15A/N: Yay! Finally a new chapter! I'm super psyched about what you think so far Please review it means so much & it helps me keep writing.
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Disclaimer = I don't own Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan but I wish I owned Saito! ^^
Chapter Three: Trying Maybe Hard
Suzuki eyes fluttered open, she lifted her body which ached on one side. She looked at the door to see a figure standing there, seeming like they were deciding where or not to enter. Suzuki smiled as she quietly ran to the window, she stuck her head out and looked to see Saito standing there, "Why not come in?" she said as she saw him quickly look at her.
"I didn't want to enter with you still asleep." he answered as she gave him a childish look.
"Whatever, come in." she said as she disappeared from the window.
Saito slid the door open to see that she was putting away her bed. She looked at him and smiled but the sun caught her eyes so she turned away. "Its so bright." she whispered.
"Suzuki, are you hungry?" she heard Sano asked as he entered her room.
She turned around and smiled, "Not yet." she said after she had said that her stomach made a growl sound. Sano smiled down at her while Saito stared in wonder, "Want to rephrase that?" he said to her as she hid her face in embarrassment.
"Yeah, yeah." she said walking out of the room. They followed her to see her shaking her head and then smacking herself.
She walked into the same room where she was yesterday, to see everyone that was there the pervious day. She smiled warmly at everyone, "Don't fall for that smile, she looks like she wants to eat us." she heard Souji say with a smirk.
She looked at him and gave him a scary smile, "Aw, why'd you have to spoil the big surprise Souji-kun?" she said sarcastically as he responded with one of his freakish smiles.
Everyone laughed and Souji just scoffed as he looked away. They took their seats as Sano looked at Suzuki, "So, what was Hijikata-san like when he was little?" he asked with a grin.
"Sort of like how he is now except he was very….." she said smiling, she might as well play while she was there, "big for his age in width that is." she said laughing.
"I was not!" she heard his voice shout as he entered the room.
"Damn, he heard that?" she said holding a face of disappointment as he looked at her.
"Stop, telling lies." he said with a glare but shortly his face took its emotionless act.
"I'm not lying, I'm just not giving accurate information." she said with a smile as he gently slapped the back of her head.
"Its still lying." he said as he took his seat.
"Yeah, well this one's not a lie, Toshi used to be a heartbreaker." she said with a smile as everyone became interested, "Every girl that passed by him had hearts in their eyes and looked like they were going to faint." she said laughing, "And when it came time for the festivals there were about twenty girls all wanting to go with him." she said as everyone looked at Hijikata who held a face of annoyance. "But alas, there was no special girl." she said sarcastically as she put her hand on her heart, "Dare shed the pain." she said as she smirked at Hijikata.
"Enough, with the bed time stories." he said as he took a bite from his food.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." she said biting into her food.
"So, how did you meet? I know that Okita-san knew Hijikata-san when he was younger, but Okita-san doesn't know you?" she heard Chizuru ask.
"Yes, why is that?" she heard Souji question in a sly tone.
"I knew Toshi when we were younger, like little kids." she replied putting her bowl down. "And even then he was a meanie." she answered in a childish voice. "But he's still got that soft side to him, and to think he was the guy everyone feared, even men ten years older then them." she said with a smile remembering the old times.
"Though, he used to love going festivals all the time." she said with a smile at him.
"Enough, pestering about the past, Suzuki." he said not paying any attention to her.
Suzuki looked at him and mimicked his voice while doing ridiculous gestures. Making Heisuke and Chizuru laugh aloud while the rest tried to hide their laughs. She smiled innocently when Hijikata looked at her, "What?" she said looking at him with blameless eyes and a bright smile.
"You never change." he whispered as he gave her a small smile.
"You know what they say the more things change, the more they stay the same." she said smiling at him looking much like a child.
"You're very funny." Hijikata answered sarcastically.
"And you know it." she said with a grin. "Hey, where's the kitchen?" she asked as everyone looked at her. "What?" she questioned a little irritated.
"You can cook?" Heisuke asked a little hesitantly.
"That's very rude." she said as she put her hands across her chest. "I wanted to make some mitarashi dango, do you have a problem with that?" she asked very annoyed at their stares.
She then felt a pat on her head, "I'll follow you to the market to get what you need, and then you can make it for dinner, how's that?" she heard Sano say as she looked up to see his smile, she felt very secure, "Yeah." she said with a smile.
Saito watched as she smiled and laughed with everyone. He felt the warmth emanating from her, it gave him an unfamiliar feeling. Something he had never felt before, something that made him feel somewhat happy. 'What is it with her?' he thought to himself. 'Why is it that I feel this need to protect her? Why do I feel the need to be beside her?' he thought to himself as he caught Hijikata looking at him.
"Saito, are you alright?" he asked as Saito gave him a distance look.
"I don't believe there is any problem." he replied as he looked back at his food. Strangely it wasn't touched, he realized maybe that was the reason he hadn't been eating which cause Hijikata to worry.
"Saito-san, are you alright?" he heard Suzuki ask as he lifted his head to look at her. Her eyes filled with concern and her facial expression looked a bit uneasy.
He nodded as he began to eat at his food, "Don't worry, Saito always takes care of himself." she heard Heisuke say, it gave her a bit of relief but not completely.
"Oh, okay. I guess I worry to much." she said shaking her head and smiled as she turned away.
"Nah, I think that's sweet." she heard Shinpachi say as she looked at him causing her to blush.
"Well, aren't you the cutest." she heard Sano say to Shinpachi faking a loving face.
Shinpachi was about to argue back until he heard Suzuki laugh. He looked over to her to see she really looked like she was enjoying herself.
After eating Suzuki went back to her room, "Are you going to stand by the door everyday?" she asked Saito who looked at her.
"If that's what I'm supposed to do." he replied looking over at the cherry blossoms.
"Are you an only child?" he heard her ask, the sudden question stunned him.
"Yes, why?" he asked looking at her.
"Nothing, just wondering, isn't it normal to get to know the person that is going to watch over your every move." she replied with a smile.
"Why do you always smile?" he asked not realizing it said it aloud.
Suzuki looked away as she abruptly became silent, "I knew this girl." she whispered loud enough for him to hear, "And she did all she could to protect me, asking for nothing in return." she paused, "Nothing at all, but one day she requested, that I smile no matter what comes at me." she replied looking at the cherry blossoms. "If, I couldn't give her anything in return, making her wish come true is all I could do." she said looking at him and gave a bright smile. "Does that answer your question?" she asked as Saito sat down beside her.
"I suppose I do need to know more about someone." she heard him say, "to begin to understand them."
She looked at Saito and smiled, "You're awfully talkative today." he heard her say. "But I guess it isn't a bad thing." she said looking at the cherry blossoms, "You should talk more, if you're always quiet no one's going to know what you're thinking." she said looking up at him as her eyes became captivated by him. He looked so mesmerizing as he watched the cherry blossoms fall, Suzuki felt an attraction towards him.
Saito didn't reply he just stared at the cherry blossoms when he looked down he saw Suzuki's face. She looked beautiful with the scenery of cherry blossoms, he couldn't help but give a small smile to her.
Suzuki's eyes widen, it was rare if not impossible to see Saito smile. She could already tell what kind of person he is, distant and somewhat detached. Though, she did like how he looked with a smile on his face, she didn't want any other person to see this side of him. She then realized that her love was farfetched and that she wasn't fit for someone like Saito. She knew that he deserved someone far better then herself.
She quickly looked away, trying to hide her blush, she didn't care if he thought she was a nuisance, she just wanted to stay beside him. Even she knew that was a selfish wish but she didn't know why but Saito being there gave this feeling of completion. It was like he was the piece of the thing she was missing.
"I'll go get some tea." she said standing, bowing low so he didn't see her face and then she ran in the opposite direction.
Suzuki was walking with an aura of disappointment around her, "You're such an idiot, Suzuki." she said to herself, "Losing your cool and acting like a fool, what's wrong with you?" she said as she smacked her forehead, she wasn't paying attention to where she was going and then bumped into something hard.
She wasn't anticipating the bump so she didn't have time to catch her balance. As she braced for the fall she felt two strong and muscular arms wrap around her waist. She opened her eyes to see Sano smiling warmly down at her, "You should be more careful, I don't think you want to hurt yourself." he said as he helped her back on her feet.
"Thank you, Harada-san." she said looking at toward the ground.
Sano felt a frown take place of his smile, "Suzuki, what's with the formalities?" he asked as she looked at him with eyes that looked a bit watery.
"Nothing." she said as she was about to walk away when she felt him gently grab her arm, "I think I know what you need." he said as she guided her to the room where she practiced her archery.
"Hijikata-san, told me that this helps you relax, so why don't you try a few and then after you're finished we'll go shopping for your ingredients?" he said as she quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him a deep hug.
"Thank you, Sano." she said as she looked up to him and smiled.
Suzuki got all she need and exited the store, she caught Sano standing outside waiting for her. She smiled at him, "Thank you." she said as he took one of the bags from her.
"Anything to get that unpleasant look off your face." he said as he pat her head and she blushed at his thoughtfulness.
When Suzuki and Sano got back to the headquarters, she remembered that she left Saito. She felt an impulsive feeling in her gut she mentally smacked herself several times. 'I told him, I was coming back and I never came!' she shouted at herself, 'You baka!' she yelled hitting herself.
"Ah, Sano, can you bring these to the kitchen I need to get something from my room." she said as he took the bag from her.
"Yeah, sure thing." he replied as she bowed at him.
"Thank you!" she shouted as she began to run.
"But I want to try your dumplings first." he shouted as she waved her hands in a gesture of sure.
She ran to her room, looking to see if Saito was there. She looked around and there was no sigh of him. She sighed as she smacked her head, "Why do I have to be an idiot!" she shouted.
She slowly walked back to the kitchen, still angry at herself. She felt a need to hit herself, for being so foolish. As she walked she saw Souji leaning against the wall, "Okita-san?" she called out as he glared at her.
"What?" he spat in irritation.
"What?" she repeated with anger in her tone, "You come out here when you aren't feeling well, trying to act as though you are excellent in everyway, when we both know that isn't true." she said with an fuming look on her face, "So, why don't you do everyone a favor and take better care of yourself!" she shouted as she felt Souji grab her wrists.
"And then what?" he shouted at her, "Pray that this disease will sudden disappear, hope that in some freaky way I won't be weak anymore!" he yelled at her as anger took every form in him.
"You have no idea how horrible it is to have this, you don't know…." he said but stopped when he saw tears form in her eyes. He let go of her wrists as she slowly lifted her hand to feel her tear.
"I don't…maybe I can't…" she replied as he looked at her. "But nothing is impossible." she replied as she looked at him, "If you try and stop doing things on your own, before you know it a miracle could happen." she said as he looked at her with a shocked face. "You don't have to do it on your own." she said as her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him close.
"Why not let someone help?" she asked him as he slowly lifted his arms to wrap around her.
"Just for a while, can I use your chest to hide my weak self?" he asked as she felt tears on her chest and her head nodded slowly.
She smiled as she hugged him tighter, "Just don't take to long." she replied as she allowed him to let go, everything he was holding in all his fear of the unknown, all his anger for it having to be him, and all the dissatisfaction that he couldn't do anything about it.
She held him tightly, for she was afraid that one wrong push and he'd break. She feared that if they weren't careful he would sink so low that no one would be able to save him.
Saito was walking around he had been looking for Suzuki, but heard from Heisuke that she and Sano went out to shop. He was a bit irritated at the fact that she made him wait for about thirty minutes and never returned. He walked over the corner and when he opened his eyes he stopped dead in his tracks.
There sat Suzuki with Souji's head laid on her lap, as she gently stroked his hair. His hand held onto her free one as he looked like he was resting peacefully. He didn't know whether to continue to walk or to turn the other way. But he felt a tug at his heart as he turned and walked away.
Suzuki didn't think Souji would fall asleep but when she tried to leave he mumbled for her to stay. She decided she'd stay for a while and then go and cook. 'Cook.' she thought as she gently lifted Souji and carried him into his room.
She placed him on his futon and gently covered him with a blanket. She then walked out the door and then to the kitchen.
She looked over to see that Sano left the things on the table, and there was a letter.
Sorry, I had to go and do something. I'll return as soon as I finish them. I still want to try your dumplings before anyone else. Sano.
She smiled at the letter as she put it aside and went to the ingredients. She made the dumplings fairly quickly, she had been making them ever since she was a teen. It soon became a hobby of hers, she just loved the smiles on everyone's faces.
She put them on a platter and left them on the table. She smiled as she exited the kitchen, she quickly walked to Souji's room to see that he was still fast asleep. She quietly closed the door and turned the other way she walked with her head down. She abruptly lifted her head and then was shocked at the sight of Saito.
Somehow, she lost her balance and felt the force making her fall faster. She couldn't catch herself so she decided to just fall, she closed her eyes and was ready for the fall. But after a few minutes no impact came, she slowly opened her eyes to see Saito's deep blue ones staring straight at her.
She felt a great blush on her face, she only hope that Saito didn't catch it. After she stayed on him for a few minutes she remembered where she was. "Oh…..I'm terribly sorry." she said quickly pulling herself off of him, but she wasn't watching where she was going and was going to fall off the edge of the wood.
She then saw him reach out and grab her arm. She felt him pull her towards him as if it was nothing, and there she sat in his arms. She felt strange, in Sano's arms, she felt like a friend leaning for help, in Souji's she felt like an older sister giving comfort, but in Saito's she felt so much more. "Be careful." he whispered as she looked up at him. She saw him staring at her with those same deep blue eyes, it looked to stunning with the moon shining against them.
She put her head down and leaned into him, "I'm sorry." she whispered, waiting for him to reply, hoping that he'd say something, anything that meant he understood her. "I told you to wait, and never came back." she said in a voice that sounded shattered, "You're trying your hardest, and there I go being an idiot to you." she said as Saito felt a tear hit his arm.
'Is she crying?' Saito thought to himself.
"I'm sorry." she said as the tears fell faster and he felt her wipe them away, "And now I'm trying crying here so selfishly." she said her tears not ceasing, "But please, just don't give me away." she cried out to him, "I don't want to leave your side." she said as he left her hands grip onto his back in desperation.
She cried more until she felt his arms wrap around her. One hand around her back and the other on her head, "I'm not going to leave you." she heard him say, "Why….." he paused, thinking of what to say, "Why would I do that?" she heard him ask, his voice sound honest and pure.
"Because, I'm a hassle, I don't know anything and get myself into dangerous idiotic situations." she said in between gasps as if it were hard for her to breathe.
"Calm down, Suzuki." she heard him say as she felt everything stop.
She looked up at him, tears on the edges of her eyes, Saito gave her a questioning look. "This is the first time you called me by my name." she said as she looked at him, "It surprisingly makes me very happy." she said smiling up at him. She pulled away from Saito's hold and then stood up as she put her hand out for him. "We'll go together." she said smiling at him.
Saito forgot all this irritation towards her, all in that single moment, he didn't feel anything but content towards her. He gently took her hand and got up as they walked together to dinner.
"Suzuki!" she heard Heisuke shout, "Your dumplings are delicious!" he said as she say him stick other one in his mouth.
Suzuki's eyes widen, "You just didn't?" she asked completely shocked, "What…" she paused as she took a look at Sano, "You jerk." she said as smacked his back, "You promised I could try then Shinpachi and Heisuke wanted to try, then Chizuru asked." he said telling his story.
"Fine, whatever." she said as she took her seat.
"But Suzuki-chan, these are delicious." she heard Chizuru say, she turned to see her smiling brightly.
"I'll teach you how to make it sometime." she replied as Chizuru shined at her words.
"Really?" she asked as Suzuki smiled at her.
"Of course." she smiled as Chizuru jumped with joy and the others continued to smile at her.
She stared at the last dumping that laid on the tray, she swiftly picked it up, looked at it and then to Saito. She smiled and then gestured it to as he looked toward her as she smiled widely. She held it as Saito took a small bite from the other end. Suzuki waited for an approval from him when he slightly nodded his head and she smiled brightly. She was extremely happy that he liked her food, she didn't know where this feeling came from but she was beginning to like it.
Suzuki stared out the window as she sat on her bed, her hair dripping wet. She walked the moon shine in through the window as the breeze made her shiver. Then she felt a sudden pain in her side as she slowly laid down with a hurt expression on her face.
'Not now.' she thought as she struggled to get up, despite every bone in her body was aching. She hated when her body would ache so badly and so unexpectedly. As she saw a figure approach she began to lose vision, she felt somewhat afraid but rather indifferent about everything else. She then lost consciousness and her mind drifted off to sleep along with the rest of her.
She felt the moon's bright light shining on her as she forced her eyes to open. She quickly lifted half of her body, trying to figure out where she was. As her head examined the area she caught the sight of something that made her blush and then a large smile appear on her face. There he was leaning against the wall directly in front of her, his sleeping face looked so magnificent.
After seeing him in a state, Suzuki had found herself on her feet and walking towards him. She then kneeled down beside him, her eyes never leaving his gorgeous face. So many thoughts rushed through her mind, but the one that she couldn't answer kept coming back to her. Why was she feeling such things for a man who she had just met? Suzuki could not answer that, she didn't know why but she felt the need to be around him more, to see very expression, and to touch his soft and porcelain looking skin.
Before Suzuki could realize what she was doing, she felt her lips on his. Her eyes widened when she saw Saito's open quickly, Suzuki shut her eyes and hastily pulled away from him. She had moved to fast and landed on her back as she tried to hide her face.
'What did I just do!' she shouted at herself everything in her wanting to disappear. She had done something shameful and pathetic, and she couldn't handle whatever Saito thought of her reckless act.
"I'm sorry!" Suzuki shouted as she immediately rose to her feet and exited the room as fast as her legs allowed her to. She didn't look back not after doing something like that to Saito. 'He doesn't think of you like that!' she screamed in her head over and over though the message didn't seem to get through. 'How could you be so stupid!' she shouted as she tripped and feel to her knees, her face nearly coming into contact with the ground.
She wonder how far she had gone and when she lifted her head, she realized she was near the river that wasn't to far away from the headquarters. She turned around and saw Saito standing with his usually distant expression, she quickly turned away trying to hide her face in between her legs.
"Suzuki." he called with a voice that made her heart stop beating. After a few moments she lifted her head and gave a glance confirming that she was listening. Saito took a few steps forward as Suzuki stayed as still as a mouse, "I understand your actions." he replied as her head flew to look at him, "They were merely reactions from sexual feelings." he stated as she stopped and a disappointed look captured her face. "I will not hold them against you." he paused as she slowly turned away, "I will simply lessen the periods of which I am alone with you." he finished as Suzuki frowned to herself and then thought not to let it get to her.
She let out a laugh that made Saito somewhat uneasy, he had thought that she would argue or show a different emotion towards his solution. "Alright!" she said smiling and lifting herself up and dusting off her clothes. "Less alone time." she said clapping her hands and looking at him with a smile, "Problem solved!" she said walking past him and then letting a dissatisfied expression appear but as she shook her head her frown turned to a smile.
Though, the only she couldn't fix was the large pain that she felt in her chest. But she knew that a life with her and Saito together was something that would not ever happen.
As she walked toward the headquarters she sighed and whispered loud enough to hear, "Trying maybe hard." she stated as she continued to walk and she noted the awkward aura around her and Saito.
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