A/N: So this is "Dragon Armies or Not" and it is from the How To Train Your Dragon movie. So, no, it's not Harry Potter. -_- Sorry.

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Let me KNOW! *cries* TT_TT

Warnings: Mature content in a vague manner, but you'll know exactly what's going on. Mild cursing. Time jumped up.

Disclaimer: Who the hell would believe you?


Chapters 1 and 2: part 1


Hiccup wiped his face, checked himself over in the mirror like pond, and took a breath before letting it out slowly if a little jerkily. Astrid had just officially fucked him over. Which, in truth, shredded every dream he had started making three years ago. And he had caught her doing something so damned disgusting . . .

Her head had been in Snotlout's lap, slurping and moaning as if she was enjoying it as much as the grunting man above had obviously been. Glad for once that his slight stature hid him effectively, he slipped away before either could find him, slinking through the shadows in mimicry of Toothless at his stealthiest. Shaking his head, he dipped his face into the water, wetting the whole of his head, shedding water like a dog as he came back up. The crunch on gravel behind him had his head snapping up, knife hidden in the palm of his hand. He relaxed and sheathed the blade before the two could see. "Tuffnut, Ruffnut, what do they need?"

The twin blonds looked him over seriously, their eyes seeking any injury on their unnamed leader. Ruffnut rolled her eyes. "Apparently, a large village further in the mainland-"

"It is a city, Ruff," Hiccup murmured as he waited for her to continue.

"City. Fine, whatever. They want to be diplomatic," the sneer was withering in that kind of tone, he mused, "and try and have dragons for themselves."

Hiccup grimaced and stood, wobbling momentarily. He ran a hand through his wet hair, the strands going wilder than usual. "Well . . . shite." Toothless was not going to be thrilled, that was for sure. Not human, no, but a bloody intelligent dragon with a newly laid clutch. "Toothless will not leave until the newest clutch is hatched."

On her second clutch, there were now seven Night Fury dragons roaming about, not including Toothless. Unfortunately for everyone else, Toothless and her cubs were less than inclined to like anyone other than Hiccup, tolerating everyone else to a degree. And, believe this if you will, there had been more attempts to try and tame the young dragons than the number of all dragons species combined. Hiccup made sure he was far away, usually flying, when the attempts were made so that he could not be persecuted for trying to keep the Night Fury breed to himself. What the others didn't understand was that to ride a Fury, one had to befriend it, love it as one of their own. You never owned a Night Fury. That was what separated them from the other breeds.

Tuffnut sighed. "Which will take at least another month. The Elders will not be happy."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "I could care less at this point," he growled as he paced brokenly. The youngest of this generation and he was already with a missing limb. Alive? Yes. Whole? Much less now. "I will have to make sure no one steals the eggs. If that happens . . . Toothless is far less forgiving than I on a matter so close to her." What was unsaid was that only Hiccup, foolish, tiny, barely armed Hiccup, had ever brought down a Night Fury. Before then, there hadn't even been pictures and only wild speculation on the whole. "If she doesn't take retribution, the older cubs will."

The Thorston twins shivered in remembrance of that. A neighboring tribe had tried to barter for the Night Fury eggs. When that had not happened, seven stole in to take the eggs. The only reason the men and women had survived was because Hiccup had stopped Toothless from ripping them apart and dumping their corpses into the sea. Let us just say that Toothless cowed even the largest of dragon breeds when in a homicidal rage. "Yeah, no. Not even going there," Tuffnut grunted out, his face pasty and his brow sweating as events played themselves out in his mind again and again. One would never forget screams like that. "Not even with a ten foot pole."

Ruffnut nodded in agreement while watching their leader stutter to a stop. Hiccup chewed his lip, eyes focusing on nothing as he thought deeply. Suddenly, as if he had never stopped moving, the smaller red haired man was stalking passed, his voice a murky whisper to himself as he climbed the steep face of the small cliff, his prosthetic slipping only once to show his familiarity of his now artificial leg and foot. Ruffnut and Tuffnut shrugged and followed him quickly, flanking him as he made his way to their village without even acknowledging those that greeted him. Still, there were those that resented him and his peaceful ways. It would not do to invite their foul play with inattention.

Slinging the door to his home open, the twins followed him in, watching as he grabbed beautiful, finely patterned parchment that probably cost more than it should and an auto-inking quill with a full ink sack. He sat and wrote . . . and wrote . . . and wrote until the Thorstons were nearly asleep on their feet and the ink sack almost empty. With a contented sigh, Hiccup leaned back and looked over the seven page letter to the Lords of Hammer City. It was all he could do to slow down the battle ensuing, but it was something at least. Folding it delicately, reverently even, he slipped the pages inside a lovely, rich purple suede sack made of deer hide afore tying it closed with a thin strip of fixed silk.

"Now, how to get this to the City Council?"


It was a week before the message met its destination. There was a small uproar, from what the dragon messenger said, but it was not lost or even bad. Hiccup sat carefully within the nest Toothless had made two years previous for her first clutch, cuddling with the half grown cubs and checking the eggs for damage. This was by far a larger clutch, twelve eggs to the first seven, and Hiccup was worried about the strain that not only Toothless endured, but the unhatched dragons as well. Luckily, the nestlings would be able to fly just hours after hatching, their wing membranes dried and stronger than should be possible for a new born. Even the other dragon cubs had to wait a week to take to the air. The small red head figured it was because the breed was close to two times smaller than all other breeds but one and this was a survival issue.

"Hey, Hiccup!" Astrid called only to be pinned by two of the cubs, their growls making it a point that they were not playing. Hiccup grimaced. Astrid. Damnation. "Eh, hey! Call off your pets!"

He palmed his face, peeking through his fingers. "They're not pets, Astrid. They're my dragon's cubs and answer only to her."

The two were quite unaware the the Thorston twins were settling over the ridge of the made cave mouth and could hear them. Picking up an intuition unheard of for them, the twins kept hidden, their ears open. The screech of Astrid had them both twitching.

"The little bastard bit me!" Astrid snarled as she threw a cub, the small body hitting the stones around the cave entrance. Its pitiful squeak was like a summoning to Toothless, the mature Night Fury bearing down on the lone blond woman from the tree she had been climbing. Hiccup cursed as he stood between the woman and his best friend Toothless.

"Come on, Toothless. Don't hurt her, she's just a bit stupid," he crooned, his eyes warm as he walked to his dragon companion. Astrid gave another screech, her voice pitched high.

"WHAT? I am not stupid, Hiccup!" she denied. Hiccup glared at her over his shoulder without a word. However, his look clearly stated that he begged to differ. "Fuck, I am not stupid! That little wretch bit me!"

The young man turned to her fully, his eyes glaring. "This is not the first time this has happened, Astrid. Actually, I have actively told you not to come into the nest. None of the Night Fury like you, you know this already."

"So, what, you let a little lizard rule you?" she snarled.

His eyes sizzled, the green flashing in a fashion similar to Toothless's before a kill. "Well, at least I can be assured of her commitment to me, now can I not? I mean, I will not find her face to crotch with Snotlout, will I? No, she will be faithful to me and me alone as long as I respect her. You, however, have been proven a liar and a backstabbing bitch quite recently. I had respected you, gave you whatever you had wanted, and this is my repayment. Well, I must say, it is a stiff and unfair deal. So, if you will excuse us, I will get back to helping my best friend tend to her nest."

He turned from the gaping blond, striding back into the cave with the small Night Fury calling to him like pups, their green eyes near glowing in the dim lighting. He was far from prepared for Astrid to come at him, in full view of Toothless and her brood, and strike him down. Hiccup barely had time to scream out a "No!" to Toothless before the great beast took Astrid's arm in her mouth and bit down until there was a crunch. She released the limp appendage, her chirping concerned as she looked over her human cub, licking him free of the blood from his temple. He gave a strained smile as he tried to hide the handle of the knife stuck in his side, missing organs and vital points, but causing significant amounts of pain all the same. The sound of scrambling from outside the cave had him twitching in nervousness only to hiss as his wound was aggravated. The last people he expected to see were the twins.

"Hiccup, are you okay?" Tuffnut called as he slowly approached, eying Toothless warily. Ruffnut was dragging Astrid from the entrance and as far away as she feasibly could, hoping the dragon wouldn't try to finish what she started. Hiccup groaned in response, holding his side as his head started swimming.

"F-fine," he choked out as she forced himself to stand, unsteady and wavering. Tuffnut scrambled to his side, catching him before he fell and a scream burst from Hiccup's lips. Tuffnut's eyes widened as he palmed the handle of the dagger gingerly, then narrowed in fury.

"This, Hiccup, is not fine. This is injured and in need," the taller boy growled. "We'll have to take it out-"

"No!" Hiccup protested, his voice breathy and pained. "No, it stays for now. This way I don't bleed out, aye?" The small red head clung to the arms around his waist. "There wasn't anything hit so I'll live until the village Healer looks at it properly." He grinned in a strained, sickly way, grasping tightly to Tuffnut. "Trust me, okay?"

Tuffnut sighed as he let it slide, for now, and pulled Hiccup closer to his side, holding the dagger tightly to the smaller man's wound. There was only a slight hiss from Hiccup to show how painful it was, but not much else. The two waddled up to the mouth of the cave, Ruffnut there with Astrid over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Her face showed surprise until the knife handle caught the light and she gasped, understanding shining along with a vengeful, thunderous mood the likes of which scared man and dragon alike.

"When she wakes up, I'm going to fuckin' punch her."

The deadly calm of suppressed righteous fury lacing her voice was terrifying and yet comforting to Hiccup. He had their support and for that he was grateful. It was always better to have more than your self on your side. He gave the taller woman a soft smile slightly tinged in pain. "Please, wait until the village. I would not want to leave you in a fight with someone willing to go this far," he gestured at his side, "and for you to get hurt."

Tuffnut gave a tiny, sincere lift of his lips that only Ruffnut caught. She gave one of her own, slinging Astrid higher on her shoulder with a grunt. The sight of the village was welcome, Hiccup gasping as he tried to remain upright and not stumbling. Tuffnut gathered him up, lifting him in a bridal carry to his weak protests. Ruffnut chuckled at the bickering, tightening her hold on the smaller woman over her shoulder as she stirred. The two Thorstons stepped up their speed, striding more quickly passed the outer edges of the first huts and ignoring the wild-eyed stares they received. It could have been the Tuffnut was covered in blood not his own and holding Hiccup so tenderly or that Ruffnut was lugging around Astrid with an obviously broken arm with the strange angle it flopped uselessly at across the walking woman's back or even that they were near running in their urgency, but whatever is was, they had better not say anything or piss the Thorston twins off. The life expectancy of the perpetrators would be in potentially hazardous situations.


"Good heavens!"

Ol' Tinyshot stared at the mess of the Thorston brother as he handed off a finally exhausted and dozing Hiccup, her eyes tracing the taller man for injury. He held his hands out to show that it wasn't him in need this time. "It's all Hiccup's."

"Don't dither, boy, get me hot water and some clean rags! Hurry now," Tinyshot bellowed. Sweeping the graying brown braid over her shoulder with a flick, she grabbed up sheers, cutting away the sullied tunic and vest, a mild glare adorning her ancient face. Her face became down right furious at what she saw. "Either this crazy boy was playing with Astrid's dagger, or that girl gave in to that temper of hers."

Ruffnut snorted as she pushed passed the furs hanging like a door across the small room entrance. She flung a groaning Astrid from her shoulder to land with a "umph" on the bare dirt floor. She wiped her hands clean on her tunic, a sneer curling her lip. "Stupid bitch," she murmured viciously. With a sigh, she turned to the leather-skinned woman, her eyes tracing the years of laugh and frown lines marring the face of the once beautiful and most sought after maiden in Tinyshot's day.

"Nona Tiny, how's he doin'?"

Nona Tiny wrinkled her nose as she examined the stab around the knife. "Not all that horrible, considering. Though he lost a bit of blood, the blade didn't hit anything vital, thank Thor and Odin. Some stitching and a bit of rest will do him good." She grabbed out thread and a needle. "Get some whiskey to soak the thread in and heat the needle. No need to be spreadin' infection."

Ruffnut rushed about, clipping off a long strand of the thick black thread and looping it into a clean bowl. Which a wrench of her wrist, she had a foul smelling bottle of whiskey opened, her nose wrinkling at the smell as she poured it slowly. Corking it back, she took a small curved needle with pliers and held it over the hot coals, the metal quickly taking on a red hue that had her lifting it away. Tuffnut stumbled in, nearly running over Ruffnut, gasping for breath as he held tightly to a lidded pot of hot water and white clean rags. He wasn't quite so blood encrusted either. In fact, he was quite soaking wet!

"Boy! No dripping in my work area! Out and change, right now!"

Tuffnut scrambled out the door, Ruffnut snorting in amusement. Nona Tiny was a very short woman, barely reaching her breast area, but a woman all obeyed. No one messed with Nona Tiny and just walked away. As the village Healer, the small woman could make or break the idiot that ticked her off. Those were some of the scariest stories, even more terrifying than fighting dragons, small gods, or pregnant wives left alone for far too long.

Nona Tiny took the pliers and needle from Ruff, sloshing hot water as she dipped the hot metal in. Steam rose in a small cloud that had barely rose before Tiny was grabbing the sanitized needle off the pliers, stringing the thread through with a distinct smell of hard liquor, and setting up at Hiccup's side.

"Get another bowl and pour some water in it with witch hazel from that bundle," she pointed at some herbs to the side of the cottage. "Let it steep thirty seconds and bring it here."

From there, the small cottage-hut-nursing hall was filled with the scent of strong herbs, soft whimpers, and mild scolding followed by flying debris or a solid smack to the head. The few people that came through with less than life-threatening ailments turned around in the door. It could have been for many reasons, one being that she was already busy with something else. Ruff and Tuff thought it was because she was cursing the air blue. Hell, even they learned a whole new string of profanity that would cause many a man or woman to blush. Tuff was a little red around the ears and Ruff was suffering a brain hemorrhage trying to block the woman out, unsuccessfully as it were.

"Done!" Nona Tiny growled before turning to the still form of Astrid. "Now, you two take this poor boy somewhere not his house until I talk to his pa. Leave the blond wench."

Ruffnut and Tuffnut nodded in tandem, Tuff grabbing up Hiccup easily once again and trooping out the door as Ruff held the flap of fur out of the way, and bolted like hell hounds were on their heels.


It took three days before Hiccup was back on his feet. Astrid was seen much more quickly than that, but she had been fleeing the healer's house, her arm splinted and cased in strips of stiff linen. Nona Tiny had followed her out with a cane switch in hand as she swung it about. That was as good as any reason to be up and about.

"Hiccup, are you sure you're okay?"

The small copper haired man rolled his eyes and tightened the bandages around his waist. If anyone had told him four days ago that Ruffnut and Tuffnut were motherhens, he would have laughed himself sick. Now he was groaning in frustration. "If you – either of you – ask me that again, I will hurt you two. Possibly with Toothless's help. Now, I am going outside and checking on Toothless and the pups. If you hadn't noticed, my dragon has been going bonkers without me to help. So . . . suck it up! I'm not going to bleed to death, infection stopped being a risk yesterday, and I am sick and tied of just sitting here with nothing to do."

The blond twins were wide-eyed and shocked looking. Hiccup was usually a sweet, kind person with nary a harsh word. This was village wide knowledge! You had to really, really push his buttons to tick him off. Apparently, they had succeeded.

"But-!" they protested once again in concert. Hiccup stalked up to them, interrupting them as he grabbed the front of their jerkins and pulled them down the four inches to his face level. "No buts, Thorstens. I am going outside."

With that, he jerked them on down and stepped over them out the doorway, moving aside the heavy oaken wood slab that stood in for a door.

Ruff looked over at Tuff, her eyes mirroring his in bewildered confusion. What had just happened? Had Hiccup just told them off?

"Hiccup! HICCUP!" The young man turned to see Fishlegs stumbling up to him, a scroll in hand. "It's – it's from the mainland! The City Council is demanding a face-to-face meeting!" He gasped lightly, holding his side as a sharp pain worked it's way across his ribs. "I hate running!"

Hiccup laughed despite the less than pleasant news. "I know, Legs. I can't believe they didn't have a lower grunt do it."

Legs sighed and ran a hand through his thick blond hair. "About that. The new recruits pissed off your Fury. Toothless unleashed a mother's fury on their asses. And before you ask, they went to the nest sight intent of taking some eggs. I'm surprised that the most they have are first-degree burns and scratches." Hiccup groaned into his hands as he stared up sightlessly. Fishlegs snorted in amusement at the turmoil. "Hey, it could have been worse!" he chirped almost cheerfully.

"How, Legs? How could it have been worse?"

"They could be permanently maimed or dead!" Hiccup threw a glare at the too chirpy viking. Damn him for finding this funny. Damn him, damn him, damn him! No matter that it was kind of funny.

"Fine," he conceded. It wasn't gracious, for sure, but he forgave Legs for being a right prat about the situation. "Let me take care of Toothless first, grunts after that, and then I will deal with the bad news from the mainland. Thor's Hammer! Why does this dragon shite keeping happening to me?"

"You're Odin's Whipping – whoops! Let's rephrase that, you're Odin's Messenger boy." Legs was grinning and raising his brows in suggestive wiggles. Hiccup grinned back wickedly before kicking the ever-lovin'-tar out of Fishlegs' shin. He whistled on his way to the nest, the whimpering cry of his tall blond buddy music to his ears.

"Hey, Toothless!" the red haired viking-that-wasn't called to his reptilian friend. The Night Fury bounced from the cave entrance, her chirping squeal happy as she tackled her human. "Ow! Hey! That hurt, you crazy dragon!" The tongue trying to smother his face stopped any other intelligible words though an "EW!" was heard in there somewhere.

"Ger'roff!"he growled, shoving his buddy off him as best as he could. She relented and even stemmed the tide of her young. "Thanks, Toothless. Gah, my side still hurts like dragon fire."

Quickly tending to the young Furies, he begged off to the village, only the largest young male accompanying him. "Quetzl (Ket-zul)! Don't eat that, you silly thing! Now come on, you wanted to visit the humans, you gotta stay with me." Hiccup sighed as he covered his eyes, hand on his hip. It seemed as if this young male was out to ruin the village . . . or just the Belfor House. He needed to see the newest recruits and read the damned scroll and he'd then sit his ass down and take a nap or something that didn't require tons of angst and anguish on his part. Why was this so complicated?

"If you don't come on, I'm calling your mother to come get you and you won't leave the nest for a year!"

There was a scuttling sound as the Fury appeared at his side. He hid a grin. If he'd known that would work, he'd have done that months, hell, two years ago! Smirking for all he was worth, the young man strolled down to the grunt training fields. Catching sight of the youngsters as they sparred and played with dulled blades and weapons, he saw them freeze at the sight of the Night Fury. Oh, this was going to be so much fun. "Hello, recruits."

They all, well – not saluted him – they kind of bowed meekly. Seriously, though, most of them were taller than he was. It was ridiculous, in his own opinion. He killed the Giant. So what? It mattered, kinda, but someone else could have done that, too! Though it could have been the Night Fury at his side. "Sorry about the mauling," he said. "However, you all knew better." His voice was suddenly stern as he looked at them all. "The last time someone tried to steal the eggs from Toothless's nest, they were in critical condition for eight months. Two of them will never walk again, not even with Viking stubbornness. She went light on you."

Quetzl came up and nudged him, using the green orbs to say "Look, look over there!" without moving his head. Hiccup did to see one young hopeful, the smallest of the lot, looking on with awe and fear. He looked back at the dragon, the beast nearly vibrating with the need to bound over to the youth. "Friend of yours?" he whispered to the dragon. His face split in a smile, waving the Fury on. "Go on. Just don't scare the boy too bad."

Quetzl shot off, skipping over to the small boy, licking him full-faced. Hiccup had the hope that Quetzl had chosen his rider. "Quetzl! You have three hours. If Toothless comes to me looking for you, you'll be stuck at the nest for six months." When the dragon slumped over the youth, nearly knocking him flat, he whined piteously. Hiccup put his hands on his hips. "Oh no, that won't work on me, cub. I'm immune after dealing with your mother and all your siblings. That look simply does not work anymore." The huffing snort was pitiful – almost – but Hiccup looked at the boy. "Don't let Quetzl bully you for more time. He's a right pain so you have to be firm. Make him mind you."

Leaving a stunned bunch with instructions similar to babysitting, Hiccup whistled as he all but skipped away. That had been fun! And the looks on their faces! He wished he could capture them like that on paper.

His mood did take a dive when he felt the scroll slapping against his leg through the pouch it was in. Ah. He had nearly forgotten about the that.

Slipping into the Great Hall, he sat by the fire, reading by torch light. His frown deepened. This wasn't good. At all.

"Hiccup? I heard we had a missive."

The village chief walked in, the tall and broadly built giant of a man with tangled red hair and a beard that rest halfway down his barrel chest in braids. Stoic the Vast settled a huge hand on Hiccup's shoulder. "You have a troubled face."

Hiccup handed it over and rushed his fingers through his own red hair. The roar of primal viking rage shook the rafters as his father finished the missive. "Those, those! RAWWR! Those thrice Thor damned fools! They think they can order us – might Vikings – about? If they are so damned ready to fight, I'll give 'em a WAR!"

Hiccup jumped to his feet, standing in his father's path, arms crossed. "No, you won't," he uttered with the calm of a man that had been through hell and back. "You will send a representative to the City Council. We cannot afford a war, dragons or no. The entirety of our Vikings is smaller than the populace of the City. Berk is small, dad. We are but a speck on the world with how few people live here." He held up his hand, his father's face red with anger and the need to yell and rage and make war plans. Not this time. They would be wiped out in less than a year. "What we will do is send someone who can hold their temper. Preferably someone who is high up in the hierarchy of our village. It looks bad upon us if we send the mild maid as opposed to the heiress."

Stoic seemed to stew on this for several minutes, his dark eyes darting to Hiccup more than once as he stomped around and growled to himself. The giant of a man turned and pointed at Hiccup. "Fine! You want to play nice, we'll be nice," he bit out, the word nice sounding like a disease. "YOU will go – and don't say you won't, son! You will do what you have to, talk them in circles, and keep our village safe. Take who you have to, but leave me some warriors." The man turned for the door, stalking out muttering viciously. "And take that terror you call a Fury with you, Hiccup!" he roared as a last parting shot, the rafters shuddering when the door was slammed shut.


A/N: All I got for now. Sorry it took so long BullShite kept happening, not to mention that FF went berserk for like a week.