Hey! So it's been so long since I put this story up, but this story's really hard to do, as it's their entire life. This first one is Madison Wade. Enjoy. I don't own Lost. The stuff in bold is all the stuff you've seen before, some rewritten slightly, but which I needed to put in to make sense. Also, has anyone ever heard of retcon? Because I will have done it majorly now. For instance, there's a scene in this chapter which we saw originally ages ago. A character got taken out of it, and it won't be explained for awhile now. But, just remember stuff has changed.

1976

Madison looked around at her surroundings, her eyes wide with curiosity. It was so beautiful, so unique. She had never seen anything so wild. She had never known something could be so wild.

It truly was beautiful.

'Namaste,' a woman said to Madison and her parents. Nama-what? What did that mean?

'it's a greeting,' a young girl with brown hair said to her, seeing her confused expression. Next to her a boy with glasses stood, and an Arabic girl with a scar on her cheek.

Madison nodded and smiled, thanking her silently.

'I'm Annie,' the brunette said to her.

'Madison,' she smiled.

'this is Ben and Sasha,' she said, pointing to the two people beside her.

'hi,' Ben gave her a small smile.

'hi,' Sasha also gave her a small smile, her scar being pulled slightly. She stopped smiling, as if she felt the pull, and touched her scar self-consciously. After a moment, she looked back at Madison. 'I think you'll like it here.'

'yeah?' she asked. 'I think I will too.'

.. ..

1977

Madison had gotten to know many people over the past year, but none as much as Sasha. Sure, Madison and Annie were close, sure she was also close with Ben, and even the new girl, Megan, but her friendship with Sasha was nothing less than a force to be reckoned with.

And everyone knew it.

So when the new kid sat and stared at Sasha, who was meditating so didn't notice, Madison knew she would have to step in. After all, this guy thought he would get away with staring at Sasha's scars like it was the weirdest thing he had ever seen.

'you can stop staring at her,' Madison said to him, walking closer. 'it's quite rude.'

Sasha's eyes opened, and she snapped out of her calm state of meditation.

Sasha looked over the boy to Madison.

'was he staring at my scars?' she asked quietly.

'yeah,' Madison nodded. Sasha stood up and glared at the boy before walking off, towards her house.

'you shouldn't be so rude,' Madison told the boy.

'I wasn't,' he said shortly.

'then what were you doing?' Madison crossed her arms over her chest.

'I was just wondering where she got them,' he shrugged. 'it looks like there's a story behind them.'

'there is. But she doesn't like to tell it,' Madison told him. 'so leave it be.'

'okay,' he nodded. 'what's your name?'

'my name? I'm Madison,' she gave him a small smile. 'what about you?'

'I'm Serj,' he told her, smiling at her.

It truly brightened her day.

.. ..

1980

'What do you think about the new people?' Annie asked.

'Who?' Megan asked. 'The Odadjian's?' Madison nodded. 'They're okay, I guess.'

'Well, I reckon that Serj guy is a bit freaky,' Madison announced.

'Please,' Sasha rolled her eyes. 'He's arrogant, annoying and rude, but not freaky.'

'You only think that because he argued with you,' Megan said. 'And you lost.'

'I did not lose!' she protested. 'Mrs. Taylor told us both to shut up.'

The four girls laughed. But their laughter was cut short when an alarm went off.

'Well what the Hell is that?' Megan asked, covering her ears. She had only been here for a little less than a year, after all, and didn't know what was going on.

Sasha jumped up and ran to the window, a wide smile across her face.

'It's the Hostiles,' Madison explained as Sasha pulled the three of them forward.

'Sasha, this isn't safe,' Annie announced, looking a bit scared.

'We'll be fine Annie, you worry too much,' Sasha assured them. 'I've always wanted to watch them,' she breathed in awe.

The four girls watched mesmerized as a group of people dressed in dirty clothes shot at the Dharma members and the Dharma members just shot back. It was almost instantaneous, the reciprocation.

'They're so…so…' Megan searched for the word to describe the wonder in front of her.

'Amazing,' Madison finished for her, in a state of awe.

Suddenly, the four girls were snapped out of their own little world when a stray bullet from one of the Dharma members crashed through the window, sending glass flying. The four girls screamed and in an instant they had jumped to the ground.

'You guys okay?' Megan whispered.

'Yeah,' Sasha said.

'Yeah,' Madison echoed.

'Annie? What about you?' Megan asked again, as she turned around. She suddenly screamed again and Sasha and Madison whipped around. The three girls stared in horror.

Annie was lying on the ground. Blood surrounding a bullet wound in her chest.

.. ..

'this is my fault, it's my fault, it's my-'

Sasha's words came to an abrupt halt when Megan slapped her across the face.

'shut up, Sasha!' Megan exclaimed. 'we already know it's your fault!'

Sasha looked shocked that Megan would say it so bluntly, so angrily, and Madison took a step between them.

'what Megan was trying to say,' Madison gave her an angry look. 'is that it's no one's fault. There was just a stray bullet and it's completely not your fault-'

'-for pulling us all to the window, the same window where Annie was shot only a minute after you got us to look out,' Megan finished bitterly. 'but no, it's not your fault.'

Sasha lashed out at her, and now Ben and Serj got in between them as well as Madison.

'what's going on here?' the voice of Sasha's father stopped them all and he looked between them. 'what's going on? Sasha?' he asked his youngest daughter.

Sasha wrenched herself out of Serj's grip. 'nothing. Nothing.'

.. ..

Madison gripped Sasha's hand. On the other side of Sasha, Ben gripped her hand, and Megan gripped Ben's other hand.

They stared at the grave being filled in before them.

The grave of one of their best friends.

Of Annie.

Sure, Madison had been to a funeral before, several actually, many of them to do with the massacre the year before, around the time of the Incident. That had been hard, so many people she had known. Especially when Sasha's mother and brother had been buried, that had been hard for her friend.

But this was hard too.

Annie was their age; she shouldn't have died for years, for like another seventy years or so. And here she was, a thirteen year old girl being buried.

The eulogy had been spoken, the grave filled, and many people had left. But not the four of them.

Madison felt something warm in her empty hand and looked, to see that Serj had gripped her hand.

She let the tears that had been threatening to fall cascade down her face, and she leaned into Serj, crying uncontrollably.

He rubbed her back.

.. ..

1981

Madison was curious. She knew that Ben had gone out of the barracks ever since Annie was killed almost a year ago, but this was the first time she had seen Megan and Sasha go with him. So what did she do? She followed them. She followed through the jungle and past the sonar fence when suddenly she felt someone pull her and hold her so she couldn't move. She kicked and struggled as he pulled her into a clearing. The outline of a man walked up to her.

'Never seen her before. Maybe they know,' he said walking away. A minute later the man came back with three outlines that looked strangely familiar...

'Ben! Sasha! Megan! Help me!'

The three of them turned to the man. 'let go of her,' Sasha said. 'she's a friend,' she added.

Surprisingly, he did.

'what are you doing here?' Ben asked.

'I have only ever seen you go out so I thought it was weird the two girls were going too,' Madison shrugged, now very curious.

Sasha smiled. 'better at hiding than I thought,' she mused.

'you mean you've both been out here before?'

'yeah, six months for Sasha, five for me,' Megan said.

'so the question is are you going to rat us out to those Dharma fools?' Sasha asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

'of course not,' she answered. 'why would I?'

'then welcome to the right side,' Sasha hugged her friend.

.. ..

1982

Madison entered the clearing, to be greeted by a few of the "Hostiles". She had been with them for about a year now, and she was growing accustomed to lying to the DHARMA Initiative, and found it came almost as easy as breathing.

'hi, Madison,' Jacquilyn said. 'shouldn't you be in school?'

'I should, but I skipped it today,' she shrugged. 'decided to spend some time out here in the jungle.'

'ooh, little Dharma Lady is being a rebel,' a girl that Madison had never talked to in her life said. 'don't you know there's big, bad Hostile's out here?'

Madison tilted her head to the side.

'Maddie, this is Kylie,' Jacquilyn said. 'she's kind of my daughter.'

'really?' Madison asked the girl, who nodded. 'nice to meet you.'

'you too!'

.. ..

1985

'Serj! Where are we going?' Madison laughed as Serj pulled her along after him in the jungle. 'it's not safe out here!' well, it wasn't for him, but for her it was.

'look what I found,' Serj said, as he pulled her into a clearing.

Madison stared at it.

'it's beautiful,' she breathed in awe.

The thing in question was a magnificent waterfall.

'I thought you'd like it,' he said. 'come on. We're going swimming.'

'no, I don't think-ahhhh!'

Tired of her second guessing, Serj pushed her into the water.

'Serj!' she exclaimed, half laughing, half angry.

'Madison?' he said innocently before he jumped in after her.

.. ..

1987

If someone asked you in years to come, what the single most horrible sight of her life was, Madison Wade would answer with what happened on the day of 18th of November 1987.

Madison was talking with Megan, lounging about on the grass outside Megan's house.

'seriously, Maddie,' Megan persisted. 'Serj.'

'what about Serj?' Madison asked.

'you and him.'

'there is no me and him. However, if we were talking about you and Ben...'

'oh, don't try to change the subject,' she snapped before she saw something past Madison. 'Serj.'

'I said-'

'no! Serj!' she yelled, getting up and running over to where Serj was entering the community, walking slowly because he had Sasha in his arms.

And Sasha wasn't still, she was twitching every so often, twitching violently, and her eyes were rolling around as she frothed from the mouth. Serj was spattered with the blood coming from the various wounds on Sasha, which was way too much blood for comfort.

'Sasha!' Henry, Sasha's father, saw them too and ran towards them. 'what happened?'

'I...' Serj began. 'I... I found her. At the Sonar Fence. She went through it.'

They all stared at him.

'get her over to the infirmary, now,' Horace had approached them now. 'we'll get her stable now, and then we will move her to the Staff, perhaps even Ann Arbor. No one has ever survived the Sonar Fence.'

'Horace!' Madison exclaimed urgently, only just remembering something. 'Horace! She's pregnant! Sasha's pregnant!'

.. ..

1988

Madison, Megan and Ben were sitting next to a bed waiting. Waiting for their friend to wake up. Not that they had much hope left. It had been eight months. Eight months of waiting. They had spent almost all waking hours sitting around this one bed, and usually Serj was with them, but he was arguing with his parents now. All of a sudden she opened her eyes.

'Sasha! You're awake!' Megan suddenly exclaimed waking the other two up from their sleep.

'how long have I been…?' Sasha asked hoarsely, and a bleary eyed Madison got her a glass of water.

'Eight months,' Madison answered.

'What happened to…?'

Madison walked up and sat on the edge of her bed as she handed Sasha the water. 'I'm sorry hun, but your baby died the moment you were shocked,' she said sympathetically, she could almost feel Sasha's heartbreak.

Sasha sat there stunned. Her baby had died. But instead of crying she asked. 'any other bad news?'

Megan sighed, she didn't want to be the one to say it, but there was no way that Ben would, and Madison had dropped the other bombshell, so... 'you can't have children.'

Sasha was on the verge of breaking down, Madison saw it deep within her eyes, but Sasha was strong and she held it back. 'anything to do with the rest of my family?' she asked venomously, hoping it was going to be bad for Alia. After all, the only family of Sasha's left was Alia and her father, and she had nothing against Henry.

Ben stepped forward this time, finally, an act that Madison and Megan silently praised. 'your father was killed when one of the vans crashed,' he told her.

She nodded. 'anything else?' they all knew what she meant, it would be obvious to anyone that she had ill will against Alia.

'Your sister is still alive, if that's what you're wondering,' Madison said, and Megan shot her a look at the bluntness.

'She is no sister of mine,' Sasha scowled. 'as far as I'm concerned you two are my sisters and you're my brother, Ben,' she leaned forward and hugged Madison then Megan, 'don't think you're getting out of a hug,' she added to Ben, who walked over and hugged her.

'and where's Serj?' Sasha added, she had a vague memory of him saving her.

'he's been sitting by you for eight months, this is the one day he hasn't,' Megan said and Sasha smiled.

.. ..

Madison was glad that the talk of pulling the plug on Sasha had been met with Henry's refusal, because Madison knew she couldn't deal with another friend dying, after Annie, and Sasha wasn't that changed. Okay, she was, she had been in the Staff for almost a year now, since going through the fence, and she had been awake for three months of those.

At this moment, Madison was sitting on the end of Sasha's bed.

'it's funny,' Sasha said. 'this time last year I thought I'd have a child by now.'

'things don't always work out like we plan, Sasha,' Madison said sadly. 'we don't always get what we want.'

Sasha peered at her, confused by what she was saying.

'so Kylie was so worried about you when you were in the coma,' Madison said brightly. 'I even sneaked her in once to see you.'

'Kylie,' Sasha scoffed. 'she was probably only worried about you being here all the time instead of with her.'

'come on Sasha,' Madison rolled her eyes. 'you're one of my best friends, Kylie's my other one. You gotta get over it.'

'she always goes on about being a "true" Hostile, and it's annoying. She thinks she's better than everyone else.'

'no she doesn't!'

'are we talking about the same Kylie?' Sasha asked.

'Sasha, you cannot tolerate anyone's flaws now. What happened to you?'

'I died.'

.. ..

1989

Madison was troubled. She really needed to tell him, but she really didn't want to. It was so hard not to think about it though. And it was Serj.

'penny for your thoughts?' Kylie took a seat next to her.

'I...I'm just confused, Kylie,' Madison said.

'is it guy confused?'

Madison didn't answer.

'is it Serj confused?' she asked.

'...shut up.'

'do you love him?' Kylie asked.

'maybe. I can't stop thinking about him. I light up when he's around and he's just perfect to me.'

'you're so in love with him.'

'shut up!'

'you should tell him.'

Madison pondered this. Yeah...maybe she should.

'he is cute,' Kylie mused.

'Kylie!' Madison snapped. 'can we talk about your life instead of mine, for, like, one minute?'

'okay, okay,' she muttered. 'jeez...so I'm pregnant.'

'wait – what?'

'pregnant,' Kylie repeated.

'congratulations,' Madison said in shock. 'you're serious?' she added.

'completely,' Kylie told her as she put a hand on her stomach.

'wow. Just...wow,' Madison said. 'wait...who the Hell have you been sleeping with?'

Kylie just let out a laugh.

'no, seriously, who?' she persisted.

Kylie smiled.

.. ..

1990

It was a secret that Kylie carried to her grave.

Only a few months after Kylie had announced her pregnancy, she had succumbed to an illness, and none of them could stop it. Not even any of the doctors could figure out what was wrong.

And so, Madison finally went to her first Hostile funeral.

She was quite fascinated with it at first, because it was so different from how the Dharma Initiative conducted their funerals. In fact, it shocked her at first.

Because while the Dharma Initiative would have buried her, the Hostile's put Kylie's body onto a raft and set it ablaze.

Madison listened as Jacquilyn made a speech and then the raft was cast off into the ocean, forever.

Sasha touched Madison's arm and she turned towards her.

'I'm sorry,' Sasha said softly.

'you don't even like her, you didn't even care about her,' Madison corrected herself.

'I know. But you did. And I'm sorry that you're hurting,' she told her.

Madison smiled and nodded.

.. ..

1992

'I don't think I can do this,' Sasha said, walking to Serj's makeshift house.

'You're the only one of us who will be able to get through to him,' Megan argued.

'Please, Sasha!' Madison exclaimed. 'I feel guilty about it as it is.'

'Fine,' she sighed. 'Serj?' she called. 'You home?'

'Come in, Sasha,' he said. The three all walked in.

Serj looked at them. 'Wow. All three of you. To what do I owe the pleasure?'

'It's…' Sasha began. 'Your sister. Nazeli.'

'What happened? What's wrong?' he asked.

'Nazeli joined us as well,' Sasha said.

'She became a Hostile?'

'Yes. She got into a relationship with one of the men from the Hostiles. She became pregnant.'

'Oh my God. Are you serious?' he asked in dread.

'Yes. I'm sorry. She didn't make it. She's dead.'

He looked at her in shock.

His sister was dead.

His sister had been pregnant. She had gotten pregnant, forgetting that ever since that fateful day five years, women couldn't get pregnant, for they would die.

And he had forgotten why.

Until right now.

'Serj?' Madison asked hesitantly.

He kept thinking. Sasha was the reason.

'Serj?' Sasha asked.

Serj turned to her, fire in his eyes.

'get out,' he told her quietly.

'Serj-'

'either get out, or remind me again why when a woman is pregnant on this island it's like signing their death certificate?' he demanded icily.

Sasha blinked, the pain evident in her eyes.

Madison and Megan exchanged a look. Surely Serj wouldn't blame Sasha?

Megan glared at Serj. 'do not bring that up, Serj!' she exclaimed angrily.

'tell me, Sasha,' Serj said.

She clenched her teeth.

Megan moved in between the two of them.

'tell me!' he demanded.

'my baby died,' she hissed. 'that's why.'

She started shaking with unheard sobs, and Megan put a consoling arm around her.

'don't blame me for what happened to your sister,' Sasha said in a harsh whisper. 'blame her. She knew what she was getting into. Blame her.'

Sasha blinked back tears and left his home.

'when you're ready to apologise,' Megan said before walking out.

Madison didn't follow them, just looked at Serj as he sat down.

'you should be ashamed of yourself,' she told him. She sat down beside him and he took her hand.

'I know I should...but I'm not,' he admitted to her. 'it's just...it was always Nazeli and me. She was always on my side. Even when I killed my mom, she was on my side.'

'I know, Serj,' Madison wrapped her arms around him. 'I know.'

'why aren't you going after her?' he asked. 'you're her best friend.'

'no, you are,' she said. 'Megan's got her for now. You need a friend too.'

She put her head on his shoulder and continued holding him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her as he thought.

For some reason, whenever Sasha and Serj argued, Megan would immediately be on Sasha's side. But Madison...she was always on Serj's side, even when he had done something horrible, like now. If anyone argued with Serj actually, she would be on his side.

It was kind of nice to know there was always someone on his side.

'Madison?' Serj said hesitantly after what could have been ten minutes, what could have been ten hours.

She turned her head and looked up at him inquisitively.

She was less questionable and more shocked when he leaned down and kissed her lips.

.. ..

Several Months Later...

Madison and Sasha simultaneously looked at their watches. Ten seconds until four pm. They put their gas masks on and had them fastened just as it turned four.

Madison watched from a distance as her parents died with tears in her eyes.

But, Sasha walked right up to her sister and knelt down next to her.

'Sweet dreams, Alia,' she whispered coldly, an evil smile on her face.

After everyone took off their gas masks Madison walked over to her.

'that was cold,' Madison told her softly.

'so?'

.. ..

Madison drummed her fingernails on the table, still completely in shock over the genocide they had just committed. Everyone they knew died because of them. And looking across the room, she could see that Ben and Sasha were going about their days, as if it never happened.

'Are you two really that heartless?' Megan blurted out suddenly and Madison was glad it was Megan and not her who had to speak up.

'What?' Ben asked.

'Excuse me?' Sasha said.

'How can this not affect you? Our friends, teachers, parents, sisters, everyone is dead because of us!'

'They didn't understand this island, Megan,' Ben said.

'And I suppose you think you do?' Madison said.

'Look if you two have had a sudden change of heart about the protection of this island it can be arranged,' Sasha said coldly. Madison and Megan looked at her in complete and utter horror that their friend could even suggest that.

'I can't believe you would even say that Sasha,' Megan said softly.

'I didn't mean it.'

'Then why'd you say it?'

'These past few years I know you guys have seen a change in me. I'm no longer the calm, happy and focused girl you met all those years ago Megan. I'm consumed with anger and hatred, and I just say things I don't mean. I would never want to hurt you. Any of you.'

'We know Sasha,' Madison hugged her.

'We still friends?'

'Forever and always,' Megan hugged the two girls and they pulled Ben into their hug.

.. ..

It was quiet.

This should have been Madison's first clue that something was wrong. Sasha was a quiet person, but not around her friends. So she didn't know why she was so shocked when she heard the glass break and she turned around to see Sasha staring straight ahead, almost as if she was in shock.

Megan and Ben also looked up and they too stared at Sasha as if she was a different person.

'Sasha?' Madison asked hesitantly.

'I...she was...she killed...why...there's only me left,' she stopped and started her sentence many times in shock, before settling on that.

'what?' Megan asked.

'there's only me left now. The only Kansa,' she murmured.

And then Sasha Kansa began sobbing uncontrollably.

.. ..

Serj stopped drawing and turned around, feeling a presence behind him.

It was Madison.

Madison with tears in her eyes.

It was the day after the Purge, and he remembered that she had to kill her parents in it.

He stood up. 'did it work?'

She nodded, unable to speak.

'are you okay?' he asked her.

She just walked over to him and hugged him.

He held her as she shook with silent sobs.

'this isn't why I'm here,' she admitted. 'Sasha watched Alia die.'

'and...?' he asked, slightly viciously. He had not spoken to Sasha in months, ever since he blamed her for his sister's death.

'she was fine about it yesterday, but today...she started crying.'

'that makes no sense,' he told her.

'we know. She does too. But nothing can make her stop crying.'

'why are you telling me?' he asked.

'because...last time she was like this, when her baby died...you were the only one who could get her to stop crying.'

Serj nodded in thought and took Madison's hand as they left his home.

.. ..

Sasha was crying.

She was sitting on the couch in her home and she cried.

Megan and Ben stood in the doorway, watching her. They didn't know why she was reacting like this. For five years she had wanted to kill her sister. Well, for five years it was what she wanted more than anything. Before that, she wanted her sister dead, but she didn't have such a strong urge. Now her sister was dead, everything she could have hoped for, and she was crying.

Megan and Ben were helpless; they didn't know how to help her.

They thought Madison had given up; she had been gone for so long. But soon enough, she walked back in the house.

'and where have you been?' Megan asked.

'bringing reinforcements,' Madison said and Serj walked in.

'do you think this is a good idea?' Megan asked Madison.

'wait,' she told her.

Serj went over and knelt down in front of Sasha, putting his hands on her knees. He said something softly to her – Madison swore she heard the word "insane" in there – and Sasha responded by backhanding him to the ground.

He calmly sat back up to face her and spoke again – this time Madison heard the word "idiot" – and she knocked him to the ground again.

And still, he sat up and looked at her calmly. 'so you actually cared for her, despite the fact that she killed – no murdered seems to fit better – your baby? Hmm...maybe you didn't care about your baby as much as you say you do,' Serj mused, knowing he was wrong, but also knowing it would get a reaction out of her.

And it did.

Sasha launched herself at Serj, and tackled him to the ground. She hit him several times, while Megan, Madison and Ben watched them. Not a single one of them helped Serj; they knew it was a part of his plan.

'don't-you-ever-say-I-didn't-care-for-my-baby!' she emphasised each word with a punch. 'I-loved-her!'

Serj smiled despite the pain when he realized she had stopped crying. She was just angry now.

She stood up and kicked him before he got up. She blinked and realized the tears were gone.

'feel better?' he asked her softly.

Sasha wrapped her arms around him. 'thank you,' she muttered.

'you can't feel sympathy for Alia, Sasha,' he told her. 'after all the things that she's done, she doesn't deserve your sympathy. She doesn't deserve anyone's sympathy. Okay?'

'she's still my family, despite what she's done. Aren't I allowed to feel sad?'

'for Jamal or Hana or Henry or Layla, yes. For Alia? ...no.'

Sasha kissed his cheek and hugged him. 'sorry for killing your sister,' she murmured.

'you didn't kill her,' he told her. He held her tightly. He had missed her.

The group of them walked out of the house. Ben walked over to Richard to talk to him. Sasha, Megan and Madison were watching the bodies of the Dharma members being loaded into a van.

They watched, transfixed.

'you three,' Serj said impatiently. 'the Mesa. Let's go.'

The three continued staring.

Serj hit them each on the back of the head. 'Mesa. Now. Let's go.'

Megan and Sasha nodded and began walking that way, but Madison stood there, still watching the bodies. Out of the three girls, Serj knew that Madison would be the most shook up about the death of their friends and family. Of everyone they had ever known.

'we'll meet you there,' Serj said to Sasha and Megan. He waited until the two were out of sight before turning to Madison and caressing her face.

'I know I should feel something, pain, sadness, anything...' she trailed off. 'but I don't.'

'don't lie to me,' he said softly.

'why not?' she asked. 'you're lying about the same thing. You're acting like you don't care for them,' she said. She wasn't positive about that statement, she didn't know if he was lying.

'that's because I don't,' he said, somewhat coldly. 'we need to catch up to them.'

He started walking in the direction of the Mesa, and Madison followed.

'so you don't feel any regret for their deaths?' Madison asked.

'no.'

'sadness?'

'no.'

'pain?'

'no.'

'you're almost as cold as Sasha,' Madison said, somewhat bitchily.

'Sasha feels. As seen with her tears today,' he said.

'okay, you're colder than Sasha. You don't feel anything,' she said.

Serj stopped and turned around, looking at her. She stopped, seeing his anger.

The anger flared in his eyes and he took a step closer to her. She was afraid of what he was going to do.

Instead of hurting her in any way, he pulled her closer and kissed her fiercely.

She didn't know why she was scared of him.

He had never and would never hurt her.

She knew that.

'glad you feel that way,' he told her coldly when they pulled away from each other.

He turned and started walking to the Mesa, quicker than before.

Okay. He had hurt her emotionally.

.. ..

Serj walked back into his home to see that the fire was lit. He frowned and looked around before he saw Madison lying in the middle of his bed, a bottle of wine next to her.

'are you drunk?' Serj asked.

'I'm depressed,' she said. 'I drink when I'm depressed.'

Serj laid down next Madison and took the bottle from her.

'why are you depressed?' he asked.

'think, process then speak,' she said bitterly, taking the bottle back from his grip and taking a swig of it.

'Maddie, you have been in on it for a good ten years. You knew it was going to happen,' he reminded her.

'I didn't know it make me feel like this,' she admitted.

'well...now you do,' he mused, taking the bottle from her hands again.

She elbowed him in the ribs before she leaned over and kissed him, just wanting to forget what had happened over the past few days.

.. ..

2000

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Madison looked down at the positive pregnancy test in her hands and sighed.

She had seen what pregnancy had done to other members of their community, and quite frankly, she didn't want it to happen to her. Not when pregnancy led to death on this Island.

She sighed again and got up, ready to find a way out of this.

.. ..

Madison was on her fourth circuit of the Barracks, trying to think of something to do, something to get her out of this mess, something she could do without alerting Serj or Sasha to her pregnancy. Serj, because she wasn't sure of his view on the matter, and Sasha because Sasha had voiced her opinions on abortions, which was that it was completely wrong.

Finally, she saw Megan walking back to her house.

Megan was one of the most nonjudgmental people she knew, and she always kept her word, if Madison told her not to talk to anyone about this.

Madison ran to catch up to her.

'hey, Maddie,' Megan smiled at her, but then she caught Madison's expression. 'what's wrong?' she asked.

'I...' Madison looked around to make perfectly sure that no one was listening to them. 'I...I'm pregnant, Megan.'

Megan stared at her, open mouthed.

'come...come in,' she said in shock.

.. ..

Megan passed her a cup of tea and sat down in front of Madison, watching as she took a sip in shock.

'so...you're pregnant,' Megan said in shock.

'uh huh,' Madison was scared as she sat down the tea.

'what are you going to do?' she asked, after all, Megan knew Madison, and she knew that there would be only one reason for Madison to talk to her about this instead of Sasha. Maddie wasn't sure whether she wanted to keep it.

'I...I'm a doctor,' she stood up and started pacing. 'I know the facts, the figures, everything about the probability of getting pregnant on this Island. I also know it's rare. And above that, I know that pregnancy leads to death on this Island, now. So...am I happy about being pregnant? Yeah, I think a part of me is...but a part of me isn't. Do I know what I'm gonna do? No, I've got no idea. That's why I'm here. Help me, Megan.'

Megan bit her lip. This was not something that Megan should have any part in. This was between Madison and...wait. Who was Madison sleeping with?

'firstly...who have you been sleeping with?' Megan asked.

'I'm sorry, but it's none of your business, Megan,' Madison said. 'I know that I'm asking for your help, but please, it's none of your business.'

'okay,' she nodded. 'let's see...tell me how you're feeling.'

'I...um, I'm feeling a bit scared,' Madison admitted. 'I know what happens to pregnant women on this Island, they die. And I don't want to die. But...I don't want Sasha to find out, after what happened with her baby.'

'hmmm...'

Megan sat and stared at her for a good ten minutes.

'okay, it's like this,' Megan began suddenly. 'you either have an abortion for you, or keep it and die for Sasha. Sasha would understand, if you told her.'

'I'm not telling her! And you can't either. This is something we can't tell her, that I'm going to have an abortion. Promise?'

'okay, I promise,' Megan said. 'but...no one here can perform an abortion. What are you going to do?'

'uh, umm... I know! Richard's going off Island to recruit in a few days, I'll go with him, and get it then.'

.. ..

A few days later, Madison walked down the streets of New York, trying to find the abortion clinic she had heard was in this part of the city. She really hoped she wasn't too far along to have an abortion, she didn't know what she would do if she couldn't have one.

She also hoped that she would never have to tell Sasha this, it would hurt her too much, but she had seen what it did to their people, to Kylie too.

She didn't want to turn out like Kylie.

She turned the corner and saw the clinic.

And with luck, she didn't have to.

.. ..

2004

Madison entered the small home of Serj and watched as he drew, his back to her. She sat on his bed with her legs crossed.

'been to see the survivors?' Serj asked, not turning around, but knowing it was her.

'not me personally, but yeah, they have,' Madison said softly. 'Serj, Megan almost died today. And Ethan did die.'

Serj turned abandoned his drawing and turned around, joining her and wrapping his arms around her.

'Sasha just left Ethan there... to save Megan, but still. We don't leave our own behind,' she said.

'I know,' he kissed her temple.

'Serj...' she trailed off. 'I...'

'what is it?' he asked her.

'I...' love you, she finished mentally. 'don't ever leave me, okay?' she decided on.

'I promise,' he gave her a kiss.

.. ..

2007

Madison opened her eyes up and gasped for breath as she looked around her. She was in a desert. And Locke was next to her, and he hadn't regained consciousness. Not to mention his leg was broken so badly that the bone was sticking out of it, which meant one thing for her: he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, which was fine by her. Madison shakily stood up and noticed some security cameras. By the look of it, whoever was watching this spot wouldn't be able to get here for a couple hours.

Which was fine by her too.

Madison began walking off into the desert.

.. ..

A few days passed, and Madison was following a woman down the streets of Los Angeles. The woman went down an alleyway, and Madison followed her. Of course, Madison was no Sasha or Megan, so she didn't know it was a trap, so the woman could turn around and throw the closest object – a bottle – into Madison's face.

Madison grabbed her face in pain.

'oww, friggin' Hell, chill, Megan!' she yelled.

'Maddie?' Megan asked in shock.

'no, it's the friggin' Grim Reaper,' she rolled her eyes. ''course it's me. Now, can you apologize for throwing a bottle in my face?' she asked sweetly.

'firstly, apologize for stalking me,' Megan raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

'I'm so sorry, Megan Weston for stalking you,' she said in a fake voice.

'thank you, Madison Wade, but it's Linus. Now, I'm sor-'

'Linus?' Madison interrupted. 'What the Hell? You and Ben got married? That- that is the weirdest thing I've ever-'

'okay, I get it,' Megan said. 'now, I'm sorry for throwing a bottle in your face. Now. What are you doing here?'

'I'm here to get back to the Island.'

.. ..

2008

She had heard of the death of "Bentham", and only found herself being grateful that she had ditched him back in Tunisia. As she hurried through the airport to Ajira Flight 316 with Ben, Megan and Jacquilyn, she couldn't stop the nagging feeling that Ben had actually killed him. Not that it mattered too much to her, but it was times like these that the oath she took upon becoming a doctor years ago replayed in her mind.

'wait!' she, along with the other three, yelled as they saw the doors to the plane closing. The doors remained opened and they all rushed in.

'Thank you for not closing it,' Ben said to the flight attendant. Madison took her seat, not even paying any attention to the argument going on around her.

Home. Again.

.. ..

It was several hours into the flight that a sleeping Madison was jolted awake suddenly by horrible turbulence.

She turned to look at Jacquilyn next to her, and she didn't see the strong woman she had seen in Los Angeles, she saw the scared woman that Madison had seen only once before: when Kylie told Jacquilyn she was pregnant. It was then she remembered that she lost a friend, but Jacquilyn had lost a daughter.

They hit more turbulence, and Jacquilyn gripped Madison's hand.

There was a flash of light.

.. ..

Madison walked around the beach, looking at the carnage, how wild everything looked.

She silently wondered how she once thought this place was the most beautiful place on the world.

In truth, it was only beautiful when she was innocent.

.. ..

I really hoped you liked it, please give me some feedback. And is there anyone I haven't mentioned that you want to have a chapter. By the way, some art was put up on my blog for this.

Next Chapter:

Misguided Ghosts: Miranda Chasler