Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even my dignity.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I am a horrible rotten person who can't figure out if anyone is even reading. To make it up for you I give you…this chapter.

Chapter 9: Wet dreams and Daddy

"Edward you just can't go around killing your house guests!" Alice screeched at the sight of Bella's limp body.

I had watched as Bella started to wobble in the middle of my drive and felt a thick rush of adrenaline kick through my bloodstream. Before I had even processed it, I had run down the steps of the porch, on to the driveway, and had Bella cradled into my arms just as her eyelids clamped shut. I yelled for Bree to go inside and grab my cell phone off the counter. Without a second thought I gathered the tiny, infuriating woman in my arms and rushed her indoors. Bree handed me the phone and went to sit by the sofa that now held her mother. The girl's eyes were blank and she stared at Bella's still form. The lack of emotional burst from Bree frightened me but not as much as the young woman lying carelessly on the sofa. As I dialed Alice I pushed Bella into a much more comfortable and safe position.
Alice didn't answer.

Bree handed me Bella's cell phone and on the display was a 'Rosalie Hale.' Bree nodded encouragingly and I pressed 'send.' I had nothing to lose at that point

"Alice, I didn't fucking kill her!" I growled and pushed my way back to Bella's face. Her lips were undulating rapidly and I began to wonder if this is what a seizure looked like. I watched as the movements became more frantic and her eyelids begin to twitch themselves, "Alice, what the hell is happening now?" I whispered urgently and kneeled beside Bella.

While awake Bella was a force to be reckoned with. Her eyes were like daggers and her face was a lethal succubus. Nothing I would trust was noticeable. But while in this unknown slumber, Bella is an entirely different person. Her lips are light pink bow ties centered within an ivory face of marble. Even her eyes are more relaxed, no straining to give a dirty look. Bella had a cherubic face I could see now for certain.

Bella's movements became more frenetic until her mouth popped open in a perfect 'o' formation. A twitch in my pants communicated with my mind exactly what aesthetic purpose could come of that. I tried to force the thought back down behind my zipper but felt all willpower cease when Bella, very audibly, moaned. Yes, Isabella Swan moans in her sleep. Emmett who had lumbered back into the room just in time to hear the moan, snickered like a little school girl.

"Emmett! That is not funny! Bella could have a concussion and be suffering!" persistently Alice shoved her way beside me and held a hand to Bella's wrist. I followed suit and took her hand in mine.

"Oh, Edward...," Bella moaned again with much more vigor and simultaneously gripped tighter on to my hand.

I felt the blood rush to my face in embarrassment and quickly change course to my dick. The urge to wrap her grip southward overcame all reality and before I knew it I was leaning closer to Bella's face.

"Alice, I'm not sorry to say that Bella is not having a concussion but a very wet dream!" Emmett boomed and clutched his chuckling sides. The mixture of his laugh and boisterous comment sent Bella's eyes flying open and her hand to leave my own and go to her mouth. Her mouth...I wonder what she could do with that mouth of hers? my dick wondered.

Bella's eyes skipped across the room and landed on me. She pulled her hand from mine and held it to her chest.

"Hello? Bells? Bella? Are you there?" a voice whispered into my ear. The phone. I was still on her goddamn phone. I removed myself from the room and answered.

"Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. Isabella had fainted briefly and we worried that she had a medical condition. Are you close with her?"

The voice took a deep breath, "Mr. Cullen, Bella is tougher than she seems. Is she awake yet?" I confirmed the state of her friend at once. "Then she'll be fine. Just call me if it happens again." The line died at once and I snapped the phone shut. That was rude, I thought to myself as I placed the phone on the counter.

Alice was hovering over Bella asking her a variety of questions. "Are you sure you are alright?" "Can I get you anything?" "Do you want to shack up with Edward?"

Actually, that last one was Emmett.

"Guys! Get out!" I hollered. Alice just quirked her eyebrow and smirked. "Please…get out." I try again and she leads the big oaf out.

Bella has her head between her legs and she is counting back from ten audibly. "Ten, nine, eight…oh, God, I'm going to be sick…"

"Bella?" I sit beside her on the couch and put my hand on her back, she flinches from my touch. I pull my hand back and stare at her crumpled figure. "Do you need anything?"

"No, Edward, I don't need anything."

"Are you going to be alright?"

"Yes, Edward."

I jump up from the couch and pull her up with me. She squeaks and lands into my chest. "What are you doing?" her voice is rough and loaded with lust. My pants twitch again and I scold my body.

"Getting you ready. We have a thing tonight." I allude to the party we have to make an appearance at.

"Thing?" a crease forms between her eyebrows. I want to kiss it away. Fuck no. Not. Going. To. Happen.

"Yes, a thing. If you go to your room Alice will most likely me waiting for you to show up." I let go of her and watch her stumble up the stairs.

"Edward?" Bree peers behind the corner.

"Yes, Bree?" I smile and gesture for her to come in.

"Is Mom alright?" The same crease forms between her brows.

Damn, I hate lying to the kid but…"She's fine. Didn't you see her? She got up all on her own and even is going upstairs to get ready for our date tonight." I smile amiably and pet Bree on the head.

"Date?" Bree's eyes lit up at the words and she smiled broadly. "Okay, I'm going to see if she needs any help!" Bree ran off and up the stairs to join her prostitute mother and my psychotic sister. All so the said mother could come grind up against me all night. Yep, I'm going to Hell.

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I sat on the porch and rubbed my hands together. Fuck, it's cold tonight. I put on my some old jeans and a silk blue shirt. Bree informed me a looked a little bit like a pirate, in a 'good' way. Emmett told me I wasn't doing much to get rid of the gay rumors. I told Bree to have fun with Alice tonight. I told Emmett to fuck himself in the ass. He told me that that was my fetish. Bree told me good night and to be good to her mother. I want to ravage her mother over my kitchen table until she's so out of breath she can't fight with me anymore. I don't think that's what Bree thinks is 'good.'

"Edward?" a cool voice breathes in my ear. I turn slowly and see Bella. At least, she somewhat resembles Bella. Her deep brown hair has been piled on her head to show her swanlike neck. Her brown eyes seem more golden with the intricate eye makeup. Even her dress is so unlike Bella I can't believe that is the same woman I met a few weeks ago. Alice has forced her into a small black cocktail dress with a deep neck line. My eyes travel lower than they should and I feel her hand push my face back up to hers. "Hello, handsome," she winks and takes one of my hands in hers. I feel something twitch and for once it's not in my pants. "Are you alright?" The crease returns and I see the old Bella. She's still there. She's still here with me.

"Yeah, sorry," I grunt. Yeah, that's how many I am. I grunted for god's sake. Now, she must think I'm a Neanderthal because she chuckles. "Let's just go."

"Whatever you say, Edward."

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In my car the tension was not better. I could now fucking smell her! Strawberries. Mint. Two different scents. Two intermingling over sexual scents. Fuck me. Actually…I glance over at Bella who just smiles back at me. The little minx has not stopped staring at me since we got into the car.

"Bella, is there something I could help you with?" I whispered. I peeked again and she licked her lips.

"I just want to help you with something," Bella smirked and leaned over the center console. I felt heat all over. Shit, not while I'm driving.

"Bella, please. No. You don't have to do this." I begged the damn woman to not go through with the plans I just saw cross her face.

Fuck.

She pulled my zipper down. "Just, don't move so much, Edward." Bella smiled again and licked her lips slowly. She leaned into me and kissed my cheek, slowly working her way down. Her hair brushed against my nostrils and I was overcome with everything that was Bella. "Drive, baby. I'll do the rest."

My body betrayed me.

I have never been so fucking pissed about a hard on.

Not that Bella wasn't worthy of it.

Fuck me.

She pulled me out and wrapped her long warm fingers around my length. After one pump I was done for. I pulled off the road and into the forest.

Fuck me.

"Mmm, Edward," Bella moaned again and ran a light nail up my length. I gripped the steering wheel.

Her warm mouth was soon on top of me. Bobbing at a steady speed, while using her hands on the bit of me she couldn't intake. I felt myself hit the back of her throat but she didn't flinch. If she did I didn't notice at least. Never in my life…wait, what the fuck was I saying. Never the fuck mind.

"Bella, I don't want too …." I moved my arms off the wheel so she could move but she didn't fucking bother. She increased her speed and swirled her tongue over my head gathering all the precum into her mouth. Fuck it. I released everything I had into her willing mouth. When she had gotten her fill she took one more big slurp and with a single 'pop' she was off and back into her seat. I on the other hand was trying to stop panting like a monkey in heat. I slid myself back into my pants and reclined my seat back.

"That was yummy, Edward, thank you," Bella mumbled. I opened one eye and saw her face flushed with a blush.

"You're very…oh, shit." I saw the infamous red and blue lights pull up behind my car and groaned. Fuck.

The officer came along my side of the car and rapped the window twice. I rolled it down and the officer leaned his head so we could be at eye level. "What seems to be the problem, officer?" I squeaked like a pre pubescent boy.

"Why are you pulled over this far from the road, son? Don't you know it's dangerous this time of year?" The officer drawled. His mustache twitched with every word. I resisted my inner child craving of reaching and pulling on it. Just to see if it was real of course.

"I was tired and my girlfriend can't drive without her license. I thought it would be better than risking our lives on the road. Sorry, officer," I lied easily. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think.

"Now that's alright but I still need you and your companion to step out of the car for a breathalyzer test. We have had too many hooligans pulling off on the side of the road to light up." The officer moved out of the way so I could open the door. I looked over at Bella who was crumpled into the side of her door.

The officer was a few inches shorter than me but still held his ground pretty firm when I asked to see his badge. "Why?" he peered at me.

"I've been pulled over by fake cops before. They tried to steal my social security number and ruin my life. The usual suspects of course…"I trailed off when I saw his shiny badge. Charles J. Swan, Chief of Police.

Officer Swan walked over to the passenger side of the car and rapped on it. Moments later Bella appeared, head down.

"Bella?" The officer said incredulously.

Bella looked up at him and smiled weakly, "Hi, Dad."

A/N: Review for an update. I'm PMS'ing and will hold a grudge….grudge over. I will be in Mexico soon so I will…try….to update. 'Tangled' set my heart aflame and somehow worked itself into my updating schedule.