75A/N: I love fanfics that exercise your dirty mind with scenarios that sound so wrong... but actually are not. That's why I'm writing them! I challenge you to guess what is really happening!
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note... I just gave the characters dirty minds. :)
Scene One
Matsuda was walking past Light and L's room when he heard Light let out a growl inside the room. He couldn't help but stop and listen at the door to figure out what is going on. Curiosity killed the cat, Matsuda warned himself a bit nervously. But then, satisfaction brought it back, he added to reassure himself. He has always wondered what the two geniuses did during their spare time, and now he was about to find out.
"Urgh. It won't go in! I just can't insert it in!" moaned Light.
"It's because it's not slippery enough." L told him.
"Shut up. You just don't know how to appreciate these things. I'd like to see you do any better." Light retorted irritatedly.
"I think I can, Light-kun. Want to let me try?"
No answer came; for a while, the only thing that could be heard was some rustling. Then, loud groans and moans in unmistakably Light's voice drifted to Matsuda's ears.
After a pause, L said smugly,"I believe it's my turn now."
Matsuda was growing paler and paler outside the door, as he absorbed what the two were saying. Was it possible… no, it can't be…
Some more rustling and creaking of the bed was heard from the room. Suddenly Light slammed a fist onto the bed, making it creak loudly, and shouted "Faster!"
"Relax, Light." L replied soothingly. "Don't get so worked up."
"How can I not get worked up, with you going so slow?" Light exclaimed. "Damn you!"
"Don't be so impatient." L chided with a laugh.
Matsuda's face was now drained of colour and his mouth hung open in shock. He couldn't believe what he was hearing, but what other conclusions could there be? When he finally regained his senses he tiptoed away from the door, trying to make as little noise as possible. At least, he thought to himself, he knew what Light and L did in their spare time now.
What really happened...
"Urgh. It won't go in! I just can't insert it in!" moaned Light, as he tried and failed to shuffle the cards. The two separated decks just refused to be inserted within each other smoothly, as he'd seen many expert card players do when they shuffled the cards.
"It's because it's not slippery enough." L told him. He observed with interest Light's unsuccessful attempts at shuffling the old, beaten down cards. They've been used so many times their smooth, laminated surface had been worn down to a rough surface, thus making so much more difficult to shuffle.
"Shut up. You just don't know how to appreciate these things." Light retorted irritatedly, a bit pissed that he was trying to do L a favor by shuffling the cards and instead got lectured by the condescending genius. "I'd like to see you do any better."
"I think I can, Light-kun. Want to let me try?" L asked. Light ignored him. Giving up on his task, he dealt out the cards and they began to play. Light grew more and more frustrated as it became clear he was losing very badly to L, who was playing with strategy. Every time he lost a card to L, he couldn't help but groan because he hated to lose.
"I believe it's my turn now." L said smugly, after he played a card that skipped Light's turn, giving himself an extra turn. He then began to consider his choices carefully, plotting the possible scenarios in his mind.
Light fidgeted impatiently as he waited for L to play, making the blankets rustle and the bed creak. After a long pause, Light lost all his patience and he suddenly slammed a fist onto the bed, making it creak loudly. "Faster!" he shouted, completely fed up with L's slow pace and careful plotting at playing cards.
"Relax, Light." L replied soothingly. "Don't get so worked up."
"How can I not get worked up, with you going so slow?" Light exclaimed. "Damn you!"
"Don't be so impatient." L chided with a laugh.
And the two friends bantered playfully as they kept on playing their game of cards, completely unaware of the effect of their words on the eavesdropping Matsuda outside their door.
Eru-chan: Did any of you guess what really happened before you read the ending? This scene was actually inspired by a scene in my math class (don't think wrong!) when we were playing cards and one of my friended said: "It won't go in!" as she tried to shuffle the cards... And I was just like, "That's what she said." :) I couldn't resist!
Light: Eru-chan has a dirty mind...
L: That is correct... o.O
Eru-chan: Hee hee hee XD Next scene involves lotsa dirty-sounding things! I'm not finished with poor Matsuda yet!