Hi, I'm Lily. I've been reading fics about John Paul and Craig for ages now but have never been brave enough to actually write one myself but I have mustered up the courage to write one and here it is. I'm not a natural writer as you will probably be able to tell and haven't actually had to do much writing since I left school a few years ago. It's written from John Paul's point of view and takes place 6 years after the dreaded Airport episode :( The first couple of chapters are catch-up chapters. So anyway, I hope you enjoy and I would be extremely grateful if you could review even if it is negative just so you can give me areas to improve. Thank you. LX
6 years. A whole 6 years has gone by and yet I can still remember every single detail about him. His hair, his nose, his mouth, but most of all his eyes. The way they could just look deep inside you into places you didn't even know were there. Sometimes when I listen really hard I can hear the sound of his voice, that same voice that told me he loved me, that it had always been me. That same voice that refused to kiss me and that same voice that wasn't there to beg me to stay. I suppose in some ways I'm glad he didn't.
After I left Craig at the airport I had to pick myself up and get on with life which wasn't going to be easy. In fact, the first 6 months were unbearable. I had to start university with no one there that understood what I'd been through, being blanked by Sarah and Nancy didn't particularly help either, and then there was Hannah. It broke my heart every single day thinking about how I treated her and every day I was disgusted with myself that my selfish actions had caused her pain and illness.
One day I decided enough was enough and I went to visit her in hospital, I remember how I felt approaching the room that I knew she'd be in. With all the bravery that I had I pushed the door open and walked in. The hospital was decorated similarly to her old room at home there were pictures all over the walls, her pink bed sheets still the same from when we had slept together, all around the room were 'get well soon' cards and bunches of flowers in vases. My eyes were drawn to a picture on her bedside table of me, Hannah, Craig and Sarah from last year from one of our double dates. I sighed; so much had changed since then, especially Hannah. The Hannah in the picture was smiling, looking healthy and happy. Looking over at the bed the Hannah I saw was fragile, unhappy and unhealthy. A small voice drew me away from my thoughts.
"I was wondering when you would visit"
"Hi." We stared at each other for a while before I moved closer and sat myself down on the chair next to her bed.
"How are you feeling?" I asked her, my eyes offering a silent apology.
"Better...thanks...I'm really glad you've come, I..."
"I would've come sooner it's just I wasn't sure whether you'd want to see me, I mean the last time I saw you I made you feel even worse and I couldn't bear it if that happened again. Look, I know I've been the worst friend ever and we both know I was the world's worst boyfriend but I'd really like to make things ok between us, because I really do care about you and wish things could have been different with us and then maybe I could have been there when you were feeling the way that you were and I hope that we could get back to the way things were before we ever got together, but don't worry I completely understand if.."
"John Paul, would you please just shut up for 2 seconds!" Had I said too much? Oh god, what if I'd made things worse by bringing up old times? What if I knock her off recovery? What if...
"If you had let me finish what I was trying to say you would know that I'd love for us to be friends and I want to put everything behind us. We were great friends once and I think it'd great if we could get back to that. So, what do you think?"
"Are you sure?"
So that was it, we sat for hours just talking about everything and nothing. She asked me about Craig and for the first time since he left and I told her everything and was completely open about it, from the moment we met in sixth form to the moment I walked away from him at the airport. Before I knew it I was crying and she held me in her arms and promised she would do everything she could to help me get through it. What did I do to deserve her? I must've been pretty amazing in my previous life.
Then it was her turn to tell me about what she'd been through. She told me how she felt when I told her she disgusted me, when she saw me and Craig together in the gym and how she felt when I told her I was gay. It broke my heart to hear how she blamed herself and thought it was because of something she had done, but I knew she wasn't telling me because she wanted me to feel guilty or to get some sort of revenge for the way I treated her, she was telling me because she needed to do it for herself. After she'd told me all about being accused of taken drugs, Melissa's death and being sectioned I promised her that I'd always be there for her and that I would do anything I could do help her through it too. So we just sat, hugging, not even realising time was passing, it could have been 10 seconds, 10 minutes or 10 days for all we knew, we just sat there lost in our thoughts but we were soon brought out of them by my mobile ringing with my mum on the other end informing me that my dinner was on the table. I gave her a quick hug, told her I'd be back tomorrow and then left. When I walked through the double doors out of the hospital I thought to myself this is it, my life changes from here.