Title: In too deep
Pairing: Dean and Cas
Summary: What happened after Sam left Dean at the rest stop season 5 epi 2
Comment:-okay, I just needed something to make me feel better after that scene, so consider this my choice of soother. I had completed this before watching episode 3, so please 'forget' that Cas doesn't know where Sam is...
this is my first outing so be kind... :)
In too deep
The sun was dipping below the trees and there was a chill in the air. Dean pulled the front of his jacket closer together. His mind was filled with voices crashing over him like the rising surf of an incoming tide.
"I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you, I see your guilt, your anger, confusion…"
The rip was dragging him down. There was a pain, tearing at his soul.
"You were the one I depended on the most. You let me down in ways I can't…I don't think we can be what we were…I don't think I can trust you"
The current of the water was pulling him under, water closing in over him.
"Are you under the impression Family is supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie?"
Dean smiled faintly remembering Bobby all fired up. He had been right. Dean knew this. He had tried.
"I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm not Dad. We're brothers, you know we're family and no matter how bad it gets it doesn't change"
Fighting the current he broke through the surface, deeply inhaling the fresh air; there had been hope.
"Do you give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his Angels…Do you swear to follow his will and his word as swiftly and obediently as you did your own father's"
But the sea was toying with him; promise replaced by deception.
"Sam has a part to play, a very important part. He may need a little nudging in the right direction, but I'll make sure he plays it"
The current took hold of him again.
"Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lillith would change your brother forever. Most likely he would become the next creature that you would be compelled to kill"
He felt himself drift towards the rocks; fear had settled in the pit of his stomach.
"It's not something you are doing, it's what you are…it means…it means you are a monster"
The waves flung him against the rocks. Dean shuddered. The pain of Sammy's fist after those words were uttered burning hot.
The rest stop was deserted by now. Only Dean remained sitting where Sam had left him hours before.
He clung to the jagged edge of the rocks while the waves battered him.
"You don't know me. You never did. And you never will"
Dean squeezed his eyes shut. The rocks cut deep into the palm of his hands.
"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back"
The water was colored Ruby red from his blood.
It had happened again. Sam had walked away from Dean.
"I'm in no shape to be hunting. I need to step back because I'm dangerous. Maybe it's best we go our separate ways"
His body felt numb from the freezing water.
He had watched Sammy walk across to the Impala, reach in for his bag walking around the back fondly running his hand over the car.
He then climbed into a stranger's car, never looking at Dean.
He gathered all his strength, letting go of the rocks and sliding back into the water.
"I let go, I didn't push'
Gently the currents swept him up again.
Dean looked down on his clenched hands, the knuckles white.
"It had to be done"
Castiel's voice broke the silence of the approaching evening. Dean did not turn around to face him.
"How did you find me?"
"I rang Sam"
"Yeah, what is this with ringing Sam all the time?"
"I rang you first"
Dean's gaze dropped to his phone lying in front of him on the table. Five missed calls.
"He needs to forgive himself. Then he will find his way back to Us"
A Castiel pep talk. Dean wasn't in the mood.
The water was black and treacherous.
Castiel laid his hand on Dean's shoulder.
"Conflicted he is no good to Us"
The sea was calmer now. Dean was drifting in silence towards the shore.
The sun was starting to set and the last golden rays of the day bathed Dean's face.
" Have Faith in Him"
Castiel walked across to the Impala, opened the passenger door and sat down, waiting.
'Is that 'him' with a little 'h' or a capital 'H' wondered Dean.
And he stayed a while longer watching the sun disappear until darkness lapped at his feet.