"Yarrr, another round, me mate!" Russel declared, swinging a hook as he sat the large beer mug down, unhooking said sharp hook from the handle.

The sea otter then gave a hearty belch that rattled the place.

Evil smiled, the male had been drinking for two hours now . . . wait, was it two, or three? He didn't remember anymore.

As far as the bear knew, that had been Russel's fifth mug of ale, he had walked in and noticed the sea otter was drinking mug after mug of ale, but by now, the aquatic male had probably drunken more than a keg and a half.

Evil finished another shot and called out, "I'd like another bourbon."

Mime nodded, grabbing the shot glass, he was about to pour it when Evil chimed in, "Give me the whole bottle, I'm tired of those stupid sippy cups!"

Nodding, the mute one complied.

He leaned back and gulped mouthfuls down. He gazed around. Disco Bear had died of alcohol poisoning, Handy was still trying in vain to pick up his first glass up. Evil grinned at the beaver's vain attempts. He heard Petunia huff before she stopped cleaning the glasses and, out of pity she stuck a straw in his glass.

"Ah, thanks!" He said, smiling and sipping his drink happily. The skunk gave a small nod and returned to her post.

Evil snickered. "They say that drinking alcohol through a straw gets you drunk quicker, you know."

Petunia nodded, picking up her glass, she winked at him with mischief in her eyes. "He needs to catch up with everyone else."

The conversation dropped, he realized he needed another bottle. "F-f-hic-fetch me another brew-ski, bartender."

Suddenly he heard the bar door swing open and a disgruntled raccoon waltzed in, head down, and grumbling angrily to himself as he stormed in. He came up, and sat down beside Evil, not even noticing him.

Lifty then slammed his paws down in anger, knocking the empty bottle over.

"Damnit Lifty!" Evil cursed, he clutched his head as the shrillness of his own voice made it throb.

The male didn't reply to Evil's outburst, he was busy eying the beverages curiously. Scrunching up his face in confusion, he shook his head. "I want something that will knock me flat on my ass!" His shout made several of the intoxicated tree friends groan and clutch their aching heads.

Mime gave Evil several bottles this time, in hopes of satiating the green bear for a little while longer than two minutes. Mime gave Lifty a slow nod, as if considering about what the best method of tending to him would be.

Evil's eyes narrowed at the deer's hesitance, snapping his fingers he made a 'come hither' motion and pulled Mime closer so he could whisper in a threatening voice without being overheard. Lifty was too busy grumbling and didn't seem to notice or care.

"Now listen, I know what the perfect drink for Lifty would be, and you are going to give it to him, got it?" He snarled.

Mime nodded fearfully.

"You were hoping to give him some watered down swill you tend to give the newbies, weren't you?"

Mime tried not to show his surprise, but Evil saw it and knew he'd been right.

"Newbies aren't known for holding their booze, but he wants a strong drink and the customer's always right." He thought of a drink, there were many that were strong, but he wanted one the raccoon would actually consume without a huge fuss, he thought o the perfect one.

"You know what a buttery nipple is and how to make one, right?"

Mime nodded.

The bear loosened his hold, releasing the quiet one. Said deer was mixing DeKuyper Buttershots liqueur and Bailey's Irish Cream and in no time he had prepared a large shot of it and slid it over to Lifty.

Sniffing curiously he glanced at Evil. "Is this even a strong drink?" The doubt was evident.

"Trust me, a few of those and you'll forget all your worries, along with your name."

Lifty eyed the drink again before drinking it. "It tastes like butterscotch!" He said, eyes wide, reminding Evil of someone who had tasted their first candy bar.

"Another!" Lifty shouted, slamming the glass down.

"There's some spi-rit, yaarrr!" Russel said, raising a half-full glass and drinking heartily.

After a few more shots, Evil began talking to the mellowing male.

"So . . . hic! What were you -hic angry about when you barged in here like that earlier?" He asked, how many drinks had he had, eight or nine bottles were scattered about, but a few were on the floor now too.

Lifty bobbed his head, as if he felt sleepy, but he gazed up and scowled. "My no good brother and I got into a fight." He hiccuped, giggled, and then grew more serious. "He blamed me for something that was all his fault." The male's long, ringed tail lashed angrily and Evil felt how soft it was as it brushed his arm.

"Twin trouble again, eh?"

"Yeah, why, what would you know about it?" Lifty retorted, snarling with aggravation.

"You forget, I have a twin too, Flippy's my twin by accident."

"Uh . . ." Lifty stammered as he sipped the last of the shot before slamming it down and watching with a wry grin as Mime hurried to refill it. "Sorry, I'm just pissed."

"Don't worry about it, Stripes." Evil replied drunkenly, leaning against the male's fluffy tail.

"Hic-Hey! He said, trying to decide whether to push the other male off or not.

"What?"

"You're messing my tail up, I think you are even cutting off the circulation!"

Evil, his eyes boggled by the beer goggles, grinned drunkenly. "But it's one of your best features, you're so much different in comparison to Shifty."

"We're identical twins." He argued.

"Even identical twins are different," the green bear murmured, nuzzling the tail, giggling at how it tickled his face, "your tail is less raggedy and much shinier than his's. Then there's your eyes, they don't have so much selfishness in them, you don't smile as widely as him, and you are even cuter when you're mad."

"Eep," Lifty squealed in surprise, he composed himself before pushing against the male again. "Evil, you're drunk."

"So?"

"Do you hear what you're saying?"

"Maybe." He grinned and hiccuped before petting the raccoon's tail again.

"Why are you- hic- here in the first place?"

Burying his face out of embarrassment in Lifty's tail, Evil murmured, "Flippy kicked me out."

"What?"

Glaring straight at the male, he snarled. "Flippy kicked me out okay? He wanted Giggles, Cuddles, and Flaky to come over and watch some movies with us, but him and I got into a fight over what we'd watch before they came over and he kicked me out! Imagine, him kicking me out over stupid movies!" He then buried his face back in the raccoon's tail.

Lifty flinched, he sat down the untouched shot and blinked in confusion. "I never would have thought that he would kick you out so suddenly."

"Yeah, well, he did!" Grumbled the male, rubbing his face against the furry tail even more.

"So what are you going to do then?"

The bear 'hmm'ed curiously.

"Did he, uh, -hic- kick you out permanently?"

"Nah, only for a week, but still. . . " Evil suddenly let out a purr as Lifty patted him upon the head. "Wuh-hic-at are you doing, Stripes?"

"Trying to comfort you."

Evil gave a small snicker. "You see, you are nicer than your twin, he only cares about himself, but not you."

Lifty sighed. "I hate it."

"Hate it? . . . You hate caring?" Evil repeated, clearly confused. "Why the hell would you hate that? Even when all I did was kill, I still cared, if only for the lives of my comrades and Flippy, it wasn't enough to stop at first, but still."

The male wiggled, his tail batting Evil in the face, startled, said male grabbed it. "H-hey!"

"I hate it because - hic- my brother uses it against me." Lifty turned, despite the fact that with Evil holding his tail, it hurt his spine to do so. He stayed like that, his drunken mind sad. "Whenever I tell him I don't want to do something because I don't want to hurt someone he gets up in my face and says things like 'Oh look at you, so caring, I am so glad I'm not that pathetic!' I try to argue, try to make him understand, if only by a . . . a little, but he wants me to be a replica of him and not be my own animal. To him I should just be a carbon copy!" He fought back tears, but they prevailed.

Evil, to say the least, was shocked. "Listen Stripes, don't cry . . . the booze is making you feel even more depressed." He hoped the last bit might console the male, but it didn't. If anything, it went in one ear and out the other.

Evil made Lifty turn and face him, the bear wiped the tears away. "I'm under the same stress, but I can't cry about it." He confessed. "Flippy wants me to be exactly like him, but I want to be myself, not some soft-hearted teddy bear."

A couple of sniffs, "R-really, you're going through this too?"

"Yeah, all I wanted to do was watch a gory movie, Flippy went crazy, he started scolding me and telling me I was just a damn sadist who couldn't think of the others before himself."

"What did he want to watch?"

Evil waved his paws dismissively. "Some sappy romance slash comedy. Thing is, I switched it out with Barney's Great Adventure."

A five or six second silence followed.

"Where did you get that from?"

"Poop practically begged me to help him get rid of several of Cub's movies one day, he told if he has to hear the I love you song one more time he's going to play Russian Roulette for the rest of his life. Naturally I asked why he had come to me, he then added that Cub somehow retrieved the things no matter where he threw them away or hid them. He had tried destroying them, but Cub would start crying every time Pop tried to, and the little guy had been keeping a watchful eye on his father lately.

I destroyed most of the crap, but some of it I'm saving to use when people don't expect it. I scared Flaky one time by surrounding her with wide-eyed purple dinosaurs, she started having nightmares after that, but no one knew who had done it."

Lifty gave the male a curious look, "You're seriously messed up if you're doing stuff like that to people."

"Hey, I can honestly say I'd tolerate Barney stuff over Teletubbies any day, nobody freaked out when I started putting Teletubby merchandise in their houses one day. Teletubbies are just worthless and irritating."

"I'll agree with you on that part."

Evil grinned, knowing he had gotten his point across.

Lifty shifted his weight and gazed at the s=ceiling before a diabolical smirk came to his face. "Evil, uh, would you come home with ,me tonight?" The coon eyed him hopefully.

"Whoa! You really don't beat around the bush! This is so sudden!" He exclaimed.

The green-furred bear was shoved roughly. "Damnit E, I'm not talking about that sort of shit, not now, not ever!"

"Then why do you want to take me home?"

"For a symbiotic relationship, where we both benefit. You'll get a place to stay until you decide to head on back to Flippy's, does that sound good?"

An eye ridge raised, "How exactly do you benefit from this?"

"Shifty is petrified of you, he's been like that since the beginning, but that night you skinned him alive with a Christmas cookie only intensified his fear. If you tell him that unmentionable terrors will befall him if he hurts a single hair on me, he'll back so far off I'll never need to worry about myself again."

Rooting about, the darker male found a half empty bottle and downed it before also downing the shot Lifty had left sitting for far too long. "I'll say yes on one condition."

"What?"

"You flash that -hic- adorable smile again." He then quickly added, "Make that two conditions, I also want to keep petting your gorgeous tail."

A nervous smile crossed Lifty's face at the mention of his tail. "Fine, I'm not too keen about the second one, but seeing Shifty spazz will definitely be worth it."

"That smile is even cuter than your usual one, Stripes! Evil exclaimed, standing up. "I'll follow your lead."

"Okay then, oh boy, Shifty is going to have a heart attack when he sees you!"

Evil followed him. "Let's hope so, maybe you'll smile when he does."


Okay, this was something that came to mind late at night, a pretty interesting oneshot. Evil isn't gay in this, he might be a bit bi-curious, but he's certainly not gay in this one!

Tell me, should I leave this a oneshot? Or make it into a twoshot with the second chapter revolving around Shifty's response to Evil's presence?