18Once Upon A Time...
Once upon a time, we had been so joyously happy. So perfect. I knew I was lucky, not many people have the happiness that I've felt. I had been in love. I had the man I loved love me back. Do you know what that feels like? It's magical.
It's been ten years. I've been married to Embry Call, the love of my life, for ten years.
I remember when we got married. It was one of the most amazing days of my entire life. It was phenomenal. The look in Embry's eyes as I walked up the isle…
I'd never thought that he'd ever wangle me into having a proper blown out wedding, but him being Embry, he managed it. I loved him so much that I'd do anything for him. And honestly, I was fucking grateful. I can remember those love-filled eyes so much.
I was still in love with him. Still so, so, so, so in love with him. I didn't deserve Embry. I still knew I didn't.
But somehow, things have changed. The excitement in his eyes had dulled, even though I still felt the same adrenaline course through my veins at the mention of his name.
He was just so freaking perfect, I didn't care that he'd stopped caring for me like he used to. The amount of love I had for him made up for his lack of.
So when I walked in through the door from work, I wasn't expecting Embry to jump up, run at me, looking happy to be in my presence again. I knew I didn't deserve it, anyway. I got it once – and that was more than enough. Before, the door wouldn't even be shut before we were all but making love – that's another thing that's changed; the sex. Embry used to take time and care to pleasure me – he'd get high off of the mere sounds of my orgasm. I haven't even had an orgasm in years. It's not like we didn't have sex, we did, and I think I still had the same effect on him – physically – but he was just a little bit less enthusiastic with returning the favour. Sex was more about him now. Not that I cared – I still loved him more than anything.
Anyway, as I was saying, when I walked through the door Embry didn't even look up from his paper work. As the manager of the garage now, he had a lot of work to do.
"Hey," he said casually as I walked over to him.
"Hey," I replied. He moved his face slightly so my lips caught the corner of his mouth instead of his cheek.
"Good day at work?" he asked, smiling.
It's moments like that that I regret saying things have changed. He is still so lovely and caring and amazing. I smiled and nodded and he nodded at me, returning to his work, dropping his hand.
In all truths, I wasn't okay, though.
It wasn't more than a fortnight ago that I found my father, stone cold dead. He slit his own wrist; he was dead long before I'd come to the house. But it was still my fault. The idea – to take his life, especially from the cut wrist – it was mine. It's what I'd done... except I'd failed. He, alike myself when I'd attempted, had become unable to deal with the pain. The pain that I'd caused him from killing my mother.
Consequently, I now have the anniversary of both of my parent's deaths on my birthday.
It hurts.
It hurts to know that the people who I grew up depending on, the people I loved more than anything, had died because of me. That I'd caused the death of the people who'd created me. And the images… I can't stop the images of my parents dead bodies from floating around my head.
I can't stop thinking about how if I were never born, they would still be alive.
I hadn't even cried properly yet. Theo and Laura had been an absolute mess, so I had to stay strong for them. They needed someone to care for them, and because I was the reason they had to look for alternatives to their parents in the first place, it was only just that I filled the position.
I had foolishly expected Embry to know when I needed to cry. He had been so well at uncovering the hints my masked emotions, that when I came home from the funeral, stumbled over to him as he took his jacket off, I expected him to open his arms to me.
Instead he just replied, "I'm sorry, baby, I know this is hard for you, but I really have to go to the garage. You don't like crying in front of me anyway, though, so you don't have to worry, now." He smiled and kissed my forehead before leaving.
It was okay, really. I'd led him to believe he was right. Ever since that night I went hysterical on his ass, I'd found a greater comfort in his arms than I ever found in sobbing my face off, finding an unscathed section of skin and digging a sharp object into my body to relinquish the pain like I used to.
But it's fine. I was lucky to have him.
"How's work at the garage?" I asked him and he just started shushing me as he scribbled furiously down at the page. "Sorry," I murmured, curling my hand in a fist before I could placed it on his hand, and I retreated out to the kitchen.
And then it's times like that, which show me how things have changed. He always brushes me off. He never wants to properly talk or touch anymore. But it doesn't matter. I know I deserve it. He promised that he'd never stop loving me, and I told him I wouldn't ever believe it.
I lied.
Ironic, that. The one thing I shouldn't have believed, I did.
Like everything we've been through – everything he's ever said to me, ever promised, that it all just went away. It was all a lie.
When we were younger, I'd told him he'd fall out of love with me. But over the years, I stopped believing it. As our marriage grew, I started to depend on him, trust him, need him more than I ever had before.
But then a few years ago, it changed. He stopped making the effort. He got used to me. I wasn't as thrilling as I used to be. I wasn't 'his soul mate' I was just the old wife he went home to every night. He didn't love me and he certainly wasn't in love with me anymore.
I'd seen old married couples like us. Where the fire had died out. But in all honestly, I'd never expected that to happen to Embry. It wasn't a consensual thing, like I said; I'm still as in love with as I ever have been.
But the pain was so unbearable. To know that he was falling out of love with me…
That I was so useless, I couldn't even hold the love of an imprint.
I started making his and Aaron's tea. Not mine though - I'm trying to loose weight. Embry's still phasing, so his body's still as fantastic as ever, so I don't want to look any worse for him. I don't think Embry's noticed I haven't eaten in ages, as he hasn't said anything.
That seems better than the alternative that he has noticed and just doesn't care about me anymore.
I think it's just all my mental shit. He's just gotten fed up with my twenty-four seven crazy, and has given up. I don't blame him. In fact, I'm glad he has. It makes me feel less guilty. I disliked that he had to put so much effort into me. All I'd do was upset him. He used to get so upset at how broken I am. At least now he's blocking it out.
I finished cooking tea and Aaron ran in. I immediately smiled. Aaron brightened my day up considerably.
"Thanks, mom!" he called as he grabbed his plate, rushing in to sit next to Embry on the table in the lounge.
Mom.
It still feels weird to be called that. I still don't feel like I deserve it.
Embry walked in, picked up his plate as he talked on the phone in his hand, and walked back through to the lounge while I just stood there, not even expecting a thank you. Its not like I deserve a thanks for anything I do.
"Cheers, man. Yeah, okay. Bye." He said into the phone, chucking it down on to the sofa and then sat back down next to Aaron.
They immediately launched into some talk about something.
Aaron loved his father. A lot. He really looked up to him. And Embry loved his son more than anything.
I smiled at the sight of them before turning back to the counter to start washing up.
I don't care if my family doesn't love me like I love them. I didn't deserve a millionth of the love that they may have buried deep down.
I woke the next morning, exceedingly frustrated.
We'd had sex last night… it ended well for him, but not for me, if you get what I'm saying.
I think he just thinks I don't want to have sex anymore, that I just do it for him. I mean, sure, you always hear about couples that barely have sex as they grow old, as the woman doesn't want to. Maybe he thinks if he gets it done with quick, I won't mind as much. It was my fault – I should talk to him about it. I'm just scared of his rejection. I'm scared of him turning around and saying 'sorry, it's just… you don't excite me as much anymore. I don't like having sex with you anymore. I just don't want to. I'm sorry.' I couldn't have that. That would be the ultimate humiliation, so I just keep quite.
One thing that hadn't changed, Embry still held onto me at night. I loved that.
I would seldom sleep at night nowadays. I loved the feeling of his body against mine. Embry wasn't as touchy-feely anymore, so it was good to feel his touch again.
He grunted as I tried to dislodge myself from under his body. "Where are you going?" he mumbled, pulling me back down to rest his head back on my stomach.
"A walk, I- I need some fresh air. I'm not feeling too peachy."
He groaned, rolling over. "Fine." He mumbled, burying his face in the pillow.
He was still really overprotective. I loved that. That's one of the things that keeps me happy. He's protective because he doesn't want me hurt, right? That must mean something. Surely if he doesn't want me dead, then he has to have some feelings for me? He doesn't really let me out the house much. Well I go to work and everything, but it's not like I go out with friends. But at least he cares, right?
I held in a sigh as I got up, chucking some clothes on.
On my way out of the house, I noticed the old photo album perched on the bookcase.
The album Embry had made for me, to show me how much he loved me. I felt my throat constrict as I slowly flicked through the photos. Gently tracing Embry's outline in the photos. There was one of us looking at each other and I smiled, even though my eyes welled with tears. I haven't seen that 'imprint' look in his eyes in so long.
It was selfish for me to wish for it now. I didn't deserve it.
Then, my eyes landed on a picture of my family, my father and mother from so long ago. I dropped the album to the floor and rushed out the door.
I was twenty-six, but I could never get to grips with death.
Twenty-six seemed so young to say that my marriage was already falling apart.
I mean, Collin only imprinted a few weeks ago.
They're so ridiculously in love.
And it makes me jealous.
And I shouldn't be jealous.
I have Embry.
So many people would be lucky.
I'm just a spoilt brat, wishing I could have everything. I need to grow up.
The world isn't perfect. I as better as anyone am aware of that. I can't wish for the perfect relationship for the rest of my life.
Embry was the light at the end of the tunnel. Whenever I was sad, he'd made things better. He'd always been so perfect for me. But now, now I really needed him. My father had committed suicide and it was because of me. All I could think about is how I should be dead. All those years ago, when Embry had cheated on me, I should have died. Things would have been so much better if I had been dead.
I've considered killing myself more times than you can imagine. But without the money coming in from work, I don't know if Embry and Aaron could get by. Maybe they'd be better off, even without the money.
I didn't realise where I was until I was outside a house that was so familiar to me.
I walked through the doors and I smelt the smell of cigarette smoke.
"Alex!" Rory said as he got up, smiling. "What are you doing here?" he asked, bewildered.
It's not like I often drop in at his house during the early hours of the morning. Not like I've even seen him for a while. Embry doesn't really take me to see the rest of the pack anymore.
I sighed. "I need a cig."
He rolled his eyes, a small smile on his face. "You know I'd never give you one, you cancer-prone human."
I looked him in the eyes. "Please, Rory."
He frowned at my tone and nodded. Slowly and in silence he took out a cigarette, handing it to me.
It's not like I'm even close to Rory. He wouldn't know that things have changed between Embry and me through me. But he does share Embry's thoughts when they're in wolf form. So he probably knows how Embry doesn't love me anymore. I haven't spoke to the other imprints in years, so I don't know what they all think of it. I know they haven't turned out how we have though.
Me and Embry had just been through too much. Far, far too much. And I'd put Embry through so much. I understand that he doesn't want to put himself in the vulnerable position again. I shouldn't be given the chance to hurt him. And if he loves me, then I'll probably end up hurting him.
He passed me a lighter and I thanked him.
Rory walked through to his bedroom, jumping down on the bed, patting the space next to him while I took a drag.
"Come tell uncle Ro-Ro what's wrong." He said with a grin and I rolled my eyes, a smile playing at my lips and I crawled onto the bed, letting him wrap an arm around my shoulders.
"What's the matter?" he asked after a moment of silence and him just stroking my hair. It felt nice to feel his hand on my hair.
Embry used to do that all the time. I miss moments with Embry like that. I remember they used to have me falling in love with him, over and over again every time he did something small like run his hands through my hair, or kiss my face when it doesn't lead to sex, or just touch me because he wants to feel me.
It felt nice having someone want to touch you. That you don't have the insecurity whenever you go to touch them that you repel or repulse them.
"Nothing – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." I mumbled, starting to move away but Rory held my hand, giving it a squeeze as he shook his head.
"No, Alex, don't be silly. You know I'm here for you. You've been there for me to talk to so much. You're they're for everyone to talk to, whenever. It's about time someone was there for you." He said softly, brushing a hair out of my face.
Another thing that had my eyes welled with tears. He was being to nice, and for what? "I don't understand." I said, my voice cracking.
"Don't understand what?"
"Why do you care?" I asked and he shook his head with an eye roll, an amused expression on his face. "I mean it. I don't understand. The only other person who hass ever said that to me, said that to me because they imprinted. Last time I checked, you didn't imprint on me."
He let out an aggravated breath. "Don't talk like that, Alex." He said surprisingly softly. "There's more to life than just imprinting. Every other person in the world has relationships without imprinting. So talk to me, I'm here for you. I care for you."
I don't know what it was. Maybe it's just everyone piled together over the past years. Or maybe it was simply the face that I'd never known anyone to want to 'be there for me' other than someone who was forced to, but I did as I said.
I opened up, and I spoke to him.
And it felt… good. Fantastic. Amazing. Marvellous.
And Rory just held me, offering words, a hug, a kiss to the forehead, a soft stroke on my upper arm, while I talked and cried. I cried for my mother, my father, my Embry, whose love for me was dying out, if not already dead.
And then Rory spoke. And he said the most beautiful things.
He said things about me that I didn't think anyone would think. He made feel so much better. He made me feel… happy.
Something I'd begun to never expect to feel again.
Especially from someone who had no relation to me.
We were just to random people, talking. He wasn't my brother, a childhood friend… an imprint. He was Rory.
It didn't make sense.
Why would he talk to someone like me? Let alone try to make me happy?
It didn't make sense and I couldn't understand it. I just didn't believe that this was even happening.
So when I felt Rory's lips on mine, I didn't pull back. Far from it. I pushed him down on the bed, kissing him like I'd never thought I'd kiss another person other than Embry like. And it was surprisingly nice. It wasn't as electrifying as with Embry, but Rory was fantastic.
He was warm, his lips were soft, but rough, and his hands were so… caring.
He ran his hands over my body. Not just my ass and boobs like Embry does. As he flipped me over, possessing my lips with his in a passionate and lust-filled kiss, the need for him grew like fire – overtaking my body, and clouding my mind and judgement.
Embry hadn't kissed me like that in so long I'd forgotten what it felt like.
I'd once been addicted to sex with random people. I remember why now. It was amazing. To actually feel wanted… it was unreal.
We quickly discarded the others clothes and Rory pulled back, looking down at me as I stared up at his body. Rory was the second most handsome, sculptured and breathtaking man I'd ever seen in my life.
He breathed heavily over my face, tightening the knot in my stomach. "You're so fucking beautiful." He whispered, his hands moving slowly over my body.
I was utterly baffled. Beautiful? What the almighty fuck?! Sure, it wasn't the first time I'd been called it, but he was only the second person to ever call me it. And I suppose the first doesn't really count. He'd imprinted – all he saw was the imprint.
He didn't see me for what I really was… Rory did.
My thoughts were vanquished when Rory entered me.
I let out a loud gasp while Rory moaned.
His mouth found my neck, sucking hard and I pulled him closer to me – if it were possible.
Rory was… mind-boggling. He took his time – he didn't rush it or try to get it over with. He seemed satisfied with simply having sex and pleasing me as much as I wanted to please him.
Words couldn't describe the feelings I had for him. Why would he want to be doing this with me?
It didn't make sense!
But I didn't care. I didn't care at all at the time.
I was standing in the rain.
The rain that was so common here.
I wondered if it was raining back in England.
Oh, what would life have been like back in England?
I may not have ever felt the sublime feelings that I got with Embry.
But I wouldn't have known the feelings I got when I lost Embry's love.
I would have been better not knowing what it was like to have been loved.
Because now, the pain of not being loved hurts so much more.
To have felt something, to have looked in someones eyes and to see the love you felt for them reflected back, that was unworldly.
And to look in those same eyes and see that the love isn't there… it hurts more than never being loved in the first place.
And now, I was getting ready to look into those eyes and see hate.
I opened the front door and heard Embry's sigh as he walked towards me. "Where have you been?" he asked, "I thought you'd-"
He stopped speaking abruptly as he sniffed.
He sniffed again.
And again.
And each time it broke my heart and another tear fell down my cheek.
He used to think I was so strong. But then he broke down my walls and learned that I was so weak. And then he stopped caring about me being weak. He just threw a blanket over me, to cover it up so he didn't have to see how weak I was. Now, I'd gone to far.
"Why do you smell of sex and Rory?" He growled, shaking as he walked towards me.
I pursed my lips together, shaking my head as more tears pooled down my face like a waterfall.
He grabbed my arms roughly and shook me. "Why do you smell of sex and Rory?" he screamed loudly into my face. I shut my eyes tightly, not willing to look at him.
He shoved me away and I fell to the floor under his inhumane strength. "That's it then? You cheated on me?"
I bit my lip, looking away from him. "How long?"
I shook my head. "I asked how fucking long?!" He shouted grabbing a glass and smashing it against the wall.
I jumped and stood up slowly. "Just the once." I stuttered, tears taking a toll on my throat.
He scoffed. "Yeah right. I can't believe you. I can't believe you at all. After everything… you would do this to me?" he looked at me with such disgust I couldn't stop crying. I was practically hyperventilating. "You used to think you were whore because you slept around. I thought you'd changed. I thought I'd changed you."
"Embry…"
He slapped me hard around the face. "No. No, you hear me? You don't get to speak to me. You don't get to speak to me!" He screamed as I leaned against the wall which was all that was supporting me under the great force of his slap.
Werewolves slap hard.
"You're just a dirty little slut." He spat, shaking his head.
"Aaron, pack your bags!" he called up the stairs and my eyes widened.
"No! No! Embry, no! You can't leave me! Please! I'll do anything! You can't leave me!" I pleaded, falling to his feet as I cried. "Don't take him away from me, too! You can't do this! I need you! Please! I promise- never again!"
He slapped me again and I fell backwards, holding my bleeding lip. "No! You don't get to say what's happening and what's not! You broke your promise! I'm leaving you and your pathetic excuse for a life. You disgust me! You think I'd stay with you? No. You can't keep hurting me anymore. I'm not gonna stand here and let you keep hurting me."
I was gasping for air, the pain pulsing through me hurting more than ever before.
"I don't want you anymore!" He shouted as I curled up into a ball. "I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore!"
Aaron came down the stairs, holding his small bag that he took his stuff in once when we went on holiday. I cried harder seeing him. I couldn't have them leave me.
"You used to push me away! You used to get me to prove how much I loved you. You used to try and make me leave you because I didn't deserve the pain you put me through."
He took a deep breath. "You were right, I should have believed you. You're more pain than you're worth. I should have let you push me away before I let you hurt me too much. You couldn't just not hurt someone, could you? Not even just once."
I scrunched my eyes shut, hating the truth in his words, which sliced through me.
"I loved you more than everything, and all you could do was hurt me." He whispered and I gasped.
"Embry! Don't leave me. Please, we can work this out. This doesn't have to end."
He shook his head, a pained expression on his face. "It does. I'm fed up with the twisted shit and pain you put me through. I can't not look at you and not see you in pain. And that puts me in pain. We've been through so much. All I see of you now is when you got tortured. When you fell into my arms, moments away from death. And it hurts me. I loved you so much, and I put you through pain. And seeing you in pain puts me in pain. And I'm fed of the pain."
He took Aaron's hand. "Wait in the car, son. I'll be there in a minute." Aaron opened his mouth to speak but Embry cut him off. "Shh. We'll talk about it later."
Aaron passed me, staring down and I chocked trying to speak to him. He walked out, shutting the door behind me.
"And now you've hurt me like I hurt you. We're even. I'm not gonna let you keep hurting me. You're a heartless bitch and a whore. You hurt those around you because you're sick in the head. You need to see a psychiatrist and sort your head out. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. You're mental, and I'm fed up."
He stopped, breathing deeply as he stood in front of me. "I try and remember the good times with you, but I can't. It's masked by all the hurt you put me through. I know I imprinted on you, but even that isn't strong enough anymore. Nothing could keep me with you after this. And you know it's not fair of you to ask me to stay. You can't force me to be put through pain for the rest of mine and Aaron's lives. I can't let you hurt him. You know that you deserve to be alone.
"Never come after us. I don't want to see you ever again."
I nodded, my sobs still loud.
"Goodbye, Alexandra. Goodbye for good."
He placed his wedding ring on the floor in front of me and I stared at.
The pain was too much.
It was indescribable.
Maybe the imprinting doubled the pain, because this pain wasn't natural.
This wasn't real.
This shouldn't be real.
This shouldn't be possible.
He paused at the door and sighed before shutting it behind him.
And he never returned.
I waited.
And I waited.
That one day, he would come back.
The imprint would become too strong.
That the mass of pain I felt somehow reached him. Or he felt the pain that I felt because he simply missed me.
I shouldn't of thought that.
It didn't happen.
I was just building fake hope.
Ten years I waited.
The amount of years we were married.
I thought maybe it would mean something to him.
So when our twentieth anniversary came to an end, I knew it was over.
Life isn't a fairytale.
I always used to say that, but I never believed it after I met Embry. I believed I'd live my happily ever after with him.
It doesn't work like that though.
This is real life, and there aren't happily ever afters in the real world.
Just pain.
Pain that hurts so bad it should be make-belief.
So I grabbed the oil that's been in our garage. Embry being a mechanic always had lots of petrol.
I doused the room in it and I sat on my bed of paper, card and tree branches.
Once upon a time lived a girl and boy, madly in love.
But fairy tales don't last forever.
And this one is coming to an end.
I struck a match.
Happily ever after my arse.
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.
This is notthe sequel to Unsuspecting, this is just a sort of one-shot I wrote when I was angry and upset. Alex and Embry's relationship will turn out much differently to this.
So, yeah. I know you will all hate this. I do. I hate sad endings. But I had a couple people saying they wouldn't mind reading this soo it's up. PLEASE review and tell me what you thought :)