In the not-too-distant past -

Last Sunday A.D. -

There was a guy named Yuri, Way too different from you or me.

He fought to save world many times, Alongside with his girlfriend Alice.

He did a good job fixing up the place,

But his enemies didn't like him

So they shot him into space.

Gilbert: We'll send him cheesy fanfiction,

Nicolai: The worst we can find (la-la-la).

He'll have to sit and watch them all, And we'll monitor his sanity (la-la-la).

Now keep in mind Yuri can't control

Where the stories begin or end (la-la-la)

Because he used those special parts

To mess with Nicolai.

Roll Call: (All right, let's go!)

Shania! (I'm not a stripper!)

Alice! (My dad picked my dress out.)

Johnny! (How can we escape?)

Yuuuri! (I'm the guy.)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe and other science facts (la la la),

Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a story, I should really just relax (Really)

For Mystery Science Theater 1000!"

"And…we're back!"


"Yeah." Yuri sighed and threw down his arms in resignation. "Hi everyone, and welcome back to the Hunk of the Junk. The author got lazy, school came up, yadda yadda." Yuri imitated the mouth of a idiot by flapping his hands. "So anyway…we're just waiting here for the next story…and this came up." He then waved his arms over to the right side, showing a canonic Alice, drawing weird things on the wall.

"Mustard in the kitchen with the rope!" She joked to the empty space around her as she doodled a caveman with a driver golf club hitting a space alien on the bulbous head. She laughed out nervously before hitting her against the wall, smearing the painting. "Ha! So that's where my car keys went!" Shania went over and pulled her away. Alice offered no resistance as she was placed in her crib.

"Apparently." Johnny started as he got a wet cloth to wash the wall clean of the random drawings. "She became addicted to the riffing, and the lack of it has caused her to regress into a desperate degenerate. Now she goes throughout the days making random comments."

"Drown all the puppies!"

"Like that." Shania remarked. "Hey author-man! The hell you've been?" She shouted as she tapped her fist against the screen of the viewing monitor, right before the screen turned on and showed the author himself in all of his unimpressive glory.

"Look." Syl held up his hands in defense. "I got busy and wanted to focus on other things." He then dropped his hands in admittance. "To play more video games."

"And not Shadow Hearts, because you wasted your money on dolls, and not a working PS2 to play those great games!" Yuri pointed out.

"They're not dolls, they're detailed figurines!" Syl tried to defend himself. "Look." He repeated. "I'm willing to make it up to you by doing something…humble." He then sighed. "As Gilbert and Nicolai are at that villain conference, I'm going to take over and send you the next few stories."

"Goodie." Johnny groaned.

"We got to fill it with pudding!" Alice added in her own two cents.

"The next few stories you guys are going to do…" Syl put on a pained face. "…are my old stories."

The whole station went quiet at the news.

"Yes." Syl said with the best glare he could pull off. "I've been writing stories since the end of 2003. And a lot of them…were sappy…had no paragraph spacing…lacked a clear plotline…and among other things…"

"GET THE DAMN STORY OUT ALREADY!" Alice shouted, her normal angry voice returning to her.

"THEN YOU GOT STORY SIGN!" Syl shouted as he flipped the switch. The four ran into the theater before the alarm had time to go off.

Well, my fav. couple of all time is Luffy/Nami

Yuri: A young teen before the internet took him over.

and this is the story how Luffy and Nami got together and how Luffy became the pirate king.

Alice: And how Nami got reduced into a prize!

Here we go with…Grand line Love

Johnny: Let's get ready to LLLAAAMMMMEEEE!

It was a windy day on the Grand Line, meaning that a storm is coming.

Shania: Or a giant is farting really badly.

That was no surprise to the Going Merry crew.

Yuri: They rather like the smell of flatulence.

Sanji closed the door behind Nami and ran off into the kitchen to fix his "Nami-san" something to eat.

Alice: Mmm…dust bunny stew!

Zoro drank some wine

Johnny: Ain't no party with no Ripple!

and Luffy ate some meat he stole.

Shania: Real shame that the meat is laced with copious amount of cyanide.

Usopp was telling Chopper a story about him saying a dragon about as big as Syrup village.

Yuri: For that was as far as the author read the source material!

Robin was reading, "How to Grow your Skypiea flower by Steve Banding" ( yes, this is after the Skypiea arc).

Alice: We're saved!

Yuri: We know when this story takes place!

Shania: Our savior has graced us!

And, Nami was drawing a new map of an island they visited earlier.

Johnny (Nami): Gee, Skull Island looks like a duck from this angle.

Luffy was thinking about him being the Pirate King and finding the One Piece.

Shania: Luffy needed to remind himself about the show's premise every now and then.

He was going to hit the jackpot anytime soon. In fact, he just did.

Yuri: Unfortunately, gambling and winning in New Vegas tended to make people unhappy.



The ship jumped forward and everybody fell down.

Johnny: On the floor.

Yuri: Everyone do the dinosaur.

Once everyone had regained their balance. Everyone wondered what they hit.

Shania: Apparently, they hit the comma off the sentence.

"Who will go out there and see what we hit?" said Nami.

Yuri: Who will dare to undertake the challenge?

"Not me. I might fall into the water and drown" said Luffy."

Alice: Just wrap your arm around a post. You're made out of rubber. Use your powers.

Not me. I might get eaten by a sea monster." said Zoro.

Johnny: Then slice it up. You got swords. You're a expert fighter.

"Not me. I might get eaten by a giant fish." said Usopp."

Shania: You might be a coward, but should be able to shoot the damn thing.

Johnny: When did the crew turn into wimps?

Not me. I might ruin my feet for fighting." said Sanji.

Yuri: We might have to do something constructive!

"Not me. I might get eaten by a big fish." said ,

Alice: Said nobody, for even the spirit of nonexistence shall not assist the motely crew.

the whole crew went to see what they hit.

Johnny: Wow. They suck at drawing sticks.

Alice: They all chose 'paper'.

"It's a cave!" said Luffy.

Shania (Luffy): And now my ship has a hole in it!

They entered to find the jackpot. The One Piece.

Yuri: In a random cave, in the middle of nowhere.

Johnny: Truly, the last place you would look.


Alice: Sir, but the election isn't over yet!

Three years later…

Johnny: They all died due to the diseases that came with the treasure.

Luffy was indeed the king of the pirates.

Shania: A honorary title with few benefits.

Soon, his bounty was up to 10,000,000,000 (I forgot the name of the currency),

Yuri: Oh goodie! He wrote this on a computer, so he didn't bother using the internet to look up the term!

Shania: Laziness at its finest!

Zoro managed to defeat Mihawk and became the greatest swordsman in the world.

Alice: No build-up, no epic battle, just 'defeated.'

Yuri: Grandline Love: 4kids edition!

He came back to Luffy grand ship and became Luffy's #1 guard.

Johnny: Years of loyal service and becoming the strongest swordsman in the world only gets a measly bodyguard position of a notorious criminal?

Alice: And this is why you write a good resume!

Usopp meet his father a while after and trained and became an warrior.

Shania: Warrior of ballet.

He came back to Luffy and became his #1 guard too.

Yuri: I think your math is off.

Sanji found the All Blue and opened a restaurant called the Grand Herring.

Alice: And he painted it all red, just to make it more obvious.

After his restaurant was in good shape, he came back to Luffy to become his cook.

Johnny (Sanji): I run one of the greatest restaurants in the entire world. But sure, I'll be your meager cook again.

Chopper and Robin went together.

Shania: To where? To when? To what end?

Chopper became a doctor and Robin found the All- History.

Yuri: No, they don't deserve detailed accomplishments!

They returned and became Luffy's doctor and inspector.

Alice: So, the more things changed, the more they stay the same, huh?

Now, Nami finished her map of the world and made a killing.

Johnny: Despite her past as a thief and navigator of the Piate King.

Yuri: That's why it's says 'killing;.

She made at least 500,000,000,000 and led a life of pleasure.

Shania: I'm surprised he didn't use 80 billion kajillion.

But, after 3 years, she still missed Luffy.

Yuri: But after seeing what happened to the other crewmates, forgot about him.

Acutely, she loved Luffy.

Alice: …'s money.

So, one day, she told Bumblestood(butler)

Johnny (Nami): I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS ASHES!

Yuri (Bumblestood): Very good, madam.

"Bumblestood, do you know where Luffy is?" "30 miles away, at Seaflood town."

Shania: Conflict created and then resolved. Can we go?

So, Nami went to Seaflood town and found on his ship.

Yuri: She jumped there!

" Luffy, look!" said Usopp.

Alice (Usopp): Why, it's better story!

Luffy looked and said "Nami! She's back!"

Johnny: Hide the comic books!

Soon, Nami was on board.

Shania: We established the scene!

After telling all her friends about her life, she meets Luffy in the cabin.

Yuri: I feel like every sentence in this is a stage direction.

"So Nami, how is it living in a mansion?" Luffy asked.

Alice (Luffy): Is there a chocolate fountain?

"Well… dull. Real dull. Luffy, I want to tell you something." "Yeah, me too."

Johnny: This story is really boring.

And they it together.

Shania: Right there! Clothes on the ceiling!

"I love you."

Yuri: …poster on the wall.

They gasped and blushed. Then they got toward each other and held hands. And then, they kissed.

Alice: Big freaking deal.

Sanji saw this and fainted. The whole crew saw this and cheered.

Johnny: Sanji is dead! Hurray!

Thus, it was the beginning….

Shania: Of a awkward writing career.


Yuri: Yeah! Fall down one!

Like it? Hate it?

Alice: Loathe it really.

If I get 10 reviews, I will write a marriage story soon!

Johnny: You got three times that, and you didn't. Good job keeping that promise

So, please review!

Shania: Oh, we'll be fair all right.