4Shopping Can Be Hazardous To Your Health
Summary: Finn takes a trip to the store and while in a rather embarrassing aisle, runs into the last 4 person he would want to run into. Ever. Rated for swearing.
I was in some deep shit.
My life was over. That's all there was to it. I'm never gonna live this one down. Never. N.E.V.E.R.
You see, I had been doing whatever it took to keep on my mother's good side for two reasons: One, I had to make up for my whole screw-up with Kurt during the Lady Gaga week at glee club. Two, Rachel's dads were going to be out of town for five days and I planned to stay over there for at least one night, possibly more, if Rachel was okay with that.
So I did whatever my mom wanted and then some. I did the dishes without being asked, cleaned my room and the front room without being asked, helped my mom cook (although I actually made it worse, but she appreciated the thought) mowed the lawn, help Kurt's dad fix up some cars, and went grocery shopping for my mom. I knew she hated when I'd go to a friend's house and disappear for a week during the summer so I figured that if I made nice, she'd be okay with it.
I know I'm not the brightest tool in the shed…the sharpest crayon in the box?...whatever, I'm not that smart, but I'm not stupid. I knew my mom would never let me stay at Rachel's house for a night. I wasn't going to tell her that I was at Rachel's house. I would tell her I was going over to Rachel's house, and then going over to a friend's house. I didn't like lying to her after all the stuff we'd been through but I didn't see another way to get over to Rachel's. I didn't think Kurt's dad would have a problem with it, but I didn't know who would win that fight and I really didn't want to waste time listening to it. Wasting time meant less time at Rachel's…
For the last few days I had been doing whatever my mom wanted, since I was going to Rachel's in two days. That included making her tea, making her lunch, going on her morning jogs with her, watching soap operas with her – which I'm ashamed to say that I enjoy. Stupid Langston, cheating on Markko. What the hell is that? I mean really? He gave up everything for her and how does she repay him? But Gigi and Rex are getting back together! It's about damn time, I mean come on you two, seriously? Anyway… - and going on all kinds of errands. The only thing I hadn't done was balance her checkbook and that was only because I failed Math and she didn't trust me with it. It's not my fault the numbers laugh at me when I try to add them or multiply them. But really, who needs Math? It's not like I'm going to use any of this in the future. I'm going to play football! Who uses Math in football? I sure as hell don't!
So when she asked if I could go to the store for her today, I jumped at the chance to do something else for her. She gave me a list and I noticed she had scratched something off of the bottom. I asked what it was but she said she wouldn't make me get anything like that. I asked what it was. Probably something heavy or something, right?
WRONG!
It was pads. Don't know what pads I'm talking about?
It's okay, neither did I for a few minutes, because I stupidly volunteered to get them. She asked if I was sure and I said yes. She said to get the green ones, which were her size. I was thinking, They don't color code knee pads or elbow pads according to size, and then I realized what she was talking about.
Oh crap. Those kinds of pads.
You get what kinds of pads I'm talking about now? The ones only girls use? Yeah? So know I'm guessing you know how awkward that trip was going to be, but I said I'd do it, and I wasn't going to back down now. Plus, if my mom had her…thing…then that meant she wouldn't have as much energy and that would mean that she would really appreciate me being nice enough to get them for her. That would get me extra points and I could stay at my random friends house (a.k.a. Rachel) longer.
I got into the car, took a deep breath, and drove to the store. But I didn't drive to the one that everyone went to. I went to the Wal-Mart that was out of the way so there'd be less of a chance that I'd run into someone.
Don't think that I'm all into my appearance because I'm not…anymore anyway. Before, I was kind of ashamed of being in glee club and being seen with Kurt all the time, but after a while I got used to it. I mean, I liked glee club a lot and it was a big part of my life, so why should I hide it? And Kurt was actually really cool when he wasn't staring at me like he wanted to kiss me, which he had stopped doing lately. Although I think he still likes me, but not as much. I don't know if it was from my blow-up (which I really regret. Really. I apologized often about it, until Kurt told me shut up and that he had forgiven me. And that was also because of me trying to popular! See? It just doesn't go right for me!) or from the fact that maybe he had finally accepted that I wasn't gay (because I'm not. Me likey the girls…a lot), but we got along better now.
But I digress. (Hee, I know what that means. My mom uses it a lot so I finally looked it up. It makes me sound really smart…oh crap, I hope I used it right!) I'm not into my appearance anymore. But if I saw some guy looking for pads, I would be just a little weirded out, and I really didn't want to be that guy. You have to understand that one, right? Please?
Anyway, I got all the stuff I needed walking slowly to that section. I hung out right in front of it, like I was looking for body wash or something, but I didn't actually go over to it. I had to work up the nerve for it. I stood looking at body washes and shampoos for about twenty minutes. You know those random facts they have on the back of those girl shampoos, the one with the weird names like "Color Me Happy" and "Hello Hydration"? Well, I kept reading the backs of them to waste time. I know a lot of useless information now. Like, did you know that the longest kiss ever was 31 hours, 18 minutes, and 33 seconds? I like making out, don't get me wrong, but that's a little too much, don't you think? I mean, come on, it's not like that person is going to get run over by a truck tomorrow so you need to make the kiss last as long as possible. I mean, what the hell is that?
Moving on…
Well, I finally worked up the courage to go over there. She said she wanted the green ones, right? Okay, green pads, green pads…well, she neglected to tell me something about pads.
Did you know there are a million types, besides sizes? Yeah, there's the smelly ones, ones with little wings, ones without wings, ones meant for "heave days" (*shudder* I don't even want to think about the meaning of that), ones meant as a "just in case" (whatever that means), and then there are a thousand brands on top of that! I had no idea which ones she wanted! Why couldn't there just be the color-coded sizes and that's it? Did they have to make this so complicated?
Well, I finally decided on a brand (store brand. Normally, Wal-Mart store brands are safe, but this Wal-Mart is super clean. They even have little wet naps that they give out at the cash registers if you want one because you're a clean freak like Ms. Pillsbury) and a type so I picked it up.
I was about to put it in my cart when I heard a voice coming from behind me.
"Finn? What the hell are you doing here?"
I turned around slowly, hoping and praying it wasn't Azimio or Karofsky although it didn't sound like them. I had had enough of those guys and if they said anything about me (or any other Glee club members for that matter) I was going to lose it. And I'd probably lose my chance at staying over at Rachel's house, which would seriously piss me off.
"Hi," I said, slowly, as I turned around.
It was Puck.
And this is where I am right now. Standing here with a box of pads in my hands, staring at Noah "Puck" Puckerman, my ex best friend, who was giving me a "What the f#ck is wrong with you?" type of look.
If you don't mind, I'll just go crawl under a rock and die now.
Second chapter will be up by Saturday night/Sunday morning (depending on what time I decide to go to bed).
Hope you like it! I like it...like always, reviews are optional, but appreciated. Signed reviews are even more appreciated because then I can reply back.
Bye.