A/N: Thank you for your reviews! My views and reviews have been reduced significantly. One of the reasons is the manga has been finished (disappointedly), but the main reason is my slow update. I'm really sorry about that, but I'm so helpless to my museless muse.
I got a review for chapter 14 saying "gross beyond imagine", and I understood it, because I did put a warning for bad, unpleasant words. Although I did and will try to find lesser words, I want to warn again that all the scenes with Kaname in Arc 2 (starting from chapter 14) will contain distasteful, unpleasant images and description.
MY SWEETHEART, COULD YOU FEEL MY PAIN?
"Ichijou-sama, our agent beside Shirabuki reported that she is confining Kuran-sama."
"Is this information reliable?"
"Definitely. Our agent has seen him with her own eyes."
Zero quietly looked at the blond noble, who was rubbing medicine on his barely closed wound with deep caution and consideration. It had been three months, he should have already been healed, if not exerting himself every night searching for the pureblood's trace, which unfortunately couldn't be found anywhere. He had tried all the places suspicious and unsuspicious, investigated all people doubtful and undoubtful, but Kaname seemed to have vanished in the thin air. Silence tormented him endlessly each day he returned home with empty hands. Silence meant his beloved pureblood was put in strict detention, silence said he was struggling but incapable to escape. Zero couldn't wait to capture that daring kidnapper, whoever he was, to crush him up with his angry fingers, to make him feel deeply sorry for having been born in this world. Fitful sleeps now and then brought illusive moments where he felt the pureblood's warm embrace around him, to derisively wake him up and throw him back to ruthless reality.
If you were turned into ex-human, your life was screwed. Everyone looked at him with deep sympathy, but that day Zero swore he would survive. Ironically, when he thought he had achieved the best success of a man, to become the HA president and to be happily in love, he realized his time was running out, he had to separate from his beloved and discredit himself for his beloved's future. And when he thought it finally came a chance to compensate for him and be together forever with him, his beloved disappeared.
The noble's dark blond brows knitted lightly as he finished bandaging his husband's wound. If it was just a patient, he would have advised him to relax his mind, lessen his hard work and rest more to get recovered properly. However, all he could do in this situation was stay silent and pretend to focus on cleaning up the medical tools. This morning, Zero staggered into his floor, bleary and exhausted after a night out, clothes stained with dust, holding him and crying until falling into a heavy sleep. It pained Aido to see the hunter destroying himself but there was no words possible to console him. If one day Zero disappeared, he knew he wouldn't be in any better condition. Was loving someone that painful? He had stayed up the whole day, quietly lying by his side, sadly caressing his bristly moustache. Wasn't Zero too heartless to come and cry with him for another person? Was it because he had spoiled him too much and made him feel quite comfortable to say he was yearning for someone else?
A sensation of being observed thoroughly made him look up, once again he reached a hand to fondle the hunter's scrawny jaw which had just been shaved in the shower. Night was still new. Night wasn't just darkness, night brought peaceful, relaxing moments. One was blessed if could be together with their loved ones at night. Sometimes hasty life made people ignorant of that simple happiness, but to some other people, they usually deeply appreciated each and every minute of those nights.
"Do you regret?"
"For what?" Aido blinked. The question sounded kind of hazy, but his husband looked quite solemn.
"For choosing me." Zero said. "We got closer to each other in the clubs. We competed with each other for those hotties, but not for those hotties you started getting interested in me. It's because of Sayori, isn't it?" Aido had told him how their relationship begun when he had memory loss, but it wasn't the full truth. People thought the noble was a play boy by nature. He had already been famous around the girls since school time, but not many knew he actually liked Sayori, a human girl of Day Class, who was kind enough to be a good friend to vampires, but didn't want to get involved romantically in one. Aido became loose because Sayori didn't allow him to be sincere to her. Their lives lied on different paths until their parents wanted to marry them to each other for some political purpose. Aido got perplexed, and unable to make up his mind whether he should try once more time to win her heart. It was when he found out Sayori was proactively approaching Zero, his rival for those club girls. Aido didn't know if she would rather choose the hunter than marry him, but for her sake, he couldn't let her get in deeper, because she and Zero could never have a good ending. In human law, the hunter was single, but in vampire society, he was already married to two males, whose level was higher than his, which, in consequence, meant he couldn't get divorced easily without their assent.
"How is she?"
Aido turned away to put his tool box back to the cabinet. "Happily married and expecting her third child." He still kept in touch with her, sometimes they still met for a drink. He hadn't thought his husband would care about it. His feeling for Sayori was like Kain's feeling for Ruka, it was a piece of their past, not beautiful or ugly, not meaningful or meaningless. It just occupied a corner of their heart as a mark of time.
"You could have been the father." Zero murmured.
"She didn't want a vampire husband."
It sounded like things would have been different if Sayori didn't mind their distinction, or Aido was interested in another girl. The noble's shoulders squared as he depressed a sigh. Four years ago, he couldn't believe it when realizing there was another person beside Sayori, who he wanted to tie his life with. People thought he would indulge in dissipation forever, even his parents got astounded when he took Zero home and announced they were getting married.
"You could have been a father too." Aido wondered what he was saying, it sounded like a complaint on the situation of their plural marriage. One husband and five wives, six men together, unfruitful and heirless.
"I used to want a pair of twins. But it was before fourteen, before I fell in love with Kaname." When one was young, their little family was the standard of their society, how their parents lived was the sacred rules they respected. Zero had venerated his father as a hero, a perfect model to follow. Shamefully, except their alike looks, he was nowhere close to his father's values. He failed to be the mainstay of his family, he failed to give his wives appropriate security and happiness. "If it wasn't for him, my childhood dream would have probably come true. But I have no regret. I will not exchange our family for a woman and a pair of twins."
Life was the result of choices and decisions. Life was also the result of changes and amendments. Aido understood why his husband was asking about regret. Presumed that Zero married Takuma because he wanted to get even with Kaname, married Kain because it was the best way to release the noble's painful feeling with Ruka, married Shiki because he wanted to take the person who carried his beloved's features under his wings and look after him. Nevertheless, no responsibility lied between him and the hunter, at his free will, Aido chose to reject other possibilities to get married to him. After four years together, the reason which led to their marriage wasn't important anymore. If his decision should be doubted, it should be the time Zero prepared to marry Kain or the time he announced Shiki was joining them.
"In fact, Sayori wasn't interested in me. She asked for my opinion about becoming an ex-human." Zero gazed at the noble's back, waiting for his reaction, though he wasn't sure how he would take it if Aido turned around with amazement and started regretting for what he had missed. But it didn't happen, his noble stayed still, and he couldn't see his facial expression. "She was considering getting converted to ex-human to marry you. I told her to stay close to me, an ex-human, if she wanted to know." Zero recalled their school time at Cross Academy. Unlike other Day Class girls, Sayori wasn't crazy about Night Class boys. When she figured out who they really were, she kindly supported their plan of peaceful coexistence between two races. "But I didn't really mean to encourage her idea. I told her being an ex-human would be the most regretful thing in one's life. Once being converted, you could never walk out in daylight again, you have to leave in darkness forever, and forever be tormented by blood thirst, no matter how much or how often you drink it. Because to ex-humans, normal blood was insatiable, only pure blood could satisfy them, but it was exactly what ex-humans couldn't have."
Zero didn't lie. Ex-humans were the lowest class of vampire, they were stronger and live longer than humans, but sun light became their most harmful element, and blood thirst gradually destroyed their sanity, urging them to attack other people without thinking. The only blood which could gratify their thirst was pure blood, unfortunately, the luckiest ex-humans could just be able to taste that sacred blood once, when their masters decided to stop their falling for longer use. Zero was a unique exception, because he was married to a pureblood who was willing to feed him as much as he wanted. There wouldn't be another person who had his luck, Sayori contemplated on her choices carefully. At last, she chose to remain human and give up on her feeling with Aido.
"She told me already," The noble closed the cabinet doors, then turned around to face his husband. "right in your wedding day with Kain. She felt sorry that her decision had impacted my whole life."
"You met her on that day?" Zero was embarrassed as wondering what his other wives were doing while he was staying with one. He tried to share his time equally with each of them, but it wasn't considered fair. It would never be fair if you had to share your spouse with the others. Sometimes he found himself avoiding thinking about this issue. Aido could meet and talk to Sayori anytime, but his meeting with her on the day his husband marrying a new spouse was too embittered, yet he didn't endure it just once. Not only him, but Takuma, and Kaname, the person who Zero had vowed to love for the rest of his life, had to go through this heart broken pain again and again.
In vampire law, they must accept it if they wished to keep their marriage, but each time Zero applied to add another person to the marriage certificate, his wives would receive a request to confirm their acceptance. Each time he expected a wrath from the pureblood, each time he thought one of them would get angry and kill him. Ironically, all his additional marriages went smoothly in peace.
"I felt weak, Zero. She saw me not looking well in the party and offered to accompany me for a little longer." Aido stuttered "It's not your fault. I've never wished to monopolize you. We started when you're already a married man. In our wedding, you promised to be with me until your last breath, and I totally believed it. You never promised to belong to me only. Sayori's decision didn't impact my life in the way she thought. She chose not to marry me, but it had nothing to do with my decision to marry you. I married you simply because I wanted to marry you."
Warmth and appreciation glinted in the hunter's amethyst eyes. In school time, many girls adored Aido and called him 'Idol', but they wouldn't think he was really an ideal lover because of his dissoluteness. They might laugh at their own craziness if looking back now, but it's just because they didn't see him when he was serious. Aido was ideal when he was truly in love.
"I'm sorry, it will never happen again."
The noble smiled. He had already sensed it three years before, that his husband wouldn't marry another person. After Shiki, Zero turned calm and behaved responsibly to all of them. Debauchery wasn't his real nature, Aido didn't have high expectations, he believed everything would be fine gradually. "I didn't blame you. You started this conversation by yourself."
Aido was still standing near the cabinet, and Zero was sitting on his bed, without touching each other, they felt the warmth from each other when their two minds were flowing with the same hope.
Ouri's son got married to Isaya's daughter, which was such a great event these days. The wedding took place in Ouri's splendid palace. There were only a few pureblood families left. To preserve their sacred inheritance, they usually chose to marry within their families or in the same level. The announcement of this marriage wasn't a surprise, but in their current situation, everyone apprehended that these two purebloods were forming an alliance to prepare for taking over the leading position from Kaname, who had mysteriously disappeared for a while.
This wedding gathered all big names of two sides, including the most powerful yet waning Kiryuu family. The nobles who used to follow Shizuka Hio openly expressed their submission to the new Ouri-Shoto alliance. Those who supported Kaname got more disheartened that their master was absent again, except for Zero's parents-in-law. They understood that their sons wouldn't return home if something happened to the hunter. Because their sons would share the fate of the Kiryuus, they had to show their steady support and join hands to protect them as much as they could.
"I'm so disappointed since Kaname-san can't arrange his time even though the invitation was sent one month in advance." Sara smiled "Or he again has something more important than this happy event of Ouri-san and Shoto-san?"
"Kaname is sorry for his absence. But he has prepared a special gift to congratulate Ouri-san and Shoto-san." Takuma presented a small heart-shaped bottle with ruby liquid inside in the amazement of all guests. Need not to say out loud, everyone knew it was blood. Purebloods didn't feed anyone else but their spouses. In some exceptional situations, they would give blood to the others with high caution and understanding that it would greatly benefit the receivers. However, the Kurans had never offered their blood in any deals.
For human beings and lower-class vampires, pure blood could increase strength, expand longevity, and heal deseases. With this little amount, it couldn't really profit another pureblood, but Ouri and Shoto wouldn't deny that they were excited to taste its deliciousness, considering it was a chance they had never thought possible even in their wildest dream.
Ouri hastily seized the bottle as if worrying Takuma would change his mind and take it back. For an instance, he failed to cover the covetous nature, but very quickly calmed himself down. His new wife also couldn't take her eyes off the crimson liquid, the others surrounded them with curiosity.
"It is the mixture of Kaname's blood and mine." Zero's words broke their excitement, but before they got disappointed, he continued "It's impure, but it's a perfect impurity. It contains Kaname's full strength, and with my essence, hunter weapons are no longer fatal."
In theory, Zero would never become as powerful as a pureblood no matter how long he drank from his beloved, just as anti-vampire weapons would forever harm Kaname when he touched them, no matter how much he drank from the hunter. They were different races, they could never combine completely, unless…
Rumor said that the Kurans were able to exchange strength through sex, their powers would be transmitted to their partners if they were in the passive end. The two societies just paid attention to Kaname's absence recently, but the fact was he had rarely been seen since getting married. Zero didn't know about this method, yet he was presenting a type of blood which people had no other explanation, beside the theory that he had drained his first wife utterly.
When its lid was removed, an avid scent of pure blood combining with hunter odor deliciously emitted from the bottle. A fresh and absolute blend that fervidly drew their full smelling sense, delectable as the best beverage and appealing as the worst desire, waking up their intense greed and urging them to think of power. The societies had been upset with Zero and Kaname's marriage, because their union made a powerful pureblood armed with dangerous anti-vampire weapon, or in other words, a seasoned hunter supplemented with pureblood powers. Nevertheless, they were two individuals, they needed to be together to be invincible. It's just a matter of time until their union, as any other ones, was broken and created new chances for the others to rise up.
Ouri emptied half of the bottle and gave the rest to his wife, who finished it in the impatience of their honourable guests. Great taste swiftly rushed through their throats as expected. It was real. Their eyes glued on the hunter with envy.
"It's the best wedding present we have received. Thank you!" Ouri murmured.
But everyone understood it wasn't simply a present. It was to forewarn the new-formed Ouri-Shoto alliance and the entire societies that the Kiryuu family still owned the strongest blood, the blood which was even stronger than purest, despite of what had happened and how they had made it.
"My pleasure." Zero said politely.
This world never gave you a break. As long as you lived, you had to keep struggling to protect yourself and more importantly, protect your loved ones. Why should he care for his position, his social status when his beloved person, the meaning of his life, was in danger and he had no clue where he was to rescue him? Zero wanted to throw away everything to solely focus on seeking for Kaname, but his sense of responsibility held him back. He had to think for the balance of this world, think positively about the future after they were reunited, and think for the other wives who had always supported him. Among the guests who were present at this wedding, he hoped to find a trace of his enemy, the one who had kidnapped Kaname.
Nobody should have a crazy idea of kidnapping the strongest pureblood without a great plan and great preparation. So what had happened to them might not be a chain of fateful events, but a part of someone's plan. Zero strongly believed Kaname was still alive, because that person might have already known the pureblood's heart was underdeveloped, or figured it out upon seeing his scars. Then the only choice left was to keep him in custody to feed on his blood. Zero didn't know there was a better method to take his powers, but by presenting his special blood tonight, he wanted to tell that person where Kaname's heart belonged to, literally. He wanted that person to approach him and reveal his identity.
Beside that, this party was meaningless. He lingered for a little more, taking a few glasses of wine, then quietly slipped out of the hall. He wasn't familiar with this palace, but walking back the way he had come, it was easy to return to the living room, where a couple of nobles were flirting with each other. Blood had been shed. They hurriedly separated their bodies and adjusted their clothes as sensing a pureblood aura getting close. The girl's eyes glowed upon seeing Zero, remembering his tasty blood which she had smelt earlier, her lips had red stains, obviously similar with the ones on her boyfriend's neck. The guy gave him a bow, and rapidly pulled her out before she made some regretful move.
Zero wasn't bothered by her attitude as long as they left him alone. Putting his empty glass on the sofa table, he walked to the floor-to-ceiling window, looking up the dim sky. Gentle moonlight out there brought a forlorn feeling, and crescent moon was so lonesome in darkness. If he wasn't here tonight, he would be standing on the rooftop of some skyscraper, or the peak of a mountain, or deep in a wild, secluded forest, or among the humming crowd of night-lifers, desperately hoping to hear some news about his beloved.
"You have published your blood." A soft voice suddenly sounded behind him "Is it an announcement that you are the new head of the Kuran circle?"
A vague scent of pureblood, but too vague to be a real one. Zero had been so used to such scent to immediately recognize the newcomer was chairman Cross, who was considered a fangless vampire, because he was strong as one, and he had stopped aging for a long time. When Zero was a child, the HA found both of them had many similar features and he was expected to be as trong and having a long longevity as Kaien.
"The circle doesn't need a new head. I just help Kaname to deliver a warning before they have to regret for betraying him." Zero turned around to look at his foster father. It might not be a good move, but he didn't have a better idea to make sure his beloved's position and legacy remained intact when he returned.
Kaien also sensed the danger and found necessary to shorten the gap between Toga and his disciple. The young hunter's prestige had been damaged seriously since he was suspected and his act of publishing his altered blood today was pulling him further from the Association. If it kept going, the hunters would want to select a new president. Then both sides had internal disputes and the peace treaty between them would be broken as a result. "Please don't blame Yagari, the Association needs people like him, who put the safety of humankind above all and wouldn't hesitate to do anything to protect them."
Zero knew he had no right to say his mentor was cold-hearted, he also realized the chairman had managed to defend him in their meeting, but in his situation, he was the bad guy with a secret which couldn't tell anyone, so he couldn't let his guard off in front of them. Nevertheless, when things became uncertain, he found himself go back to seek for support from his foster father. A few days ago, Zero appeared in the chairman's study room with only half of his body formed by bats gathering together, officially admitted his new condition. He asked him to check two blood tablets. One was taken from the bottle Takuma had given to him, and the other was what the noble used for himself. He didn't say the reason, and Kaien didn't ask.
"Kaname has been kidnapped for two months."
The chairman was stunned. Even if hearing about his death, he wouldn't have reacted like that. In fact, he had prepared to receive such news since the day Kaname trusted Zero to his and Yagari's care. While the hunter lost his memories and was totally powerless, Kaien thought Kaname was planning to sacrifice himself to save him. But if this sacrifice was in the calculation of some unknown force, then their situation was worse than they had predicted.
"I've gotten the result of your tablets. One is normal, the other has a light concentration of anti-vampire poison. It's too light to cause real damage, but it will weaken the vampire's system."
That explained why his injury couldn't be fully healed, despite of Aido's hard efforts. But the thought of suspecting Takuma made Zero ashamed. He was his nicest, friendliest, and most understanding wife, however, it seemed there was an uneasy feeling when he was with him, it seemed there was something Takuma was trying to hide. Even now, everything was too vague, it's just his instinct which was telling him the enemy had already intruded his home, crawled onto his bed, and been destroying the dearest, private shelter of his spirit. He didn't want to fight without the nobles by his side, he didn't want to change the way he thought his life would be. But with four wives around, appeared to be very attentive and loving, he was… lonely. Without Kaname, his being became incomplete.
Both tablets were manufactured by Ichijou Pharmaceauticals, supposed to be in the same formula, same packing, especially for their own master's family. Kaien couldn't believe in the result, even though he had conducted the full test by himself. He didn't feel right to suspect Takuma's loyalty. He had known him since the noble was a little child, and watched over him until he became one of the most powerful vampires. Takuma usually appeared humble, relaxing and generous to everyone. He had successfully developed his family business, inherited his grandfather's position as the head of the Vampire Council, and expanded his influence in both the hunter and vampire societies. He could have had a dignified spouse exclusively for himself, he could have created a harem if wanted. Nevertheless, he chose to be a concubine.
People forgot to wonder why Takuma had no friends. With his character, he should have a lot of friends and admirers, however, the only ones who could be considered his friends were Kaname and Shiki, the members of the pureblood family that his family were committed to serve, yet he treated them as friends. Beside them, he subtly kept a distance from everyone else, he turned himself into Kaname's representative to receive the honor and respect which people specifically paid to the pureblood, and while many big families wanted to marry their daughters to him, they weren't surprised when he decided to share the spouse of their vampire king. Since then, he acted as the hunter's first wife, he stood by his side in all occasions they attended, he used his husband's reputation to establish his own relations with the HA, while continued using Kaname's name to earn great regard in vampire society.
"It was only him in your eyes. You didn't realize my feeling, you didn't know I fell for you in the same moment Kaname fell for you."
Never once since they knew each other had Takuma let Zero down. He had stayed by his side all the time the hunter was unconscious after taking the pureblood's heart. He had stopped him from committing a mistake in the vacant alley when both sides were hunting for him. He had stood up to defend him and publicly pledged his full allegiance to him in their two sided meeting.
Zero still remembered the first day returning home with no memories, Takuma came to tell him it was his third anniversary with Shiki and thoughtfully gave him a gift which he had helped him to prepare. By such generous action, he fully gained the hunter's trust and made him feel secure to rely on.
The next day, he told his clueless, oblivious husband, who was instinctively getting attracted to Kaname, that the pureblood had been caught cheating with another man, and in a moment of fury, Zero had shot that lowlife to death by himself. The shadow of his revelation effectively cut off the hunter's good impression on Kaname and prevented them to have a decent talk.
Their relationship was exacerbated until reaching its worst point when Zero requested to get his mother's ring back. That day Kaname was seriously injured after the fight with Shizuka, he stayed alone in his scent sealed floor, wrote his Last Will and poisoned himself to turn his heart into his husband's remedy. That day the hunter for the first time realized he had misunderstood him, and wanted to rush down to see him, but Takuma once again appeared to delay it. They were so close to lose each other forever, Zero was so close to never have a chance to express his true feeling to Kaname.
"Is there any news from Takuma-kun's agency?" Kaien muttered.
The young hunter shook his head in despair, which disturbingly implied to him something was wrong. Takuma placed his secret agents in all pureblood and noble families. He even had them spied on the hunters. What made them dangerous was nobody was aware of the existence of this wide and deep agency. A few years ago, Kaien was shocked when his personal assistant, a young and nice human girl, suddenly confessed her true identity as a secret agent and pleaded him to help her resign from her mission to lead a normal life with her lover. Through her, he learned about the agency which Takuma had developed, claiming to serve Kaname, but in fact, they only knew the noble as their unique master. After that accident, Takuma changed his method to control them. Right now, Kaien wasn't sure who had been sent to his side to replace his old assistant. He hadn't exposed him, because it turned out that Zero and Kaname also knew about the agency, though they weren't aware of its operation and fully trusted it to Takuma.
There should be nothing which that agency couldn't find out. When the plan hadn't reached its main part, it might have been covered carefully. But it was now nearing completion, Kaname had been taken to the perpetrator's place, and the secret agents were requested to double their efforts to watch over all activities and reported everything in details. It's weird that they still couldn't gather any clue.
The dark rings around the hunter's eyes were darker as light was on the other side of his standing. Kaien sighed "Let me know anytime you need me."
Somewhere in the banquet hall, two nobles inadvertently crossed each other.
"Ichijou-sama, have you received my report on Kuran-sama and Yuuki Cross?"
"I got it. I want you to transfer this to Kaname." A small vial was transferred to the other hand. "Now return to Sara before she finds out your absence."
"I understand, Ichijou-sama."
There were beautiful dreams which people wished to see before closing their eyes. A poor man dreamed about winning a lottery, a lonely one dreamed about a family, a patient dreamed for a good health, a prisoner dreamed for freedom. There were also people whose dream was very simple that the others thought they were crazy, or perhaps they were too pathetic.
Yuuki wondered if anyone realized she had gone missing. Beside Zero, she had an adopted father, she had a job, and she had a few friends. Didn't any of them look for her? Didn't they feel weird about her disappearance? Unfortunately, everything had been well-arranged. To Kaien, to her colleagues, to her friends, she hadn't just vanished without a word. They received her letter of resignation and her good bye emails saying she wanted to move away seeking for new opportunities. They even got other emails from her assuring she had found a good place and needed some quiet time to get over the past.
Nobody knew she was being confined in a white room, locked in a white cage as an animal, though it was large enough for her to lie down and stretch her limbs out. In the beginning, she thought of many things, but now, her only dream was to see the sun some day. Yes, simply able to see the bright sun as a human.
Time had become meaningless. She didn't know how long it had been, what she kept waiting behind the iron bars was very simple. She waited for those deadpan servants who returned after a certain time to take Kaname out, and unlock her cage. When he was away, she was free to walk around the room, go to the bathroom for natural needs, and rest on his bed. Then they would get back and she would be locked again. It repeated over and over, finally became the only meaning she lived for. Need not to say, she hoped his time out of this room was longer.
Sara had taken her here and offered her to Kaname as food, but it wasn't her real purpose. It soon turned clear that Yuuki was kept as a reminder to prevent the pureblood from committing suicide. She was carrying the child of the man who Kaname loved more than his own life. For their safety and for a promise with Zero, he accepted to let Sara withdraw his powers by the most humiliating method. He let her ravish him.
Out of this room, Yuuki couldn't imagine what he had to endure. It wasn't just sex, it wasn't just non consensual. Sex was merely a method which Sara herself felt sick of. She felt absolutely offended being intimate with a man, especially Kaname, who had slept with many men. Even in his prime time, she had no sexual interest in him, let alone his current condition. His dead white complexion and his bony body couldn't bring any pleasure. All she could do was frustratingly claw over his skin, tearing his flesh to reach to the only part of his which she thought valuable - his fresh blood. Crazily licked on his new injuries and thrust in his bleeding hole until she could feel the warm, soothing sensation of his revitalized energy transmitting to her.
He had lost the concept of time. Each time being thrown back to this room, those servants carelessly shoved him in and abandoned him on the cold floor. It usually caused some more bruises, but didn't matter, his body had already gotten so many wounds. After the session finished, Sara would walk away immediately, the servants would put a white robe on for him, then clutch his arms to drag him back. Blood would drip down his thighs, trickling along the way. Blood dyed the fibre, created motley red spots on his robe as though the shameless traces of a dirty woman. Unbuttoned clothing could hardly cover his exhausted body which stank with typical scent of semen. Fouler than the cheapest whore.
"I will love you forever. Wherever I am, wherever you go, you're holding my love with you."
After the first time, he stayed in the bathroom for hours trying to cleanse himself. But it was useless, because the torment was going to happen again and again. It didn't take long until he couldn't recover by himself. Sara called a vampire doctor to check him up, and propose a remedy to retrieve his energy for her next take. Since then, she stopped coming to this room, and he was brought to another place instead. Since then, the servants moved in a cage to lock Yuuki and stopped cleaning his room.
"The bed is for you." He told her while being pulled out, and a servant was opening the cage door. Being restricted in the cage wasn't good for Yuuki and her baby. In his situation, he was shamefully incapable of taking care of her. What he could do was to give her all he had. Sarcatiscally, all he had was nothing but this bed with soft, pleasant mattress, cozy, relaxing pillows and a warm, large blanket. He would rather struggle with the coldness of the marble floor before they came back to take him out for another round to keep the bed clean for her. Seeing her belly getting bigger and bigger was the only good thing in this dark time. In his broken sleeps, he often heard her grumbles over their depressing confinement. She had given up on the hope for freedom, she hated the competition in their societies, she cursed the enemy, also cursed the persons who cared about her but didn't know where she was. She vented her anger on him, who, as in her nasty words, was helpless as a dead man.
"Kaname, despite of how long it took, please wait, I would be coming."
He missed his husband's affectionate fingers stroking on his skin when whispering those loving words to him. No matter how long they had been separated, he would keep waiting. Zero must be looking for him, Zero would come to his rescue as soon as figuring out where he was. So he must survive. When they were reunited, he wanted to tell him proudly "Zero, we are going to have a baby."
How blissful it was when a wife told her husband that she was pregnant, and see the great contentment in his broad smile. It was the sacred right of the woman to inform her loved man that they were expecting a child, it was her sacred right to do the best things to take care of their child and make sure he or she would be born safely.
He wasn't able to help Zero continue his family line, he couldn't produce the fruit of their intense love. He had thought about compensating for him by devoting his life to protect him and serve him. But in this hell, he found that Zero was having a child, and he got the bliss to protect his precious child - their precious child. Wasn't it how a mother-to-be felt? He wanted to touch Yuuki's belly to make contact with the baby inside, to know if he or she moved as people said, to share with him or her his strong hope and faith. "No worries, baby! Your father is coming. He will clear up the darkness. He will show you the beautiful daylight. He will show you this wonderful world."
The clatter from the other side of the door dragged him back to reality. They were returning. He didn't know how long had passed over, but it was going to be the 273th time. Those servants were coming to tug him to the cleaning room, where they washed up the blood and semen on and inside his body. Staying naked in front of a bunch of strangers and being given an enema wasn't what he worried anymore. They didn't treat him as a living being, and what was truly living in him was his spirit, not his body. As Sara's instruction, he wasn't provided any food to eat, except a little soup every 9 times. But they still did the enema. His anal sphincter had been too loose for being overused without proper care. He couldn't hold the water, so they had to insert a butt plug to prevent it from flowing out, and put a tape on to keep the plug in place.
Those servants didn't know he couldn't endure the pressure of water pressing on his prostate where had an unhealed wound. They usually tried to pump in a lot of water and made him fully swollen up to satisfy their master's high standard of cleanness. Lying there with two legs tied apart widely, hearing the sound of water streaming down from his abused hole, he no longer felt ashamed. This body was too dirty that couldn't be dirtier. Nothing could cleanse it. The physical pain was something to remind him that he was still alive, he was still keeping his promise…
Yet there was only one person slipping through the door, and gently shut it down. Almost soundless. In fact, he had just returned to this room for a short while. However, he couldn't be sure if his perception didn't mistake the time. It had happened in the past. He fainted before the session finished, those servants hauled him back, and when he just regained consciousness, they re-appeared to take him out. It felt merely like a blink, and the whole agonizing process was reprised.
"If you think it's time for another round, you can be relaxed. It isn't yet." The caps of her shoes were near his face "I didn't intend to see you. Since leaving your circle, I didn't intend to see you ever again. But we are on the same boat now, Kaname! We have been abandoned by the persons we loved at most."
His eyelids quivered as hearing the familiar voice which had disappeared for many years. There was no other sound in the room, Yuuki already fell asleep.
It wasn't the 273th time.
They didn't come to bring him to the cleaning room yet.
He was still lying on the cold floor, blood and semen dried on and in his body, an obscene odor indecently wrapped around him.
He no longer felt ashamed, even though this woman wasn't like those nameless, faceless strangers, she was an old… acquaintance.
She said they were on the same boat.
She said he was abandoned by the person he loved at most.
"Asa Ayame has been killed." Rima said softly "I saw her talking to you in her turn to feed you." She had been struggling to seek a path for her life. She betrayed the pureblood who her family was meant to serve. But her heart was broken once more as her new master, the one who she wished to dedicate her life to and be happy with wasn't committed to her. She became more perplexed when those two purebloods got involved in one battle for power. She thought about continuing this path, because there was no chance to get back. However, Sara broke her again by whispering to her ear that she was getting married while they were making love to each other. When they started, the pureblood told her she wouldn't marry anyone. They had been together for many years, Sara had so many lovers, but she was the only one who had the privilege to come and go whenever she wanted, she could interrupt Sara and the others if she liked to. Just when she gave in and accepted Sara's non-commitment, the pureblood decided to get married.
Of course her spouse wasn't Rima.
"I didn't expose her, because I wanted to see if your Zero was a true man. I wanted to see what he would do after knowing where you are, what you are suffering, how you are going through your days." It was betrayal, and she would lose her life if Sara figured out. She had been very anxious day after day, but a part of her desired to see the ending of this story. Kaname had offered his own heart to save Zero, she yearned to know how the hunter would do when the pureblood was in danger. "If you remember your little talk with Asa, it was three months ago."
After the cleaning session, he would be transferred to another room, to be fed by one of the noble lovers of Sara. His heart was still underdeveloped, yet his blood contained all potential elements of his powers. If being fed by strong blood, his system would be recovered enough to revitalize strength. However, this strength would be sucked out completely through sex, before it could improve his condition. Sara didn't care about him after that, but when the session started, he usually appeared good with ruddy complexion, all wounds being closed, clean and fresh, though blood alone couldn't stop his body from getting thinner and thinner, the barely healed wounds also took lesser time to break again.
In one of those feedings, a noble disclosed to him that she was a secret agent from Takuma. He told her about Yuuki, and she promised to report on their situation immediately.
So it had been three months. There was no day and night in this place, no clock, no calendar. To keep track of time, he counted the times Sara raped him. When they met, it was the preparation for the 12th time, he was still able to walk on his own. And now, it had been 272 times.
The coldness of the marble floor burnt his wish that Zero would appear to save him before the next time. But Rima was trying to tell him his husband had…
Zero would not abandon him.
"I didn't say he did nothing. He did. He has taken three months to prepare this poison." Rima gently put a small vial on the palm of his hand. "I killed Asa for it. I was about to throw it away, but… my curiosity was too large. I want to know what you will do." As a matter of fact, she changed her mind because Sara decided to get married. If the pureblood didn't respect their relationship, she would destroy them all. At the end, she would take the same fate with her. By death, they would be tied together forever. "This poison is very dangerous. Once it gets in your system, it will be transferred to her little by little. There is no symptom. She won't be able to find out until… too late. This is how your Zero chooses to kill Sara. I guess he doesn't have confidence to fight with her directly. You can hope that he has prepared an antidote for you if you still linger on after Sara passes away. But if your dream is he will appear as a knight in shining armour to free you, forget it…"
The person, who had once been her master, was still lying motionlessly as though all her words couldn't reach his ears. This poison was made for higher level with stronger root. If taking it by herself, she would die immediately. That's why she needed him. But she had probably wasted her time to speak to him. She should have just poured it in his mouth and leave. However, she wanted to meet him, she wanted to see his despair, his anger, and his desire for vengeance. To know that she wasn't the only one whose heart was cruelly broken by love, to know that there was people whose situation was much worse than hers. But she hadn't thought about the possibility of her words provoking his resentment and he would refuse the poison to borrow Sara's hand to take revenge on Zero one day. Or worse, he would tell Sara about her betrayal.
Fear hit her dreadfully. She grabbed the vial on his open palm, hastily stood up.
"My right hand is paralysed." He stuttered as sensing her nervosity. His eyes hadn't looked at her, but he had been observing her carefully since she entered this room. He observed her through her firm-pretending voice, through her anxious-suppressing breaths, through her stealthy footsteps, and finally through her reaction toward his irresponsiveness. He was a pureblood, even without the powerful heart, he had a very strong will. Love Zero, protect him and serve him had become his instinct. Five years of desertion couldn't defeat his faith, having those greeting doves eating up his flesh and blood didn't cloud his wish for his husband's safe wakening and full recovery. Now they had been separated, in a place of no date, nobody told him about his news, he was lingering on as a living tool, his body was ruined, yet he struggled to keep his mind clear with full of love and thoughts for him.
Rima said Zero wanted him to take the poison and transfer it to Sara. If she really died from it, he would have been dead already, because he took it before her, and his condition was much weaker. It wasn't right. Nevertheless, it had just been proved that Rima wasn't telling lies. She had told him all she learned from Asa. Perhaps Asa hadn't known their whole plan. He was willing to die for Zero, though he understood him better to be sure that his husband would never sacrifice him.
"Please help me take the medicine."
Rima hurriedly removed the lid to pour the liquid into his mouth. His neck's apple moved lightly when he swallowed it down. She was frightened. There were many questions she wanted to ask, but unable to speak. She wondered why he was still loyal to the hunter, why he accepted to die for him, or he just wanted to die, to finish this torment. Glancing at his unmoved right hand, she vaguely remembered many years ago when she was still in his circle, he lost his right hand in a fight against Rido Kuran. This was a regrown one. As his heart was underdeveloped, it became very weak, and his strength being drained off repetitively, it finally turned paralysed. He hadn't felt it when she put the vial on.
Now the vial was empty, she anxiously threw it back to her pocket. It only took a few seconds until he started trembling as his temperature fell down, white complexion turned blue, the wounds over his body bled again. She worriedly hoped that they had taken his wrecked condition into account when making up this poison. If he died right now, she would be in big trouble.
"How… is… Zero?"
She gazed at him with amazement. Why did he still sound very gentle when asking about him? Did he not understand the hunter was using him to defeat Sara, and ignoring his safety? She wasn't supposed to stay long here. She better leave before those servants came back. Her high heels turned around, and hastily ran out, leaving his question unanswered.
Yuuki was still sleeping.
He clenched his teeth tight. Everything seemed to be reeling, his wounds seemed wet by fresh blood. He was afraid that he would pass out. He could not. He couldn't let them find out his condition was worse than usual. A little was fine, because he was getting worse and worse for being consumed endlessly. Next time, what Sara took from him wasn't only his power.
"I wanted to look at you but I was afraid you would see the bitter in my eyes,
I wanted to sneak in your floor but I was afraid you would sense my aura,
I didn't dare show a slightest sign of missing you as I was afraid the others would see it and tell you,
I didn't dare have a deep sleep as I was afraid I would call your name in my dreams...
You made me cruel...
Could you imagine how it feel to be ruthless to the person you love more than your own life?
You would rather die than doing it...
I would rather be the one who got hurt..."
Rima thought he was pathetic. But he knew Zero loved him passionately, and his love would never change, even in his last minute, even in his deepest misfortune. He had a feeling that they were going to meet again soon. After he took this medicine, his beloved, his knight was coming for him.
"Baby, I hope you will see your father as soon as you open your eyes. Trust me, he will be the best father in this world. I can't be at rest until seeing you in his embrace with my own eyes."
- TO BE CONTINUED -
Posted on 8 February 2014
Introduction of "Feel with your heart (continued)"
I would just like to inform that I will stop adding chapters to this story. The remaining chapters will be posted as a separate story at:
Story's Name: Feel with your heart (continued)
Story's #: 10139995
This decision may be childish, but I have been upset at the continuous decrease in the number of views and reviews. The reasons can be because Vampire Knight manga has finished, or my update speed is two sluggish and irregular, or simply because my story has fallen down its peak and my writing isn't good enough.
Anyway, I don't want to see the average number of reviews continue dropping chapter by chapter. "Feel" has been my best work so far, and is my pride.
So I'm managing to release myself from this pressure by posting the remaining chapters as a separate story. You can check the link above or find it in my page.
Thank you a lot for your patience ad support throughout the years. Please accompany me to its completion in the new link.
*bow bow bow*