53Summary: Songfic Parody! Never-shown-in-theaters Alien vs. Predator scene, featuring the song "I Kissed A Girl," by Katy Perry but with a Scar/Lex twist! There's a whole lotta freaky goin' on!
A/N - Sorry about the weirdness with the spacing, one of these days I'm going to figure all of that out.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Alien franchise, the Predator franchise, the Alien(s) versus Predator franchise, any of the movies, or any of the characters, including the all-too-awesome Scar & Lex, and if I did own my own Yautja or Xenomorph, I wouldn't have to deal with nearly half the bull$#!^ that I do now!
I also do not own Katy Perry (God help me if I ever did) or her song, "I Kissed A Girl," or anything else owned by Capitol (that's the label) - but I am butchering it for my (and hopefully your) amusement nonetheless.
I make no profit - monetary or otherwise - for writing this fanfic, just a happy fangirl feeling. Enjoy! :)
- THE SCENE BEGINS -
So, Scar and Lex are in the pyramid, and they've been kicking Xenomorphic butt all over the place, all day and all night and all day again after that, so when they finally find themselves boxed in by a yet another rather inconvenient shift of the pyramid, they take some time to just chill out, relax, get to know each other better, and - in Lex's case - take a much-needed breather from all the constant ass-busting.
Scar, in a gesture of oh-so-deep appreciation and respect, takes off his super-cool faceplate and shows Lex his true face - which is also super-cool but freaky as hell.
Lex stares expressionlessly. Scar rips out a HOLYGEEZSCAREDMESHITLESS roar in her face, to test her nerve. Lex closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and counts to three, but otherwise continues to remain expressionless. Scar, now bearing our lovely badass heroine more respect than ever, takes an alien trophy claw that he saved - with acid blood on zee tip - and burns the mark of the hunter into her cheek, just as he had done to himself earlier. How sweet.
Lex smiles. Scar... smiles? I guess? Is that what a smile looks like for them? Anyway, they look at each other long and lingeringly; the tender moment seems to be gathering momentum, because they keep getting closer... and closer... and closer... and yet still closer to each other! Until finally, all Scar has to do is give a small tug on Lex's wrist to bring her right up in his face... which he does.
Lex: Oof!
Scar: *Purrrrrrrrrrrrr...*
There is more mutual long and lingering looking for a time, and then the emotion and the tension come to a breaking point - ooh goody, ain't this where it usually gets fun - and Scar leans down, and starts tracing little caressing circular patterns with the tusks of his mandibles on Lex's face, progressing until his whole outer mouth is practically engulfing said face of said you-are-so-in-for-it Lex.
Lex, ever the brave and intrepid, steps out on that limb and puts the smoochies on Scar's inner mouth with her lips and tongue. (On the first date?! ... Lex, you are so grounded.) Both parties (evidently) continue to thoroughly enjoy this really freaky but tender and passionate making-out moment... uh-huh... yeah, okay, moving on now... no really, enough with the snogging, you guys... ALRIGHT ALREADY, BREAK IT UP, DAMMIT! Sheesh!... moving on.
Scar and Lex pull apart - finally - and share a starry-eyed gaze that would be truly gag-me-fluffy were it not so freaky-fascinating, and then the pyramid begins to shift again while Scar dons his mask before they carry on.
- CUE THE MUSIC -
Lex: This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, improv alien-tail spear in hand
Lost my discretion
Scar: I'll say! I got tongue on the first date! WHOO!
Lex: It's not what I'm used to
Just want to try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention
Scar: *shoves Lex against the wall, thus narrowly dodging a Xenomorph alien that she'd failed to see, and puts the whup-ass on said alien - pummeling it dead*
Lex: Oh yeah, definitely caught my attention
I kissed a Predator and I liked it
The taste of his fangy crab-mouth
I kissed a... what the heck are you called anyway?
Scar: Yautja
Lex: -Just to try it
I hope Sebastian don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
Scar: Oh it doesn't, does it? *gives Lex a very skeptical look*
Lex: No, it doesn't *ignores him*
I kissed a Predator and I liked it
I liked it
Scar: Oh, I know you did *chuckles, referring to what his super-infrared vision has indicated to him*
Lex: *still singing* No, I don't even know your name
Scar: It's-
Lex: *interrupts* It doesn't matter,
Scar: *sulks*
Lex: *continues* You're my experimental game
Just Ooman nature,
It's not what,
Earth girls do
Not how they should behave
Scar: But I like it when you don't behave.
Lex: My head gets so confused
Hard to obey
Scar: INCOMING!
- PAUSE MUSIC -
Scar blasts, knifes, and piledrives a group of Xenomorphs that our heroes have just encountered, while Lex knocks, whacks, and impales them with shield & spear, until every last one of them is left in a steamy, acidic pile of carnage-en-royale.
- RESUME MUSIC -
Lex: I kissed a Predator and I liked it
The taste of his freaky inner-mouth
I kissed a... how do you say that again?
Scar: *slightly irritated* Yautja
Lex: -Just to try it
I hope that my boss don't mind it
Scar: What the hell does your boss have to do with any of this? I knifed that old geezer already!
Lex: It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
Scar: Yeah, right, just keep telling yourself that *rolls eyes*
Lex: I kissed a Predator and I liked it
I liked it
Predators are so magical
Scaly skin, sharp fangs, with mandibles
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent
Scar: *crosses his arms* Oh is it? *checks her out with super-infrared again and then smirks wickedly* Liar.
Lex: I kissed a Predator and I liked it
The taste of his lipless toothiness
I kissed a... was it "Yautja?"
Scar: Yes
Lex: -Just to try it
I hope that facehugger there don't mind it
Scar: *slice-n-dices the offending facehugger coming at Lex before it can rape her face*
Lex: It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight... Okay, maybe I am
Scar: Thank you! *grins, vindicated*
Lex: I kissed a Predator and I liked it
I liked it
- END SCENE -
A/N - You know the drill. COMMENT! CRITICIZE! REVIEW! And if y'all like, I'll do an ALIEN version for this song as well!
Btw, credit goes to Solain Rhyo for the 'face-raping' concept. READ HER FICS, YO! YOU ARE MISSING OUT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!