Disclaimer: I own nothing that has anything to do with Grey's Anatomy or the characters, unless you count the DVDs. This is just for fun.


Chapter 1

Meredith Grey was finally starting to get her life together, to get the life she wanted, she and Derek were living together, their house on Derek's land was under construction, due to be finished in six months, her surgical career was on track, with her having been given a position at Seattle Grace after she finished her residency the year before as an attending, specializing in neuro.

She was even on good terms with her half sister, Lexie Grey.

But one day everything started to crumble.

It should have been a happy day, Derek proposed to Meredith. He wanted her to have a real wedding, the works, not just a post-it. But for Meredith it was anything but, she was in hell.

All she could think about when she heard marriage was the wedding, the reception, all that food, everything high in calories, far, dripping in fat, full of sugar, she wouldn't be able to avoid it all.

There's something about Meredith Grey that not even her closest friends knew. When she was a teenager, she had suffered severely from anorexia nervosa, at sixteen it was at its worst.

They were living in Boston, her mother was never home. Meredith hated her life, she wanted to be dead, and she came very close to succeeding, though in her mind she failed, she never attained perfection, she got caught before she could get there.

One of her teachers noticed that she had lost weight, too much weight, she was looking pale and sickly, and was on the verge of collapse from dehydration, but still it was her teacher, not her mother that recognized the problem.

Ellis Grey's idea of caring for her daughter once the teacher informed her of what she had noticed, was to ship Meredith off to a treatment centre over six hours from their home, Renfrew Centre in Florida.

Meredith stayed there for five months, five months in which her mother never came to see her.

That was years ago and Meredith had considered it ancient history, but the stress of her residency, people watching her every move, criticizing her, had brought back all the old feelings, disgust, self hatred, shame, envy.

And as those feelings came back so too did the behaviors, starving herself, binging, purging, spending every free minute exercising to get rid of the few calories she'd eaten.

The idea that people could eat more than fifty calories a day was beyond Meredith's comprehension. Her mind was once again consumed by the disordered thoughts, and as the thoughts got stronger, took more control of her, she spent less and less time with friends.

Instead she opted to spend her time exercising.

Derek waited apprehensively for Meredith's response, he was down on one knee, the ring held in his outstretched hand. They were on the catwalk, and everyone's eyes were on them.

Meredith couldn't handle it, she couldn't cope, so she ran.

Literally, she ran ten blocks, before she collapsed onto a park bench. Her breath was coming in gasps, she felt cold, and on the verge of being sick.

But in her mind that was good, it meant that she had avoided all calories so far that day, she was beating herself up over a glass of water, but that was all.

Even as she threw up all over the pavement, Meredith didn't see the problem, all she could think of was the proposal and everything it would lead to, it was too much.

Stories of Derek's failed proposal and Meredith's freak out filled the hospital, it didn't take long for them to reach her friends. Half an hour later, Christina found Meredith sitting on the bench, a pool of vomit at her feet.

Christina nearly gasped at the sight of her friend, Meredith was severely dehydrated, and slumped backwards against the bench.


Christina pulled out her phone, as she rushed to her friend, calling an ambulance. She felt for a pulse, it was weak, too weak, her breathing was shallow at best, and she looked almost grey.

Of course Christina, and Meredith's fellow residents had noticed her recent weight loss, and they had tried to get her to seek help, only to be shot down, and now they were going to pay the price.

Christina knew that Meredith was in bad shape, and the ambulance was at least twenty minutes away, twenty minutes that Meredith may not have.

Christina lay Meredith down on the bench as she dialed another number, Alex, who had a car, and Christina knew would get there in a couple of minutes.

Together Alex and Christina got Meredith to the hospital, where everyone was gathered, waiting for Meredith to arrive, a gurney waiting ready for her. Despite Derek's position as chief of staff, Mark and Bailey overruled him, knowing that he wouldn't be able to remain composed and able to think straight, when it was Meredith on the bed.

Alex carried Meredith through the doors, and laid her on the gurney as Christina reported to Bailey, who was standing at the ready, "She's severely dehydrated, resps are at ten per minute and shallow, pulse's seventy-five but weak. She needs fluids and oxygen support."

With Meredith lying on the gurney, unconscious, it was clear to everyone, looking at her body that she was much too thin, her bones jutted out against her dusky skin, she was just skin and bones.

Two bags of IV saline later, Meredith regained consciousness, and Bailey was there waiting.

"What in god's name were you thinking, Grey?! You nearly died! I know what you were thinking, nothing, you were thinking nothing, because I know I taught you better than to damn near starve yourself to death!"

Meredith ignored her mentor yelling at her, all she could think of was the feeling of the saline running into her veins, making her fat.

She made a grab for the IV line in her hand, only to be abruptly stopped by a tug on her wrist. She looked to Bailey furiously, and screamed at her, "YOU RESTRAINED ME!? LET ME FUCKING GO! I DON'T NEED TO BE HERE! LET ME GO YOU STUPID BITCH!"

Meredith's outburst hurt Miranda Bailey more than she would let herself show, she knew that it wasn't Meredith speaking, it was her disordered thoughts that were making her act irrationally.

"You passed out on a park bench, Christina found you, you were severely dehydrated. You are lucky that she found you when she did."

Meredith just kept screaming.

"We're putting you on a seventy-two hour hold, Meredith. I'm sorry."