Short, funny little fic. Based off the comment made by the rebels.


What? Where… Where am I? Am I dead? If this is what it's like to be dead, then being dead sucks. Guh. Wait. Was what that?

I thought I heard something. Maybe it's just my imagination, I mean; this whole thing could be a dream. I sure goddamn hope it is.

Wait. I think I got that wrong. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Dreams are usually supposed to be good, right? I think that's where 'Dreams come true' phrase comes from.

Think, Charlene, think! Alright, don't lose your cool. Don't lose your cool. Don't over think things, you'll get the yips.

Now, how do I wake up? I must be in a dream. Ah! I should pinch myself. Wait, where the hell is my body? This is the worst dream ever. I can't feel any part of my body.

Alright, this thumping sound has gone far enough. WAKE UP, CHARLENE. WAKE UP. Grrrr. Hey, wait! Light! Light!

If I'm dead, then this must be the light at the end of the tunnel. Wait a minute. Something's coming out of the light.

I just hope it's friendly. I've had enough of that damned Combine. Who do they think they are, waltzing in here and stealing our planet? Oh boy, something's coming out of that light, alright.

"Charrrrleeeeneeeee," the mysterious voice from (presumably) the light called out. It's voice was deep and scratchy, as though it hadn't talked it a long time.

Alright, what the hell was that? I'm getting freaked out. Alright, what the hell. I'm just… This is just… What is this, I don't even-

"Chaaareleeeeeeneeeeeee," the mystery voice called out again.

Ok, ok. Talk, Charlene, talk!

"W-w-w-who are you?" Charlene squeaked out.

Alright, progress. I'm stuttering, but it's still progress, right? Goddamn it.

"Come on, Chaaarleeeeeeeneeee," it called out again.

What the hell does this thing want? Shit, shit, shit.

"What do you want?" Charlene managed to get out without stuttering.

I hope to hell this thing is friendly. This is still weird, though. Like that time I found that guy with no shadow, running from metro cops. Or those other two metro cops, singing on the streets like nobodies business. Granted, I still joined them, that song was awesome.

"Come here, Chaaaarleeeneeee,"

Good god. This thing obviously has speech problems. I oughta teach him some proper ways to speak. After, of course, I get out of here. Wherever here is. Probably in some dark corner of my mind. WAKE THE FUCK UP, CHARLENE!

"Come here, Charleeeeneee, and plaaaaay with meeee,"

What, what did it just say? Play with me? Oh, god. Please let this not be some sort of obscure childhood memory filled with creepy dolls.

Well, I can at least say that it's friendly. Not confirmed, but it's made no attempt to hurt me thus far.

"Well, I don't want to play with you, I just want to wake up!" Charlene half screamed.

I feel confident. Not very, but I'm building up. I still can't feel my body, though.

"Weeell, theeeen. Eaaaaaaaat meeeeeeeeee,"

What? What? What? What did he just say, eat me? What the fuck is this? WAKE UP WAKE UP!

The thing turned to it's side and revealed it self.

It was a bright shade of yellow cheese, sliced in a rectangle. It was riddled with holes. There was no visible mouth, to Charlene at least.

Fucking hell. Shit. Shit. Shit. I'M DREAMING ABOUT FUCKING CHEESE. RECTANGULAR PIECE OF CHEESE. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! Oh my god, cheese. In the middle of an alien invasion, I dream about a giant piece of cheese that either wants to play with me, or wants me to devour it.

Well, uhm…. Cheese DOES sound pretty good right about now. I mean, it's better than the food rations we get everyday, that stuff is nasty. Nutritious, my ass. No matter what they say, that stuff taste like feet. Smelly old feet.

Feeling was suddenly returned to Charlene's body. She examined her body. Rebel gear outfit. She put one foot forward. The cheese made a rumbling, satisfied noise. She began to walk. Then she began to jog. Which turned into a full on sprint. Her mouth was drooling at the corner. She was going to eat cheese.

Charlene stopped in front of the cheese. She placed two hands on the top and leaned in for a bite-

"Charlene! Wake up!" Adam exclaimed and lightly shook her.

"Mm? What? Huh? Oh, what is it Adam?" Charlene replied and wiped a dribble of spit at the side of her mouth.

"Uhhh. We're heading out."

"Yeah, sure. I'll go get ready."

The next few days were spent with the same dream. Always with the same ending.

"Charlene wake up!"

Or

"Get up, Charlene!"

She'd one day tell everyone about it. Even Doctor Freeman.

"Sometimes, I dream about cheese."


That was a fun, quick write. It just popped into my head. I love the comments made by the rebels.

"Pardon me Doctor Freeman."

Just BAM! In the middle of a firefight. They sound pretty fucking cheery too.