A HOLLOW'S DAILY ROUTINE

Ichigo/Rukia - Normal/Italics

Hichigo - Bold

Zangetsu - Bold + Italics

It was Just a Typical Saturday afternoon, Ichigo was lying on his bed while the object of his desire, Whom he was too dimwitted to noticed that she had feelings for him too, Rukia Kuchiki lay on the ground drawing (I use that term loosely), Little did he know this day would be…Strange…I Mean Really, Really Strange…Like Finding a Donkey in your…I'll just get on with it shall I?

"Oi King"

"Oh God what do you want?"

"I came here so we could paint our toenails and have a tea party, What'd ya think I'm Here?!"

"I'm not in the mood, Piss off"

"For a Second there it sounded like you were rejecting sex"

"Will you just shut up?"

"Hell No! I'm Tired of Being the Horse, I should be King!"

"It's my Body"

"And?"

"…Sorry I just thought that meant something"

"I'm sick and tired of the fucking rain over here! Honestly when are you going to hook up with a woman?"

"None of your business"

"I'm part of you Dumbass, of course it's my business, Ya know you feel that way about a certain Raven haired person"

"I DO NOT LOVE URYU?!"

*Slap*

"What was that?"

"That was the sound of me facepalming myself, I meant Rukia-Chan…Dumbass"

"When and where I make a move on Rukia is none of your concern"

"Damn it man!, She'll leave you if your not careful!"

"For who? Renji?"

"The Pineapple? pffft….You know what happened last time we were in the Soul Society?"

"Yeah…Don't remind me"

"You and Rukia-Chan walked in on him and Lieutenant Big Knockers getting Jiggy with it!"

"I said DON'T remind me! DON'T!

"Not surprised really, they say opposites attract"

"What do you mean?"

"Lieutenant Pineapple hooks up with Lieutenant Tatty bojangles, and you want to hook up with someone who's good looking, intelligent and cultured! COMPLETE OPPOSITES OF EACH OTHER!"

"Go fuck yourself! That's enough! what do you want?!"

"I Told you, I wanna be King!"

"No"

"What If I say Please?"

"Nope"

"C'mon, just for a month?"

"I told you no"

"C'm-"

"Shut it"

"But-"

"Horse's aren't supposed to talk you know"

"I'm a Hol-"

"I can't hear you"

"Listen you-"

"Do you hear something? I Can't"

"Just-"

"Shut up"

"I Want-"

"Quiet"

"Listen-"

"Silence"

"Will you just-"

"Shush"

"I should come out there and kick your-…Wait, What?"

"Hmm?"

"You…told me to…shush"

"….and?"

"King…Are you gay?"

"What the hell?!"

"It's fine if you are"

"I'm not gay!"

"Seriously Man, If you are It's perfectly fine"

"What the hell is wrong with you, Is this because I Said Shush?!"

"Pretty Much"

"Well what's wrong with that?!"

"It's a Very…Odd Way…to tell someone to shut up…The way you said it was like Oh Shush you naughty boy"

"…Dude you got issues…"

"It's perfectly fine man, I Guess Those Feelings for Rukia-Chan were just because you were in deni-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID FUCKING HOLLOW!"

"…Whoa…"

"I'M STRAIGHT DAMNIT! I LIKE WOMEN!"

"Then What about Orih-"

"I DON'T LIKE BIG BOOBS! OKAY?!"

"…Are you 100 Percent sure you're straight?"

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"You don't have to lie to me King, But in all honesty I Don't swing that way so if you try anything funny on me I'll-"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

"I Take it you want me to shut up"

"No I Want you to Put on a Hula Skirt and Dance to Music from High School Musical"

"Really?"

Slap

"What was that?"

"That was the sound of me facepalming myself"

"Well why'd you do that?"

"Because you're an idiot who can't even comprehend when someone uses sarcasm"

"Sar-What now?"

"You're kidding me right? You use it all of the time"

"Suuuure I do"

"You just did there!"

"Suuuure I did"

"You're…totally screwing with me aren't you?"

"Yes I am"

"Will you leave me alone?! You're a pain in the ass and a burden to boot!"

"I'm a Hollow! That's my thing!"

"LEAVE, NOW"

"Not until you come to grips with your sexuality"

"GODDAMNIT"

"Listen King…King?"

"Oi Rukia, Come Over here"

"Yeah?…"

"What's going on out the-"

"Ichigo!"

"I've always felt something for you Rukia…"

"What are you doing?"

"Oh Yes Ichigo!"

"Shall we take it a step further?"

"…You aren't..."

"Oh God Yes Ichigo! You have no idea how long I've waited for this!"

"You too huh?"

"Are you Ser-" The Hollow then closed his eyes and saw what were going on, His Bleached White Skin turned red instantly "WHOA! HOLY…Holy Crap…That's…That's something else…Wow…You guys would make X-Rated Porn sites blush…"

The Hollow finally left Ichigo on his merry way, trying badly to cover the blush on his face

"What's Wrong with you?" Zangetsu asked "You look like you got hit in the face with a box of tomatoes"

"Word of advice old man, Don't close your eyes and look into the kings vision"

"What do you mea-" Zangetsu asked as he closed his eyes…Oh dear "GOOD LORD!"

"I Knew he loved Rukia-Chan but that's a bit much..."

"SPINES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BEND THAT WAY! Good lord…they'd make-"

"X-Rated Porn site blush, I know"

"I Think the scariest part is that they've both had no personal experience until now, and they're doing…what ever the hell that is…I'm Glad I've never experienced the urge to do…that"

"What about you and Sode No Shirayuki?"

"What about her?"

"You talk in your sleep"

"I WHAT?!"

"Oh Shirayuki!, Yes Shiryuki!, Yeah that's it, take like a good b-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"But I'm Talking about Shirayuki"

"I Don't Care! Shut your mouth!"

"Man, You really need to learn about Pop Culture references..."

"Anyway, I'm glad he's finally found his happiness…but what exactly caused him to…you know"

"Well…I May've…Questioned his sexuality…"

"You…what?"

"He told me to shush"

"…And?!"

"Well you kinda had to be there…"

"I Can't Believe you sometimes..."

"Meh"

Outside of Ichigo's Mind, A.K.A In Ichigo's Bed, He was under his bed sheets, nude with an equally nude Rukia, Her eye's had practically rolled up into the back of her head and she was drooling on his chest

"Wow…" She muttered "…I'm so glad my first time was with you...and it was…wow…"

"I Loved it too" He smirked

"Are you going to question my sexuality now?" He asked his hollow

"Oh Shush"

"…"

"WAIT NO I DIDN'T-"

"Dude..If you are…I'm fine with it"

"AHHHHHHH!"

DONE AND DUSTED

I Love Hichi, Who doesn't?, The Whole Ichiruki stuff at the end was added at the last minute for 2 reasons

1. I could only Take the plot so far and I needed a way for Ichigo to prove his sexuality

2. I LUV Them!

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Wait…I'm a guy…

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...

Fuck it

*Fanboy Squeal*