Summary: Zero had lived for 17 years, but this was the first second he felt HE was back to life. Zero Kiryuu, the ancestor of Kiryuu's clan. The one that had consumed his pureblood lover to reinforce his hunting abilities. Z/K.
Disclaimer: All characters and most of conversations in this rambling belong to Matsuri Hino.
A/N: I think the manga could be shounen-ai if I read inbetween the pictures and lines. Let me tell you how I read and understood Vampire Knight. I bet it's not the way Hino would like her readers to understand her story, but I wonder if there are other readers that read the same way.
All the conversations were extracted from the manga, except the ones in the paragraphes of Zero's previous life which were in Italic belong to me.
Scene 1: The conversation between Ka, Ze, Yu was in chap 36, the one between Ka, Ze was in chap 39.
"How can I think clearly?" my fingers slipped through my hair, pulling it hard, hoping I would be able to pull everything out of my mind and re-arrange them in order. I didn't understand a thing, it was so unbelievable to me. I had known Yuuki Cross for four years, we saw each other growing up everyday, we laughed with each other, we cared for each other and comforted each other. How could she be a pureblood? I couldn't understand it, I couldn't accept it. Because if I did, my world would collapse. She was the only good thing left in my life.
However, I sensed two purebloods on the other night. I had never doubted my sharp senses, I had never been wrong. She was obviously a vampire, and she admited it "Stop it, Zero! He's my brother." What the hell did she mean by saying Kaname Kuran her brother? He couldn't be. My eyes were widened in shock, I felt a chill running through my body. My composure became so weak that I didn't realize what she had spoken meant a loss to me. I had lost her… to him. I stared at him, I wished I could pull the trigger and kill him immediately. I had never felt comfortable in his presence since the first time I saw him. He, Kaname Kuran, a pureblood, Yuuki's dream man, the one who holding her in his arms. I wanted him to disappear in my sight forever. I only saw sorrow in his eyes. He had won, he had her in his embrace and he was her brother, yet he looked wretched.
"Sib-lings…" My voice was struck. I searched for the confirmation in his eyes so my heart could break into pieces. I hadn't dared dream about her loving me back one day, but I still felt very warm thinking about my love to my spontanious, zealous and human Yuuki. His eyes were full of misery. Yuuki had fallen unconscious, her head was resting in his chest. She might be struggling to cope with what she has just learned. Kaname Kuran was her brother, it wasn't less surprised to her than to me. It seemed he was also thinking about something else in somewhere else.
Yagari-sensei had put me in this prison according to the order of the Hunter Association's president. My mentor was filled with astonishment as I didn't protest at all. He left the Bloody Rose gun for me and said he would release me after the situation was cleared. I said nothing, I cared for nothing. I wanted the world to come to a halt for a while. I needed some space and time to think. I wanted to find out where I stood in this massive mess.
Since drinking Kaname's blood, I'd started having strange dreams. My sleep was filled with many images of the human vs. vampire war in the ancient times, where there was a good number of purebloods, where those pureblood monsters produced ex-human slaves to strengthen their forces, where other kinds of vampires killed people and drained them dry every night. Forests are more and larger than residential areas. Human mainly transported by foot and horse, they taught one another to forge primitive weapons to defense themselves. Some of them gathered together and tried to draw in more people to form a community which was the precursor of the Hunter Association nowadays. They started fighting back to their enemy, mostly aiming at the ex-human slaves. When the mantle of darkness was let down, the nightmares started…
I couldn't explain why I was dreaming of those times. My parents taught Ichiru and me about our history since we were kids. I knew all about it, but this was a different experience, I felt like I was living it. I saw myself in those dreams later, with traditional costumes and shoes, my hair was long and tied up high as an ancient man. I used a long silver sword and carried a bow and silver-headed arrows on my back. I was a vampire hunter, I always was. There was some information about me that I wouldn't find a clue how it could relate to me after I woke up, but I patently accepted it in those dreams. Yes, I accepted that I was the last person who was alive in Kiryuu's family, my parents had been killed by a vampire (or more, I didn't know) on their way back home from the field. My parents were farmers and they stayed late to harvest our field. I joined the hunters to take revenge on those heartless blood-suckers. I was married to my mentor's daughter, a female hunter. She's young and strong, she trained with me and fought with me. We worked together for the same goal. I lived with her clan until I joined the hunter army. Her clan stayed together and they majored in ambushing some noble vampire's who was temporarily on its own while the army was devided in squad and stationed in the remote villages where vampires often attacked at night. We fought to protect innocent humans from any kind of vampires. We also had bloody battles with the ex-human slaves who were ordered by higher-leveled vampires to wipe us out.
I was separated from my wife, but I didn't find myself missing her much. Perhaps we were in danger continuously, we were always in the border of death and live, so we didn't have any time to think about ourselves, our personal life. I just knew I was a married guy and my wife was also fighting somewhere else. It was nothing like what I felt for Yuuki. It didn't hurt me like when I thought about my one-sided love to her. Yuuki reached my heart even though she never had to try. She just owned my heart even though she wanted another heart. Now she was in the embrace of her dream man, her brother as well as her groom. I knew purebloods often intermarried to maintain their pureblood line. Something suddenly dawned in my mind, Kaname Kuran had always known about who Yuuki truly was. He knew she was his sister all the time. That's why he took care of her and protected her. That's why he was so gentle and kind to her, even though he was such an arrogant and self-centered vampire. I doubted that he had ever loved her for herself, for her kindness, for her innocent heart. Maybe he wanted her simply because she was his sister.
True love, between two persons, who could do anything for each other, and even sacrifice for each other. Did it really exist? I saw myself seriously injured in another dream. It was after a battle deep in a forest. I was the only one survived. I regained my consciousness in a cottage, finding myself being bandaged and lying on a small bed. It must be over midnight, everything was so quiet. Whose cottage was it? Who had saved my life? What about the lives of all villagers after we lost the battle? I felt a knot in my stomach. I tried to move some fingers but failed. I could do nothing at the moment. I was so lost. The door swung open and a man walked in with a bowl of herbal medicine on his hand. He's a pureblood. It wasn't that I could sense his aura or anything, my senses were not that sharp. We wished we could drink from a pureblood to reinforce our strengths. We wished we could gain the powers to conquer them. There were a lot of purebloods out there but no hunters ever killed or caught one. They're too powerful, each of them had taken countless of human lives. We were obviously in an unbalanced battle but we had to fight.
I knew the person in front of me was a pureblood because my real mind told my dreaming self that he was Kaname Kuran. Kaname Kuran was never a human. But I felt no hatred for him in that dream. I had no choice at the time, however, I accepted his care not only because I couldn't just sit up and leave. I was grateful for his kindness, especially when he told me he killed all the ex-human slaves after our squad failed. He had no reason to lie to me, he could have finished me when he saw me in the forest at first sight. I totally believed a pureblood who lived in a cottage. Didn't all others live in castles? Kaname was a secluded pureblood. He looked just a little bit older than me, but he was actually thousands of years old. Being the ancestor of the purest and strongest pureblood vampire line, he came to the age when he wanted to leave everything behind and lead a simple life. He had seen too much and experienced too much, his view of life changed to the point that he no longer considered human as food. Yet he hadn't had true love. He mated and had children by instinct. He used to kill a lot for blood and for power. He had re-organized the vampire society and reached his ambition to rule the dark world. He approved intermarriage to maintain the pureblood lines.
However, Kaname was just a man with full of desires for love in my eyes. I found us hunting for wild animals in the forest. We roasted wild meat and got drunk under the moonlight. In some other starlit nights, we lied on the falling leaf floor, quietly looking at the sky, slowly cuddling up to each other, his lips found mine silently and we got lost in a deep kiss. My dream was interrupted when I suddenly started out my sleep. The last image I saw was my pulling his body into mine. The last thing I thought was I loved that man with all my heart. I knew what would happen next if I hadn't woken up. I tried to stop my thought, I couldn't allow myself to feel so excited thinking about making love to Kaname. The kiss was extremely passionate, but I wouldn't let a-kiss-in-a-dream deviated my real life. I had never kissed anyone in real life. Yet I felt like I did kiss Kaname, I yearned for it again, I yearned for more. Oh god, wasn't his blood supposed to delay me from falling to level E? I thought I was insane already… Had I had a chance to kiss Yuuki, I would be able to wipe that ridiculous thought in that stupid dream out of my mind…
"I would be happier, if I had been born as her real brother." Kaname yanked me back to reality. Our eyes met each other. I saw him holding back his tears. He denied to give me the confirmation I was waiting for. He seemingly wanted to tell me something. His forlorn look didn't suit the situation he was in. Was he lying? He meant he was happy and my guess was right. He would intermarry Yuuki and I would be out of her life from then on. But he would be happier if… Yuuki's brother would happily embrace the fate with her by his side forever, but he wasn't, something was holding him back from enjoying this fate fully. He wished he had been born as her real brother. But why did he have to let me know? I was just a loser, he could laugh at me or ignore me and walk away with the girl I loved. Why did he bother to tell me? I would never find out if he decided to keep it secret. Or he thought I would know by some way?
"Your face tells me that you don't believe it." Kaname never took his gaze off from me as if he was searching on my face. He was examining each move of mine. I had a feeling that he was hopelessly waiting for something from me. An expression? An objection? A criticizm? Or what? He told me some incredible thing and expected me to believe him. Why did he care? Was it a part of his game which wouldn't work if I didn't believe what he said now? I unexpectedly realized an intense glint glowing in his eyes, it was just like the way Kaname-in-my-dreams looking at me, ardent and intense. My heart burned, feeling he was hoping I would realize him, here and now, even though he was holding the girl I loved in his arms. What was he expecting? He expected me to tell him I trusted him and everything he said because we had spent several nights together making passionate love in our dreams?
"Yuuki called you her brother, but you just denied it. What's the truth?" I interrogated him. It was the best question I could make at the moment. I put all the facts together and asked him to explain. I didn't think I would believe if he told me what the truth was. Because I just couldn't buy any of his words. I wouldn't accept anything in this moment. The Kurans screwed me up totally. Kaname turned away, he didn't find what he searched on me and gave up.
"There is no question that Yuuki is a Kuran's daughter, since you're also a vampire, you should be able to tell that too. But…" He looked back to his unconscious sister and slowly stood up. The truth which I wanted to figure out wasn't about her being a Kuran or not. I knew by now that she was, I could sense it clearly. Her being a Kuran's daughter, and everyone acknowledged him as a Kuran, should I put one and one together? Yes, they're related. But I still hadn't got my answer. My question was who he was if he wasn't her brother? Was he the same Kaname in my stupid dreams? Oh god, I was there again, obsessed by those dreamy feelings, wanting to reach out to pull my love back. Who did I want to pull into my arms? Yuuki, the sweet girl I gradually realized I loved more than a sister, or Kaname, the man with a sinful past who opened his heart for me and showed me how people felt when they're in love. No, he couldn't be the man who was walking away with my girl in his arms now.
"…you're on the side of hunters who try to hunt us down." Kaname muttered, much to himself. He didn't care if I heard him or not as it wasn't the answer I needed either. He just reminded himself of our hostile situation so that he couldn't share more details. Didn't he support the Chairman's pacific idea of co-existence? Here was he talking about different sides and hunters hunting vampires. However, what I got startled wasn't his words which were against what he had been building with Chairman Cross. I couldn't believe he just repeated what the Kaname-in-my-dreams had told me.
My dreams didn't tell a whole story successively. They were just some parts of the story which displayed randomly. When I was dreaming, I just accepted whatever happening and lived with it. I knew I was in love with the ancestor of Kuran's family, I never doubted that. The other night I dreamed about myself running to his cottage to find out he was leaving. He was going back to his family and participating in the war. He got angry as his great great great grand-daughter had been murdered on her way to visit him. He used to tell me proudly about his four great great great grandchildren. The dead girl was supposed to marry Haruka while Rido would marry Juri. All were intermarriage. Unfortunate for them, the forth child was murdered at the age of eight by a hunter clan. Of course we thought differently. In a hunter's view, it was a good thing. We hunters wanted to kill all pureblood vampires to spare human from the fate that was worse than death. In addition, vampire force would be weakened if they didn't have an army of ex-human slaves. Since we weren't able to kill a grown-up pureblood, we wouldn't abandon a chance to kill baby purebloods. They shouldn't be treated as human kids. They were big menaces to human kind.
We had a row with each other. I didn't want him to leave and drop our relationship. He insisted in coming back to protect his other baby descendents. He also wanted to seek vengeance. I got scared as I knew who those hunters were. My wife's clan. He persuaded me to give up my profession to go with him, he promised nobody would look down on me as he was the oldest and strongest pureblood, king of kings in the vampire world. In spite of how much I wanted to be with him, I couldn't accept his suggestion. It was already a betrayal to fall in love with a vampire, the same kind of the one who had taken my parents' lives. I couldn't renegade human kind, my mentor, my comrades and go against everything I had worked hard for. I was human after all. Vampire hunting wasn't a profession, it was my ideal. I made myself completely clear that I would never stand in with the kind that relied on human blood to live. Kaname stared at me bitterly "You're on the side of hunters who try to hunt us down." With it, he left.
I was devastated when I woke up from that dream. I felt like my heart was broken. I didn't curse it a stupid dream as usual. I was so overwhelmed with loss. Was it like how I felt when Kaname revived Yuuki's life as a pureblood and took her away in reality? My heart were in pieces and I was resting my chin on my arm in a sitting position which one of my knee was up. I had been thinking for days, still I couldn't find my answers. I would went crazy if the pieces in my heart failed to fit together. I was torn in two, between real life and my dreams. An ex-human prefect in Cross Academy and the first hunter of Kiryuu's hunter clan. The prefect who loved Yuuki Cross and the ancestor who loved Kaname Kuran. No… He… "No…What are you saying?" I stuttered in desparate. His words haunted me over and over. He wasn't her real brother, then who was he? And who was I?
I put my hands up, scratching my hair again and hiding my face when the sound of footsteps stopped outside the iron door of my prison. "I'm surprised. I thought you were going to cry…" It's Kaname. I didn't bother to look up to face him. His voice was mocking. He was sorrowful when I found him and Yuuki on the other night. Was he in the mood to laugh at me now? He took the girl I loved and expected to see my tears of losing her, or my second thought was he controlled all of my dreams and wondering why I wasn't crying after our break-up. Stupid. How could he know of your crazy dreams? I scolded myself. But I wouldn't look up, I was afraid I would really burst into tears if I saw him. "Go away, you're annoying…" I grumbled irritatingly.
"Ah, that's right…" Kaname was satisfied with my irritation of his presence because he knew that meant I was in my normal mood. "If you're not in such good spirits, it'll trouble me." He chuckled.
There, he's starting a quarrel with me. The last thing I wanted was to talk to him at the moment. He would ruin all of the loving images in my dreams. Why didn't he went straigthforward and tell me what he came for? "Hah, how are you troubled?" I questioned him.
"The chess piece I've so carefully raised for four years will soon become the King that will eat everything." Kaname explained. I believed he was smirking without looking at him. He assumed he was a master of strategies and considered me no more than a pawn in his chess match. I wouldn't care what kind of game he was playing, but he said I would eat everything? Was I that disgusting? He was talking about my future or my past? My past, no, I meant my dreams. I swore that I loved Kaname Kuran, not-the-one-in-front-of-me, yet I drained him dry in order to grow my powers for the purpose of hunting vampires and protecting human kind. Of course he let me, hunters had no way to stand a fight with a pureblood in those times. They would be disposed of in a flash. Kaname betrayed his own kind by giving himself to strengthen me, a hunter. I accepted it for the sake of human's future. I needed to develop my powers and senses, then transferred them to my daughters and sons who would wed with other hunters' children. Together would they make the next generations of hunters powerful.
"That piece is you. You will destroy the monster awakened from his coffin – Rido" Kaname finished his explanation. I already knew he was talking about me. Should I be glad that he had no clue about my dreams? How many percentage that my dreams were what really happened and he knew of them as he kept talking like he did? Again, I let those dreams controlled my emotion. There was no reason for me to feel love or guilty for this Kaname. I realized I would be able to smash up my imaginary feelings formed in those dreams and made things less complicated if I faced him, the real him, now.
"What's gotten into you? Do it yourself." I snapped, glaring at him. I didn't care what he considered me, but he had no right to order me around. His smile had disappeared, his face was softenned, he looked deeply at me as if seeking something else behind my gruffness.
"Do you want to pretend that you don't know what you took into your body has begun to move?" He asked softly. I swore that he wasn't talking about any recent events. He's actually implying the day I bit him with my human teeth thousands of years before. Without fangs, I couldn't make the wound deep enough to draw blood, I gripped his wrist tightly and had to bite five times. His wrist was interlaced with my teeth marks, but he didn't make a sound. His blood oozed freely from the wound, however, I couldn't bring myself to swallow the first gulps. I wasn't a vampire, I didn't find it delicious at all. I held it in my mouth, feeling sick more and more, then I spat out disgustingly. Oh god, it even wasn't human blood, it was vampire blood. Kaname said nothing. The wound healed quickly and I had to re-open it by my clumsy bites. I tried hard to swallow the nauseating liquid, his wound took more time to close when he lost enough blood. Later he had to lie down as the blood loss didn't allow him to keep kneeling any longer. I tried to focus on what I was doing and refused to look at him as I knew his eyes would weaken me. But I did, hesistantly. He was keeping his eyes on me, a mournful look that never stopped haunting me since. He's hoping to see a glimpse of love in me. I dropped his wrist and held my hand up to caress his face. Oh god, our destiny was screwed up. How could we find each other in such a situation? He deserved a proper bite at least. I got on top of him and slowly lower my lips. Would Kaname hope for a kiss? My lips landed on the bite area of his neck, I tried to bite hard so I wouldn't have to repeat it many times. He moaned. He used to tell me biting could be sexual to vampires, but we had never done that. I absolutely had no wish to become an ex-human and I wasn't attracted to his valuable blood. I ceased, then resumed biting after a few seconds. He knew I was uncomfortable with this thing, so he restrained his response by biting his lower lip to shut down all the moans. I didn't look at his face again until I felt he was very limp, his breathes were slow and weak under me. I rose up to check him. He wasn't looking at me with those agonizing eyes anymore, his eyes were close, the trails of tears were on his cheeks. Now I allowed myself to cry my heart out "Kaname, this is the end of our love. I forgive you, but I'm sorry I couldn't tell you when you could hear me." It was five years after we separated at his cottage in the forest. We were on the opposite sides of the war since. And he made a grieveous mistake to me. He came to beg for my forgiveness, he wanted us to leave the war, go back to the cottage or somewhere further and live together. I had to turn him down. And Kaname offered another thing for compensation which I agreed to take. His blood.
"Firstly, you unconsciously took your twin brother's power of breaking the other fragment. You were born with the excellent lineage of a hunter by taking that power." He continued. It wasn't about the event playing in my mind, he's accusing me of what I did to Ichiru when we were in our mother's womb. I found my eyes staring at another direction, however, I wasn't the only one who avoided the other's face. Kaname had also turned around. Even if I held my look straight at him, I would only see his back. Like me, he didn't want to share the emotion in his eyes. What kind of emotion could it be that he wanted to hide when he's accusing me? Or his thought wasn't about what he's saying? "If you were to complete the fragmentation, it'll be better for you." What? He incited me to commit a cruel thing again, to another beloved one of mine.
"Stop." I snorted. I wasn't a monster that would eat everything for my own benefits.
"Afterwards, you began your change into a vampire due to Shizuka." Kaname kept torturing me "You feasted on Yuuki's blood."
"Don't say it." I roared. His words hurt me profoundly. I had never stopped blaming me for taking advantage of her kindness. He sounded like I used her and felt nothing.
"And I… gave you my blood." Kaname turned back to face me. He lowered his voice "The original power of the Kurans must have already started awakening in your body." It was his assertion. He was totally sure of what he said. I didn't oppose him. His blood tasted pretty similar to Yuuki's blood, both of them were pure and from the same line. Yet they're different. Hers was sweet, affectionate and reflected full of care while his was quite bitter and familiar as if it wasn't the first time I drunk from him. Now I realized it was like in my dream. Indeed, the tastes were similar, the difference was how I felt when feeding on each of them. His blood had given me those weird dreams as well as an awareness of some power hidden inside me. I had the power of the Kurans. I couldn't tap it and control it just yet. I still felt something was missing.
"Soon you will become the most powerful hunter." Kaname assured me. I heard his quiet content. Here I found another coincidence between both Kaname's. Both of them wanted me to be the most powerful hunter, even if for different reasons. "You're the only one who can break Rido's curse on me." The real Kaname only wanted to use me to serve his purpose, but the Kaname-in-my-dreams wanted me to be stronger because I chose to go on my fate as a hunter. However, I had no obligation to fulfil what real Kaname's wanting me to do, I could even use my power against him one day. Didn't he see that possibility? I would probably be his menace, I would probably be his death. He shouldn't be feeling that content.
"Did you actually think that I'd do something to save you?" I challenged him. I couldn't tell who would win, but Kaname should fight against Rido by himself. Why was he expecting me to do it for him? He was surely capable of doing whatever I could. Or he wasn't because of the curse? Didn't he think I would rather let Rido kill him first, then I would finish Rido off. Would I really let him die? I started feeling like I was considering my dreaming self and my real self one, but I tried to separate the real Kaname and the Kaname-in-my-dreams. They were two different persons, weren't they? In that blood-draining dream, I finally laid a kiss on his lips, he had fallen unconscious and couldn't response. He was still breathing weakly. Although he lost a vast amount of blood, he could survive little by little if no ones attacked him. He hadn't asked me to limit my drinking, we knew a human needed an immense volumn of blood at once to absorb pureblood powers, it meant he put his life in my hands. And Zero Kiryuu, the first hunter of Kiryuu's hunter clan, didn't let the ancestor of Kurans down. Kaname couldn't be safe here. I managed to hide him from my comrades and other hunters, then took an opportunity to bring him back to his family. I didn't have to get close to his castle, his descendents ran towards us as soon as they sensed him. Fortunately, I could also sense them from a long distance, thanks to his blood in my body, to leave in time. It didn't mean I wouldn't let the current Kaname down, would I?
"You will never betray… " he hardened his voice to emphasize that he wouldn't be wrong, but he seemed to find it difficult to finish the sentence "…Yuuki" Yes, Yuuki, her image with large and innocent eyes popped up in my confusing mind, she was the real love in my life, I would do anything for her, I would even be willing to die for her. But she had become a vampire, she was no longer the one I had fallen for, why didn't I feel any change in my love? "I will take Yuuki and leave the academy." Kaname informed me. It wasn't a surprise. I had known it coming, it's still like the sentence was finally pronounced. The room seemed darker as the light of my world was taken away. I was speechless, he didn't need my comment anyway.
"However, Rido will continue to come after Yuuki as long as his existence is prolonged." He reminded me of how dangerous his uncle was to our girl to make sure I would defeat Rido when the chance came up. My life had been saved for this only reason.
Kaname shut his eyes for a long moment, his face was tense with anxiety. He just put his life in my hands like the one-in-my-dreams had done. If I failed to Rido, it would be the end for two of them. The pureblood was under his uncle's curse and couldn't protect our girl. If he could be able to dispose of Rido, he would prefer to handle it by himself, instead of trusting his precious girl's and his own lives in someone else's hands. I couldn't fail Yuuki. I must fulfil this mission successfully. He tried everything to make sure I would.
"Farewell…" He murmured. I tightened my grasp on myself. It wasn't the word but his voice put melancholy into our parting. We hadn't said farewell before. I didn't say it before he lost his consciousness and I didn't say it when leaving him to his family in my dreams. He sounded like he had made all his way to my prison to say farewell to me. It wasn't necessary to remind me of protecting Yuuki. He didn't need to point out I had taken many things and would become the most powerful hunter. His look lingered on me fervidly, but he was determined to leave with Yuuki and put everything else behind. I could read his decision in his eyes. Yes, what else would I expect him to do? He wasn't the Kaname-in-my-dreams who had asked me to live with him. If all of my dreams had somehow been true, then Yuuki would be what? My lover's great great great great grandchild. So was Kaname? "…if I had been born as her real brother" Oh god…
Scene 2: The conversation between Ze, Ichi was in Chapter 40
I felt my dreaming self and my real self were progressively becoming one. I thought like I was the first hunter of my own clan. Was he 'Zero Kiryuu' too? Did he really have many girlfriends, but his heart only held one person who was a male pureblood? I saw their love-makings, I felt all the heat, excitement and even orgasm as if I myself was experiencing them. Those feelings still attached me when I was awake and influenced my real feelings. Was it all a hallucination? Was I going to lose my mind? The more I thought about me as the reincarnation of my ancestor, the more I tended to think Kaname knew about this whole thing. It's not that I would like to run to his embrace one day. Yet I wanted to know the truth behind. He told me he wasn't Yuuki's real brother…
My finger nails on the hand supporting my face suddenly grew longer and grasped my head. I was panicked, but used my other hand to yank it out, holding it tightly. My incorporated powers were awakening and attacking myself, I wasn't whole to control them yet… I sensed blood, and found Ichiru walking towards me, his body was stained with a lot of blood. He knelt down to take the Bloody Rose gun on the floor and aimed at me.
"Ichiru? What's wrong?" Without a reply, he shot my left chest, then pulled the door up to walk close to me. He settled himself in the position of half kneeling and half sitting in front of me and started to talk. If he just wanted to talk, he hadn't had to shoot me. I could fight against him, but I would never really harm him. Even though he betrayed our family, he was all family I had now. I still didn't understand why he decided to separate from us. It was a chance for us to get a closure. Ichiru sorted out all entanglements related to him in my heart. He had found out that our parents were only proud of me and going to report to the Hunter Association that he was useless. He had no future in the hunter society. He felt sympathy for Shizuka's love loss and recognized her as the only one who cared for him. He tried to fulfil her wish by attacking Rido Kuran when he first rose up from his coffin and got a fatal injury by him.
Ichiru collapsed to me, I instinctively put my hand on his back to support him. "Ichiru" Our wounds kept bleeding and got our shirts all wet. Blood. Oh god, that smell wasn't nauseating to me anymore, I had to try my best to distract my hunger.
"How disgusting, this place is full of the smell of our blood. But to Zero, this should be a good scent, and you're bearing it." It was sarcastic, but he didn't sound like mocking, he simply said the truth. And he was quite relaxed resting his head on my shoulder, he wasn't scared of my being a hungry vampire. Nothing to worry, Ichiru, I would live up to your trust.
"Although we have become different "species", hugging you like this really calms me down. Isn't it because we were from the same egg?" He whispered sweetly. We were twins from the same egg. We were identical and close. Yet I hadn't heard his sweet words for years, I was left alone and wished he could be around. I felt like a missing part of myself just coming back to join me.
"Zero, eat the last piece of my life."
"Ichiru." I objected.
"Do you hear what I'm saying?" He grapped my shoulder with his last strength, trying to persuade me "If you eat me, you'll be able to take back the strength that belonged to you before you were born. And the thing inside your body can be treated too."
"No, I won't do it." I snapped. My brother was seriously injured and what kind of monster could get hungry by his twin brother's blood and feed on him in the circumstances?
"No, you will." My baby brother persisted "Why did you think I shot you using this gun?" He wanted to provoke my hunger and got me lose my composure in bloodlust. However, I could control myself pretty well now, thanks to Kaname's blood.
"I won't." I cried "Stop it! I don't want to lose anything else anymore." I held my arms around him fiercely, feeling his holding me back.
"I'm so happy. I thought I was dead in Zero's heart." He clung on to me dearly, closing his eyes.
"Maria wants to see you…" I tried to tell him there were people who had him in their hearts.
"Dad and mom had watched you closely and loved you."
"I know. And Zero too." There was only a few minutes left for my brother. "Even if you can't forgive Shizuka-sama, please don't hate her. She treated me very well." I would never forgive that woman, but it seemed she had given my brother a love that nobody else could. He never stopped thinking about her. "That's why I did it and I don't regret it. Soon I will…"
"Ichiru, this is wrong…" How could it be right if I was losing my twin brother, the last one in my family, besides me? I was so frustrated that there was nothing I could do to save him.
"Think about it, Zero. Eat me and let me be a part of you. Then Zero and I will become one. Alive." He stated firmly. My heart beats increased when I pondered about that possibility. Become one with my brother and alive. That was also what I want. Ichiru, I wouldn't just let him go. I would keep him alive, even only a part.
My fangs sunk into his skin, his blood started streaming out into my mouth. I let him rest in my embrace and manage my bite to be no more painful than an injection. Soon I felt a heat going through my body and filling the void inside me. My powers circulated strongly and submitted to my control. For the first time since I had been born, I felt complete. The mess of my dreaming self and my real self which had been overwhelming my mind came clear. I had lived for seventeen years, but this was the very first second I felt I was back to life. I was Zero Kiryuu, the ancestor of Kiryuu's clan. The best vampire hunters of all ages. That explained why my parents could have twins while a hunter family weren't able to. Both of the Kiryuu's twins were grown up, because I wasn't a real twin. I stole a half of Ichiru to be reborn. Now I was taking the other half of his to fully regain my memories and powers. Kaname was right, I would eat everything. Didn't mean I enjoyed it.
The hunters had to bear a sin that no twin children would be born safely as a result of my drinking from a pureblood vampire thousands of years before. While absorbing the vampire powers, I also absorbed that inhuman trait of vampire kind. In the previous life, I found guilty for it, knowing those stillborn cases weren't natural, but my fault. The only way to clear that sin was my being drunk by a pureblood in turn and becoming an ex-human vampire. I was too old to embrace such a fate when I figured it out. However, the sin would follow my descendents forever after I was dead. I wondered if it was a part of Kaname's master plan. He must think I would choose him to turn me, then I would lose everything and be by his side forever. I spent all of my time left to arrange a rebirth in order to break that sin. I couldn't choose exactly when to come back. Anyway I was back now. This life of mine was merely for payment.
While I was lost in thinking and drinking from my biological brother, his blood showed me a scene which he had experienced recently…
Scene 3: the conversation between Ka, Ichi was in Chapter 37+38
I saw Ichiru in the Moon Dorms, guarding a coffin. Now I was seeing things through his eyes and knew all the thoughts in his mind. At the moment, he was serving for the Vampire Council and in charge of guarding Rido's remains. My brother was in despair after Shizuka's death. His only goal to keep living was to accomplish her wish of destroying the perpetrator of ruining her life – Rido Kuran. He's obediently following the Council's plan of resurrecting Rido to find a chance to kill him.
Kaname appeared at the door and shut it close behind him, my brother held the hunter sword tight in his hand and faced the pureblood calmly "This is Ichijou-sama and Shiki-sama's… No, right now it is Rido-sama's temporary residence. What do you want?" He knew Kaname could do whatever he wanted but he knew himself wasn't his target.
"Ichiru Kiryuu," Kaname took a careful look at my brother, everyone would be amazed seeing us because we're so identical, we're just like one, yet different individuals. Kaname had a better reason to be amused as we're from a hunter family. "Can you open the cover of that coffin?"
My brother's duty was to guard Rido's remains and keep it safe. But he was certainly not able to protect it from Kaname. However, failing his duty wasn't what he bothered in this case, he would like to seize the great opportunity and used the pureblood's hand to fulfil his goal.
"You can disobey my order. It's fine." Kaname nonchalantly took Ichiru's hesitation as an insubordination. It was only a test after all. He wanted to see my brother response, how much he devoted to the Council, how much he's afraid of him.
"No." My brother said determinatedly and started pulling off the chains around the coffin.
"You're pretty obedient." Kaname commented "I wonder if I upset you, but it's my first time meeting a living twin of a hunter family. It's quite rare." He had known about us for years, but he never mentioned it to me. We weren't close, we didn't often speak to each other, but he's not closer to my brother than to me, yet he's openly talking about it. "In case the offsprings of a hunter are twins, both will indefinitely be stillborn. Even when the fetuses still have no sense of their own and are acting much by instinct, they will fight with each other inside the womb…just like vampires." His eyes expressed an agony as if he was somehow responsible for it. I didn't think his ancestor ever told everyone that he let me drain him at his free will. Then this Kaname, as a vampire, should have felt content for the hunters' sin. On the contrary, he seemed to share the same pain with me.
Kaname, it wasn't the first time I'd seen him, but I now saw him in different eyes, I was seeing him as an ex-lover. His hair… his eyes… his nose… his lips… There was time that I loved slipping my fingers through his hair and kissing on his lips, there was time that I could look adoringly at those gorgeous features for hours, there was time that…they were mine. Oh god, I missed him. In my own times, I kept two Kaname's in my mind after we separated, one was my enemy, and one who shared with me the happiest moments of my life. I couldn't erase those memories, because I wouldn't be able to go on without holding them in my heart. The pureblood in this room looked very similar to him, not only the appearance, but also the manner. The way he's leaning on the door, holding his arms in front of his chest…
"Shizuka-sama said it was a fitting punishment for hunters. For the sake of attaining the power to hunt vampires, our ancestor ate a vampire." Ichiru explained. It wasn't a secret, all hunters and vampires knew it.
"In a rare case, one will take the other's life force and be born as the strongest hunter" Kaname continued, I didn't hear about such a case yet. Hadn't it ever happened? It also explained why he said I should have eaten my brother. "It seems you were able to escape with fragments." He told my brother. Perhaps he didn't know Ichiru didn't really have a twin brother. He was supposed to be the first child until I cruelly interfered and destroyed his fate. I wanted to come back for payment but I just got into more debts. Kaname muttered thoughtfully "You were gentle even before you were born." Just by instinct, I managed to keep my biological brother strong enough to be born and grow up. Still I destroyed his fate, and it was worse than letting him die in the womb. He was born as an unhealthy child. I wanted to protect him but took away our parents' and mentor's love, pride and expectations instead.
"Kaname-sama, you didn't come here to discuss "us", right?" Ichiru finished with the chains and pushed the cover aside. "Here, the coffin has been opened. I can't stop you do what you please. You wanna destroy Rido-sama, right?" he observed the pureblood and encouraged him "That's right, you should want to destroy him."
Kaname walked towards the coffin and both of them looked at Rido's remains. It's not a full corpse inside. So everything Ichiru heard was true, Rido failed tatteredly in a battle ten years ago. But Kaname didn't kill him. "You prevented Rido-sama from returning to his original form by slashing him into thousands of pieces. If you were able to overwhelm him that much in a fight between purebloods, it's only a step further to destroy him completely, isn't it? However, you didn't."
"You couldn't?" My brother was shocked. I was too. I didn't know he had tried to kill Rido in the past. Was it probably because he had only been a kid at that time? His powers didn't grow strong yet? He was still not capable now? That's why he trusted me to complete it. However, he told me about the curse that didn't allow him to kill Rido. My brother was dissapointed. He couldn't use the pureblood to accomplish his goal.
"It's true, I wanted to destroy him, then Shizuka's fate would have changed." Kaname seemed to understand what Ichiru's thinking. "Now, Rido," He touched the corpse "the time I've longed for is coming." Suddenly, he pulled the hunter sword out from my brother, Ichiru was astonished to see he's now holding its sheath only. Kaname lifted the sword up to launch a stab on his left hand which was laying on Rido with an explicit attitude. His blood freely soaked into the corpse.
Ichiru was speechless. So this was Kaname's plan to resurrect his uncle and use me to kill him once and for all. It would be the battle that I had to win at any cost. I was determined about it, I would do it for Yuuki, and for Ichiru too.
Takuma barged in with unconscious Shiki on his shoulder. "Kaname, what are you…" He was frightened and put Shiki on his bed in a hurry.
"Why are you flustered, Ichijou? It's alright." Kaname assured him, still letting the corpse absorb more of his blood "Even if I cut this man into thousands of pieces, I can't deliver the last blow. If so, I thought I should let him return to his original form, as he wishes." And he spoke to his uncle "Take it, Rido. The thing that drove you mad in want. The strongest blood of a Kuran."
What was he saying? 'The strongest blood of a Kuran', 'if I had been born as her real brother', Kaname, are you…? If I linked them together, then… I hoped it could be true, I wanted to meet him again. But wouldn't it make the situation more complicated? I came back to make things right, not to cause more complications and debts. Shizuka had turned me already, but I would never join the vampire world, I would stay a hunter for the rest of my life. I would seriously consider supporting Chairman's idea of co-existence now. What should I meet Kaname Kuran again for? Restore our love? There's no way for it. Blame him for the hunters' sin? Nevertheless, everyone recognized him as Haruka's and Juri's first child, how could he be… my ex-lover? Reincarnation? But then he couldn't remember his previous life as he seemed to do. What did he come back for?
"Kaname, what do you mean by can't kill?" Takuma slipped "No, that's not the question." He rushed to his friend, "It doesn't matter if I live or not, but this person's life…" grapping his hands on the pureblood's and the sword, trying to pull them out, but couldn't "Kaname, why do you… purebloods always do things so recklessly?"
"Fine, you've never thought about being understood anyway, but I feel very entrusted." He disagreed with his grandfather about this whole plan but he was forced to participate in it after all. Anyhow, he didn't want his friend to lose. He didn't understand why the pureblood helped to progress this evil plan. It was quite a reckless action if Rido was resurrected and nobody could conquer him. Unless Kaname knew someone would surely be able to. But that meant he predicted that I would drink from Ichiru. However, if I was just a twin who took my other twin's power, plus Yuuki's blood and his blood before, it guaranteed nothing. Unless I was Zero Kiryuu, the ancestor of Kiryuu's clan, who almost drained a pureblood. I was the only who was able to defeat a three thousand years old pureblood in his original form. And Kaname knew that secret of mine even before I did?
"Since the blood was injected to the body directly, he'll be awaken by tomorrow night." Kaname took his hand out and licked the wound. He looked calm while Takuma was very nervous "Being able to resurrect in such a condition, how dreadful purebloods are!"
"Don't worry," he gave a clap on his friend's shoulder on his way out "a chop on the head or heart is all they need to be shattered into crystal splinters." Vampire's weaknesses. Who was his words for? As a vampire, Takuma already knew it while my brother might not know how to kill a vampire even though he was with a pureblood for four years. I didn't think Kaname would expect Ichiru to be able to kill Rido, but he's giving a hint to suggest my brother that his victory could be possible. Why should Kaname make this move? …Because he knew what Ichiru would do after he failed. He would go to me…
Kaname, was he the same person I had fallen in love with? He's ruthless and cunning, he used many people as pawns for his chess match. He told me he'd done a lot of cruel things, yes, he couldn't reign the vampire world with a simple mind. However, he was a secluded vampire when I first met him. He saved my life and helped to stop the ex-human slaves. I hadn't seen his haughty and crafty side before. When he was with me, it's like how he's with Yuuki now, gentle and kind. He even treated me much better than Yuuki because we were lovers and spent a lot of time together. He always thought for me first and took good care of me. It hurt to meet his other side and be treated by that side of his now. There's no way I was wrong, looking at the way he's walking, I was confident to say he was my ex-lover.
"Uh…Kaname," Takuma called after him. While he's still not sure if it's appropriate to ask, my brother continued him "You wanted to kill Rido-sama from the beginning. Why did you say you can't?"
Kaname stopped before the door and turned around, his face was emotionless "Because I'm the ancestor of Kuran and Rido was the master who awakened me from my grave."
I got his official confirmation that I was right. Lovers would recognize each other even after thousands of years, wouldn't they? We still looked similar, I looked similar to Zero and he Kaname, in spite of our not being in our original forms. He knew who he truly was all the time, and he had his doubt about me as I was born as a twin and both of the twins grew up. He used to ask Chairman Cross to transfer me to the Moon Class. What was he thinking at that time? I wondered what would have happenned if I agreed and this whole crap about Rido didn't occur… Since he gave me his blood, he expected to see me regain my memories and powers along with it. He confessed to not being Yuuki's real brother and was disappointed when I got confused. I remembered his sorrowful eyes on the other night, it was like the time he was disappointed at unsucessfully asking me to leave the war with him. There was still something in his heart, and mine as well. But I was not going to fall for him all over again. He had said farewell to me and was taking Yuuki away. What would I lean on to continue my life now? My hatred? My payment?
I lowered my lifeless brother on the floor of the prison and managed to stood up. All the powers were running and growing inside me. All the memories gave me a heartache. I just lost the last one of my family. What were being kept for my future? I would care for it later. I must go out now, to fight against Rido. It was in chaos out there, it was my responsibility to fight, as a hunter.
Scene 4: The conversation between Ka, Ze and Yu in Chapter 46. Ka's sentence about "attachment" was in Chapter 44
I had successfully defeated Rido. The Bloody Rose fed on me and grew viciously stronger from my body, its thorny vines served as the most fierce hunter weapon and effectively attacked my enemy. I got no serious wounds from the fight. Yuuki insisted to join me, I tried to push her back for her own safety but she kept coming back. Finally, she launched a stab through Rido's heart by her artemis when he got distracted in his feelings for her mother and approached to catch her from behind. I threw Bloody Rose vines to encircle him completely and slashed him into crystal splinters.
When there were only two of us left, I still aimed my gun towards her, proclaiming I would kill all purebloods, but I couldn't pull the trigger. She stood there, looking straight at my eyes, she knew I wouldn't be able to, her eyes were full of love which reminded me of the good time we had been together. Yuuki was always a sweet girl. She knew all the dramatic things I had experienced, she wanted to be there for me, and be my family. She put her warm hand on my neck where that woman bit me to help me soothe my horrible feelings. She went to my bedroom every night to rub my head until I fell asleep, her little hand stroking gently on my hair provided a pleasure that I could never forget. Until one day, I saw the pureblood's hand on her hair and got quite angry. I wondered if she learned to comfort people in that tender and loving way from him. And now, I remembered there was time when Kaname himself did it to me, by his own soft hand. Oh, his hand, I melted in each of his gentle touches.
Kaname eventually came to my sight. Rido was gone and he came to take Yuuki. My vines violently reached out to wrap his hand up to his arm. Bloody Rose totally understood me and served me well now, it sensed what I was thinking and immediately held his hand for me. A slight exultancy glinted in those chocolate eyes, Kaname recognized me. We hadn't met again after the night I drained him, but he must have heard about Bloody Rose vines. My parents and mentor said no other hunters, except my previous incarnation, developed their power to the point that could turn Bloody Rose into thorny vines. His eyes turned cold a second later, but still gazing at me "What a welcome."
"It's because I have made up my mind. I decided to exterminate all purebloods" I knew if I wasn't tough now, I would never be able to in front of him.
It wasn't the first time I said that to Kaname. I had better thinking about why I told him so before and why we were enemies now. I should be reminded of Kaname-enemy, not Kaname-lover. In the previous life, I operated with my squad to another village after separating with him at the cottage. I didn't plan to see him ever again, knowing we would be enemies to each other in the next meeting. Five years later, I finally accepted the fact that we were no longer lovers, I was going to be a father, my wife had been expecting for three months. We still didn't live together, we would meet when I came back to visit her from time to time or when her clan were following some noble vampire close to my temporary station. I got a message from a comrade that she's pregnant, I didn't find time to get back to see her yet. One night, I heard the sound of a battle nearby and rushed towards that direction. Unfortunately, everybody was dead when I reached the place, the only one alive was the vampire with his eyes glowing all red.
"Kaname." I whispered in surprise, glaring at the blood trail on his lips. He said nothing, avoiding my stare.
"Ze-ro…" an exhausted but familiar voice stuttered. My wife was lying on a pool of her own blood. My face got white, I ran to her and scooped her into my arms "Run… He's watching your camp…" She still wanted to say more but death savagely claimed her, the hand on her stomach got loose. I tremblingly put my hand on her still-flat stomach and started crying. My first baby. I just lost my baby and my wife in his hand and was grieving while my enemy still standing there.
"Give my wife and my baby back!" I threw the sheath away and running to him furiously. He was moveless, my sword thrusted into his shoulder. I felt like a traitor, I didn't attack his heart.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know." He stammered, his look was on the ground, still avoided seeing me.
"I'll exterminate all purebloods." I roared.
Here I just repeated my words again. I meant it. "Kuran, you're next."
"I must thank you for having severed those troublesome fetters," Kaname gazed at me fixedly, my vines tightenned around his hand more "but I can't possibly forgive your existence any longer"
The vines grew dense surrounding his body, my gun aiming at him.
"Because you have dared point that gun at her. Even if you had no real intent to kill her, I couldn't forgive such a thing."
He was angry because of my pointing the hunter gun at Yuuki, but his words were equivalent to what I told him in the previous life. He realized that I repeated my declaration of exterminating all purebloods and returned my own words which I spoke on that night to me.
My comrades helped me to bury my wife, my mentor and other people in the family. I felt like I was dead already. Having my family murdered was tragic, but by the person I truly loved… I was so ashamed to be alive. Some ex-humans wandered around the village the following night, my comrades let me stay behind as I didn't eat or sleep the whole day and was in no mood for fighting. After everyone left, Kaname appeared. I unsheathed my sword as soon as I saw him. He held his hands up in a surrendering way "I came to apologize…" he looked at me sadly "I didn't know they're your family. I swear."
"You're wrong to come here tonight, Kaname." I hold my sword tight, I still need a little time to suppress my heart but I would definitely fight him "I can't possibly forgive your existence any longer."
"Zero, you were right, I shouldn't have come back and gotten myself into this war. We were very happy back then. You and me, hunting in the moonlight, swimming at the waterfall, exploring the cavern… I wish we could do all of them again, together."
I missed him. When I looked at the moon, I missed him, when we had wild meat, I missed him, when I saw a waterfall, I missed him. Isolated from all people, there were two guys deeply in love with each other and lived in the nature. I had thought about leaving everything behind to live a free life with him back then, but he had to go back after his great great great grand-daughter got killed by my wife's clan. It's not their crime, it's their mission. Kaname didn't know it but he accidentally took his vengeance on them anyway. Hunters and vampires tried to kill each other by nature, that didn't mean I could just let it go and stopped blaming him for my loss.
"Because you have murdered my family, even if you didn't know their relation to me, I couldn't forgive such a thing." I said bitterly and felt regretful as soon as finishing my words. I should've been more sturdy.
Kaname got on his knees and looked at me with pleading eyes "Please give me a chance to compensate you. This war has taken away so many things from us. Could you think about the love we once had? It was the only happy time in my long life, and I believe it was in yours too. Let me make up what I took from you. Please let me!"
How could I fight when my enemy was kneeling down? I knew if I stayed longer, I would accept his suggestion. Oh god, I was worthless and useless. My thought was unforgivable. How could I want to go with the person who massacred my family? My parents were killed by a vampire, my pregnant wife and her family also killed by a vampire, and I was thinking about deserting to my enemy to entertain him for a few decades. Then I would die as a traitor and he'd move on to get a new lover.
I tried to hide my heavy breath out and hold my trembling hand still. "Stand up to fight with me! I won't forgive you even if for hundreds of years or even a thousand year," I gnashed "I will come back to recover this debt."
A tear waveringly shed on his face. He was desparate, I made my stand clear that all I wanted with him was fighting, even though I already knew I'd lose, I wouldn't forgive him. I'd come back to collect my debt.
"Eat me." I was stunned at his offer, almost couldn't believe in my own ears "You hunters want to eat a pureblood to reinforce your abilities, right? Here I am. Please don't turn me down."
When I walked towards him, I saw a warm beam of hope in his eyes. He wanted me to eat him? He hoped for it? We had intimated with each other many times, but I was now pointing my sword at his heart before getting close to him. Kaname didn't seem to care about it, he didn't take his eyes off from my face. I slowly sat down in front of him, my sword was still at his heart. It's not a good position to bite his neck, I didn't plan to either, I wasn't a vampire and I didn't dare get that close to him. I used my free hand to grap his right hand and brought it to my mouth.
I bit five times to make a good wound which I could draw blood. I had to re-open the wound periodically and held his hand all the time while sucking. His right hand, the hand that had caressed me countless time before, the hand that rubbed my head gently until I fell asleep.
My vines squeezed his hand mercilessly and finally cut it off. My heart stood still for several seconds. My eyes were widened at my own action. I did it. Bloody Rose besieged Kaname fiercely as my mood got more intense, he had provoked me by repeating what I said to him. The old pain got out of control and I just destroyed his hand hoping to erase the feeling of love and comfort that hand had given me. He changed, he didn't blame me before.
"Bloody rose, if you have awakened that much, you must recognize my voice as well as the taste of my blood." Kaname said softly "Would you kindly take down those vines restraining me?" The vines surrounding him got loose and retreated, leaving him free. "Thank you, bloody rose!" A half smile curved on his lips. I was terrified. I used them many times to fight with other purebloods in my previous life. It had always listenned to me and never spared anyone. But… it remembered him. I should know the reason, it was the result of hunter's power getting strengthened by pureblood vampire's blood - his blood in particular.
Here we encountered each other and proved our true identities. Savagely, we fought as if we had never been in love. Kaname created sharp arched blazes from his wounded wrist to attack me. I straightened my gun, shouting out to the vines "Bloody rose, don't forget who the enemy is!" It might have been grown by his blood, but it belonged to me and was feeding on me. I was its official owner. Bloody rose reached out to reply Kaname's blazes.
All of a sudden, Yuuki got in between us holding her hands out "Stop, you two!" Both of us draw our assaults back hastily. It's a good thing that we were well-seasoned and strong enough to stop our powers from taking her little life. I knew I wouldn't have a heart to kill her - any of them. I would rather destroy myself. I had hoped she would finish me off before Kaname came. I had become an ex-human and sterile consequently. Ichiru's death put an end to Kiryuu's hunter clan. Wasn't it enough for my payment? What other disasters that fate still wanted to throw at me? Regaining all old memories made things harder for me, now I not only lost one, I lost two. My heart broke twice. Yuuki shouldn't intervene in our fight, I would be glad if Kaname could launch his blazes on me. I knew he had changed, I knew our love had changed, still I stupidly believed that he would stop in time.
He halted his power, caressing her with his tender look "Yuuki, you must step aside. He pointed at you a weapon that could kill you, I couldn't possibly forgive that man after that." Then he turned his glare to me "I won't forgive him even if for hundreds of years, or even a thousand year, I…" I felt a squeeze in my heart, please stop returning my words to me, I pleaded silently. Oh god, it hurt. Had I hurt him that much? However, he couldn't bring himself to repeat my full sentence. His eyes dropped down, his blazes vanished in the air. My bloody rose vines were also subdued. As a matter of fact, I'd told those words to myself, I was afraid of letting my feeling take control and deserting with him, so I had to say something that hurt both of us and drove him away. It seemed the wound was still there, wasn't it? This fight was triggered from the pain of the past and the fact that I was pointing my gun at Yuuki just because of her being a pureblood. My hatred for purebloods hurt him. Nevertheless, he couldn't finish the pitiless sentence of mine. Perhaps Kaname didn't hear what I told him after I drank his blood. I had forgiven him already. Oh, he's thinking my return was to seek vengeance…
Yuuki held his cut wrist and looked at him sweetly "I don't want to make you say such sad words."
she started licking the blood off. His face got softenned while his left hand stroked her hair gently "You are just like me. That attachment is so tenacious that it's become disgraceful. It still refuses to disappear even if there is nothing left, but a vestige."
We all were pathetic. Fate decided us to be enemies, it arranged us to fall for each other first, it splited us off later. Fate was merciless. And we're all grieving because our hearts were still attached. But I wasn't going to mess this already-messy life of mine up more. Kaname should have let me die in the forest or I should have drained him completely dry, shouldn't we? Purebloods were rare now, he and Yuuki were the last ones of the Kurans alive. As the ancestor who had paid a lot of blood to achieve all fame for the name, he wouldn't let Yuuki to marry another one and finish his own line. And after the Rido's issue, there were many things in the vampire world that he needed to deal with. My fate was on the opposite side, I would help to rebuild the academy and re-organize the Hunter Association, I couldn't abandon my responsibilities either. We'd never be in the same path. At least I knew he still had an attachment in his heart for me, I owed him some explanations and confessions. Forgive me, Kaname, I just can't tell you when you can hear, just like before…
"As you please, two of you may take time to say your farewells." He turned around to leave "You are already well aware of the one and only place where you must be." With firm steps, he got out of our sight quickly.
Don't worry, I know exactly where my one and only place is, and I won't try to tug Yuuki out of her one and only place. If she can warm your heart and make you happy after all the pain I have caused to you, I'll also feel happy. But you must forgive me, I need to hold her and kiss her to pull myself together. She is my love of this life, or I should say she was until I regained my memories, my heart is aching.
~ The end ~