"So how'd you find out about this stuff," Naruto asked.
"From this creepy merchant," Kisame replied. "He said this stuff would help Itachi see things, and he has crappy vision anyway!"
"Uh oh…I think the stuff is wearing off," Itachi said.
"Crap," Kisame and Naruto exclaimed.
"Where's that creepy merchant when you need him?"
"Right here stranger," a gruff voice replied. The three shinobi shrieked with fright as they launched into the air. A man wearing a hood and mask, hunched over stared up at the cowering shinobi in the tree. "It's only me, I won't bite."
"Oh," Itachi sighed out. "Good." The Uchiha jumped down in front of the merchant. "We need all the stuff you got."
"What stuff," the merchant asked.
"That grass stuff," Kisame shouted from the tree, inching towards a squirrel on the end of a branch. "Gotcha!" The swordsmen dove forward just as the squirrel jumped to the next tree. Kisame broke through the tree branch then crashed on the ground behind Itachi.
"I have grass stuff?"
"Yeah," Naruto exclaimed. "That grass stuff that we smoke!"
"OH THAT stuff," the merchant replied. "Got something special for ya right here stranger…s…" The merchant pulled his coat open, causing the three shinobi to shriek in a high pitch tone again. "What?" The man looked down then quickly covered his nudity. "Whoops, my bad…I also flash people for fun." Itachi turned around, seeing Kisame rocking back and forth in the fetal position while sucking his thumb. "Here ya go, Christmas came early!" The merchant grabbed a giant bag from behind a tree and tossed it at Itachi and Naruto's feet.
"Is it full of stuff," Naruto asked.
"Full of stuff," the merchant replied.
"Good stuff," Itachi inquired.
"Very good stuff," the merchant answered. "Probably my best stuff ever."
"Now that's crazy stuff," Itachi exclaimed.
"So much…naked…ness," Kisame murmured.
"Well I'd best be off," the merchant said. "No reason for me to stick around." In a flash, the merchant was gone.
"We got more weed," Itachi shouted, throwing his head up to the sky.
"Really," Kisame screamed excitedly. "Let me see!" The three shinobi opened the bag, seeing the mother load of weed. "Holy Poseidon!"
"Holy Poseidon," Naruto and Itachi questioned as they looked up.
"What, I'm a shark. Poseidon is like my god."
"Oh," the two echoed with understanding.
"Kisame, get that paper stuff," Itachi ordered.
"You got it boss!" Kisame grabbed his sword, but something funky happened. The sword fused with Kisame's arm then started forming all over his body. "Uh oh…"
"What's going on," Naruto asked, eyes wide with shock.
"Not this again," Kisame muttered. The entire sword fused with Kisame, giving him gills, fins and an overall shark looking appearance, more so than usual.
"Okay…now you definitely look like a shark," Itachi stated. "Even without the squinting."
"I hate when this happens, stupid sword that likes to fuse with me. Ya know, he wouldn't fuse with me when I was fighting that old four tailed Jinchuriki! Apparently we can only do this when it's convenient for HIM! Well what about my needs damn it!" Kisame threw his arms around Itachi and cried into his shoulder.
"Shh, shh, shh, it's okay freaky shark-man," Itachi said, patting Kisame's pack gently. "I don't think you're anymore creepy than when I first met you." Kisame's sobbing grew louder as his shoulders shook.
"Hey guys, what's that," Naruto asked. Itachi and Kisame looked up, seeing birds flying through the air.
"I'll tell you what those are," Itachi began. "Those are LUNCH!"
"Say whaaaaaaaaaaat," Naruto questioned. "How're supposed to get all the way up there?"
"Like this," Itachi shouted. The Uchiha leaped in the air and flipped backwards, his feet placed firmly in Kisame's hands.
"Silver fish hand catch," Kisame shouted.
Kisame hurled Itachi into the air. The Uchiha made a series of hand signs then launched a fireball, setting all the birds aflame. Several dozen flaming birds fell from the sky and landed on the ground, setting a few bushes and other woodland creatures on fire. Itachi landed between Naruto and super shark Kisame, looking back and forth between the both of them.
"Why'd I do that again," the Uchiha questioned. The two shinobi shrugged. "Well…we need paper. And Kisame's sword ate it all before fusing with him. Who do we know who has paper?"
"I do," Naruto shouted.
The energetic blonde reached into his back pouch and grabbed a kunai with a paper tag on the end of it. He ripped the tag off then handed it to Kisame. The shark put some weed on it and rolled it up. Itachi shot a small fireball to light the tip of it. Kisame took a deep breath, but was cut off halfway through by a huge explosion which consumed his head. Naruto and Itachi stared at the smoke then back to each other and then back at the Kisame. The smoke cleared, revealing Kisame's face was burned, but overall intact.
"I think that was an explosive tag…"
"Or…this stuff is SO good it literally blows your mind," Naruto exclaimed.
"We need different paper," Itachi snapped, ignoring Naruto's idea.
"Wait, whose that one chick, who has all that paper?"
"My secretary," Itachi asked.
"We get secretaries," Kisame questioned.
"Akatsuki senior members do," Itachi replied.
"Well no, that one person we know. She has blue hair!"
"Bulma," Naruto shouted. Kisame and Itachi both hit Naruto on the back of the head, causing the Jinchuriki to fall face first into the dirt.
"Wait," Itachi said. "Konan?"
"YES! She has like millions of papers right? We can ask for some!"
"But what if she says no," Itachi asked.
"Then we offer her some of the stuff."
"The good stuff," Naruto asked.
"This good stuff," Kisame confirmed.
"It's decided," Itachi exclaimed. "ON TO AMEGAKURE!"
In Amegakure, Pain, Konan, and Madara were all sitting in a circle in big comfy chairs. Madara leaned back and put his feet on the table before sighing loudly.
"This is the life ain't it," Madara asked. "We have control of an organization, we only need two more Jinchuriki to rule the world. Things are awesome."
"Except we only have six members left, two of which we told to stay in hiding, while Pain and I haven't done jack shit since the formation of Akatsuki, and Zetsu doesn't do anything for us anyway! And get your damn feet off my table! I swear, living with Pain is bad enough sometimes. I have to clean up his messes all the damn time! Just because he's a walking corpse doesn't mean you can't pick shit up after yourself! Damn it!" Konan stood up and stormed out of the room. Madara watched her leave then looked back at Pain.
"That time of the month," Pain replied with a heavy sigh.
"Ah." Madara took his feet off the table and leaned towards Pain. "So, we need to capture the Kyuubi. Think you and Konan can handle it?" Madara set his cup of hot tea on the table.
"USE A COASTER," Konan's voice shrieked from halfway across the tower. Madara snapped his head around, completely astonished before he looked back at the cup and up to Pain.
"I'd suggest doing it," Pain stated. Madara sighed, lifted his cup up, slid over a coaster and set it down on top of it. "The Kyuubi, no problem. Right now I'd just have to sick Konan on him and he should be captured in no time."
"I want him alive though," Madara stated.
"Oh…right, that is a problem," Pain muttered. Just then, the speaker on the table between Madara and Pain beeped.
Pain pressed the replied button, "Konan has a visit from her aunt Flow, can I help you Suzan?"
"Well Itachi and Kisame are here and they want to speak with Konan—hey what're you doing?"
"Eat her Kisame!" There was a roar over the intercom followed by Suzan shrieking with terror. "Is this thing on? Hello, I am god!"
"Itachi, damn it, were you smoking weed again! Wait…DID YOU JUST TELL ME YOU WERE GOD?"
"God damn it…I mean, Pain damn it!"
"We need to talk to Konan boss man. Is she available? And I don't mean can she talk! HI-OH!"
"Nice," Kisame exclaimed. The sound of a pair of hands slapping together was heard. Pain shook his head then looked up to Madara.
"Don't look at me, he ain't my son."
"He's your descendant though," Pain snapped.
"Who're you talking to?"
"Madara," Pain replied angrily.
"Hi Madara! How're you man, I haven't talked to you in…well I guess since I killed my entire clan with your help right? How've ya been?"
"Itachi, what the hell is the matter with you," Pain barked.
"Hey Itachi, ask them if they have any food, I'm starving!"
"Me too, I could go for some ramen! Believe IT!" Madara and Pain both snapped their heads up to one another, Sharingan meeting Rinnengan.
"Itachi," Pain began, dragging said Uchiha's name out as much as possible. "Is that Naruto Uzumaki…?"
"Huh, oh yeah it is."
"The same Naruto Uzumaki who is the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi…?"
"Aren't you supposed to, oh I dunno, CAPTURE HIM?"
"He doesn't have to yell about it does he," Kisame questioned bitterly.
"YOU IDIOTS! I'm coming down to capture Naruto myself!"
"Dude, we just want to talk to Konan. We need her skills."
"FINALLY!" Madara and Pain looked to the back of the room as Konan walked with a smirk on her face. "At least SOMEONE appreciates my abilities!"
"Do you have super hearing or something," Madara questioned. Konan turned around and headed towards the exit.
"Wait, Konan, they have Na-,"
"I DON'T CARE," Konan snapped as she spun around, delivering a punch to Pain's face that would put Tsunade to shame.
Madara watched as Pain flew through him and landed perfectly back into the chair across from him. The masked Uchiha turned his head to Pain and then back at Konan who was now gone.
"What'd I get myself into here…?"
"So let me get this straight," Konan began after meeting with Itachi, Kisame, and Naruto. "You all are high…and you can't get high unless you have paper to roll your weed up in…and you want me to give you paper…"
"That's about right," Itachi stated.
"And why is Kisame looking extra shark-ish today?"
"My stupid sword is being stupid," Kisame replied, crossing his arms while he pouted.
"And why haven't you tried to capture Naruto yet?"
"Our way of sticking it to the man," Itachi answered.
"FUCK YEAH," Konan shouted. "Alright, let's get HIGH!" Konan threw her arms out, releasing dozens of papers throughout the air.
"Grab them before they get away," Itachi ordered. Naruto, Itachi, and Kisame all started jumping in the air, snatching papers out of the air.
"Roll em up," Kisame snapped. The trio started sprinkling grass into the paper then rolling them up. Itachi made a fireball that lit the tips of all the joints. They quickly took a deep puff and sighed with relief, the smoke coming out of Kisame's gills and Naruto and Itachi's mouths.
"Give me one of those damn things," Konan snatched Kisame's joint.
"Hey!" The blue haired kunoichi took a long drag then exhaled slowly.
"That's the good stuff."
"You've had this stuff," Itachi asked.
"Pain and I use to smoke it back in the day. Nowadays he's such a square. It's all, 'capture the Jinchuriki this, capture the Jinchuriki that, I'm making a huge speech about why wars are caused.' Ugh he irritates me so much."
"Why does he want to capture all the Jinchuriki," Kisame asked.
"We thought it'd be for a petting zoo," Itachi added.
"I wish," Konan snapped. "He wants to use the Jinchuriki as a weapon of mass destruction so that people would stop fighting and he could bring peace to the world through an endless chain of hatred or something, I dunno."
"That doesn't make a lot of sense," Naruto stated.
"I know right." Konan took a drag from the joint and blew the smoke in the air. Kisame, having just rolled a new joint, took a short hit.
"A petting zoo would've been so much fun…"
"Say, whatever happened with your brother Itachi," Konan asked.
"Uh…I think we just passed him on our way here. He tried to hurt us be we kicked his ass with this!" Itachi threw a punch at Naruto, hitting him in the back of his head. The blonde wavered and started laughing before him and Itachi started boxing in a rather unorthodox way.
Konan exhaled a stream of smoke slowly, 'The Stoner's Fist…who would've thought they'd be masters at it…'
"You think he followed us," Kisame asked.
"Nah," Itachi replied. A beam of concentrated lightning flew by Itachi's head, missing him by the hairs hanging on the sides of his face. "I don't think he's that mad at me."
"ITACHI!" The trio Akatsuki members and Naruto looked back, seeing Sasuke storming up to his older brother, Sharingan burning with rage as the bored through his brother.
"Oh hey, we were just talking about you! How're you doin Sasuke?"
"SHUT UP! I don't know what the hell is the matter with you, but I'm going to kill you and avenge the Uchiha Clan once and for all!"
"Where's the rest of those teammates you got," Kisame asked.
"They—we met some guards as we followed you guys…I left them behind."
"Douche," Naruto shouted. "That's all you are! Douche bag! D-o-o-shhhhhh bag!"
"SHUT UP NARUTO! I'm going to finish you after I finish Itachi!"
"Can someone shut him up," Konan asked, rubbing the side of her head.
"And then I'll kill you Akatsuki whore!" Konan's eyes snapped open, her face showing outright disbelief and rage.
Itachi, Kisame, and Naruto all took a hit while they watched Konan march over towards Sasuke. Naruto, Itachi, and Kisame watched as Konan began beating Sasuke off screen. There were repeated punching sounds, followed by someone (Sasuke) hitting the ground with a groan. The trio twitched as Konan continued pounding the little brat on the ground. Naruto turned away and vomited while Kisame pulled on his hair with disbelief and Itachi's eyes were wide and his lower jaw was trembling. A few more beatings, some dirt and rocks flying past the trio, and for some reason a chicken squawking, and Konan walked back next to the trio and continued smoking.
Sasuke lied on his face with his body sticking straight up into the air, his right arm twisted around, knees broken, seven out of ten fingers snapped, nose crooked, and to top it off he was bleeding at an alarming rate.
"What," Konan snapped. "I have cramps damn it, so leave me alone!"
"Ohhhhhhhhhhhh," Itachi and Kisame replied.
"Why does she have cramps," Naruto asked.
"That's a talk for another time Naruto," Itachi said, patting the blonde on the shoulder. "Maybe when I'm sober and fully understand the female anatomy one day I'll tell you…" Itachi stared at the sky solemnly with a smile on his face. Naruto looked up at Itachi then over to Sasuke who was twitching slightly.
"Is he dead," Kisame finally asked, pointing to Sasuke.
"I don't care," Itachi replied.
Madara lied back in his chair, waiting for Pain to regain consciousness. 'Did she knock Nagato out too somehow?' Finally, the orange haired zombie began to stir. "Oh good, you're awake. Bad news: I don't hear any fighting or explosions, but I did hear a chicken…but anyway, I don't think Konan, Itachi, OR Kisame are going to capture Naruto. Now it's all up to you."
"You're kidding," Pain stated. "I can't take on Konan when she's on her period!"
"Are you joking? You're the strongest member of Akatsuki!"
"I'm always the strongest…except once every month or so. Wait, if I'm the strongest then why are you-,"
"Shut up, and take care of that stuff right now! Then once you're done update my subscription to Masked Mastermind's Monthly." Pain rolled his eyes then stood to his feet and walked towards the door. "You're going to update my subscription right?"
"I'll think about it," Pain shouted back.
"You'd better! I'm supposed to have my own article next to Slade from the Teen Titans! Pain! You'd better update that damn subscription!"
Outside, Kisame was chasing Naruto in a game of tag while Konan and Itachi were sitting down and talking. Oddly enough, Konan still wasn't high, despite it being her second cigarette.
"So—so how is your hair so blue," Itachi asked.
"I don't know honestly," Konan replied as she took a puff. "I don't even dye it or anything."
"I was—I was thinking about dying my hair."
"Oh yeah? What color?"
"DUDE, that'd be so cool!" Okay, maybe she was just a tiny bit on the high side.
"Dude, I can't run," Kisame shouted. "This damn form it, it makes me slouched over so I can't run!"
"I know," Itachi replied. "It's so funny to watch!"
"That's not cool man, what if you turned into a weasel?"
"I can't—I can't do that," Itachi stuttered. "I don't have some crazy sword that can turn me into a shark. Wait…will that thing work on me?"
"Dude, dude let's try it! Sword, fuse with Itachi!" The last surviving Uchiha shot up and ran over towards Kisame as his sword moved out of him.
"Fuuuuuuuuuu," Itachi arched his arms from his left over to the right, fully extended with his fingers pointed out. "Shion!" His arms moved over to his left again, as did his right knee. "HA!" Itachi extended his fingers and arched to the right, touching Kisame's sword. There was a blinding flash of light that caused Kisame, Konan, and Naruto to cover their eyes. The light faded, revealing Itachi with blue skin, hair spiked back, razor sharp teeth, fins and gills.
"Holy hell," Naruto shouted, jumping out of his shirt…literally.
"Dude," Itachi exclaimed. "Th-this is crazy shit man! I must be trippin!"
"Hey, you do know that's how I got my blue skin in the first place right," Kisame questioned. Itachi threw his head back and shrieked loudly enough to break nearby windows, shake the ground, and for some reason cause the tips of all the cigarettes to burst spontaneously for a brief moment. "I'm just messing with you man, my mom was part shark."
"Oh thank god," Itachi sighed out. "So your mom was half shark?"
"Part guy, part shark, part robot, and part bitch," Kisame stated. "My daddy was a rapist…wait…GUAH! No daddy, not the closet!"
"Hey, what's that," Naruto asked, arching backwards as he pointed to something. Itachi and Konan looked over, seeing a missile coming straight for them.
"Uh oh," Konan muttered. "Take cover!" The four shinobi dove as the missile hit, causing a catastrophic explosion.
Naruto was falling towards a surface of water and fell through completely. The crazy part being it was only two feet deep. The blonde's spiky hair came through the surface as he swam through the water, eyes shifting around. Suddenly, a hand picked him up by his hair and lifted him out of the water. Naruto was looking into Pain's eyes, focusing solely on him.
"You're coming with me Jinchuriki," Pain stated. Naruto chuckled with a goofy smile on his face. The Akatsuki leader delivered a powerful punch to Naruto's stomach. The blonde coughed out in pain, releasing a cloud of smoke in the face of Pain. The orange haired body coughed, waving the smoke out of his face.
'Uh oh…this isn't good!' Elsewhere, Nagato, boney and thin, started feeling the side affects from the smoke. "Shit! I'm…I'm…I'm fucking hungry!"
Naruto spat as his coughing fit stopped. Pain stood still before falling to the ground limply. Naruto landed on his back, laughing at nothing. Suddenly, a fin broke through the water and swam slowly towards Naruto. The blonde shrieked as he scrambled back with the Jaws theme playing in the background.
"RAWR!" Itachi jumped out of the water and right over Naruto, slamming face first into a stone wall. Naruto chuckled then rolled to the side as Itachi fell to the ground. Kisame walked up, placed his hand on Itachi's skin then pulled back.
"Give me that back!" Kisame's sword was pulled from Itachi's body, taking its blue complexion, gills and fins with it.
"What the hell did you do to Pain," Konan asked. Suddenly, a wall from many stories up exploded as a giant machine came plummeting to the ground. It landed with a ground shaking effect. Nagato had a goofy smirk on his face as he stared at the three Akatsuki members before him.
"I got the munchies, does anyone else got the munchies?"
"That's the boss," Kisame asked.
"Was he in the holocaust," Itachi questioned.
"Who's got food? I'm really hungry man! Wait, where's Tobi?"
"Madara, I don't know," Konan muttered. "Hey, did you really eat our secretary?" Itachi, Kisame, and Naruto looked to each other then snapped their attention back to Konan, eyes wide and scared.
"No," Itachi replied quickly. Kisame belched and a nametag came out. "That was another secretary…" Once again, he belched, releasing a pair of glasses. Itachi snapped his fear filled eyes to Kisame then started sweating as he looked back to Konan. The shark man let out a long burp, shooting out a button-up shirt, a skirt, a thong, bra, and one high-heel shoe. "Now that you mention it: I am really hungry."
"Yeah, me too," Kisame replied.
Back in the tower upstairs, Madara was becoming impatient. He tapped his foot while looking out the window. There weren't any explosions, not signs of fighting anywhere! Madara leaned forward and pressed a button.
"Suzan! Wait…she got eaten…" The masked Uchiha sighed then teleported away.
Back downstairs, Naruto walked up to Konan and put on a funny accent. "Hello ladies, how are you? Fantastic. Does your man look like me?"
"Well Deva Path sort of-,"
"No, can he smell like me?"
"Well Deva Path smells like-,"
"Yes. Should he use Old Spice body wash? I don't know. Do you like the smell of adventure? Do you want a man who smells like he can build you a gourmet cake in the dream kitchen he built you with his own hands?"
"I'm giving you until the count of three," Konan warned.
"Of course you do. Swan dive!" Konan delivered a powerful punch straight into Naruto's face, launching the Jinchuriki out of his pants. "INTO THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR LIFE!" Just then, Madara appeared behind the trio.
"What the hell is going on," Madara questioned. "Where'd the Jinchuriki go?"
"Oh shit," Nagato muttered to Itachi and Kisame. "It's the boss, act cool."
"Wait, Tobi is the boss," Kisame asked.
"Tobi," Itachi asked. "I see a freaking LOLLIPOP!"
"Dude, you're stupid." Itachi lowered his head and pouted while Kisame, narrowed his eyes at him before moving them to Madara. Kisame's eyes widened upon seeing the giant orange circle. "DUDE! Do you see that HUGE freaking lollipop?
"Man that's a big lollipop," Itachi shouted.
"Let's eat it," Nagato suggested. The Akatsuki trio lunged forward at Madara, causing him to shriek with fright and teleport out of the way.
"What the hell is wrong with them," Madara screamed. "Konan, help me!" The blue haired kunoichi took a puff from her cigarette then blew it into Madara's eye. Madara screamed like a five year old girl as tears started flooding out of his eye. "It burns! How did you know the Sharingan was my one weakness!"
"Lollipop," Kisame shouted. Madara opened his eye, seeing a blurry figure coming towards him, then darkness.
Kisame pulled his head back and started munching and crunching. A look of distaste came across his face.
"What's it like," Itachi asked.
"Nasty," Kisame gurgled before spitting Tobi's mask out.
"How dare you guys," Nagato shouted. "I wanted that lollipop! And you didn't do that thing I told you to do! I'm supposed to be the leader here!" Konan rolled her eyes then walked towards Nagato.
In Konoha, Sakura, Hinata, and Ino were walking down the streets and talking calmly. The girls laughed about something before something caught Sakura's eye. The pink haired kunoichi looked up, seeing a tiny black dot in the sky.
"What's that," she asked. Ino squinted her eyes, but couldn't see the dot. Hinata activated her Byakugan and gasped.
"What is it," the blonde asked.
"There's a spider here," Hinata replied, quickly smacking the arachnid out of the way. "Oh, and that dot is Naruto." Ino and Sakura hummed with acknowledgement then looked to each other. There was a moment of silence before the three girls looked up with their eyes widened and jaws dropped.
"Somebody fat get in MY WAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
Unfortunately, Choji and his dad were out on a mission, but luckily, and oddly, Danzo was there to break Naruto's fall. The old man snapped under the sudden force, his legs, spine, and neck all breaking into powder. Naruto slowly got up and stumbled forward before he was hit by a random bus. The three Konoha girls gasped with shock, but Naruto still got up. The bus door opened and Sasuke's mangled body fell out in front of the girls. Hinata's eyes widened slightly as she turned to Sakura and Ino who were looking normal.
"Are you two okay?"
"Yeah, why wouldn't we be," Ino asked.
"Didn't you both like Sasuke?"
"Yeah, three years ago," Sakura replied. "Three years without the idiot gave us time to see that he was just a jerk."
"Yeah, I'm not going to cry just because he's dead, even though that is a disturbing sight." Next, Madara's headless carcass rolled out next. "I stand corrected…" Next, Nagato fell on top of the two Uchiha corpses. "Once again: I stand corrected…"
"Dude, how did we get here so fast," Itachi asked, staggering out of the bus. The last living Uchiha had his Akatsuki robe rapped around his neck like a cape.
"I dunno, but I know next time we shouldn't let a woman drive," Kisame said, nearly falling flat on his face.
The shark swordsmen had his Akatsuki robe tied around his neck like a bib. Konan came out without her Akatsuki robe, wearing a long, elegant, dark blue, backless dress causing every guy and girl in the streets to stare on gapping.
Suddenly, Tsunade came walking into the streets, standing before Konan and the high Itachi and Kisame. Itachi was running around with his arms in front of him, making an engine sound as he ran around like a superhero. Kisame meanwhile was eating the bus they rode in on.
"What the hell is all of this," Tsunade asked angrily.
"A peace offering," Konan replied. "What use to be Sasuke Uchiha, a headless Madara Uchiha, and the current leader of Akatsuki all right here. In exchange, you give me, Itachi, and Kisame clean slates. Sounds fair right? Three criminals for three clean slates."
"You've got to be kidding me! Why in the world would I-,"
Konan suddenly locked lips with the Sannin, causing everyone to gap in awe. Even the stoned Itachi, Kisame, and Naruto watched with shock, and not just because they were acting stupid. Even baked, they knew that this incredibly hot sight was something you experience once every lifetime. What nobody saw though was Konan blowing smoke down Tsunade's throat, slowly but surely getting the Hokage high off her rocket. Konan removed her mouth, allowing Tsunade to chuckle like an idiot.
"O-okay, you guys are cool with us," Tsunade replied.
"What…just happened," Ino asked.
"I think the world is coming to an end," Sakura spat out.
"Uh…girls." Hinata pointed towards Naruto who was shirtless, due to jumping out of it when Itachi became a shark, and pantless due to Konan punching him right out of most of his clothes.
"Holy hunk," Ino exclaimed.
"Hubba, hubba, come to mamma!"
"I'd like to ride that stallion across the countryside," Hinata said, practically drooling. The girls looked to each other then back at Naruto. Somehow, and quite ironically, he was sitting on a horse.
"COME HERE," the three girls shouted as they pounced the blonde Jinchuriki. Itachi and Kisame looked down, watching as the girls tore his boxers off and proceeded to having sex with Naruto right in front of everyone.
"Hey, is that Danzo," Kisame asked, randomly pointing to the mangled figure that use to be the old man.
"That is," Itachi replied. "Hey, he's dead…that's cool."
"Hey guys," Konan called out. Itachi and Kisame looked up, seeing the stoned Tsunade holding onto Konan's arm. "Tsunade and I are going to head back to her office and discuss some 'politics' with Shizune, Anko, and Kurenai. Wanna join?"
"Kurenai," Itachi repeated. "Isn't she pregnant?"
"Nope, she had the baby and lost all that baby weight."
"I dunno," Kisame muttered. "I'm not big on politics. I mean I've killed like twenty seven political figures. It would be twenty eight if killing Barack Obama wouldn't be such a huge controversy…seriously, I'm not white either! I'm blue!"
"Kisame, I think they're talking about having sex…" Kisame's eyes widened as he looked over to Konan who nodded with a smirk.
"Alright I'm in! Wait, sex with whom? Cause I don't wanna have sex with you Itachi!"
"Oh that would be messed up. Konan, are Kisame and I going to have sex with the women or each other?"
"The women," Konan replied. "And the women might have sex with the women too."
"I'm in," Itachi and Kisame said simultaneously. The two followed Tsunade and Konan down the streets.
"Hey Itachi," Kisame piped up.
"This wouldn't have happened without weed would it? I mean, we killed and captured Akatsuki's leaders, killed your brother, killed Danzo."
"Yeah, we killed all the bad guys," Itachi exclaimed. "And—and!" The last Uchiha pointed back to the dust cloud that was Naruto's foursome. "Naruto is with both Sakura, Ino, and Hinata, so we ended those pairing wars that everyone bitches about!"
"And we're about to have a huge orgy ourselves," Kisame stated.
"Dude, life is sweet!" The two partners head butted each other, staggering back a bit before running down the streets to join Tsunade and Konan.
Well for starters I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't as funny as the last two…I guess I was running out of material. Also, I don't want Barack dead! Again: just running out of material! I love that man! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, leave reviews if you enjoyed!