Ugh, for some reason this took forever! I don't know why though, I knew what I'd write.

You know what? . . . I blame Shifty!

Shifty: *gulps* What?

Me: Yeah, you were a pain in the ass because you are being a big jerk to Lifty. *whistles*

Evil: *runs up* Yes?

Me: Take Shifty outside and beat him up for me, please?

Evil: *cracks his knuckles* I'd love to. *grabs the raccoon by the tail and drags him away*

Shifty: Oh no, please, I'll be good, I promise.

Me: Anyway, here's the other halve of this two shot.


"Where is that no good twin of mine? I hope he either got his mangey ass killed or is finally stealing something worthwhile." Shifty grumbled, walking around the room with an empty bag of Ruffles still clutched in his paw, the male was so annoyed at his twin's disappearance that he had already broken a vase.

"No good son of a bitching brother!" He shouted with a growl. "I'd say to hell with him, but I'm responsible for every time he screws up!"

The door handle turned slowly, ears perking up in interest, Shifty turned towards the motion. I bet he's come back empty pawed again.

Stomping over, Shifty grabbed the moving knob, twisted it to the right sharply, eliciting a yelp of pain from the other side and then flung it outwards, hoping to hit his twin hard enough to bowl him over.

It didn't though, a green-furred paw caught it and Shifty heard a snarl.

Lifty eased around the door that the bear held ajar, mouthing a thank you to Evil for catching it before he was staring into the miffed eyes of Shifty. "Hey bro, whazzup?" He asked, still slurring and intoxicated from earlier.

The fedora clad raccoon blocked the doorway, malice and irritation in his eyes.

"Don't 'whazzup' me, you miserable jackass! Where the hell have you been?" Shifty shouted, raising a paw to strike the male.

Lifty flinched and stepped back instinctively, his eyes wide.

Evil had gone unnoticed all this time, but when he lashed out and grasped the male's raised arm, Shifty looked up, and tried not to scream at the fang-filled angry grin upon the bear's face.

When the younger twin saw Evil had spared him from his big bro's wrath, he smiled and stuck out his tongue. "Heh, not this time bro, I brought a friend home with me, mind letting us in?"

Evil leaned forward, his eyes filled with rage, his paw tightening upon Shifty's wrist. "I'd recommend being nice to your brother, otherwise I'll have to get involved. I'm his bodyguard now, and as you know, I can back up any threats."

Wincing as the bone in his arm started to fracture beneath the bear's vice-like grip, Shifty nodded wildly, easing to the left. "Y-yeah, sure thing, come on inside."

Lifty gave a smile, one that made Evil feel like he'd done a good job. Releasing the coon's wrist, he stepped inside after Lifty. "Hmm, looks like a filthy raccoon has ransacked this place." He commented.

Lifty's ears drooped, as if he really didn't want to be reminded of the pigsty he dwelled in, "Yeah, I'll have to clean it tomorrow, I always have to clean."

Evil glanced curiously at Shifty. "Why is that? Doesn't your big bro know how to clean?" His eyes narrowed.

Said raccoon shook beneath the glare, eyes filled with nervousness.

Lifty recited the answer as though it was engraved in him. "He does, but he says 'the boss can't be bothered to do petty things like clean'. So, I'm stuck doing everything that's considered dirty work."

"Tsk, hey, Shifty, you come mere."

"No-o thanks."

Evil stomped his foot, making the raccoon nod and run. The trembling raccoon swayed on his feet in terror.

"You hear what Stripes has been saying?" He asked, pointing to Lifty.

Shifty nodded weakly.

"The 'dirty work' is your job now."

"But-"

The only but around here is your butt about to get kicked by my foot, got it?"

"Y-ye-s-s-s!"

"Good."

Lifty scrunched up his face before laughing. Evil gave him a curious glance, "Hmm?"

"Don't you smell that?" Lifty said, trying not to laugh too loudly.

Inhaling, the bear smelled the scent of fresh urine and knew what had happened. "Shifty, you had to piss yourself, didn't you?" He exclaimed, his nose also scrunching up in disgust.

Shifty's eyes were so hge they were about ready to pop out of skull.

"Easy Evil, I think you've traumatized my bro enough." Lifty said.

Said fedora wearing raccon's eyes widened when the bear listened to Lifty and nodded before walking off. "You're right, Stripes, I don't want him to shit himself next, so, where am I sleeping?"

Lifty grinned, "You can have Shifty's bed if you want. Is that okay, brother?"

"Yes, whatever he wants!" Shfty cried, he did not want to anger Evil again, not now, not ever!

"Okay then, here, I'll show you his room," Lifty said as he walked into said room.

"Hmm, thanks, Shifty." Evil said, and whispered in the male's ear so faintly that it was almost inaudible, "I'd recommend you start cleaning that piss up before it stains the floor."

Shifty nodded weakly before his legs buckled and he fainted.

"Evil?" Lifty called.

The war bear smiled and went to where Lifty was, the smile only widened when he slipped his paw across the raccoon's shoulders. "You know, Stripes, this relationship is really beginning to appeal to me."

Lifty eyed him curiously before gazing at the doorway and looking back to the male. "What did you do to him now?"

"Nothing, I'm not sober enough to put him in his place yet, but tomorrow, if this hangover doesn't make me a real bear- pun intended - I'll start 'training' him to be a better brother. Who knows, I for one think you'd look cuter in a fedora than him."

Lifty blushed, "Evil! That's not what I had in mind!"

"Huh?"

Reaching up, the male snatched Evil's beret and fixed it upon his head, he turned and glanced at a mirror, grinning wickedly at his reflection. He whirled and grinned even wider at Evil. "See, I look much cuter in a beret than a stupid fedora!"

"Oh . . . "

"What? I don't want to wear something my brother always wears, that's just confusing. . . Why are you looking at me like that? Doesn't this make me look adorable?" He asked, eyes pleading for an answer.

The dark bear could only nod, he had not seen that coming, perhaps things would change, perhaps Lifty could teach him to lighten up more.