Itachi and Kisame were walking side by side as the cameramen readied to finish things up in the studio. A pair of girls walked up and asked for Itachi's autograph to which he signed. A pair of you female fish asked for Kisame's autograph as well. The duo walked on, chatting casually before they noticed you all watching.
"Oh, hey there," Itachi waved with a smile.
"I guess this is for like the bonus features or something," Kisame asked.
"I have no idea why, it's not like we're on a DVD, it's a freaking fan-fiction," Itachi muttered. "Still, the author is a noble person with morals, so he just wants us to talk to you all, the reader, about the use of drugs."
"They're not even drugs," Kisame exclaimed. "It's grass, it grows from the ground!" Suddenly, a figure shot from the side and Dynamic Enteried Kisame's face. "YEOW! What the hell?"
"Kisame, stick to the script," the author snapped.
"Whatever, don't smoke weed because it's bad!"
"I didn't write that!"
"You're writing this whole thing right now! I'm saying what you're writing!"
"This is why I hate these things," the author muttered, shaking his head. "You all are too freaking eager to break the damn fourth wall!"
"To have a fourth wall you need three walls," Kisame shouted. "We have NO walls because we're in a damn fan-fiction!"
"Can both of you shut up," Itachi questioned. "I'd like to do my job and get paid already."
"Did he just tell me to shut up," the author asked.
"Itachi is like the Chuck Norris of anime. He's so badass he can insult the author of any fan-fiction he's written in."
"That is pretty cool…"
"I speak for the three of us when I say: we support the legalization of marijuana. However, you have to know when to smoke it and obviously when to not."
"Smoking weed isn't going to cure the world's problems like it did for us," Kisame continued. "Nor will it guarantee an orgy with various, smoking women."
"Nor will it guarantee the demise of douche bags, terrorists, old people, or assholes," Itachi added. "However, that doesn't mean smoking weed doesn't have its advantages."
"It helps you notice shit," Kisame stated. "Sometimes stupid stuff, sometimes very deep stuff that can help you find yourself. But still, mostly stupid stuff. Stupid stuff that the asshole you call your friend will record and post on the internet. You know, that guy you're probably telling to read this story and he says 'meh, I'll get to it.' That basically means he doesn't care and thinks your opinion is about lower than shit. Still, there's a one in twenty shot that you'll find something deep through the use of weed."
"A one in twenty shot? That's better than your chances with ecstasy, tobacco, or alcohol. Still, everyone has that one asshole of a friend who'll record you being high and post it on the web. What you do to get him back? Fart on his pillow and give him pinkeye. Still, you should only smoke weed around your friends, coworkers, or people around your age group. You should never smoke around your boss or parents."
"Otherwise shit'll happen. Bad, bad shit…that's why I'm always wanting to cut people to ribbons!"
"You should never smoke weed in public. Granted it's hilarious to watch people act like idiots in public, but it's not as funny when you're that idiot."
"Unless you have friends to record you so you can laugh at yourself later," Kisame replied. "But again, that's when they put that recording on the web."
"The point of your friend recording you in public is so you can laugh at yourself. Not everyone in the world."
"Besides the web is used for other things," Kisame stated. "Like porn! Or hentai."
"Ooh, hentai, that's always good. And there's a chance that if you post someone smoking weed on the web, then you could get in trouble for it. Not like posting a video of some five year old kid eating a spoon full of brown sugar. That's just fucked up, but still side-splittingly funny."
"And if you're going to make kids do stuff and post it online, make them do funnier stuff, like going down an icy hill at a hundred miles an hour only to slam into a tree."
"It's the internet," Itachi stated. "I'm almost positive they'd have that somewhere. Basically what we're saying is be responsible when you smoke weed. Don't smoke it while driving, during a job interview, while on a date with your girlfriend."
"Unless she smokes weed too," Kisame snapped.
"So yeah, take these ideas to heart and just maybe weed will become legal someday." Itachi and Kisame looked to one another then back at you, the reader. "Most likely not though…still being responsible will keep you out of trouble."
"So don't say we didn't warn you. OR I'LL CUT YOU TO RIBBONS! This is Kisame Hoshigaki."
"And Itachi Uchiha, saying:"
"Smoke responsibly." The two partners solute you, the reader, then walk out of the camera view.