17A/N: Okay, I wanted to warn everyone that there is smut in here and it's rated M because I'm like a super prude. (cough, cough). It's set before Riku dies.
Disclaimer: If I owned Blood+ it would be nothing but a nonstop orgy-fest. :D
Enjoy, and as always please read and review.
It Happened Once Around Midnight
Haji lowered his head to her. Soft lips met his neck and for a moment he froze.
She pressed more insistently and his stomach tightened.
What is she doing?
There was no sharp bite, commencing their timeworn ritual.
A chevalier was obligated to sacrifice his blood for the one who gave him eternal life.
And right now in her weakened state, she needed it.
Seconds ticked by slowly and he realized she had stilled.
"Saya," he whispered.
She flinched slightly at the sound of her own name, knowing what would come next.
Exhaling slowly, her warm breath ghosted over the curve of his neck and he suppressed a shiver.
Delicately, she pressed her lips to the spot.
It was barely perceptible at first, almost as if she imagined it.
But she was sure that he had just tensed his muscles ever so slightly beneath.
Anticipation.
And suddenly her will to perform the act had diminished completely.
Does it hurt him when I do this?
The thought of drinking his blood made her nauseous now and she knew she couldn't do it.
Not again...
Her lips began to tingle and her hand twisted reflexively at the base of his neck.
It was then that she realized he was holding his breath.
Haji's head turned silently toward her own, wondering at her hesitation.
Feeling the heat rise in her face, she quickly righted herself, afraid to see his expression.
As always, it betrayed no emotion.
Had his patience with her always come so naturally?
Even when things were bad, really bad. When her father died, when she discovered the truth of her own existence, when her blood killed Irene instead of curing her...
How much more pain would she cause to her precious family?
Saya shuddered and pulled her arms around herself...
Haji was the same to her throughout it all.
He was…so good to her.
She prayed every night, because she did believe in God, that He would somehow make it okay for Kai and Riku. For David and Louis and Julia.
Her head bowed.
For Haji.
How long has it been?
Haji restlessly met her gaze as she silently questioned him.
Decades... No, they had been bound together for almost two centuries now.
Did he not yearn for death? Did he not wish for his own long sleep after years of going without?
She searched his face as if the answers were written there.
He remained impassive, eyes roaming her form from top to bottom.
Saya could only guess what she looked like right now. Her clothes sloshed with blood, crusting from where it ran down her legs.
Droplets still plunged from the hem of her torn skirt towards the cobble stone.
But did that matter to him?
Most of it wasn't hers anyway...
Haji sighed in impatience, staring expectantly at Saya once again.
Saya sighed herself and shifted her gaze, knowing what was to come next.
All this time past us. And still you are the same Haji.
Her knees trembled, weakly and she grasped him for support.
"Saya, please." This is ridiculous, he wanted to say.
A tremor shook through her small frame. Her gaze traveled to his mouth, closed demurely into a straight line.
His voice was so ingrained in her memory that not even the long sleep had erased it. Often times, she dreamt of a voice—his voice—softly speaking to her in the midst of all that silence.
He was the one thing she held onto and craved almost naturally. She needed him.
Yes, do it. Take the blood… You are Chiropteran.
Haji's grip tightened before tilting his head to listen at something in the distance.
"Don't move," he said in a low voice. Before she knew it, another winged monster had located them.
It came from above, a ground-shaking screech sounding from its fanged mouth.
Saya blinked and upon opening her eyes found herself a good 5 meters from the spot it had landed. Haji was gone.
Trembling knees folded beneath her and she couldn't hide the surpirise as Haji plunged through the beast's heart with a calloused and clawed hand.
The ground rose up, painfully.
Fresh, hot blood rained down upon her. She struggled to stand again as her stomach heaved. The world was unsteady beneath her feet. It kept doing this funny little turn that threw everything off balance.
And her skin crawled.
If there was anything in her stomach, she most certainly would have vomited by now.
A small sound escaped her mouth as she crumpled back to the ground.
She clenched her fist.
Useless again...
Not long ago, she had learned the truth from Amshel. Never before had her heart been ripped into two halves, clenching and squeezing under her own self-loathing.
She was a murderer. She had killed so many. Humans and Chiropterans, alike.
She herself was a Chiropterran, a murderer of her own race.
And above all else, she was sworn to kill her only blood relative.
Diva. Saya gazed at Haji without really seeing him. His expression was disturbed as he looked upon her trembling form. She absolutely had to feed. She was so weak.
Weak.
Not strong enough to save even one person... Outou-san...
Why would you torture me through every waking moment, Diva, if you truly wanted peace?
Saya, barely containing her scream of frustration, squeezed her eyes shut.
For the first time Saya could remember, she had hated her life. She abhorred her own existence. And above all else, she wanted to die.
He knelt beside her, shaking her by the shoulder, feeling his concern rise by the moment as his queen refused to respond.
She sat in small pool of blood. His eyes narrowed as she dipped her fingers in it, feeling the grit of the pavement under the cooling liquid.
Her eyes opened and she stared directly into his.
"My life is destined to be an eternity of fighting. An eternity with the stench of blood. Blood that I will be forced to bathe in, forced to drink."
His grip on her shoulder tightened.
"You cannot change destiny, Saya."
She blinked, looking shocked and then furious. "I can. I'm not a human and I'm not a chiropteran, either. I am Saya."
"'No man is an island entire of itself,'" He quoted.
"You're wrong." She scowled at him. She could be that island. She could do it as long as he wasn't standing in her way, with his damn, soft voice and that damn, understanding face.
She could transcend this world's views of right and wrong and just exist as herself.
Couldn't she?
She could, but Haji had an entirely different plan, one involving her cooperation.
"Saya..." He spoke so softly, so seriously. His hand on her shoulder was gentle now as he pulled her to her feet.
"How can I change with you always here encouraging it?" She asked him, incredulously.
"How can I be better than this?" She gestured to the corpse or, rather, the pieces of the corpse.
Regret took its place and settled deep in the shadows haunting her face.
Haji moved back a step or two and looked down at her while she guiltily stared at her feet.
She had disappointed him.
He thought that they were past this point, that she would receive his blood without resistance.
A dark droplet splashed on the stone below her, quickly followed by a few splotching more.
Surprised, Saya looked up. "Are you injured?"
The dagger was already being set to rest in his holster. For a second, the concern lingered in her eyes, before anger rushed through them.
It was a futile anger. The type felt by those with no control over their immediate future.
But if she could pretend, if she could resist him—resist this urge—then she could prove something to herself.
That she was not a damned existence nor a demon sent from Hell to terrorize the human race.
She could overcome this thirst for blood, she could.
He opened his palm and her throat tightened at the metallic scent.
The thick, sweet smell of his blood assaulted her nose, and by no conscious effort of her own, her mouth began to water.
Her eyes dilated and bled red as the monster within her recognized its familiar sent.
Haji took in the sight.
Her accelerated breathing and tensed body… It looked like she would spring upon him should he run.
He frowned.
After all, he wasn't the one trying to run away… The innocence in Saya was crippling to their ultimate goal.
She didn't understand herself, especially the part of her that couldn't imitate a human.
The part that was in need of blood; not just any, but his.
When she became like this, only he could satisfy her.
"You will receive it, Saya. It's too strong for you to fight." His voice was dry and without remorse.
Saya's eyes widened and she grit her teeth, steeling herself against the intoxicating smell.
"I have something to prove." She tore her eyes away from the crimson blood cupped in his hand and ignored the disappointment of seeing it drip wastefully onto the ground.
Damn it. She was looking again.
Saya gulped and bit her lips closed; fangs piercing her lips.
"Saya," She heard him mumble disapprovingly.
"No." She folded her arms defensively over her chest. "Never cut yourself open for my sake again."
He advanced, feeling anxious at the spike of malice in the air.
"Don't come near me with that, Haji!" She darted away from him, further into the shadows.
He paused, unsure of how to proceed. Unsure why she was still standing.
She had never been this volatile over receiving his blood.
Hagi glanced at Saya with a deceitfully impassive expression.
Under his stare she retreated further, stopping only when cold brick met her back.
Saya stood trembling, half illuminated by the moonlight filtering through hazy grey clouds.
There was sweat glistening across her forehead, sliding down her neck. She gulped, pleading with him now as her eyes shone dark and glassy with tears.
"Don't," She mouthed, unable to find her voice. Her knees shook and she almost reached out to him for support. Almost.
Instead, her stubborn pride deemed that she stumble forward and fall to her knees right before him.
She looked up, through her bangs. Red, glowing eyes stared directly into his.
Haji straightened in shock.
The beast within her was calling to him, calling for his blood.
He could only obey, feeling it urge him forward.
Kneeling before her, he held his bloody hand to her mouth.
A stinging, salty droplet crashed into his palm and she looked up at him.
Her eyes were brown again and tears dripped solemnly down her face.
"Haji! How could you?!" Her voice broke.
He let her take his hand in hers.
Saya could not read the emotion hidden in his eyes.
She gripped his wrist painfully, unknowingly.
"Tonight, I'm not a monster!" Red bled into her eyes out of sheer anger.
The blood forgotten, she reached out to touch him and he willed himself still.
I can wait, Saya, but how long will you hold out? Her body was still calling out to him.
A throbbing set to work deep inside and it increased the longer he denied her unspoken command.
Ignoring the pain in his wrist, he kept his gaze directly locked with her burning eyes. They softened unexpectedly.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore!"
Haji mentally paused—she thought this hurt him? A small cut?
What was she trying to say exactly?
His eyes narrowed.
"Saya...," Again his voice was disapproving.
She released her tight hold on him, settling her face into the scarred hand that rested in his lap.
"I never wanted to hurt you..."
She rested her cheek in the palm of his hand in a desperate attempt at apology.
It was the arm she had taken from him so long ago.
She had violently lashed out, killing every living thing that crossed her path. Men, women, children, chiropteran, and eventually he set foot in that path. He had tried desperately to calm her raging spirit, but could only leave her in the end. Haji stared down at her head resting in his lap.
Regret hedged the corners of his mind.
His first shortcoming as her Chevalier... He had abandoned her with a monster that she could not control.
He placed his hand between her shoulders.
She felt so small. So fragile. He frowned again.
His hand twitched. This arm was evidence.
In her eyes, it was roof that she was a monster.
But, Haji saw it as something entirely different.
He saw it as proof of his own weakness.
Ever since he laid eyes on Saya, he had been hopelessly at her mercy.
Since that day in Vietnam, he vowed never to leave her again.
He had to do what was best for her, as her guardian.
I would die before letting you harm yourself any further, Saya…Can't you see that?
Saya turned her head slowly and pressed a kiss into his palm.
A stab of some unnamed emotion struck through his gut and he retracted in shock.
She starred up at him through a watery gaze with wide eyes.
A part of her that she would never own up to recoiled in hurt.
It was a hurt that he felt acutely, whether by their bond as Queen and Chevalier, or by his own awareness of causing it himself.
He narrowed his eyes as she quickly smothered the feeling. The deep pulsing within him had changed.
She was no longer calling for his blood, she wanted something else. Unconsciously wanted it.
He searched his mind for the word that matched the feelings she was uncontrollably broadcasting toward him.
Reassurance? Forgiveness? Acceptance?
He paused.
Love?
And as soon as they came into being, the emotions were squashed, while a host of others launched a second assault.
Saya sat up and wrapped her arms around her torso, willing herself to be calm, knowing what havoc her tumultuous feelings must be wreaking upon him.
And yet she could not quell her raw desire to be near him.
To get closer.
She wanted so much to get rid of everything that went wrong between them.
She was so sorry…if only he would let her try to make it up to him.
He felt a soft, warm throbbing replacing the painful pang.
The tenderness almost hurt, and with every throb it was as if she was coaxing his heart into submission.
He began to forget his train of thought, staring at her sleepily through half-lidded eyes. Haji's body loosened and slumped a little towards her.
It was the beast inside her, bewitching and enticing him closer.
Unknowingly, Saya had this affect on him...
When she was afraid, he could sense it, and his own heartbeat would pick up.
When she was crying inside, he could hear her, and his mind instantly moved to comfort hers.
And when she desperately wanted him by her side, the pulsing sent a painful jolt the further he strayed from her.
Now she wanted forgiveness?
Saya wanted to reverse the past fifty years—all of it, if she could.
How long had she felt this guilt?
This private hurt that she kept hidden away from him, that she punished herself with.
He could still feel the weight of it on her shoulders.
Beyond this pulsing that beckoned him closer was his desire to give her reassurance.
His hand settled heavily at the base of her neck and ran down her back in long, warming strokes.
All he could do was hold her and let her have whatever comfort he could offer.
His hand stroked through her hair and he felt her shudder.
She was crying now, and he could feel the sorrow wash over her.
She grasped his arm as if it were a lifeline.
In her mind's chaotic state, she could not control the beast calling out to him once more.
He stroked the length of her back again.
"Saya, I'm here."
But she didn't stop calling him.
And the pulse took on a painful throbbing.
Closer it begged.
I can't feel you anymore it said.
The pulsing became intense and he felt his mind getting lost in the haze of pain.
The emotions in Saya twisted and morphed.
He knew she believed he would leave at his first chance, that the only thing keeping him there was her physically rooting him to the spot.
He did feel determined to withdraw his arm from her grasp.
Their position was preventing him from really looking after her, and he now literally ached to let her know he was there.
He needed to lock his arms around her.
The pulsing came stronger and Haji gripped her wrist.
He struggled a moment to move his arm before he felt her tighten her grasp and look up at him, surprised and fearful.
At that moment Saya felt such extreme panic.
Everything in her mind, body, and soul were screaming against the loss of contact with her Chevalier.
But no matter how hard she onto held him, it felt as though he were slowly fading away from her.
In her moment of surprise and dreading, Haji did rip himself away from her.
It was the singularly most painful experience of his life.
It was as if time had slowed to a stop, although he was without her for barely a moment.
And then the pain came.
Saya gasped.
Pain.
Pain like the feeling of a thousand daggers piercing her skin.
Pain like unseen demons pulling them under.
Pain that rushed through her at the loss of contact with her chevalier, such was Saya's pain.
A glimpse at his face told her that he felt it too, the pain of losing contact with the person his world revolved around.
A terrible sense of loss filled their hearts for that one moment.
The punishment issued by their contract faltered before stabbing into him with tenfold the power.
Her heart had stopped beating when he left and she could not for the life of her make herself take a breath.
Saya felt as though she was dying, each thrashing cell was individually forgetting their purpose and ringing with the absence of Haji.
The second passed.
Haji had slammed them both against the brick wall in his haste to hold her again.
She let out a gasp as the air left her lungs and the clenching in her heart ebbed into smaller, less torturous waves.
For a moment she couldn't even see, let alone think.
Haji.
Haji. Haji. Haji. Haji. Haji...
Her mind repeated it like a mantra.
A moment she had gone without him, and it was as though the deepest reserves of despair that she held hidden in her heart had spilled forth.
She was lost without Haji.
And now he was back.
Haji was everywhere and her head was swimming with his scent.
It confirmed again what she already knew.
"Nngh, Haji…" She moaned out in relief and leaned into him with equal force.
She was so completely overjoyed that he was with her, that she couldn't stop the effect she was having over him via he contract.
The painful pulsing ceased as he held her and his perception of the world around him dulled the longer he lingered.
A funny—what he could only describe as a funny feeling took over.
It was euphoric.
He felt like he could laugh.
He was with Saya and everything was good.
They were so close to each other.
Closer than they had ever been.
Closer than she had ever needed him to be.
He breathed her in and allowed himself the luxury of burying his face into her hair.
This was all a Chevalier could ever hope for...
Haji was almost certain that the bond between them turned and tried to destroy him the moment he willingly retracted from her in a time of need.
Such was the bond between a Queen and her Chevalier.
He felt her sigh and heard her voice even when it was not spoken.
An awkward feeling ran through his body.
She was saying his name...moaning it.
A hundred times upon her lips and it still would not have been enough for him.
This was a cure to his senses after what felt like an eternity of deprivation.
Her hand fisted in his hair and pulled down, exposing his neck.
His eyes drifted shut, awaiting her bite.
She ran her face along the contours of his neck and shoulder line, unconsciously smelling the blood that ran like hot mercury under his skin.
She stopped to rest over his beating pulse.
"When you feel me here," she whispered, breath running across his throat, "you will not feel my fangs."
She closed her mouth upon his warm flesh, tongue hungrily laving the area in search of blood.
"Saya!" He arched into her reflexively, hands gripping at her legs.
Her legs?
The reality of their position dawned upon him...
Or should he say, the reality of his position dawned upon him.
He had forced her flush against the wall and clasped her legs on either side of him.
He had forced himself upon his weakened queen.
Shock crashed upon him anew, as he realized she was tightening her grasp on him.
His body reacted faster than his mind, as he realized what a line he had just crossed.
It had been something he wanted to do, ever since he was old enough to understand the feeling.
He needed to end this. They had already gone too far.
Saya felt his body recoil from hers and she closed her arms and legs around him.
"Don't leave me!" She commanded, the fear and desperation made her voice crack.
He stopped suddenly and settled down into the same position, breathing hard and trying not to.
His eyes were lidded and she stared up at him, finally beginning to understand.
For a long time he gazed into her eyes.
Her head tipped forward. "Haji… Kiss m—"
He covered her mouth with his own, gently kneading their lips together.
Saya's lips parted and Haji's molded around her bottom lip.
She gripped at his shoulders, holding tightly as she felt the world fall out from under her and swing back again.
He pushed up against her open legs.
She felt herself moan into him as he held her tightly in place.
Is this what you want Saya?
She arched her back and closed her eyes.
Something tight had knotted in the pit of her stomach and the tension of it left her body quaking.
He pushed her further up the wall, hands grasping her inner thighs where he supported her.
When he settled to press himself against her fully, her eyes snapped open.
They were red.
Haji observed this as he experimentally rocked their hips together.
Now it was his turn to moan.
But he had no time to recover from the shock of electricity sent straight to his groin, she was suckling at the tender flesh of his neck again, humming against his pulse.
It was beginning to drive him mad.
He resolved himself and tore at his hand, reopening the wound.
Bringing it quickly to his mouth he let the hot blood rush in.
He caught her lips with his, probing into her mouth and letting the blood drain out of him.
Alarmed, she immediately struggled in his grasp, unable to breathe as the warm blood streamed down her throat and unable to think as his tongue delved deeper into her.
Unwillingly, she swallowed his blood, already feeling new tears in her eyes.
Haji rocked against her again and Saya's eyes rolled into the back of her head.
Forgetting to breathe, everything about her was throbbing in anticipation.
But this was wrong.
This was carnal.
Saya's tears freely fell.
She let out a sob into his mouth as he continued to coax a reaction out of her.
And soon enough he got one.
Saya bit down sharply on his tongue, eliciting a husky groan from deep inside his throat.
Blood seeped into her mouth anew and his hand cupped her cheek.
She pushed against him.
Seconds later his hand was at her mouth, wiping a trickle of his blood away.
She closed her eyes, trying desperately to hide their glassy covering and control her breathing.
Haji's hand remained cupping her cheek in a consoling manner before leaving her completely.
She realized she had clenched her fists in his clothing, keeping him with her.
She slowly unwound her grip as he lowered her to her feet.
The warmth of him disappeared, replaced by a rush of cold air.
He reached out to her, slowly pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.
She took his hand and tugged on it.
He pulled Saya to her feet as he had done thousands of times before.
She did not remember how she sank to her knees.
His eyes were impassive as he clenched his bloody fist.
"You tricked me, Haji…" She couldn't look at him.
And now he was turning to walk away from her as if nothing had happened.
As if it meant nothing.
Unable to stop herself, she wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him the way she had as a child.
"...Saya..." His voice echoed sadly in the midnight air.
"I know, Hagi. I know..."
She released him.
This was another moment of many that they would never acknowledge again.
Together they began the long walk home.
Fin.