11Summary: AU. The conflict between humans and mutants has reached its breaking point, and now Rogue is alone. As she tries to cope with her newfound independence, she must decide whether who she meets along the way is friend, or foe.
Radiohead – Idioteque
Who's in a bunker, who's in a bunker?
I've seen too much;
I haven't seen enough,
You haven't seen enough.
CHAPTER ONE – Lost And Found
I couldn't sleep.
It wasn't an irregular occurrence, that's for sure. Ever since last September I'd been having sleepless nights, and it wasn't getting better despite the warmer weather that was now slowly coming in. I couldn't stand the cold. In fact, I much preferred the sweltering heat of summer, sweat dripping down my back and sticking my hair to my forehead. Sure, I wasn't the most attractive girl – no, woman, I had to keep reminding myself – during that particular season, but I'd never cared before and I don't think I'd ever care.
I readjusted my duffle bag beneath my head, shifting it so that my temple wasn't sitting on a particularly hard button of some random piece of clothing I'd shoved in there. I couldn't help but feel a pang of pity for myself. It had been roughly seven months since I could last remember seeing my closet of clothes back at the school. It seemed like decades ago now, and I thought about all of the nice dresses and fashionable scarves I'd abandoned, simply because they were impractical.
Turning over, I was still uncomfortable and nearly resigned myself to the fact that I was going to go yet another night without any sleep. The fire behind me crackled softly as its embers slowly died out, and I sighed in exasperation. Yep. Definitely no sleep.
I sat up, too frustrated to even attempt to calm myself down. I hated this. There was a part of me that longed for this freedom, longed for this independence, but not like this. Never like this. I'd seen people killed, I'd killed. And for what? For me to lay here and reminisce about the clothes I missed? The people I cared about were still out there, but at the time I'd been so scared, so alone that all I'd thought was 'run'. So that's what I'd done, and look at me now, sitting on the cold, hard ground of Pennsylvania – freezing, hungry, and alone.
Getting up, I kicked dirt into the fire angrily, not caring about dirtying my already disgustingly gritty runners. Grabbing my duffle and shoving it onto my shoulder, I covered up all evidence of my presence to cover my tracks. Both mutants and humans were after me, and it wouldn't bode well to be seen by either. Well, of course, if they didn't know my face, that'd be fine. But I couldn't take any chances.
I wasn't a risk taker – my very nature went against it, actually. It was more annoying that anything, as to survive I'd had to take risks every now and then. I'd had to gamble with my own life just to see another day. I was surprised at myself that I'd even made it this far. If someone had told me a year ago that I'd be where I was now, I wouldn't have laughed at them – I just wouldn't have listened to them. Anyone who would have said such a thing wouldn't have known me and probably wasn't worth my time to work myself up over.
I finished up at the makeshift campsite, and walked through the trees which surrounded me. I'd ended up in some sort of forest, or national park, and I hadn't had the guts to come out of it over the past week. So I'd spent my time wallowing away amongst the tall, wide trees and becoming one with nature.
But I hated the outdoors, so it'd been a pointless thing to do in the first place.
Sighing, I continued on. Tonight, I'd have to leave. Staying too long in one place was dangerous. In fact, I'd heard stories about mutants who'd shacked up somewhere in the wilderness and were found only months later. Finding a home was not an option, and so I'd resorted to my old hitchhiking, lone ranger ways.
To be honest with myself, I wasn't that much of a socialiser. Yeah, I liked friends, but was there anyone who didn't? Maybe it was unnatural for me to only want a few friends, maybe even just one. But that was just me. I couldn't be friends with over ten people at a time – I consider it entirely impossible. Improbable. Unimaginable!
Then there was the skin issue. Who would want to be friends with someone like me? And did I want to be friends with so many people if I could kill them on contact? I couldn't answer that truthfully. No – because I don't want to hurt anyone. Yes – because I'm a selfish bitch and I just can't help it.
Eugh, what was the use? I was wasting my time here, thinking about something so… sickening… as friendship. I hadn't had it in the past, and I definitely wasn't going to get it in the future.
I heard cars nearby and slowed my feet. The trees were rustling in the wind, and it was hard to tell whether I was too close to a main road. Main road equals bad. Main road equals Marie is gonna get kidnapped and experimented on and most likely die because she was on a main road. I peeked around the trunk I was standing behind, careful to balance my weight evenly for fear of the slightest sound.
I am rather proud of myself for my stealth skills these days. At first, I'd been a terror – rampaging about the place, clumsily giving out my name at every turn and almost falling straight into a mutant-catching trap within the first month. After that, I like to think I'd improved exponentially. I made no sound, or so it seemed, and I covered all my tracks. I left fake trails and I even went so far as to acquire a fake driver's license despite the fact that I'd never learned. If Jean could see me now, she'd know I was living up to my namesake.
I scowled internally at the thought of the Doctor. She wasn't that bad, really. I was just insanely cold-hearted and held a massive grudge against her after she'd said the truth a little too bluntly one day.
"Rogue, you can't avoid it forever-"
"I'm not."
Okay, maybe I'd snapped at her, but I'd seen the way things were going and she hadn't taken the hint to can it.
"Controlling your power is very important – I don't think you realise the extent of danger you're putting your classmates in every day, Rogue!"
"Oh, thanks for reminding me I'm a walking death trap. If you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to minimalise that danger!"
If she couldn't see the layers of clothing I'd piled onto myself, she really needed to get her eyes checked.
"It's not enough."
"It is for me."
"Stop being so selfish!"
I remember the look on her face, in reaction to the look on my own. It'd been a mix of apologetic and stern. If that was even possible.
"Marie-"
"Don't." I had said. "Don't you dare use that name. I'm not Marie to you, or to anyone!"
Yeah, well. I think it's obvious that hadn't gone down well at all. Suffice to say I'd avoided her until September and now I hadn't seen her since. Good riddance, I say.
Okay, that's a bit harsh. But I'd warned you I held grudges.
Shaking my head to rid of thoughts I'd tried to forget long ago, I took in my surroundings once more.
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled, and I knew right then and there that I was being watched.
Ah, shit.
Serves me right for getting lost in my musings, I suppose, but couldn't I catch a break for a week, maybe even two? It'd been three days since my last encounter with anyone, and I'd sufficiently kicked their ass and left them lying there. It'd been some mutant kid. Maybe fifteen or sixteen. Thought he could take me on because I was a girl. I could see it written clearly on his face. He'd recognised my own and decided a few injuries were worth the cash reward for bringing my butt into one of those mutant camps.
Obviously he hadn't even thought about my own mutation because he'd been on me one second and out cold the next. Sometimes I liked my mutation, even enjoyed it. But only when it made me seem as badass as that. Of course, I was anything but, as was evident by my current stalker and insufficient stealth skills.
I was here, though, right for the taking. My back was to the forest and I was looking out on a rather deserted main road. Given it was about four o'clock in the morning, I wasn't too disturbed by the fact – but it made me wonder exactly why this mutant, and there was no doubt that it was one, was waiting so long to pounce.
I couldn't move, even if I wanted to. Maybe he, or she, was waiting for me to walk away, turn around, anything. I should just wait here, so still I was struggling for breath, and see if they did anything. Let them come to me, and then I could whip out the bare hand and knock them out in a heartbeat.
I took off my gloves discreetly.
Well obviously not discreet enough because the next thing I know is that I'm on the ground ten feet away from where I was previously standing.
Ah, shit. Ah, crap.
"I've seen what you can do," a gruff voice all but growled in my direction, and it took a lot of my courage to stop myself from flinching back at the harsh tone, "and there's no way I'm letting you touch me, you hear?"
I liked this guy. Seemed pretty straight forward – didn't beat around the bush, which was always pleasant considering most others out to get her liked to rant about their grand plans to solve the conflict, most of which involved her getting captured, tortured or killed in some way.
This guy, though… this guy didn't seem to even be on the verge of spitting out his plans for world domination or world peace (a completely hopeless concept, let me tell you). In fact, he seemed more pissed off than scheming, and it scared me a little more.
Okay, I am shit scared, but I can't admit that to myself when he's staring at me like he wants to eat me. And not in a good way.
It was as he stood there, too still to not be dangerous, that I actually noticed him for the first time. He seemed like a nondescript sort of character upon first glance, but as I looked more closely I realised I was incredibly wrong.
He was big, and on a whole other planet in regards to buffness. I couldn't stop looking at them, his muscles, everywhere; bulging with pure strength in a way that made me wriggle back a bit on the ground in amazement. His eyes flicked to my movement, and I noticed their intensity, the dark, dark brown almost black shade that decided at that very moment to be my undoing. I followed the eyes down his straight, perfectly proportioned nose, followed a path to his thin lips surrounded by a week's worth of stubble. That led to his jawline, so defined that I wanted to touch it just to believe it. His sculpted throat led down to a muscular upper body, clothed only in a thin, dirtied white shirt that made him look surreal in the moonlight.
What was I doing? I was checking this guy out and he was about to kill me. Oh, Xavier, have mercy on my soul because it is going straight to hell, completely and utterly aroused.
I looked up at him from under my eyelashes, too afraid to say anything. He was closer now, and his height was emphasised by my position on the flat earth. I had a weakness for tall men.
"Get up."
I scrambled to my feet, not even bothering to be graceful because I know it's a lost cause. I've never been graceful in my life.
There was silence as he looked at me and I looked at anywhere but him. I could feel his gaze move across my face, lingering on my hair and its one white streak that I hated and would hate for a very long time to come. Damn Magneto. I fidgeted and couldn't help myself. Damn mouth.
"What do you want?" I blurted, and I cringed obviously at the way that came out. God, could I sound any more like a bratty teenager? I hate myself.
"You've got some real nerve, kid," he started, and stepped forward as if advancing on his prey, as if he was about to cut me open and take my insides for his dinner. My hands were shaking, and I tried to stop them, clenching them desperately in an attempt to calm myself.
Not working, not working.
Snikt.
Oh my God. Oh Lord. Dear holy mother-
I ran. The duffle was thumping against my back, and I pushed stray branches and twigs out of my face, panting with exhaustion already despite only having run for a minute at the most. I zig-zagged, criss-crossed and did almost any irregular pattern of running I could think of to lose him. I double-backed, determined to shake him off my trail and continue on with my four in the morning hike – but alas, my clumsiness failed me once more.
A tree root is what ruined my glorious plans for escape. I had everything worked out, and although he wasn't tiring, he seemed to be falling back – I was coming into my element and then a flipping tree root had to go and stuff things up.
I was on my back in three seconds flat and he was upon me, on the ground, hovering, his blades at my throat and ready to puncture.
I bit my lip, whimpering pitilessly in fear.
I hate myself.
The blades moved closer to my neck and I felt one of them prick sharply. My face was flushed and I was panting in a way that almost made me blush. Cold sweat had already formed around my hairline, and I felt his body heat on my clothes like I'd just put a freshly ironed shirt on.
"Who do you work for?" he roared right in my face, and I wanted to cry.
I felt like I was in one of those cheesy spy movies, and then almost felt like laughing. I restrained myself out of pure survival instinct.
"I don't know what-" I mumbled, looking at him helplessly and searching his face for some ounce of compassion – lust, even, if that's what it took to get the hell out of here.
"Don't play games with me, mutant." He spat the last word like a curse, and I couldn't help myself.
"Hey! It's not like I'm the only one here." I exclaimed, and my eyes widened with the realisation that I was very much screwed.
I'm sorry, Jean, for all those things I said to you-
"Consider yourself lucky, kid." He growled, and quickly stood up.
I was dumbfounded. Uhm… what the hell?
"I'm so confused." I said. And dear God, I must have been to say that out loud. I am never going to forgive myself.
"We've got to get a move on." He said, and I could see his outline in the moonlight. He seemed to be sniffing the air, and one lone thought popped into my head.
What exactly is this man?
I don't think I want to know.
Gulping, trying to swallow both my nerves and my pride, I stood. Brushing off the dirt from my coat absentmindedly, I grabbed my bag, which had fallen a few feet away in the chase, and flung it around my shoulder once more.
"I'm sorry, but 'we'?" He looked at me blankly. "Are you suggesting that I'm going to travel… with you?"
He just ignored me and turned, commanding me to follow without actually saying anything. I hesitated. To go with this man, or to not go with this man? That was the million dollar question right there, because so help me God there were so many answers. It was no longer down to a single yes or no, here. Right now, it was survive or don't survive and something was telling me that maybe hanging with… with…
"What's your name?"
He spoke quietly over his shoulder, a great contrast to the roar previously.
"Logan."
Maybe hanging with Logan was a good idea. He was huge, and had some flipping scary claws that could come in handy in either attack or defence. He seemed to understand where I stood on at least a couple of things (mutants, death, and taste in men, just to name a few). We could stick together, be a team.
Oh, I really liked that idea.
The inner X-Man in me delighted in it, actually.
I'd never got to be on the team. But it had been something everyone at the school had looked up to, something everyone wanted to become. It had seemed then that I was well on my way there. I felt sorrow at the loss of the life I once had, but pushed it out of my mind aggressively. I didn't want to feel that. Not now.
My humour dampened, I followed Logan silently. He was just walking, uncaringly, through to the main road. I wanted to say something, but stopped myself as he halted just after the tree line I'd run from not fifteen minutes ago. I came up beside him, and we stood there for a few minutes. This could work, definitely. He was quiet, I was quiet. He was cautious, I was cautious. It was looking good.
"What's your name?" he asked gruffly, and I wondered how he had acquired the ability to speak with such presence, such command.
"Marie."
It was half an hour later, in the passenger side of his truck with my seatbelt fastened and my hands warming in front of the heater that I realised he was the first person I'd given my real name to willingly.
And I certainly couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or not.
I seriously need help because I really have no idea what I'm doing. So please give me feedback.
P