subaru: You can't hide the truth that…you're a vampire too!
Seishirou stares blankly at him.
Subaru: You need blood because you're hungry! Well why didn't ya just ask dude?
Subaru runs to the nearest tree, breaks off a sharp looking branch, runs back to Seishirou and cuts his wrist with it.
Seishirou: Uh, you know you could've just used your vampire claws?
Subaru: Eh, too lazy. Here, drink up!
Seishirou: Wait, one more thing. Once you give me the blood, you might hear me start yelling and having a spasm or something, so you have to run away from here as fast as you can.
Subaru: Oh, I get it. Since you haven't had blood for a really long time, it'll taste so good that you'll start yelling for joy. I know the feeling man…
Seishirou: Yeah whatever, just give me the blood!
Subaru held his wrist over Seishirou's mouth. Seishirou drank the blood.
Seishirou: Go…now!
Subaru: K man, see you around!
Then Subaru started running like a maniac all the way back to his house. While doing it he sang some girly songs on the way there.
Subaru: Man, I wonder what's up with that dude, and why haven't I seen him around here before?
Long pause.
Subaru: Well, no use pondering over it. I gotta get home before Kamui notices I'm gone!
It was then that somewhere in the depths of Subaru's mind, he realized that he had made some kind of a huge mistake.