A/N- I honestly can't keep saying sorry, can I?
Beta'd by the fabulous FeelItWithYourHeart
Disclaimed by the fabulous xXJasperIsSmootherThanYouXx LOL
Chapter 9
"I wanted to because I love you, Bella!"
I gasped, completely frozen. Other than my ragged breathing, there wasn't a sound in the room. My eyes had never left Edward's, like they were trying to find something in them showing me that he was telling the truth. But he wasn't, and I knew that, I was so sure.
"Don't," I gulped, "Don't ever say that to me ever again."
"But, Bella-"
"I said, don't!" I yelled, cutting him off.
"Why won't you believe me?" He asked me, coming to stand in front of the bed.
"Why should I?" I asked him fiercely. "Why should I, when our entire relationship was a lie?"
"Bella, it wasn't, I swear." He pleaded. This was a completely different side of Edward that I was seeing now. The vulnerable side, the side that he tried so hard to not let out. This time it was him begging for me, instead of me begging for him. Seeing him like this was completely foreign to me.
"Oh, but it was, wasn't it? Ever single second was a lie, every single word. You told me you loved me time and time again. Yet, when the smallest little thing that proved a danger to me came around, you left, telling me that you never loved me. That you were leading me on." I paused to watch his reaction, pleased when he winced at my words. "You stayed with me when James attacked, but when Jasper almost attacked me because of a silly problem that could have been solved, so, so easily, you jumped up at the thought of leaving me, because…because…" I didn't really know why he left. Of all the times he told me he loved me, and then suddenly he didn't. That wasn't even possible! You can't fall in and out of love in such a small space of time.
"I never stopped loving you, Bella," he said, bringing me up and out of my frantic thoughts. "I left because I thought that it was what was best for you," he barked out a humorless and slightly hysterical laugh, "but clearly, I was so, unbelievably wrong. I mean, look at you now! You have a career, friends, and a boyfriend. I must have done something right!"
"I hate my life," I snarled. "I never wanted any of this, I wanted you! I wanted the Cullen's, I wanted Charlie!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face. "I don't want Kale, I don't want to be famous. I want to go home after being at University for a few months to visit Charlie and cook for him while he watches the game. I want you to go to the same college as me up in Alaska with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and even Rosalie! I want to go back to see Esme and Carlisle so we can all be together like we used to be!"
After my rant, I breathed several deep breaths in to keep myself calm. Obviously, I had taken Edward to his breaking point. I had prodded and prodded at him until he was over the edge and spiraling down to his death. His eyes were black and cold and his movements ceased; his hair was a complete disarray from him tugging at the roots.
With his eyes closed, he leaned over, as if curling in on himself, placed one hand on the bed, and the other on the bridge of his nose. It was such a familiar gesture. I knew that he was trying desperately to remain calm and not lash out at me for my cold words.
"Bella…" He said after a few minutes. We had both calmed down marginally, and were just collecting our thoughts-well, at least I was. "I don't know what to say."
Shocked, I leaned back onto the headboard. He didn't know what to say? Well that's a first.
"I may be a vampire, but I am still my own being. I don't always have the answers, you know." Whoops, I said that out loud.
I sighed. "How can you not know what to say?"
"I don't know what you want from me, Bella." He started to pace across the room. "What do you want me to say, I'm sorry? Well, I'm sorry! I don't know how many times I have to say it. I'm sorry for putting you in danger, I'm sorry for messing up, I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry that Charlie died, I'm sorry that…" I cut him off again.
"Get out." I said through gritted teeth.
He stopped his pacing and looked at me, shocked.
"I said, Get. Out." Tears spilled from my eyes.
"Look, I-"
"GET OUT!" I flung myself of off the bed and stood in front of him. I curled my fingers into a fist in an attempt to stop the shaking of my hands. "I never want to see you again. Ever. So GET OUT!" I screamed.
"If that is what you wish." He said, hurt evident all over his face, also showing in the way that his shoulders drooped and how he hung his head.
He walked over to the window, and then was gone.
I screamed in frustration and anger, then collapsed onto the floor.
No.
Oh, no. What had I done?
I don't know how long I laid there, crying on the floor, trying to keep the sobs to the sound of a low hiccup so I would not wake-up the others, but failed miserably. It must have been awhile, because the bright, white light of the sun started to shine in through my still open window.
The past few hours and my last conversation played around in my head, and I thought over my words and how rash and angry I had been. Inspiration struck me hard, and I practically sent my things flying as I searched the hotel room for some paper and a pen. When I found some, I almost squealed in delight, the past few days forgotten as I poured my thoughts into the lyrics of the new song.
Touch my skin, and tell me what you're thinking
Take my hand and show me where we're going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing
I scribbled the words down as quickly as I could, then ran into the living room where I found Carla and Blake watching a re-run of 'The Simpsons'. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the cute but odd couple snuggling on the sofa.
"Guys, guys!" I said, jumping up and down on the spot, reminding myself of Alice. I quickly stopped.
"What?" Carla asked, slowly breaking her gaze away from the screen.
"I wrote a new song!" I said, excited. "Well, maybe. I don't know if you'll like it."
"Lets hear it, then." Blaze said, muting the TV.
"Okay…
Touch my skin, and tell me what you're thinking
Take my hand and show me where we're going
Lie down next to me, look into my eyes and tell me, oh tell me what you're seeing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone
If I'm lying to you."
Blaze had started to tap a steady rhythm with his hands on the coffee table in front of him and Carla was nodding along with it. I could almost hear the wheels in her head turning as she considered the possibilities of the song.
"See my eyes, they carry your reflection
Watch my lips and hear the words I'm telling you
Give your trust to me and look into my heart and show me, show me what you're doing
So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling
What you feel now is what I feel for you
Take my hand and if I'm lying to you
I'll always be alone
If I'm lying to you
Take your time, if I'm lying to you
I know you'll find that you believe me
You believe me."
I stopped singing then, as that was all I had managed to scribble down. I bit my lip and waited for their response.
"It's a great start, could use some work though." Carla said, staring off into space. "If I grab my guitar, and talk to Kale, we can probably figure some more lyrics out, and make it a single. Maybe we could make a music video, and add in an orchestra, some piano and a string symphony…" Carla's mind had already started to work. This was why we all consulted her before we did anything. She and Alice would get on extremely well.
"I think it was awesome!" Blaze yelled as he got up to fist bump me.
I touched my knuckles to and muttered my thanks, when my phone started to ring loudly form the bedroom.
If I could fall into the sky,
Do you think time
would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
Tonight.
"Hello?" I said as Blake rolled his eyes at my ring-tone. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully as I walked into the kitchen. Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles" would never get old for me.
"Oh, my god, Izzy! What were you thinking?" Angela's frantic voice rang through the phone.
"Angie…" She cut me off.
"Don't 'Angie' me. Why did you suddenly run off of the stage in the middle of a concert? I had to ditch work to come and see your show, and then you just abandon me, Embry and Jacob…" I sighed and just allowed her to let off some steam.
Five minutes later...
"-And so here I am, calling you to ask you what's wrong." Angela's speech came to an end just as Kale walked into the room with a towel hanging over his shoulders.
"Well," I said, avoiding his gaze and disappearing into the bedroom that I had occupied last night, "I may or may not have seen someone, or some people, who brought back painful memories and are maybe or maybe not stalking me." I concluded. I tried as hard as I could to not give the identity of said person, or people, but Angela was no fool.
"You saw the Cullen's!" She whisper-yelled at me.
"Why are we whispering?" I asked, whispering back to her.
"No reason." She said normally.
"O-kay…"
"They're stalking you?" She asked me worriedly.
I sighed and began to re-tell the whole story-from the beginning, as in, when I first met Edward. This was going to be a long night.
I better go grab some tissues and a few tubs of strawberry ice cream.
EPOV
I am nothing.
A/N-Song that Bella sang is Dido's "Take My Hand"
Well, I will be away for a few days, so if you are going to, or are reading my other story I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. I will be updating NEXT WEEK, sorry.