Professor Quirrel POV

Do you know what it's like to be living a half-life? The feeling of being alive, yet of being dead… of being asleep yet awake at the same time?

That is basically what I am now…lower than a human, yet more honored than anyone could ever be. The Dark Lord resides in me and I reside in him… I am cursed yet blessed at the same time. Only him has given me a chance at a new life…a life that has rejected me over and over again.

All through my life nobody gave me second chances. It was a one shot at life; get it right, you're left in peace. Get it wrong…you're dead. My parents kicked me out of their home during my second year when I continued rejecting their plans for me to become an auror or a healer a St. Mungos. I wanted to be a teacher at my beloved school, Hogwarts, the only place where I had ever felt safe, secure and loved. No amount of pleading could make my parents take me back in. now that I think of it, I shouldn't have given them the pleasure of seeing me pleading; I'm glad now that they did it. That summer, I slept over at various friends' houses, working at the Leaky Cauldron for food for two weeks before an aunt decided to take me in. by that time, my little twelve year old heart was bitter at the things life threw at me, but I continued finding solace and happiness in Hogwarts. I had great friends, an amazing girlfriend, good grades, everything was perfect. No wonder I couldn't see myself anywhere else but here, in this castle. I felt a particular attachment to Defense Against the Dark Arts. It fascinated me. Eliza, my girlfriend, didn't approve of that attachment so much, but she didn't harp on me about it. Everything was going so perfectly…until the year Liza was killed.

Summer after our seventh year. How funny that life's misfortunes came at me during summer. Eliza was killed alone in her parent's house by no other than the Dark Lord. How sad, to be deprived of life without a companion, to be killed without having had the chance to see your loved ones for the last time… much like I am now. That night, I was on my way to her house and I was the first to see her lifeless body on the ground, the dark mark hovering menacingly above it. How ugly that glittering mark looked to me that night! It symbolized more of what was to become of my life later on: being accused by Eliza's parents of bringing the Death Eaters to their house as my partiality for the Dark Arts was well known, being turned out by my aunt, left to fend for myself in the dark, cruel world all alone. Death was just knocking at my door; I was willing to let it in, but it continued mocking me, hovering nearer but never getting close. I ended up in a pub somewhere away from London where I worked for my food and lodgings. I had reached the very bottom of the life that was given to me.

Months later, the Dark Lord had been vanquished, or so they said. People rejoiced, I one of them, but I knew that he was still out there, waiting for the time when he could rise to power once again. However, at that moment I was just happy that the killer of Eliza was gone and some of the light I was deprived of started shining again. I remembered Hogwarts and decided to pursue teaching. I knew I was too young to be admitted as one of the professors, so I traveled, seeking knowledge about the Dark Arts and the dark world it hid. And that was when I met him. I knew that he was the cause of my misery, but I couldn't help feeling a little pity for him. I helped the Dark Lord, as at that time, my curiosity for the Dark Arts drowned everything else out, even the image of Eliza's still form, lying on the ground… bloody hell. I was young and ambitious; I had let even the tine remnants of humanity in me drain out, I let the memory of Eliza go away, retaining only the memory of my parents.

Now I'm here, back at my school, doing what I had dreamed so long of doing: teaching. With a little twist, however. The Dark Lord.

Standing here in front of the Mirror of Erised, waiting for Potter and his little friends, I couldn't help but analyze what has happened to me. I am not a human now…I don't know what I am. The unicorn's blood has reduced me to this state and even I am not fully aware of what it has done to me. My life is playing before my eyes; it seems that death has found me once again. Death would be very welcome right now. Somehow, I'm sure that I would not be given another chance. Either Potter dies or I die. It's a one shot at life…get it right, be left in peace. Get it wrong, you're dead. That sentence has pretty much summed up my life… I never knew that one day it would be taken literally.

I've tried, but I don't seem to get it right. Looking at the mirror, I see my face, I see the stone… but what am I now? I see those hollow eyes and think of what is on me at this moment and shudder. Am I not human enough to get the stone? Am I so tainted that not even a single stone would show itself to me? Pounding the mirror serves nothing but to hurt me more.

Ah… here's Potter. He looks dirty and bloody. Where are his friends?

Use the boy…

Of course. Up to the very end of my life, I am still being ill-used. By life. And my master. I turn around to face the boy. I see the shock in his eyes. He was not expecting me.

Use the boy…

I knew what I had to do. Kill him and my humanity would be completely taken away… I wouldn't have a life anymore. Leave him and be killed… I wouldn't have my life anymore either.


This is the end then, of my life as I had known it.