14TIS MEH! Muses Productions is proud to produce the sequel to "Sirius Vs. Vending Machine"! This is based off a conversation between me and my friend over which house I would be in at Hogwarts. The part about the bagels is exactly what was said.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters. And after this story its unlikely I ever will.
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Remus stopped to wonder, for possibly the millionth time, how he got stuck in these situations.
Remus did like rain. He did not like being confined to the common room because the great gods of Hogwarts willed the weather to beat down upon the castle like a meatcleaver.
…a meatcleaver…. Made of rain, as the situation was.
He furrowed his brow at the parchment on his lap, trying to focus on his assignment while James absent mindedly clicked his tongue to a non-existent tune stretched across the couch, of course, not doing his own work.
It was then his "dear" friend and occasional pain-in-the-tail (haha! Werewolf pun!) ran into the room, nearly knocking over Remus's chair.
"If you were a color, what would you be?" he asked importantly,
"Red!" James answered automatically,
"Why?" Sirius prodded,
"Cuz' we're in Gryffindor." James said matter-of-factly.
Sirius snorted, "Oh that's clever. Pick one color to define your personality and you choose your house color. What do you have against, say, maroon?"
"Isn't maroon red anyway?" Remus said irritably,
"No. It's a slightly darker shade then regular red." Sirius said as if he couldn't believe his friend made such a preposterous mistake.
"What do you think my color would be?" James said, redirecting the conversation,
"Well, if you found a sickle on the street what would you do?" Sirius asked,
"Keep it."
"What if it belonged to someone else?" Remus asked,
James scowled, "Well, I found it! And I'm not going to ask around all day if someone dropped a sickle."
Sirius suddenly asked "You have a bagel, what do you do with it?"
James blinked, "Eat it, of course."
"A man comes up to you and tells you the bagel is poisonous, what do you do?"
"Stop eating the bagel."
"The man takes the bagel from you and eats it, and it turns out its not posionous."
"So he stole my bagel! I want it back!" James declared furiously,
"But the bagel is half-eaten and covered in saliva."
"Throw the bagel at his head."
"The man turns into a bagel."
"Why did the man turn into a bagel!" Remus interupted, but was ignored.
"Eat the bagel-man!" James anwered,
"The bagel man blows up!"
"Um… I get horrible third-degree burns."
"Red!" Sirius shouted,
"What?" James asked confused,
"Third degree burns are red. So you would be red!"
James blinked, "Okay." He said shrugging, as strolled off to bed.
Remus sighed and abandoned the assignment that he had been doing. He looked at Sirius, who was grinning like expresso had been injected into his bloodstream.
"It scares me when you make sense."