60A/N: Wow, sorry this took me so long to update. I really feel bad about it, but hopefully the chapter is good enough to make up for it! The song I used in this chapter is by Maroon 5 and is amazing. It's called Just a Feeling, and I suggest listening to it if you haven't already! Thank you to those of you who are reading, and especially those of you who are reviewing! You are the best! Enjoy this chapter! R&R!
Chapter 5- Sigh No More
I watched you cry
Bathed in sunlight
By the bathroom door.
You said you wished you did not love me anymore.
…
She cries, this is more than goodbye
When I look into your eyes
You're not even there.
Lucas
When I get back to my house, I immediately collapse onto my bed. I feel like I am spinning, and its probably from the alcohol. I tried to find Brooke, after I took a few minutes to get my thoughts together. But of course I ran into a very happy, and drunk Peyton instead. She informed me that Brooke had left, and pulled me onto the dance floor. She danced by me, but mainly on me, and I hoped that all would be forgiven considering our drunken state. But I'm sure I will get another lecture. One that isn't necessary. Another one that involves me and Peyton. God, that girl really knows how to complicate my life.
But honestly, what girl doesn't complicate my life?
Sometimes I consider just moving away. Getting away from everything here in Tree Hill, and making a new life for myself somewhere else. A life that doesn't involve Peyton, or Brooke. A life that I can live without being constantly watched and analyzed by everyone around me, one that I don't have to worry about making what others view as 'mistakes'.
But I have to admit, the one thing that Haley is right about, is that I need to straighten out my feelings, make a decision, and stick with it.
I love Lindsey. I really do. She is perfect for me on so many levels. When I write it down on paper, she should be my soul mate. Our relationship is extremely easy, and we have all of the same interests. Our fights are minimal, and she is easy to get along with. And she loves me back. I don't have to worry with her, I don't have to wonder or watch what I say and do. It's simple.
And then there's Brooke. I laugh just at the thought. Our past is complicated. We are complete opposites. She is wild and imaginative and the life of the party. I'm simple and quiet and laid back. She loves to read gossip magazines, and runs a multi-million dollar fashion empire. I read classic novels, and coach a High School basketball team while writing books on the side. She is moody, and opinionated, and our fights are steamy. She doesn't hold back, and she tells me when I am being a complete ass. I am always wondering what she is thinking, and if she just might be thinking of me. I never know what our days will be like, but she makes me feel free.
I rub my eyes. The answer is clear, I know it is. But am I ready to admit it? Is it fair to break one girls heart, when I'm not even sure if the others is mine? And if I do, what will my friends think? I know Peyton would be angry, because Haley says she still loves me. I don't want to hurt her feelings either. Is it worth it to take a risk, just hoping that the girl I love, loves me back?
I feel like I need to see Brooke, to clear my head, and apologize for the situation I put her in earlier. But its late, and I shouldn't be driving, not after the large tab I had to pay at Tric after she left. I can put it off until tomorrow morning, maybe giving her space for tonight will be good for both of us. I'm sure she needs time to cool off. I mean, I tried to kiss her and I have a girlfriend. And I'm sure that just brought back memories of High School when Brooke was in Lindsey's shoes.
I close my eyes, and lay my head against my cool pillow. Tomorrow, I will sort this out tomorrow.
B&L
The next morning I wake up early, and my head is killing me. My whole body is sore, and my eyes are practically swollen. It's going to be a long day, and I am hoping the aspirin kicks in soon.
On my way to Tree Hill High, I stop by Brooke's house. I left early, just so I could see her before I go to work. I know I won't be able to think clearly until I at least talk to her. She has occupied my thoughts constantly, and I know its time to make a decision.
She doesn't answer the door when I knock or ring the doorbell. I try to look through her window, but the blinds are shut and there are no lights on. I drive by her new store, figuring she must have gone to work early, and its locked up. I don't know where else she would be, and I have no choice but to just go into work.
As I sit in the parking lot, I call Brooke's cell phone. It goes straight to voicemail, so it must be turned off. I guess talking to her will have to wait, because school is about to start. I have let Skillz and the team down a lot lately, missing practices, and we are getting close to our first game of the season. I need to be here, I need my mind to be here, I owe it to the team. I slide my Iphone into my pocket, and go inside of Tree Hill High, trying to put my personal life on hold.
B&L
I am sitting in my office during lunch, and I'm not at all surprised when Haley walks in with her brown bag lunch. She usually eats lunch in my office whether I am in there or not. She still feels weird about eating in the faculty room, and says she needs a break from her classroom. I don't mind the company.
She sits in a chair on the other side of my desk, and starts emptying the contents of her lunch bag: sandwich, carrot sticks, banana, water bottle. She laughs as she does this, arranging her things the same way she does everyday.
"So, last night was fun" She says, still laughing quietly. She unwraps her sandwich, and gives me half.
"It was" I say, forcing a smile. I wonder if she knows where Brooke is. "Did Nathan have a good time?"
She smiles and nods, "Oh yeah, he definitely did. He was pretty surprised too. I just don't know how Brooke managed to make Jamie keep it a secret from him. She amazes me sometimes." Haley takes a bite of her sandwich, and covers her mouth, laughing again as she chews. "How are you feeling today anyways? I saw you and Peyton dancing, you both looked plastered."
I sigh, I knew this was coming. "Oh, I'm hanging in there. Thank God for orange juice and aspirin."
Haley raises an eyebrow in agreement. "I was so not happy waking up this morning. I didn't even drink that much last night, but I still wasn't looking forward to dealing with ninth graders all day. But I guess that's what we get for throwing a party on a weekday."
I nod, finishing up my half of Haley's sandwich. "That's true." We sit in silence for a few minutes, which is normal. Haley slowly eats more of her lunch, picking at things and rearranging them as she eats. I ask Haley, in my most casual voice, "So, have you talked to Brooke today?"
She looks up and me, and seems confused. "Uhm, yeah?" She says, not knowing why I would ask her this. And I can understand, I'm sure she talks to Brooke daily, and I have never asked her before.
"Oh, well because I had an extra keys to my moms old café, and I tried to drop it by her house this morning and she wasn't there" I say, making up an excuse that seems reasonable. And it works, because the wrinkles in Haley's forehead disappears, and her face is calm again.
"Well, she left this morning, that's probably why."
Left? What does she mean left? "Where did she go?" I ask, stealing a carrot stick from Haley's Ziploc baggie.
"She went to New York. She said she had business meetings lined up, and needed to make sure everything was running smoothly there." Haley explains, and I can't help but wonder if this trip was planned, or if it was a last minute decision to get out of Tree Hill.
Go figure. Lindsey and Brooke, in New York, both possibly trying to get away from me. Maybe they could run into each other, go out for lunch, chat about how I am messing up their lives. I scratch my neck, and wonder how everything got so complicated so quickly.
B&L
When I get home from our after school session of basketball practice, I go straight to my closet. I have to pull out my step ladder just to reach the far corner of the top shelf. I move around shoeboxes of old basketball cards, and trophies from my childhood. I move stacks of old clothes, and then find the worn out cardboard box. I dust off the lid with my hand, and pull it down.
I sit on my bed, and start leafing through the contents of the box. I pull out an envelope and run my finger along the writing on the front. Next I trace each letter, cross each 'T' and follow the curve of every 'S'.
I pull out the lined paper that is inside, the date on the top right hand corner reads July 8th. These letters are a diary, and I wonder if this one is going to be happy, sad, or angry.
Luke,
I'm sitting on the beach in California, and the sunset is beyond gorgeous. It's unbelievable here. The water is colder than it is in North Carolina, but I kind of like the way the iciness numbs and awakens me at the same time.
You know, its not really fair the way you make me feel, and I wish it would all just stop. I really loved you Lucas, I did. And sometimes I think I still do. But then I remember what you did to me, what Peyton did to me, and it makes me mad. I like being mad at you, because when I am, I forget that I love you.
I hate the way you make me feel, and I hate what you did right before I left. It wasn't fair Lucas, but then again, my mom has been telling me that life isn't fair. I'm beginning to think she is right.
I hope that someday you realize what a mess you've made, if you really do still love me. And I hope that someday I can stop hurting long enough to forgive you.
I remember when she gave me this box of letters, and how much I loved her in that moment. I remember trying to read them, and feeling like my heart was sinking into my stomach. I remember vowing to never leave her again.
But I did anyways.
After all that I put her through in High School, why would she ever come back to me? These letters are written, dated proof of how badly I have hurt her in the past, and this was only evidence from the first time.
The letters still smell like her, and I can still hear her voice in my head. It's never left, and I don't think it ever will. I just wish I would have realized this before. Before I cheated on her, and before I ultimately chose Peyton. I wish I wouldn't have been so scared, and I wish I would have made the right choice. But I didn't, and hopefully I will have the chance again.
B&L
It's finally Friday. Brooke has been gone since Tuesday. Lindsey has been gone since Saturday, and she said she would be home Wednesday. She has only called me twice, both times to let me know that she was okay. I wonder when she is coming back, and I wonder how I am going to tell her goodbye. I wish I had the courage to tell her over the phone, but our relationship doesn't deserve that kind of ending.
I am sitting on my couch when the doorbell rings. I turn off the tv, and walk over to it slowly. Taking a deep breath, and then opening the door.
"Uncle Luke!" Jamie grins, walking inside and dropping his backpack by the door.
Nathan walks in, and I close the door behind him.
"Thanks for babysitting tonight" He says, picking up Jamie's discarded backpack and following me into the living room. Jamie is already kneeling in front of my TV and looking through my video games.
"It's no problem" I smile, glad to have the distraction. "You and Haley deserve a night out."
"If we ever actually get out of the house. When I left she hadn't even dried her hair yet" Nathan says, rolling his eyes. He is silent for a few seconds, and we both watch as Jamie casually sets up camp on my couch with a remote control and a video game. "When is Lindsey coming back?"
I shrug, "No idea." I tell him, and he pats me on the shoulder.
"I'm sorry man," He tells me, and I can tell he doesn't know what else to say.
I walk into the kitchen, and Nathan follows me. "I think that its pretty much over anyways, and I'm sure she realizes it too. So her not coming back right away is just delaying the inevitable."
"Are you breaking up with her?" Nathan asks, and he sounds shocked. He sits down at the kitchen table, and I figure I might as well tell him what's going on. He is the only one that I can trust won't argue with me.
I sit down across from him, and rest my head in my hands. "I really wanted her to be it, ya know? It was so easy with us, and I didn't have to worry about High School love triangles. But I was lying to myself, and I don't know if she was really happy either."
"Does this have something to do with Peyton? I saw you guys dancing at Tric the other night, and things looked pretty heated." He says with a big knowing smile. "But I have to be fair, is it Brooke?"
I groan, and shake my head. "It's not Peyton. I don't know why everyone always assumes that."
"Probably because the girl is in love with you, and at one time I think you loved her back?"
"That was High School and my hormones were raging" I laugh. "But no, this has nothing to do with Peyton."
Nathan nods, giving me a knowing smile. "It's Brooke isn't it? You know I could've swore I have noticed that steamy sexual tension between you two lately. You know, the same sexual tension that was happening at the beginning of Senior year. And don't deny it, because Haley and Brooke did share an apartment and a bedroom might I add, and I did walk in on you two getting pretty heated a few times too many."
I shrug, "I love her, Nate."
"I know you do" He says, all joking erased from his voice. "And don't tell anyone, but I was always rooting for you two. You and Peyton were too alike, and coming from my own experience, it never would have worked."
"Thanks Nate," I say, feeling extremely relieved.
"So what are you going to do about it? She's still in New York, and your spending your Friday night watching my son."
"Well, I really can't do anything about it until I talk to Lindsey. I almost made the mistake of kissing Brooke at Tric the other night, and cheating is no way to start a relationship, especially after everything I've put Brooke through in the past" I explain, and Nathan nods his understanding.
"I will be pulling for you Luke. And if you need me to put in a good word to her, let me know." He says with a smile. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, and reads a text message. "Well, I better get going. Haley claims she is almost ready. But I'll believe that when I see it." He walks into the living room, "Alright Jimmy Jam, I am leaving, be good for your Uncle Lucas and I'll come pick you up in the morning."
"Alright, see ya Dad" He says, way too interested in his game to notice.
"Nate" I call, just as he is about to close the front door behind him. "Don't tell Haley about any of this." He nods, and I know he understands.
B&L
Jamie and I are eating cereal out of mixing bowls the next morning when Lindsey walks in. She is pulling her suitcase behind her, and looks exhausted.
"Hey," I say, giving Lindsey a small smile.
"Hey Lindsey" Jamie says, looking over his giant bowl of cereal.
"Hey guys" She says, trying her best to give Jamie a genuine smile. She ruffles his hair and kisses his cheek. "I didn't know you would be here. Isn't that bowl a little too big for you?" She asks, laughing as Jamie frantically shakes his head no.
"I have three kinds of cereal in here!" He exclaims.
I rest my big bowl on the table and stand up, kissing Lindsey's cheek, trying not to notice the way she freezes. "How was your flight?" I ask, small talk seems appropriate.
"Tiring" She answers, "I'm going to take my stuff in there, I think we need to talk though." She looks at Jamie, and I know she won't make a scene in front of him.
"Okay," I agree, "Later."
I watch as she wheels her suitcase towards our bedroom, and sit down beside Jamie again.
"Uncle Luke? Don't you think we should get bigger spoons if we are using a bigger bowl?"
"Good question J-Man" I laugh, loving the way he can lighten the mood so easily.
B&L
Having Jamie around was at least pushing my discussion with Lindsey aside. The tension still filled the room like a thick smog that was hard to see through, but at least I didn't have to break up with Lindsey yet. I do love her and on one level, she definitely was good for me. But I'm just not in love with her, and that's just something I can't force, no matter how hard I try.
After I help get Jamie out to the car and talk with Haley for a few minutes, I come back inside to my way too quiet house. I linger around in the kitchen for awhile, clearing breakfast dishes off of the table, and putting milk back in the refrigerator. After the kitchen is semi put back together, I go into my bedroom.
Lindsey's hair is wet, she just got out of the shower. She is dressed in black slacks, and a button down shirt. She is sitting in the chair in the corner, reading a new book manuscript, I am guessing. She wipes at her eye quickly, and I realize that she is crying.
I walk over to her, and kneel down in front of her. She quickly closes the stack of papers, and puts it behind her on the desk. I rest my hands on her knees, and look up into her blue-green eyes. "New book?" I ask.
She wipes both of her eyes again, erasing all of her sadness. Her face is immediately calm. She shakes her head, "No, its an old one." She pauses for a few seconds, and then stands up, my hands falling off of her knees and onto the floor. She steps away from me, and is now standing behind me. "Its yours."
I stand up, and turn around to face her. "You still have the manuscript I sent into you?" I ask, in unbelief.
She nods, "I still remember how I felt the first time I read it. I was in awe over the main character. He was in High School, and had gone through so much, my heart broke for him. But it was much more than that. It was a love story, and it made me believe in true love." She stops, and takes a deep breath, moving her hair behind her ears. "When Brooke told you that 'people who were meant to be together always find their way in the end', I was in tears. I really thought you two were it for each other. But then you found your way to Peyton, and your story together was timeless. And then I met you, and I think I had already fallen in love with you." She pauses again, and shrugs her shoulders. "I shouldn't have though, because your heart was already taken, and I knew it."
"Linds," I say, my heart beating extremely fast. I walk over to the bed and sit down, and she sits next to me. I hold her hand in mine, and she lays her head on my shoulder. "I love you, I want you to know that. Everything we had was real, and you have made me a better man. I'm so glad I sent my book into you, because it gave me the chance to know you." She nods against my shoulder, and I trace her hand with my thumb. She knows its over, and I don't know if that makes this easier or harder. I don't know what to say. I wish I could write it all down, because that is easier than actually speaking. "I'm sorry that it has to end like this, I really didn't expect this or want this to happen."
She sits up, and pulls her hand out of mine. "I know Luke, I didn't either." I can tell she is trying not to cry, and I know I am not being fair to her. I wish I could make this easier. "But its okay." She stands up, "You can't help who you love, right?"
I shrug, and look down into my lap. I hate this. Lindsey deserves better, and I wish I could've been the one to give her the life she dreams of. "I really am sorry," I tell her, but somehow that's not enough.
She nods, breathing in deeply. "I understand Luke. It's been over for awhile, I just didn't want to admit it." She pulls her hair back, and ties it in a loose bun with an elastic. "I'm going to go back to New York for awhile. I'll be back later to get the rest of my stuff." She gathers her purse, slipping her cell phone into the pocket. She walks towards me, and I stand up. I wrap my arms around her, and close my eyes as I hug her for one of the last times. She pulls away from me, and gives me a small smile. "You have to promise me one thing Lucas Scott…"
"Anything."
"When you finish whatever it is you have been working on, let me publish it" She says.
"Of course" I smile, thinking that this is going way too smoothly. Someone should be yelling, or crying. I watch as she walks to the door. "Be safe Linds. And keep in touch."
She turns to look at me and nods, but I know its unrealistic to expect to be friends with her. "You too Luke."
I watch as she walks out of the door, and listen to the sound of her car unlocking from the driveway. I immediately collapse on my bed. I think I should feel relieved, but I just feel empty and lonely. I put my face into my pillow, and it smells like Lindsey's shampoo. I just want to sleep, I just want to dream about a time when life was easy and not filled with so many unanswered questions.
I feel alone with out Lindsey here, I already miss having her beside me and my heart is aching. I hope I have made the right decision. When I burry my head into my pillow and close my eyes, all I see is Brooke's face.
Brooke
You've hit your low
You've lost control and you want me back.
You may not believe me but I gave you all I have.
It feels great to be back in New York. This city is so alive, and it makes me feel the same. I feel like I can conquer anything, and the lights give me energy. I love the buzz of the office in New York. Everyone is working hard and running off of caffeine. There are business meetings, model fittings, and campaigning. There are so many opportunities here, and I feel like I am at the top of my game. I fit in here, I have a place here, and I am on top. Not to mention, Victoria is thrilled to have me back, and is kissing my ass hoping that I will stay, which is kind of fun. There are events to attend, and people who make me feel important.
"Brooke! Hello? It would be nice if you could pay attention when I am speaking to you!"
I snap out of my thoughts, and rest my elbows on my desk and my head in my hands. "Sorry Victoria, I was just thinking."
"Well unless you are thinking about new designs then your thinking means nothing." She waves her hand, "Anyways, as I was saying. You got an invite to that new movie premier, don't ask me which one because I don't remember. And don't worry, you have a date. I told Millie to pull that silver mini dress for you, and a car will be picking you up at six."
I frown, feeling as if I am melting into my desk. "Do I have to go? I'm exhausted. That club opening last night nearly killed me, and I really don't want to go to another event tonight."
"Brooke, you aren't seven. Stop whining. It was your choice to disappear off of the face of the promotion world when you moved to Tree Hill, and now you are making up for it."
She stares at me, and doesn't even crack a smile. I wonder how much I am spending on her botox. I just stare back at her, and don't say a word, just because I know it will drive her crazy. And she deserves it. I'm sick of going to all of these events with whatever guy Victoria has chosen as my 'boyfriend of the week'. But I will go anyway. I'll smile, and I'll hang all over whatever guy my mother has chosen. I will have a good time, and say all of the right things to the reporters. But that doesn't mean that I will go without a fight.
Victoria stands up, straightening her cherry red blazer. "Oh God Brooke, you really are so helpless aren't you? Any other girl your age would do back flips to be in your position, and you just sit there and pout about it." She walks towards the door of my office, and I crack a smile. "I'll send Millie with your dress for tonight. Try to not look so tired."
B&L
Walking the red carpet is like running a marathon. By the time we are back in the limo after the movie is over, I feel like I am going to pass out. I immediately take off the black heels I am wearing and melt into the seat. My date, Carter, who is a hot new young actor, scoots closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I have to admit, his green eyes are gorgeous, and his perfectly chiseled features are enough to make any girls heart skip a beat. Victoria did good, yes she did. But I think he is expecting too much from me.
"I had a great time tonight," He smiles, and I am blinded by his perfect white teeth. He runs his free hand up my bare thigh, and I immediately pull at the hem of my extremely short dress.
"So did I Carter," I tell him, moving his wandering hand off of my bare skin. "But you know this was just a one night thing, right? As in, publicity? For both of us?"
He shrugs, "Well yeah, that's what Victoria and my manager discussed." He pauses, and leans towards my ear, his breath dangling in my hair. "But that doesn't mean we can't turn it into more than that." He whispers.
I pull away from him, and smile. "I'm flattered, really I am. You are nice, and gorgeous. But I really can't."
He nods, "I guess I understand. I've heard you are all talk and no action. I guess the rumors about you were right."
The next few minutes are silent and awkward. I try to distract myself by looking out the window, and try to tell myself that I'm not a tease. I relax when the limo slows down, and I hear our driver tell Carter that we have arrived at his hotel. We don't say goodbye to each other when he leaves, and the ride back to my apartment is quiet.
By tomorrow, pictures of me and Carter will be everywhere. All of the gossip magazines will be buzzing. They will probably think we are a perfect match. And maybe we could've been. Maybe I should've given him a chance. He actually was nice, and acted semi-respectful. But of course, I can't do that. I wouldn't want to take the chance of someone breaking my heart again.
B.L
I move some of my curls behind my ears, and carry my shoes into the lobby of my apartment building. I stop at the front desk, and gather my mail, even though there is nothing good. I ride the elevator up to my floor, and feel extremely exhausted. My head is pounding, and my arms feel heavy. I can't wait to climb into my big, soft, warm bed. I am definitely sleeping in tomorrow.
I get my keys out of my tiny handbag just as the elevator door opens. I barely notice the figure leaning against the wall by my door. I get my key into the lock before I even take a second glance at the sleeping person.
I'm too tired to be surprised.
"Lucas?"
His eyes snap open, and he sits up straight against the wall. He opens his mouth, about to say something, but nothing comes out. He stumbles as he stands up, and I wonder how long he has been sleeping next to my door. I bite on my lip, and turn my attention back to my front door. I unlock it, and open it, revealing my large, dark apartment.
I turn back towards Lucas, he looks like hell. "Come in," I tell him, still unsure of why he is here in the first place. I figure he is probably visiting Lindsey, maybe she is still here in New York or something, but that still doesn't explain why he's here, sleeping next to my front door like a homeless person.
As I walk into my house I start flipping light switches on. I can hear Lucas' soft footsteps behind me. I feel more comfortable now that my apartment is illuminated. I walk through the living room and into the kitchen, and set my bag on the counter. Lucas walks past me, over to the windows behind the dining room table. He stares out at the city, and I can't help but step beside him. The view is breathtaking, and I think it gives him courage.
He turns towards me, and I can feel him staring. "Brooke, I'm sorry I just showed up like this but I need to talk to you. I had to see you." His eyes are searching my face, and I am not quite sure what he is looking for.
I don't know what to say to him, or what he is expecting from me. So I do whatever any other woman would do when they have a guest in their home. "Do you want a drink or anything?" I walk into the kitchen, and open the fridge, "I have water, orange juice…"
"No, I'm fine, thanks" Lucas replies, cutting me off, and I nod slowly.
"Well, if you need anything, feel free to look around. I'm going to go change out of this dress," I say pulling at the hem of my tiny, sparkling dress. I turn away before he has the chance to respond. I need to breathe. I need to have a few minutes to think. I need to know why Lucas is here. Does he realize that seeing him almost breaks my heart?
I change out of my dress into a pair of flannel pajama pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I tuck my hair behind my ears, and take a deep breath before leaving my bedroom. I walk down the hall and find Lucas sitting on my suede couch, he has his head resting in his hands, and he isn't acting like himself. I walk towards the couch, and when he hears me he looks up and gives me a tiny, sideways smile.
I stand next to the couch, and shrug my shoulders. I try not to let his crooked smile melt my heart. "What are you doing here Lucas?"
"I miss you Brooke…geez, you make my head spin." He says without skipping a beat, "I have been sitting outside of your door for hours, rehearsing what I was going to say to you, and then I see you and its gone." He pauses, and I bite on my lip, sucking in my breath. "We broke up. Me and Lindsey," He says, his voice quiet. He stands up and takes a few steps towards me. I wonder what he means by that, and I don't know what to say. Does he think that him and Lindsey breaking up will automatically change things? He reaches his hand towards mine, and holds my smaller hands in his. His thumbs draw circles on my palms, "I've been lying to myself. I've always loved you Brooke."
At this, I take a step back, pulling my hands out of his. How can he even say he loves me? He barely knows me anymore, high school was years ago. I shake my head side to side, still biting my bottom lip to stop the tears from falling from my eyes. "You can't do this to me Lucas, it's not fair." I say, folding my arms in front of my chest, and taking long calming breaths. "I can't do this with you. You say you want to be with me, and then I find you with Peyton. It's happened every time Lucas." I can't stop it anymore, tears are slowly streaming down my face. "I gave you two chances in High School, and I loved you, and you broke my heart both times. I can't do this again Lucas." I pause, and close my eyes. "You shouldn't have broken up with Lindsey," I say in a whisper.
"Brooke, I'm sorry. I know that doesn't make you trust me, and I know it doesn't fix anything, but I want you to know that I have regretted the way I treated you since it happened. It wasn't fair to you then, and its not fair to you now to want you to trust me. But you can't say that you don't feel this, whatever is happening between us. It's always been there, and it always will be. I still love you Brooke, and I think I always have. I'm willing to fight for you, I am going to prove that you are the only person I want, the only one for me."
I am trying to hold back my sniffles, and constantly wiping the tears from my eyes. I think I still love Lucas, the amazing broody blonde I knew years ago, and I know that there is something between us now, some cosmic force that won't let us be apart. But being with Lucas is a big risk, and I don't know if it's one I am willing to take. He changes his mind too much, and how do I know he won't when something better comes along?
"You've said that before Lucas" I shrug, wrapping my arms around myself. "And look where it got us. I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now." I bite on my lip, and refuse to make eye contact with him. "It's late, you can stay here tonight if you need to. The guest room is the second door on the left. I'm going to go to bed now."
Lucas nods, he looks somber, but I think he must have expected this. "I'm not going to give up on you, on us." He says, trying to give me a small smile, but its strained. "Goodnight Brooke."
I blink my eyes and nod my head. I turn away from him, and walk slowly to my bedroom. When I get inside, I close the door, and lean my back against it. I slide down the door, until I am in a pool on the ground. I immediately melt, and every emotion possible floods out.
B&L
I barely got any sleep at all last night. I wake up, and bury my face into my feather pillow, wishing I could just sleep forever. My head hurts. I wonder if Lucas is still here. My eyes are dry and burning. I wonder if Lucas really does love me. My throat is sore. Why does everything have to be such a mess?
I finally decide to roll out of bed. I glance at the clock on the wall, its barely past seven in the morning. At least if Lucas is still here, maybe he is at least still sleeping. I readjust the strap of my tiny nightgown on my shoulder, and head straight for my bathroom. My eyes are puffy and red, and I can't stop reliving my conversation with Lucas last night. I hope it was just a dream. I wash my face, and apply some cream to the bags under my eyes. I desperately need some caffeine.
I slowly open my bedroom door, and peek into the empty hallway before I tip toe out. All of the doors in the hall are closed as usual. My apartment is silent. My living room is empty, and clean, just how I left it. Light is flooding through the dining room windows, and my kitchen smells like lemons. Everything is in its normal place, therefore, everything is normal. Lucas probably left last night, and I feel sad and relieved at the same time.
I turn on the coffee maker and smile at the buzzing of the machine. I am starting to feel better already. I retrieve my big Coach purse from the hall closet, and pull out my planner. I open it to today's date, and sit at the table. I check the messages on my Iphone. Millie called me early this morning, telling me she hoped my night went well, and that I looked great. I figure she must have seen pictures from the event already. The coffee machine dings, and I grin. My morning can finally begin. I get a big round mug out of the cupboard, and fill it with black happiness. I add a little cream, and a tiny bit of honey. I already feel more awake.
I sip at my coffee as I look over my day in my planner. At nine, we are having a staff meeting to discuss the new look book. I have a meeting at ten to discuss new promotion ideas. Then there is a conference call at twelve fifteen. Model fittings will start at one o clock sharp. I pause as I hear a small squeaking noise. I rest my coffee mug on the table, and bite my lip. It sounds like a door opening. I can see the front door from here, and it is still closed. I stare at the hallway, and wait. I regret not putting a robe on over my pretty much non-existent sleepwear.
Lucas turns the corner, wearing a little too tight fitting boxers, and a plain white t-shirt that accentuates the muscles on his chest. I suck in my breath, and he smiles at me sleepily. My heart skips a beat, he stayed.
"Good morning" He says, the sleepy smile still stuck to his face. "You are up early."
I nod, trying to pretend that everything is normal. "I have a busy day."
He walks towards me, and sits in the chair right next to me at the table. He rests his hand on the back of my chair, and I instinctively wrap my arms around myself. "I was kind of hoping your big day might include breakfast, with me?"
I can't help but smile at the hope in his voice. I look back down at my planner. I bite on my bottom lip, "I really can't. I have to leave here in an hour, my day is booked." I can tell he's disappointed by the look in his eyes. "I really am busy, I swear. It's not just because of, well, last night."
He nods, and scoots his chair closer to mine, the hand that was resting on the back of my chair is now on my back. He leans over me, and looks at my planner. "Yeah, this all looks pretty important." His finger runs down the page. "But I think Victoria can handle this look book meeting, and you can go to breakfast… with your friend." He looks up at me and smiles, and I suddenly feel weak. I surrender.
B&L
As we walk down the crowded New York streets, our easy friendship somehow returns. I find myself laughing, and talking, and just having a great time. It feels good to be in the city I love with Lucas. It feels good to act my age, and blow off a business meeting for once, even though Victoria has already called me ten times.
As we walk side by side, I feel Lucas' fingers brush mine more than once. I just wish we could stay like this forever. I wish we could live in the future, and forget our past. But that just isn't reality at this point and I'm in some weird limbo of remembering things that went wrong before, and feeling so good being next to him now.
We walk by the fifth coffee shop since we left my apartment. I pause, look at Lucas and shrug. "Brooke, no." He says, shaking his head fervently. He rests his hand on my shoulder, and I try to ignore the group of teenage girls that stop and stare at me in awe. Getting recognized by strangers while they whisper and take pictures on their cell phones somehow gets more normal. "We are not getting an organic muffin and a cup of bland coffee." He grabs my hand and pulls me away from the coffee shop doors. "Come on, we will find a diner if it kills me."
I duck my head down and smile, leaving my hand safely locked inside of Lucas'.
B&L
My feet are killing me by the time we find a rundown diner. Normally I would refuse to even enter the small, brownish-yellow establishment, yuck. But Lucas is ecstatic, and opens the door for me triumphantly. I know he is proud of himself for finding this place, and I can't deny him the opportunity to eat here.
We stand in the doorway next to a sign that says 'wait here to be seated'. It smells like cigarettes and old coffee.
Lucas pushes my shoulder, "Cheer up, it's places like this that rock your world."
I raise my eyebrows, doubt it.
We are approached by a middle aged lady with big bangs, wildly smacking her bubblegum. Her nametag reads Ruth. "Just the two of you? Would you like a table or a booth?"
"Booth" Lucas says with a smile, he pulls me by the elbow to our booth, and respectfully sits across from me. He smiles as Ruth hands us laminated menus, fills up our water glasses and tells us she will be back for our orders.
As we scan our menus, I can't help thinking that I like this…being here, with Lucas. It feels just like it used to, before everything got so screwed up. We always had fun together, and its like we just got each other. I know that my feelings for him never went away, but his feelings for me seem to be like a yo-yo. I never know if they are coming or going, and I just don't know if I can trust that. The more I let my mind wander the more I get sick to my stomach. I can't think about Lucas and his feelings and my feelings. Not right now. I just need to push that aside, if only for a few hours. Forget everything, and just have a good morning.
B&L
The amount of food that you get at this place is seriously unreal. I ordered the two eggs and toast meal, and I swear I got at least four eggs, plus hash browns, toast, bacon, and four pancakes. Lucas got even more food than I did. I feel sick from eating so much, and it looks like I didn't even make a dent in my food.
I push the plate back away from me, "I am seriously going to be sick."
"It was good though wasn't it?" Lucas asks, his smile never leaving his face. "I mean, you were surprised right?"
I roll my eyes, and can't help but smile. "Yes, I was surprised. It was good."
He nods his head in triumph. "I knew you would like it. It's not quite as good as my mom's café was, but its up there."
"Hers was good, I'll give ya that" I smile, but I am so full that just smelling the food is making me nauseous. My phone buzzes against my leg, and I dig in my purse to find it. I look at it, and realize that it's the fifteenth missed call I have had from Victoria. Its nearly eleven a.m. now, and I think she might be planning my murder.
"Are you getting nervous? Do you need to be getting to the office?" Lucas asks, taking a drink of his orange juice, and then leaning back into the booth.
"Yeah, I probably should. Victoria is going to kill me if I don't. I missed two of my meetings this morning, and if I am not back for that conference call then that will be the end of me" I say in all seriousness.
Ruth appears next to our table, still anxiously chewing on her gum. "Is there anything else I can get for you? Do you need to-go boxes? Refills?"
"No, I don't think we are going to need any boxes. But can we get a slice of apple pie, and the bill?" Lucas asks, and I almost spit my water out.
Apple pie?
"Sure thing, I'll have it right out" She says, and is gone just as quickly as she came.
"Lucas Scott. Apple pie? Are you kidding me? You can not be hungry still." I say, kind of amused.
He shrugs, as if he always orders pie after eating a large breakfast. "Well, yeah. Pie is the best way to finish a meal, it just fills in all the cracks. And you are helping me eat it."
The matter of fact tone in his voice makes me laugh. "You are ridiculous. And no, I'm not helping you eat that." He raises his eyebrows at me, as if that somehow will make me agree to his crazy pie-eating-scheme. "Lucas, nooo" I whine, "I already feel sick."
B&L
Lucas rides with me in the taxi to my office. We say goodbye, and I wonder if he will be at my apartment when I get home because we didn't really talk about that. I walk in the glass doors, and feel like I am floating above the ground. I am in a haze. My stomach is filled with butterflies and my cheeks tingle from smiling. I feel so funny, maybe its because I just ate a ridiculous amount of food, or just maybe its because of Lucas Scott. As I stand waiting for the elevator, my eyes flutter close and I bite my smiling lip.
"Oh my God Brooke" I hear, the voice shrill and angry. "You have reached a new level of irresponsible. Do you realize the hell you put me through today? God, where have you been all day? You know what, I don't want to know. You have a lot to make up for."
I roll my eyes, trying to tune Victoria's voice out of my head. I knew she would be mad, and I knew I had this coming. I am just glad we are in a busy lobby with a lot of people watching, or Victoria would probably be voicing her anger a lot worse.
"I'm sorry" I say, but she ignores me, going on and on about how I need to grow up someday. I know she will get over it sooner or later, and I could really care less what she says. I lead the way back into the elevator, and back up to the floor of my offices.
"And really, I don't even know why I am surprised. After you disappeared to Tree Hill, I don't even know what to expect from you! You are like a big question mark, no one knows what's coming next." Victoria still rambles.
I finally stop, turn towards her and stare at her with wide eyes. "Okay, I understand you are upset, but from the looks of things, everything is still under control. Now I am going to go into my office, and get ready for my conference call." I can tell by the sour look on her face that she is frustrated that I cut her off in the middle of her rant, but I really don't care. After all, I do have a business to run.
Oh just confess that you're still mine.
A/N: Okay, well that's that! Make sure and review…tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, and what you want to see or any improvements! There were a few ideas that you guys left me in your reviews that I didn't think of but I am definitely going to incorporate into upcoming chapters! I'm more than thrilled that so many of you are reading and reviewing this story….this as always is dedicated to you!
Thank you to:
Dianehermans, loserbelle, othfan326, BrucasBangelBrylan, perfectcouples, arubagirl0926, craxygirl54, sunshine, DANI OTH, xXalienatedXx, Xhush-HushX, bjq, whiters. You guys are the best!