26A/N: I own nothing but the plot for AFWLIW and Zach.
As promised, here are the one-shots from the story :) I know it's a bit late but I had an incident involving New Moon, The Time Travellers Wife and The Notebook and I was far too depressed to write anything. Weirdly enough, I tried to cheer myself up by reading the Hunger Games which only resulted in odd dreams where Peeta was attacking me with bread and Gale was actually just wind...
Aaaaanyhow. These one-shots wont be in any particular order, just however inspiration comes to me. I'll let you know a bit about them in the authors note so you're not confused :)
October 2008, Simon's College Dorm Room
The guys are going to a bar for the evening. Jace, Magnus and Alec are in Simon's room, but he is not there. They're in their second year of college so Clary and Jace still 'hate' each other but Simon and Izzy would be dating. Alec and Magnus are also a couple.
JPOV
I've come to the conclusion that Simon Lewis has mental constipation.
I'm pretty damn sure I'm right, too.
You might be wondering how I have come to this maybe not so startling end. Well, in actual fact it wasn't hard. It's just the only plausible answer to why he would do something so inconceivably brainless, unless of course he's managed to remove his own brain since the last time I saw him because in that case he would literally be brainless.
And—well, he'd be dead, wouldn't he.
He knew we were coming. I'd specifically told him we'd be over at seven thirty at least five times in the last few hours. It was seven thirty now; he knew how I felt about time keeping but alas, there was no sign of Simon in his room. This, however, is not the reason for Simon's stupidity. No, no. The reason is much, much worse- as in there is no known word for the sheer level of his idiocy.
Are you sure you can handle this? Yeah? Okay. Here goes.
He'd left the room without logging out of his Facebook account, knowing damn well that I was going to be here at seven thirty sharp.
That boy knows no bounds. I swear sometimes I think he plots for hours with his 'friends' on Xbox live coming up with these evil little schemes that make my skin break out in a rash
Yummy, I know.
This particular gem was like Chinese Water Torture to me. Imagine if the drip, drip, drip of a leaky tap was all you heard for days on end and imagine the sheer insanity it would induce.
Yeah, that's how I feel right now.
I stood as far away from his computer as possible, my eyes wide and my hands practically shaking. I cracked my knuckles absently and cleared my throat, eyeing the laptop as if it were a bomb waiting to explode and earned myself some bizarre looks from Magnus and Alec who had sprawled themselves over Simon's unmade bed. I'm sure Simon knows each and every one of my pet peeves and uses them to his advantage to make up for the torture I put him through in school.
"Jace... what are you doing?" Alec asked, raising his eyebrows as I scratched my arms furiously. I didn't take my eyes away from the screen as I replied.
"He's mocking me."
"Who's mocking you?" Magnus drawled, sounding bored.
"Both of them- Simon and the screen. They're mocking me." I nodded slowly to myself, backing in to the corner of the room.
"Jace-"
"Well, I'm not going to cave." I growled stubbornly. I sat on the floor, hugging my legs to my chest. I'm pretty sure I was rocking backwards and forwards, too, which was never a good sign.
"Are you okay?" Alec asked worriedly, sitting on the balls of his feet in front of me. I shook my head.
"Look at the screen. Look at what that idiot has done."
Magnus flicked his eyes to the right and inspected the screen while Alec shook my shoulder. I swatted his hands away and chewed my nails.
"I don't get it. It's just Simon's Facebook page." Magnus said. Alec's head snapped towards the screen.
"What?" Alec said darkly, looking at his boyfriend with wide eyes.
"I don't see the big deal." He shrugged and leaned back in to the pillows, twirling a piece of hair around his finger.
"How can't you?" Alec whispered, "You know Jace has the mentality of a five year old. This shit is like crack to him. Log it out now before he does something."
"You log it out. I'm far too comfortable to move." Magnus sniffed. Alec rolled his eyes and I balled my fists.
"I can't leave him. He'll probably claw his skin off." He explained. Magnus snorted and raised his brows at me.
"You're really that bad?"
"You have no idea." I murmured.
"Here, I'll call Simon and see where he is. He can't be far away if he left his computer on and his door unlocked." Magnus said and whipped out his cell from his pretty much sprayed on skinny jeans. He punched in some numbers and held it to his ears. I prayed hard for Simon to pick up soon but my hopes for sanity were smashed when I heard his ringtone - the Final Fantasy battle theme, of all things—from his computer desk.
"Awh, crap." Alec moaned but I was already on my feet, lunging for the keyboard. He grappled for my waist but I was already sat on the desk chair, laughing like a maniac.
"Jace!" Alec yelled as he tried to pry my hands from the keys, but he wasn't strong enough. In the end he gave up and slumped against the wall watching me.
"What you going to write?" he asked.
"Not a clue. Got any ideas?" I asked through a frenzied laugh. My hands were still shaking and I could feel sweat on my forehead. Magnus cleared his throat and we looked at him. He grinned in that sly way he has that makes me know he's thinking some seriously evil shit. I laughed again.
"I might have a suggestion."
SPOV
I wandered in to my room, singing the numa numa song at the top of my voice. I know Clary hate's it when I sing and Isabelle openly despises it- she refuses to be seen in public with me when I dare try and carry a tune (especially this tune) Seriously though, I don't see why they get so annoyed about it. I'm an awesome singer...
In my mind.
Well, my showerhead never complains, anyways.
I carried on humming as I tossed my wet towel on to the bed- I swear it looked way more rumpled that it had been before I left the room. I'd messed it up sufficiently to annoy Jace, but not this much.
Whatever.
I pulled on a clean shirt since I dropped the first one in a puddle in the showers while I was dancing around and then crossed over to the computer and grabbed my phone. I deleted the missed call from Magnus with a shrug and opened a text message from Jace.
Gna b late- Maggie havin trouble with his hair. C u in 10 –J
I looked at the clock on my computer screen and smile a little bit, knowing it must be killing Jace to be nearly half an hour late. I suppose I should thank Magnus later on for holding him up. I laid my phone down on the desk and shuffled the mouse to open my Facebook page. My eyes widen a little when I see that I have thirty eight new notifications from my last status update about going for a shower. I click on the last one and start reading through the comments.
'you are disgusting Simon.'
'wtf?! That's sick! Nothing to jk about Simon!'
I frowned at the screen after a few more similar comments before scrolling up to the status they'd been commenting on.
JPOV
'Bastard! SHIT! I'm going to kill the douche that did this!" Simon yelled. We could hear him loud and clear even though we were listening from down the corridor.
It took approximately three seconds for the three of us to collapse against the wall with uncontrollable laughter. I yanked my Blackberry from my pants pocket and opened Facebook then scrolled down to Simon's status.
'Simon Lewis would like to know if anyone has a hammer handy. The girl tied up in my room is screaming and I can't knock her out!' I read and tried to compose myself enough to hold the phone steady. After a few deep breaths I managed- but only long enough to jab my finger against the 'like' button and shove the phone back in to my jeans and continue howling with laughter.
So there is number one! Please tell me what you thought of it :)
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