Okay, let me just say: I love reviews!
Secondly, I am giving no set time for updates. I'm sorry, but I don't work well under pressure. I may never be an actual author. (lol)
And as for one particular review I got, I am replying to you. The fabulous person (you know who you are) said:
"I'm not sure I entirely agree with mixing Japanese phrases into
it. My general rule for my own fanfiction is that if I'm writing in English,
stick entirely to English and treat it as a translation of the original
Japanese, or whatever language the characters are intended to be speaking."
You make a good point. But, I'm writing it as it goes in my head, really. I just can't see Goten calling Gohan anything other than Nii-chan, for example, and I get what you were saying about them perhaps having a language of their own (that part is not in the quote) and I'm just saying that, oddly enough, in my head they speak mainly some odd mixture of Japanese and English (like Spanglish but different) with German and Spanish mixed in. You see, I'm an American, and so I speak english. but I'm taking japanese classes, my father knows german, and before I did japanese my parents tried to make me learn spanish. It's not as if I could carry on a real conversation yet in any of those languages except english yet, but do you see what I'm getting at? I'm leaving out the german and the spanish but that's just how it goes naturally in my head. And I'm not really going overboard.
The only none-english word I use in this chapter is 'baka.' Which means 'stupid.'
Disclaimer- I DO NOT OWN DRAGON BALL Z OR ANY OTHER MANGA SADLY...THEY ALL BELONG TO THEIR, UH, RESPECTIVE OWNERS. AKIRA TORIYAMA CREATED DRAGON BALL.
Videl Satan has never liked girly things. She has never liked small talk, frills, flirting, simpering, any and all beautifying products, and certainly not skimpy little red dresses that would make her feel like a slut.
'And yet here I am...' Videl thought bitterly. She was currently attending one of Hercule's many parties, after his glorious and over-publicized defeat of Cell. She was never allowed to come to these until she was sixteen, and wasn't forced to come until eighteen. These were not normal parties. These were hook-up parties, filled with rich, scantily dressed young women and rich, buff jocks from Hercule's Gym, all looking to get laid.
That's just the kids' room. The thought of the "adult room" is terrifying. The place is a harem.
Hercule was always adamant about Videl never dating. It was so ironic, how he was overprotective in that one area, but Videl appreciated it. It meant the men would leave her alone. However, recently Hercule seemed to have gotten it into his oversized head that his daughter needed to marry, to "better the family." And to get him even more rich than he already is. The greedy little bastard.
It made Videl sick how he kept making her go to these parties, sending her out to match-making sessions...of course, filled only with men he approved of. All to use her so he could get more money. She happened to know that the man tried to get her an engagement for marriage with Trunks Briefs. The child was seven years old! She nearly died of embarrassment.
She would much rather be in the in the Gym, beating up some of Hercule's students, or going about Satan City beating up the petty criminals that dared to pollute her city with crime. Hell, she just wanted to punch something.
Martial Arts has always been her escape. She loved the adrenaline, the push and pull of the dance-like battles. She was small, but made up for it in speed and guile. She was the best around, and she could defeat anyone.
She must always exercise control, however. It scared her sometimes how strong she was. She hasn't used her full strength in years.
Videl involuntarily thought back to a school dance, when she was fifteen. She remembered every detail in disgusting clarity. Erasa had left the dance crying. Her boyfriend of seven months had dumped her in the middle of the dance in front of everyone, for another girl. She had followed her out the door, looking for her. Her search didn't last long, because Erasa started screaming. When Videl rounded the corner into the parking lot behind the cafeteria, she saw a large man on top of her best friend. He was ripping at her dress, tearing at her bra.
Videl saw red.
That type of fury was something Videl had never experienced before. A sort of heat was tearing through her, amplifying everything. She felt powerful and deadly. She finally understood how someone could murder when in a rage.
She shouted a battle cry and ran at him. The man jumped up, and aimed a punch at Videl's face. She knocked it aside as if it were nothing, and felt the bones in his hand and arm shatter. He screamed horribly, but it was interrupted by an even more horrible gurgling noise, as blood filled his throat. Videl had punched clear through his torso. She felt his ribs cave as her fist split his skin and ripped through muscles, snapping tendons. Having gone through his soft stomach, her fist reached his spine and it broke easily, making a horrific sound that haunts her nightmares.
Videl shuddered violently.
"Hey, babe. You cold?" Videl was brought back to the present by a man who had come up to Videl, and wrapped one arm around her shoulders, the other resting on her stomach. He was grinning stupidly, and when Videl looked up at him with a death glare, it got wider. "I could keep you warm..." The hand on her stomach started sliding downward, but before it got anywhere he was already out cold.
And across the room.
"Oops." 'So much for conserving my strength...hey, at least I got to punch someone.'
"Geez 'Del, you just can't go to any of these things without knocking someone out, can you," Sharpner said chuckling. He had been walking up to give the moron harassing Videl a piece of his mind, but got beaten to the punch. Literally.
Videl frowned at him. He was making reference to the last party they were at, when Sharpner suddenly decided he had a crush on Videl. That had been weird. Thank Kami she beat the idea out of him.
Erasa walked up. "Well, at least she can walk by a mirror without having to stop and tell herself how hot she is." She did an imitation of Sharpner flexing at himself, which looked very humorous as she was wearing a tiny black strapless.
After the incident at the dance, Erasa had called Hercule after holding Videl as she threw up. Erasa had thrown up as well, but she wasn't the one soaked in blood. Videl thought that Erasa would hate her after seeing her kill someone, but somehow quite the opposite happened. Videl had been more or less catatonic afterwords and Erasa had been there for her. They already considered each other to be their closest friends, but since then they were even closer. Like sisters, almost. Everyone finds this to be odd, even themselves really, as they are complete opposites. Like strawberries and peppers.
Hercule kept the whole thing quiet, and nobody knows the whole story except for those three. Even the investigators were told only partially the truth, which they believed utterly, as the story came from the Champ's mouth itself.
"Wow, Sharpner. She has you pegged," Videl laughed as Erasa crooned to her imaginary biceps.
"Oh, shove off," Sharpner snapped, upset. Then he grinned. "You're doing it all wrong anyway, baka. It's like this!" Sharpner took off the coat of his tux and started flexing in an even more ridiculous manner than Erasa. Jutting out his chest and squatting slightly, he stretched out one of his arms in a super-hero pose, as if he were about to fly away, and slowly brought them in at different angles, his muscles bulging. He looked ridiculous.
Watching her friends having their competition, Videl doubled over laughing at their antics. 'I have to go through the security tapes and get a recording of this. Priceless.' Then she realized something. 'They've cheered me up... I hadn't even realized what they were doing.' Videl smiled. These were her two only real friends. All the others want her for her fame, money, or to use her to get to Hercule.
Just then, Videl's red pump started beeping. She pulled her small Capsule Corp. communication watch from the irritating footwear. The voice of the portly Police Chief came through. "Miss Videl! The Red Shark Gang has-" Videl scowled. If it's not one thing it's another. The Red Shark Gang has been at war against the Satan City Police Force for nearly three months now and Videl couldn't get a day's rest. "-invaded the southern quadrant of the city. They have set fire to Satan Mall. It has spread to an apartment complex, and is heading due north. There are citizens trapped in the mall. There are approximately forty of their gang members placed here with firepower. We are in need of your assistance!" Videl was horrified. She had thought they were making progress, but then they pull something like this. That mall named after Hercule is the size of a football stadium! "Yessir, I'm on my way. Over."
"'Del! Wait," Sharpner said, shocked. "You can't go there, that's too dangerous. Even for you!"
"Oh, okay, I see your point," Videl started sarcastically. "I'll just ditch and let all of those people die then, if you're so very worried," she rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine. There's no way I am going to let that gang walk all over us."
"Then I'm going with you!"
"No way in hell, Sharpner. You may be number one in the ring, but you can't handle guys with guns. Besides, I need you here to help cover me. I'm pretty sure they'll notice if I disappear."
Sharpner growled, conceding.
"Doll..." Erasa used her old nickname for Videl. It was close to Videl's normal nickname, 'Del, but Erasa used say that Videl is so tiny and cute but strong that she's like one of those little porcelain dolls she used to collect. "I know you're not going to change your mind. I also know that you're so strong, no one in the whole world could beat you," she continued childishly. "Just, please, please be careful." Erasa gave Videl a big hug, but then stepped back frowning.
"Hey, wait. I thought your Dad said you couldn't help the police anymore," Erasa accused.
Videl pinched Erasa's cheek. "Dear, since when have I ever cared about what Hercule says?"
Videl turned and ran to the door.
Well? What do you think?! please please please review! I mean, I was really nervous about writing this...I might not've even done it. But then, I read all of those wonderful reviews and they gave me the nicest warmest feeling inside, and so I wrote this. Also, I'm much better at describing and talking about things than with dialogue. Did I do too much of that? I mean, it just seemed awkward writing them talking. I did my best though, and it came easier as I kept going.
I embrace constructive criticism! Seriously. I'm fresh with this. I need help. And I'm not getting any help from any real person I know, because I get teased enough as it is for being a dbz fanatic. (They have no souls.) Oh, and obviously I'm still just getting started.