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Chapter 20 : Letting Go
I pictured a small house in the forest. It was right by the tree where Jacob told me he loved me. I was sitting on the porch and smiling at the three little kids playing. Surprisingly, I knew one child was Sam and Emily's baby. It all just came to me that they would have a child someday. The little girl was beautiful. Her hair shined in the sun. She had Sam's eyes, but Emily's face. And it didn't bother me. The next child was blurry. I couldn't make out any features. I didn't know if it was a boy or girl. It came to me just then. Bella and Edward's child. I don't know why I could see Emily and Sam's baby. And then that came to me, too. I had imagined their child so many times after Sam had gotten with Emily. I must have just put it together. I looked away from the figure to the other child. The little girl was beautiful, too. I could see her perfectly as she played in with a small dog. She had straight, dark brown hair that swayed in the wind. I smiled at her when she turned to look at me. And then I really saw her. Oh, no.
I looked away from the little girl. Impossible. No. It couldn't happen. Why did I imagine her?
Leah, Seth thought. That was…
Shut up, Seth. Don't say it.
I know, okay? Just don't remind me.
Does he know?
I didn't know. How could you expect him to?
Are you going to tell him?
Yeah. Soon. When I can breathe right.
How did this happen, Leah? I mean I know how it happened, but how could you let it happen?
Seth, I need to think. Enough questions!
Alright. I'm going to check on Jacob.
Don't tell him anything, Seth.
I won't. Promise.
I groaned and opened my eyes. The skies were dull gray—it was daytime, but no clue as to when. Maybe close to sunset—it was pretty dark.
"About time," Blondie mumbled from not too far away. "The chainsaw impersonation was getting a little tired."
I rolled over and wrenched myself into a sitting position. In the process, I figured out where the smell was coming from. Someone had stuffed a wide feather pillow under my face. Probably trying to be nice, I'd guess. Unless it'd been Rosalie.
Once my face was out of the stinking feathers, I caught other scents. Like bacon and cinnamon, all mixed up with the vampire smell.
I blinked, taking in the room.
Things hadn't changed too much, except that now Bella was sitting up in the middle of the sofa, and the IV was gone. Blondie sat at her feet, her head resting against Bella's knees. Still gave me chills to see how casually they touched her, though I guess that was pretty brain-dead, all things considered. Edward was on one side of her, holding her hand. Alice was on the floor, too, like Rosalie. Her face wasn't pinched up now. And it was easy to see why—she'd found another painkiller.
"Hey, Jake's coming around!" Seth crowed.
He was sitting on Bella's other side, his arm slung carelessly over her shoulders, an overflowing plate of food on his lap.
What the hell?
"He came to find you," Edward said while I got to my feet. "And Esme convinced him to stay for breakfast."
Seth took in my expression, and he hurried to explain. "Yeah, Jake—I was just checking to see if you were okay 'cause you didn't ever phase back. Leah got worried. I told her you probably just crashed human, but you know how she is. Anyway, they had all this food and, dang,"—he turned to Edward—"man, you can cook."
"Thank you," Edward murmured.
I inhaled slowly, trying to unclench my teeth. I couldn't take my eyes off Seth's arm.
"Bella got cold," Edward said quietly.
Right. None of my business, anyway. She didn't belong to me.
Seth heard Edward's comment, looked at my face, and suddenly he needed both hands to eat with. He took his arm off Bella and dug in. I walked over to stand a few feet from the couch, still trying to get my bearings.
"Leah running patrol?" I asked Seth. My voice was still thick with sleep.
Seth's eyes tightened in an odd way. "Yeah," he said. It was an obvious lie.
Edward inhaled sharply. Seth locked eyes with him for a minute before going back to eating. Edward got up and walked out of the room. He actually left Bella for once.
"What time is it?"
I'd slept through the rest of the days and the whole night. "Crap. Sorry about that, Seth. Really. You shoulda kicked me awake."
"Naw, man, you needed some serious sleep. You didn't miss," Seth took in a deep breath. "Anything."
"Nothing?" I asked and winced.
Seth swallowed. "Nope."
"Nothing. I just told you that, Jake."
I looked at Bella. She looked the same as always, pale. Her lips were pink again, though. Even her hair looked better-shinier. I remembered Leah.
"What's Leah having for breakfast?" I asked Seth.
"Hey, I took food to her before I ate anything," he defended himself. "She said she'd rather eat road kill, but I bet she caves. These cinnamon rolls…" He seemed at a loss for words.
"I'll go hunt with her, then."
I turned to leave.
"A moment, Jacob?"
I ran back to La Push as fast as I could. I passed right by Sam and my old pack. I could even hear Sam order them to stay and I heard him running behind me. I tried to run faster, but he caught up and stopped me. I lay down and looked up at him. I just wanted to go home. He cocked his ear toward my house and took off. I jumped up and followed behind him.
I scratched on my door softly. My mom opened it a second later and gasped.
"Oh, hold on." She ran back inside and then came out with clothes. I carefully took it from her hands with my mouth and ran into the forest.
I walked out slowly while trying to get leaves out of my hair. Sam and my mom looked at me.
"Leah, are you okay? Where's Seth?"
"I'm fine. Seth's.. Seth is still over there."
"Is he okay? Is Jacob okay?"
"They're fine. But.. I'm…" My eyes started to water.
She wrapped her arms around me. "What is it? What happened?"
She was full of questions. I tried to smile.
"There's something I need to tell you." I looked at Sam. "Alone."
Sam sat down. He wasn't going anywhere.
I exhaled. My stomach felt suddenly heavier. I pushed my mom into the house and shut the door behind me. She just hugged me as I explained everything to her. She didn't yell at me. She didn't freak out. She comforted me. She held me and rubbed my back.
"It's okay, Leah," she whispered. "You're going to be okay."
"I love you, mom. Thank you."
"Go talk to him, Leah. You need to talk to him."
"I know I do. I will. I just.. I just have to be certain. I don't know for sure. I just have a feeling."
"Alright. We'll go tomorrow."
I nodded. "Mom, can you make me something? I don't want to.. miss a meal. You know.."
"Of course." She kissed my forehead and went into the kitchen.
I sat on the couch and starred at my stomach. I couldn't imagine something growing inside me. Of course, I grew inside my mother, but that's not something you actually think about everyday. I shivered. I wasn't ready for a baby. A living, breathing baby! I had too many problems. And what was I suppose to tell Jacob? "Hey, we have a baby." How will I ever be able to tell her about the past when all I could say was that he loved someone else?
My mom walked out and handed me a sandwich. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. I'm glad I waited to eat instead of taking Seth's offer. In a second it was all gone and I was craving more.
"We'll figure things out, Leah. And just know, I'm here for you."
"What should I do now?"
"What do you want to do?"
I thought about that for a second. "I'm going to tell him."
She smiled and nodded.
I opened the door and ran into the woods. My clothes ripped and then I was on all fours again. I didn't hear anything, though. Usually I'd hear Leah going on about something in her head, but it was dead silent.
She couldn't have phased back. Where would she go? Especially if she had no clothes with her? She wouldn't have gone home. Sam would be there with his pack. They wouldn't have let her through. Would they? She couldn't have gone back to Sam. She didn't want to be near Sam.
I heard a whine and then a thousand thoughts hit me at once.
Jacob, Leah thought.
Where were you?
I went back… Home, I mean.
There's something I need to tell you.
Please don't freak out.
She was blocking all her thoughts with a drawing of a house.
Alright, I promise. Where was this going?
Well, I think.. I think I might be.. pregnant.
My heart stopped. I stopped running. I had to remind myself to breathe. And when I did, my heart was pounding in my ears.
I know what you said! Don't repeat it.
Her thoughts came to me then. The drawing of the house suddenly became real. I could see Leah sitting on the porch. She was watching three little kids. The only one that caught my eye was the one she saw playing with some kind of dog. But it wasn't just a dog now. It became a wolf. A brown wolf. Me. The little girl smiled and turned. She had my eyes and smile. She had Leah's hair and face. She- I let out a howl and Leah took the image away.
But it was still in my head. It wouldn't go away.
I took off, back to the Cullen house. I couldn't handle her thoughts. I needed to get out. Soon I was back on two feet. I stopped and looked through one of the bushes. I had put a pair of shorts here.
I walked up to the Cullen's house and sat on the front porch and put my head in my hands. I wasn't ready for this. I had other problems. I shouldn't be worrying about this. I'm only sixteen. I'm not ready for a baby.
"Neither is Leah. So you've got to be there for her."
I turned around. Seth. I hadn't realized I said that aloud.
"I know that. But it's difficult."
"Why? Why can't you just go comfort her?"
"I don't know how to comfort her? What am I suppose to say? "Sorry you're pregnant?"
"Something! You're the father!"
"Ugh, Seth. Please don't say that. I'm not ready for that word."
"Well, you're going to be hearing it."
"I'm not ready for this."
"Yeah, you said that."
"I'm not ready for this. I can't take care of a baby!"
"Who said you're going to touch him?" I hear blondie say.
"Shut up, blonde. I'm not talking about Bella's baby." The words were bitter on my tounge. Baby.
"What is he talking about then?" I heard a hint of concern. It made me shiver.
Someone gritted their teeth. "It's best if we let them tell us," Edward said.
"Them?" Bella asked. "Edward?"
He didn't say anything for a while, then I hear, "Jacob?"
Yeah, I'll be the messanger.
I walked inside and leaned against the wall. Seth took a seat on the couch and avoided eye contact.
"Jacob?" Bella said and looked up. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Blondie rubbed her hands together and was starring at me. Her eyes were careful.
"Why don't you tell them? Since you know everything," I snap at Edward.
"It's not my story to tell."
My heart pounded against my chest. Two words. Two words could make me so unsteady. I hated to show any kind of fear around the bloodsuckers.
I swallowed and said the two words that would make the room go silent. "Leah's pregnant."
I wasn't wrong.
A day later
I held my mom's hand as I waited for the results of the test I just took. The screen was blank and I was starting to think it might have been broken. Then I could see a small symbol start to appear. I had to bit down on my lip to keep from screaming. My mom looked at me and then the little test. She hugged my tightly. I couldn't breathe. I was just so surprised. I cried. But they were tears of relief.
I then realized that I wouldn't change anything. I wanted this. I don't want it any other way. My mom and I just held each other crying. I couldn't help, but keep looking at the screen. At the little symbol. At the plus sign.
Two days later
(Take Note That I Don't Know How This Whole Thing Goes So I'm Trying My Best. I Should Be Researching It So I Can Write It Better, But I'm Too Lazy To Do So. Sorry. (: )
I starred at my stomach. It was already sticking out like a balloon. There's no way I could be that big already. But I was. I thought it was just because I was bloated or something and it added on to the baby.
I remembered what my mom said.
"You're not normal, Leah. Neither Is Jacob. Do you expect your baby to be?"
She finally spared me the time and told me that my baby was growing quickly because of the genes. She said it was just like Bella's baby. Her human gene and Edward's vampire gene were very different and it affected the baby's body. My gene and Jacob's gene were the same, which made it stronger. I didn't understand that and I didn't like how she compared my baby to Bella's demon. She told me to get over myself.
I smiled at the thought while I tapped impatiently on the desk as we waited for Carlisle to come. After I told Jacob I was sure I was pregnant, Carlisle asked me if he could be the one to help me. My mom forced me to say yes to him. She said that my baby was special and that it was best if I didn't go to a normal doctor. I had to prepare myself for the smell that was going to lurk in the house for days.
I haven't seen Jacob since I went back to the Cullen's and told him I was pregnant. He said he needed time to think. I didn't mind that. All I cared about was my baby.
I heard a knock and my mom opened the door. The doctor came in and greeted me and my mom.
"Come in, Carlisle."
"My mom was being too easy about this. She didn't hold grudges, but a vampire is what killed my father. My heart ached at the thought.
He sat near me. "How are you?"
"Are you okay with this?"
"I just want my baby to be safe."
"I can assure you he or she will be."
By the time the Doctor was done I knew my baby was in good health, that I was only a month along, but my baby was already 6 months developed, and that my baby was a girl! I almost hugged Carlisle, but his smell got to me before I could.
"Don't be surprised if tomorrow you wake up and you can't see your feet."
"Thank you so much, Carlisle. I really appreciate it."
"Thank you, for letting me help you. I've always been so fascinated with the way your body works and your genes."
"He's not coming, though.. Is he?"
Carlisle sighed. "I don't know. He's been out running all day."
"Goodbye," I whispered.
He shut the door behind him and I lied back on the couch and starred at my stomach. I couldn't wait to meet her. My little girl. I wondered if she'd look exactly how I pictured her.
"What are you going to name her?" my mom asked.
"I have been thinking of names. What do you think is Kyra?"
"It's a beautiful name."
"I was also thinking about.. Kera."
"It sounds perfect."
"I wish Jacob was here."
"He'll come soon."
"I hope so. I want her to have a father around."
"He can't hide forever."
I smiled. "He could try."
Later that night….
I pulled the covers over my shoulder and starred at my wall. I couldn't stop thinking about Jacob. He should have been there. If not for me, then for Kera. She's going to need him.
I heard a light tap on my window and I turned m head. All I could see was a plant's shadow. There was another tap. I walked over and opened the window.
"Leah," Jacob whispered.
He was standing by the window, leaning against the wall. I stuck my head out.
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Carlisle wouldn't tell me anything."
"Good. You should have been there for her."
"It's a girl."
"I heard her heartbeat."
He frowned. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"I hope that won't be a saying of yours."
"No. I want to be apart of her life. But now, I've got some things to work out."
"Your time with Bella is limited," I guessed.
His eyes darkened. "I don't know how long she'll live."
"What if she doesn't die?"
"Well, then she's going to be a vampire. My time is still limited," he snorted.
He looked at me and then looked down. "Leah, I've said this so many times and it probably means nothing to you anymore, but.. I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I still love you."
"Jacob, It doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is Kera."
"Kera," he sighed.
"K-e-r-a. I just thought of it. Is that okay?"
"It's nice." He smiled.
"You should be will Bella right now. She needs you."
He laughed quietly. "I never thought I would hear you say it." His eyes tightened. "I'm sorry you had to say that. I'm screwed up."
"I don't care. Just make sure you're here for Kera. That's all I ask of you. She needs a father."
I laughed. "Don't promise. Just… say you'll try."
His fists clenched. "I'll try."
"Thank you, Jacob."
"Goodnight, , Kera."
I shut my window and just stood there. Now I know. "Promise is just a word in the beginning. It can only mean something in the end."
You're Probably Wondering Why This Chapter Was So Freaking Long… It's Long Because This Is The Last Chapter. I Was Going To Put It Into Two Or Three, But I Decided To Just Put It all Together Like A Finale !
There Will Be A Sequel, But I Won't Start That Until Later. I'm Working On Something New And I Plan To Stick To Only That For A While… (But My Parents Just Told Me That I Need To Stop Writing All The Time. So Apparently I Shouldn't Write So Much. That Pissed Me Off. Argh !)
I Tried My Best To Make This Last Chapter Really Good, But, You Know Me, I'm Not That Good At Grammer And All That Stuff. Sorry. It's D.I. I Had It For 5 Years.. It Ruined Me. Anyway, I Hope You Enjoyed The Chapter. I Hope That Was Okay For An Ending. I Needed To Plan Our My Story Better.
So For The Sequel, I'm Going To Plan In Out And Then Start Writing. Hopefully I Can Start Posting In July Before School Starts Again. I'm Not Ready For High School! ):
BTW, I Quoted The Last Sentence Because I Just Made That Up.
So Before I End This I Would Like To Say…
Thank You For Everything! Your Reviews, Your Views, You're Messages, Just Everything! I Couldn't Have Done It Without You.
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Selene Daughter of Nyx
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& All Of You Reading This Now.
Thanks & Bye !
27 more days until Eclipse! (28 for some)