22Author's Note: This fic is...old. As in like, over a decade old. This was the first fanfic I ever wrote, and I used to have it hosted on Ye Olde Geocities page. However, since Geocities has gone the way of the Dodo bird, I've been getting lots of random emails from people looking for it, so...in an attempt to not be the heartless jerk I actually am, I decided to upload it here.
Again, this was the first fic I ever wrote. I apologize in advance for silly disclaimer notes, gratuitous use of song quotes, over-the-top angst, drama, sappiness, the steady employment of deus ex machina and cliches, and nothing else.
Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is property of Rumiko Takahashi, Viz Communications, Fuji TV, Kitty Films, and Shogakukan. No profit is being made from this. Please do not copy or replicate any part of this fic without permission.
Prologue
~ Lost ~
Here I am, on the road again
There I am, up on the stage
There I go, playing star again
There I go
Turn the page…
~Bob Seger, "Turn the Page"
Somewhere in Nerima
After The Breaking Point...
Ryoga walked down the empty street, lit softly by lamps and moonlight. Staring at the ground as he walked, he thought about the past few days, and the events that had transpired. He paused to place his hand on the cool cement wall on his right and studied it, his expression thoughtful. Then his face contorted in sudden anger, and he pulled his hand away, only to touch the wall again with a single finger. The cement cracked, then burst into pieces, showering Ryoga with dust and bits of stone.
He stood motionless for a moment, his shoulders rigid, eyes burning, and stared at the huge hole that had been blasted through the wall. Then his shoulders slumped and his eyes closed.
Defeated by Ranma again.
So much for your incredible technique, Cologne, Ryoga thought bitterly. A week of being slammed with boulders by that ghoul, and for what? Nothing. Another battle lost, and in front of Akane on top of it. Ryoga sighed.
He should've been angrier about the situation than he was, but instead he felt a strange, restless feeling he got sometimes; a combination of anxiety and loneliness and other things he couldn't define.
Another failure, he thought sullenly. But really, what did I expect? I'm good at failure, aren't I?
Ryoga opened his eyes and looked up at the stars, which were clearly visible against the night sky despite the glow of lights from downtown Tokyo a few miles away. The sight of them made him suddenly wish he was far away from this place. He hadn't meant to come back here after the fight on the mountain with Ranma, but somehow he'd gotten turned around and wandered back into Nerima. As soon as Ryoga had realized it, he'd tried to leave. He hadn't wanted Akane to see him right then, and he especially hadn't wanted to see Ranma. But his luck had apparently decided to stay on its present extended vacation, for the second he'd turned around, a splash of cold water had hit him in the face. Thrown by the little old washerwoman, who had continued to toss water out on the sidewalk without even noticing the little black pig sitting among a heap of wet clothes and a backpack, glaring at her darkly. But someone else had noticed him.
"P-chan! Where have you been? It's been weeks!"
Normally, Ryoga would have been overjoyed to hear Akane's exclamation of joy, to have her rush over to pick him up and hold him against her. He smiled a little at the memory. It had been almost worth it to see the look on Ranma's face when Akane had brought 'P-chan' inside, but for the first time, Ryoga had had no desire to stay. As soon as Akane had fallen asleep, he'd made a dash for the door, hoping to avoid the usual confrontation with Ranma. He'd managed to change back to human form and find his things…
And now here he was somewhere in the middle of the town, lost as usual and not caring. Just as long as he was able to get away soon...
Ryoga shook his head to clear it. If he was going to get out of here, he'd better keep walking. The trace of a smile was long gone now, and as the memories of the past days and hours vanished, his anxiety returned.
What should I do now? he wondered. He could go back into the mountains to train some more, so he could challenge Ranma again...but somehow, that didn't seem as important as it should. Ryoga's life was supposed to be centered mostly around getting revenge on the Saotome heir, but when he felt like this, he had trouble thinking.
Unable to concentrate, Ryoga felt restless yet exhausted. Being in the woods usually calmed him—he could deal better with trees and grass than he could with a bustling city full of people and lights and noise. But he wasn't in the woods, he was in Nerima, and he couldn't figure out how to leave and he was so tired and so ashamed of himself for losing to Ranma yet again and for deceiving Akane and he wanted to get away, far away, and what should he do...
Ryoga staggered, feeling dizzy and faint. He grabbed onto something, gasping, and tried to stop himself from falling to the ground. He managed to catch himself just before his knees hit the sidewalk. Taking deep breaths, he tried to clear his mind and stop the world from spinning. Finally, the sense of vertigo passed and he stood up straight again, seeing now that he had grabbed onto the side of a telephone booth. Ryoga looked at the phone as its shiny black surface gleamed in the light illuminating the inside of the small plastic box.
Ryoga stared at it, his head now remarkably clear. He pulled a small handful of change from his pocket, then lifted the receiver with one hand as the other dropped the money into the slot. His fingers moved to the keypad to push the buttons automatically, the number coming forth without a conscious thought.
How long has it been? he wondered. How many times have I done this since…
It began to ring, silencing his thoughts. Ryoga covered the mouthpiece with his hand, swallowing nervously.
Once...twice...three times...four times...
"Hello?" answered a deep male voice.
Ryoga squeezed his eyes shut. It had been so long...
"Hello?"
His throat tightened and his eyes stung with sudden tears. He pulled his hand away, uncovering the mouthpiece.
It might be alright. Maybe...
Ryoga opened his mouth to speak.
Then the memories hit him, memories of the pain, and being helpless to stop it...
He slammed the phone back on its hook and gasped, heart racing, horrified at what he'd almost done. To go back to that…
No. He wasn't desperate. Not yet.
Ryoga swallowed hard, trying to dissolve the lump in his throat as he straightened his pack on his shoulders. After a few moments, his heartbeat began to slow, returning to its normal pace. He took a deep breath and stepped away from the phone.
It was time to go.
Without a backwards glance, Ryoga walked on into the night.